


Jinxes, Hexes

by LuminousGloom



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Coming Out, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Hogwarts, M/M, MWPP Era, Marauders, Marauders' Era, Mild Angst, Romance, Sex, Smut, Work In Progress, fairly canon, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-04-10
Updated: 2017-06-23
Packaged: 2017-12-08 03:08:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 89,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/756289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuminousGloom/pseuds/LuminousGloom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was as if suddenly Remus had appeared to him as a man, not simply as a friend. And to his bewilderment, Sirius found it sexy.<br/>Sirius discovers what it is he wants, and sets out to get it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Surprise

It came as a shock, as a huge surprise. Had somehow struck him like lightning and left him bewildered and confused.

Strolling along a high bannister, he had on a whim thrown a boggling jinx into a throng of Slytherins below, and had then watched the effects gloriously unfold. When one of them spotted him and roared, he’d flashed them a winning smile, ducked the hexes that followed, and quickly backed away into the corridor, vanishing behind the first available door.

And there, less than a minute later, he’d found himself strangely struck. The room turned out to be a bathroom, small and murky with ancient fittings, and in the cracked roll top bath with griffin’s feet lay Remus. He was dozing, stretched out with his head leaning back, gently steaming water up to his chin.

Sirius stared at him for a long moment, mouth agape. He must have made a startled noise, because Remus turned his head sleepily, but before he could so much as open his eyes Sirius was out of the room.

Of course, full moon had only been two nights ago, and although he’d never admit it himself, it did always take Remus a while to recover. No wonder he was taking some time out with Dr.Filbert’s Muscle Soak. Must have used a Marauder locking charm out of sheer habit, never dreaming one of the other Marauders might actually happen by.

But somehow Sirius couldn’t banish the image from his mind. He’d caught a glimpse of a private moment, of the one of his mates who was always guarded and off-hand, who did his utmost to keep the world at arm’s length.

And to his huge surprise, something else had happened entirely, something he couldn’t quite explain.  
Vicious scars covering strong arms and slashing the smooth chest, long pale limbs under water, with a darker patch of hair around his privates, those big elegant hands, the peaceful face - it was as if suddenly Remus had appeared to him as a man, not simply a friend. And, the crux of the matter was, to his bewilderment, Sirius had found it sexy.

As he strode on towards Charms for his next lesson, he tried to shake off the idea. It was ridiculous, he couldn’t think of Remus like that. Of course he cared for him, as he did for James and Peter, they were close, they were the Marauders! The four of them had many shared secrets and a shared appetite for destruction, and by becoming animagi to help Remus’ furry problem they had forged an even stronger bond. James was as good as his brother, Peter was a source of endless entertainment, and Remus, well... he refused to think any more about it. It was just a random thing, and it would pass.

‘There you are,’ James grinned as Sirius slid into the seat next to his. ‘Get lost again, did you? Who was it this time?’

‘No-one. Been boggling some Slytherins.’ Sirius said darkly.

‘Sweet. You must have hated it though, got a face on you that could curdle milk.’

Sirius nodded solemnly. ‘Regulus wasn’t one of them. But I s’pose you can’t have it all.’

It was the last lesson of the day, and Flitwick had his work cut out trying to motivate his students. James attempted to lure Sirius out of his strange brooding, with mixed results. Sirius laughed at his jokes, but seemed to lose interest halfway through James’ brilliant reenactment of an earlier Hufflepuff Transfiguration disaster. Flitwick repeatedly told him to sit still, to stop fidgeting, and when James asked if he was all right, Sirius just huffed indignantly, ‘yeah, why?’

As soon as the lesson was over, he shot up out of his seat, then impatiently hung back until James caught up with him.

‘What the hell, Sirius? What’s the great hurry?’

‘Nothing. Just want to get out of here. I need some air.’

‘All right, all right. Why don’t you storm off then and go for a walk or a wank or a flight or something, I’m meeting Peter about that Divination essay anyway. See you down by the pitch later?’

‘Yeah, ok.’ Sirius nodded and walked away briskly, robes billowing behind him. When he got into one of these moods it was best to let him ride it out, however much of an obnoxious prick he might turn into in the process. Soon enough, James knew, he’d get over it and be back to his cheerful and boisterous self.

Sirius didn’t quite make it to Gryffindor Tower before he was ambushed. Piffle and Bulge, two brainless thugs built like brick shithouses, had apparently taken it upon themselves to avenge their fellow Slytherins. He was just turning a corner near the Fat Lady when they assailed him, howling like banshees. While he managed to get in a quick repellent spell that had Bulge crashing into the wall, it soon became clear that Piffle didn’t have spellwork in mind exactly. Before he knew it, Sirius had lost hold of his wand and found himself pinned to the floor, heavy fists working him over. He gave as good as he got, throwing hooks and punches and delivering what surely must be a black eye, but the other boy’s sheer weight made it difficult to manoeuvre.

Then suddenly, Piffle let out a screech and recoiled, as if he’d been burnt. Sirius kept pummelling his head and kicked him in the groin for good measure, but Piffle was already on the retreat. He was spinning around angrily now, whining wildly and holding his backside. There was audible giggling coming from the general direction of the portrait hole, behind Piffle. Sirius recognised the two girls, still holding their wands aloft, Gryffindor fourth years.

‘Bee stings are very healthy you know,’ one of them informed Piffle, ‘Good for the circulation.’

Piffle, madly hopping from foot to foot and still clutching his behind, let out an angry grunt. He seemed to be trying to work out what to do, eventually opting for rapid escape.

‘You’ll pay for this, all of you!’ he bellowed and ran.

Sirius meanwhile found his wand and got to his feet, giving the girls a radiant smile. ‘Why thank you, fair warrior maidens.’ He attempted a deep bow, ending with a flourish, but was a bit too sore to quite pull it off. ‘Apisinum hex, nice touch. And respect for taking on that bastard...’

The girls giggled again, suddenly shy, one of them blushed.

‘Need girls to help you now, do you, Black?’ Bulge said in a low growl. He had obviously recovered enough to fight another round. ‘Can’t say I’m surprised really. Always had you down as a bit of a pansy.’

‘Oh yeah?’ Sirius said lightly. ‘Come on, then.’

Sticking out his chin, Bulge rubbed his fists and took a sudden step towards the girls. ‘Like that, do you?’

The fourth years shrieked and jumped back, straight into a figure standing behind them, where a bewildered looking Remus had mysteriously appeared. There was a bright red flash, and Bulge fell, out cold.

Later, after a long tirade from McGonagall, Sirius reasoned he’d misjudged the strength of his stunning spell, earning him a ‘students should not be stunning each other at all!’ and two weeks detention.

Remus was waiting for him outside McGonagall’s office. He would have been reprimanded himself if Sirius hadn’t insisted that Remus was innocent. Remus had just shrugged and said nothing, with that sphinx-like face of his.

‘Two weeks,’ Sirius told him.

‘Oh. Not too bad then.’

‘They couldn’t prove I did the boggling earlier...’

‘That was one hell of a stunner though. What got into you?’

‘Ah, dunno, that arse was just winding me up. Let’s go down to the pitch, I think the others are there.’

‘Yeah. Hang on.’ Remus was eyeing him intently, making Sirius feel almost - uneasy.

‘What?’

‘Shall I get those for you?’ Remus reached for his wand.

Sirius nodded, and Remus wordlessly healed the bruises and his cut and swollen lip. He smelled good, a faint scent of...

‘Not the-’ Too late, Remus had already removed the small gash on his temple, a battle scar from a quaffle kickabout earlier.

‘Really? You wanted to keep that?’

‘Thought it made me look rather rakish and adventurous.’

Remus snorted. ‘You’re better off without it, believe me.’

 

They found the others behind the stands, a favourite spot for illicit pipeweed smoking. Certain substances and stimulants were forbidden at Hogwarts, yet happily in terms of magically enforced bans the school was surprisingly lax. There was a lively trade in contraband goods such as Firewhisky, Bramble Wine, Jiggling Tonic, Interminable Gaspers, and even muggle cigarettes, dealings which the Marauders had had no small hand in setting up and maintaining.

James and Peter were already busy stuffing a scowling clay pipe with their latest supply of Nepalese Confounding Resin when Remus and Sirius collapsed into the grass next to them.

‘We heard what happened,’ Peter said eagerly. ‘Piffle has a mighty black eye, apparently!’

‘Serves him right, the flabby git,’ growled Sirius.

‘You look suspiciously unharmed though,’ James pointed out. ‘Better than this morning in fact. Even that weird gash you were so proud of... How bad was he really, Moony?’

‘Not all that much, really. I mean, considering there were two of them.’

James grinned and sparked up the pipe with the tip of his wand. He took a long drag, then exhaled a purplish plume of smoke. ‘How long d’you get then?’

‘Two weeks... and knowing old McGonagall it’ll be something pithy, like draining slime from poison snail jars or decrusting toilets.’

Peter burst into a fit of coughs and handed the pipe to Sirius, who poked it a little, earning him angry squeaks from the face that shaped part of the pipe’s bowl. He inhaled the smoke deeply, enjoying its fragrant flavour, before passing the pipe to Remus. Then he settled back into the grass and blinked at the sky.

Remus stretched out too, wincing slightly as he arranged his limbs, and blew out slender puffs of smoke.

‘So, tell us what exactly happened?’ James and Peter launched into a thorough interrogation. Why had they been where, how did the fight pan out, why hadn’t Sirius knocked them both out instantly. Sirius gave them a blow by blow account. They took turns refilling the pipe several times, and after it had made a number of rounds they fell silent, drifting in a pleasant haze.

‘Saved by two dainty fourth years,’James chuckled. ‘You’ll never live it down, mate.’

‘At least those cowards’ll look ridiculous for days.’

‘Prob’ly get Snivellus to make ‘em a potion.’

‘Yeah. Most likely make it worse.’ Peter chimed in.

‘Lucky you had old Moony there, Pads,’ James elbowed him lazily. ‘Without our prime patcher-upper...’ he sighed contentedly, ‘...you’d still be a wreck.’

Sirius nodded and vaguely pushed James’ arm away.

Moony seemed to have passed out, at least he looked dead to the world, sprawled out with a beatific smile on his lips.

Sirius thought of those scars again, hidden as usual under perennial long sleeves. From wool in winter to the thinnest cotton when it got really hot, Remus would rather spell himself the chills than reveal an inch of his ravaged skin.

Of course he was used to it, he’d grown up with the constant threat of discovery, and he didn’t seem to bother himself much with deploring his situation. He even still kept up his torturously early shower routine, established on the second day of first year, which ensured there’d be no question of him getting into any kind of horseplay that might involve a state of undress.

Remus used to pretend then it was because he couldn’t sleep, he’d get dressed and go anywhere quiet just to zonk out again, usually the library with its acres of silent books and its early opening hours. Now, well ever since they’d rumbled him, he still got ready at the crack of dawn, then just slumped back into his bed to sleep on until the last possible minute. They’d never actually seen the true extent of his scars, let alone the bite, until last year.

Thankfully, the scars weren’t nearly as gory as they’d imagined. But the reality of them was still horrible. After his many years of practice Moony could perfectly remove most cuts and bruises, lesions and contusions, yet some of his own injuries even Madam Pomfrey couldn’t obliterate. Dark magic involved as well, obviously, Sirius reckoned. He wasn’t afraid of the Dark Creature bit, after all his own family was full of Dark wizards, and he knew both he and Remus were definitely Gryffindors.

But he’d often wondered how someone could endure such hellish pain, at regular intervals and with no end in sight, and still manage to keep up Remus’ good-natured exterior. Must be steely resolve underneath his placid demeanour, he thought, iron strength. Perhaps to do with the wolf, too.

Peter let out a soft snore.

Sirius quickly stifled his train of thought. It was fine to admire his mates, of course he thought extremely highly of James, and Peter excelled at a great many things, too. He held them all in similar if not equal regard, just in different ways. He wasn’t mooning over anyone. Ridiculous.

Peter’s snoring increased in volume, he began to embellish it with a strange whistling noise.

The sound made Sirius laugh, he could hear James chuckling, even Remus’ lips twitched. When Remus opened his eyes, he was surprised to find Sirius staring straight at him. He gave him a quizzical look. ‘What?’ he asked, cocking an eyebrow.

‘Nothing. Just admiring your fine lupine physique.’

‘Charmed, I’m sure.’ Remus rolled his eyes and sat up, loosening up his shoulders.

‘Don’t mind him, he’s been a prat all day,’ James murmured. ‘As usual.’

Remus languorously stretched his arms and back, making a series of bones crack. Then he picked up the small box of resin and examined its contents. ‘What is in this stuff? Let’s definitely get more.’

* * *

Later that evening, after supper, James and Sirius climbed out onto the ledge below one of the dormitory windows and cracked open two bottles of Purfleet’s Paler Ale. The ledge was enclosed by a small balustrade and quite safe, just wide enough to sit comfortably. They lounged and sipped their beers, surveying the grounds. Sirius could feel the first chill in the air.

‘Nice evening for it,’ James said. ‘Hope the weather holds till Saturday.’

Since Sirius had been missing out on quidditch practice due to several detentions, James proceeded to once again detail the fiendish new strategy Lynton had developed for the coming game. Sirius wasn’t really listening.

He made all the right sounds in the appropriate places, but really he was thinking of other things. Mainly of the past summer, how it was truly over now, of the impending doom and gloom of winter and whatever would follow. Everything seemed dislodged somehow, it seemed lately his life had become a trek through increasingly treacherous terrain.

‘...and then Crowe will save the day. She must be the best beater we’ve had so far, I’m glad Lynton has finally seen sense and taken her off the bench.’

Sirius’ ears pricked up. ‘Crowe’s playing?’

James sighed, exasperated. ‘Mate, have you not heard a single word I’ve said. Of course she is. She’s been de-bludgering the field like nobody’s business, and Lynton has caught on at last. He’s putting her on the pitch against Hufflepuff. We’ll be the ultimate dream team.’ He grinned absently. ‘Anyway, why so preoccupied, Padfoot, what’s going on?’

Sirius just huffed and shook his head, shaking off sombre thoughts.

James laughed. ‘Mention the name and the dog comes out. Honestly you’re getting more dog-like by the second.’

They took deep swigs from their bottles. Behind them, music was coming through the yellow square of the window, a lively trumpet accompanied by piano, drums and a jaunty bassline. Sirius found himself tapping his foot along to the beat. He could hear indistinct arguing as well, Remus and Peter having their usual squabble about music. Peter was terribly proud and protective when it came to his Muggle record collection, and he couldn’t stand the idea that his friends’ musical taste might differ even slightly. They all teased him about it, only Remus could be bothered to actually engage in a hearty debate.

‘This isn’t bad,’James said, sounding surprised. ‘What’s got into Pete?’

‘Belongs to Remus, only got it yesterday. Owled for it.’

‘Is this the one he’s been banging on about?’

‘Yeah what was it, Pincey Crinkle and the Pick-Up Sticks. Must be ancient, you know from that shop in the back pages of the Quibbler. Listen to Pete hating it.’

Inside, Peter was now working himself up into a lather, his voice rising in pitch and speed, until the record was stopped abruptly. They could hear Remus laughing.

‘Right, Pete, how about this one then?’

A few moments later the crackling Muggle device started on what must be the most exuberant piece of industrial grade noise it had yet encountered.

Predictably, Peter didn’t like this sound either. Still laughing, Remus escaped his tirade by climbing out to sit on the window sill.

‘Merlin’s beard, Moony, what on earth is this?’

He shrugged. ‘American muggle band, just released. They use things from car factories, you know, industrial mixers, and so on. Don’t you like it? I think it’s sort of... cathartic.’

James snorted loudly. ‘Bollocks, Moony, it’s just a load of noise. I much prefer the other one, Pimply Crimple or whatever his name is, I mean, you need at least a melody.’

‘This does have a melody, you idiot,’ Sirius said. ‘And a good rhythm and everything. How’d you find it?'

Before Remus could answer, the record was stopped abruptly, followed by loud banging and arguing, obviously none of the other Gryffindors was impressed by the sound, either.

James couldn’t resist the promise of mayhem, got up and dived past Remus back into the room, hoping to join an epic pillow fight or similar.

‘I don’t know, read about it somewhere,’ Remus said vaguely. ‘Pass me that beer?’

‘Last one. Let’s share it.’ Sirius fumbled for wand or lighter to open the bottle. Remus made a small squeezing gesture, and the top popped neatly off.

‘I can’t believe you still don’t do that,’ Remus grinned. ‘You should really work on your wandless magic.’

‘Yeah, yeah. It’s not as easy as it looks. Or as you insist on pretending it is.’

‘Says the animagus. Actually, I’ve got a new one, hang on.’ Remus made a concentrating face, but otherwise didn’t move. Then Sirius’ right thigh was hit with a generous Chinese burn.

‘What? I feel - er - nothing...’ he said, unable to suppress a grimace. ‘How do you -?’

Remus smiled. ‘Really simple hex, found it in some book, I’ll show you it later.’ He reached for the bottle and drank. ‘Maybe I should teach you a few things. Might save you getting beaten up again as well.’

* * *

That evening, Sirius remembered the Chinese burn somewhat fondly. He wondered what it meant. Most probably Moony had just fired at him randomly, but still, on his thigh, it had felt almost intimate somehow.

And at this point, having tossed and turned for ages and tried to think rousing thoughts about several girls that failed to rouse anything much, he decided it was time to man up and face the music. As shocked he’d been at its sudden revelation, if he was brutally honest, this crush had been in the making for a while now.

There’d always been something curious about Remus. People thought of him as quiet, studious and friendly, but they didn't know the half of it. They didn’t realise that the otherwise polite and softly spoken young man would when pushed swear like a navvy, that he had a wicked sense of humour and could easily be coaxed into fits of raucous laughter.

Remus was capable of dreaming up all sorts of pranks while acting as if butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth, and he remained so calm and unperturbed under questioning that he'd spared them countless well-deserved detentions.

Then that mischievous smile would steal across his face and they knew they’d be in for another, usually well researched, gem of an idea.

And then of course there was the wolf. As much as Remus wouldn’t allow that aspect to define him, Sirius couldn't help but admire how he was able to deal with it, how he was taking it all in his stride.

Sirius couldn’t imagine what it must be like to live with a beast inside him. A thing that wanted to kill, that made him tear himself to shreds at regular intervals, that caused an otherwise innocent person so much anguish and self loathing.

Ever since they’d found out, Sirius had felt a powerful urge to protect his friend from his condition, and to defend him against all the unwarranted hostility and prejudice he was bound to encounter.

Back when their theory of his lycanthropy was confirmed, it seemed to explain certain contradictions about young Remus Lupin. Things like why this gentle, lanky bookworm, with no particular interest in sports and an aversion to fights, was significantly stronger than any of them, and sometimes seemed to move with astonishing speed.

Or why Remus was always ready to lend an ear, or a hand, or a shoulder to cry on, to absolutely anyone, but shied away from even his best friends getting too close to him.

Sirius knew James inside out, and what there was to know about Peter, but Remus continued to be a bit of a mystery. There was something about Remus that no-one was allowed to touch, and over the past year or so Sirius had increasingly found himself wanting to.

And now he’d apparently started fancying him as well.

It wasn’t even the fact that Remus was a bloke. That bit was frankly surprising, but it might open up a whole new world of experience. He’d heard that Muggles by and large took a dim view of same sex relationships, but among wizards only people like his parents would bat an eyelid, which was if anything a bonus.

But one of his best mates? That just seemed wrong, or at the very least highly inconvenient. How could he be lusting after someone he spent so much time with, who slept only a few yards away, and had done for the past five and a half years? They’d all think of him as a pervert if they ever found out.

And that was the other thing. Lusting after. Ever since this morning he’d somehow been very aware of Remus’ physical presence - his tall and lean body, his hands, his scent. Could he imagine kissing him, holding him, touching...? He could, quite easily. In fact he rather liked the idea of snogging Remus.

He didn’t allow himself to imagine anything further. Would Remus even consider going out with guys, let alone think of Sirius in this light? It didn’t seem very likely.

None of this could ever happen, the sooner he snapped out of this weird state of mind the better.


	2. Revelation

As the weeks passed the weather turned cold and blustery. Quidditch practice became an endurance test, and matches went on despite the crowd and players being pelted by icy rain.

As the evenings drew in, the Marauders spent more time in the common room playing games and developing several types of firecrackers and other exploding items. They secretly also started on another first-rate project: a detailed map of Hogwarts, enchanted to state the exact whereabouts of everything and everyone in the castle.

In preparation for this feat of genius they took turns exploring the rooms and corridors and various secret passages two at a time, using James’ invisibility cloak. James and Remus spent what seemed like an eternity researching into suitable spellwork, with occasional flashes of brilliance from Sirius and Peter.

On infrequent afternoons, Remus tried to teach Sirius some rudimentary wandless magic. He was a patient teacher, even if Sirius made a terrible student. Sirius was still full of that restless nervous energy, often distracted and moody. He got the knack of remotely igniting a match fairly quickly, but the bottle opener charm took him ages. He’d usually complain that he was too tired to learn anything else, then demand they go off somewhere to sink a few clandestine butterbeers.

Sirius had girl trouble, too. Girls kept trying to sneak him love potions, even though he was now officially going out with the ravishing Eliza Abernethy.

James teased him mercilessly to disguise his envy, as no-one seemed to want to drug him. He was still going on about his tipsy snog with Caroline Crisp, a haughty Ravenclaw and friend of Eliza’s, at a Hufflepuff post-quidditch party ages ago.

Peter was keeping himself busy with extending his saucy magazine collection. And Remus had been to Hogsmeade with his co-prefect Lily Evans, but somehow nothing had happened, and they'd remained just friends.

‘You'll have to just go for it,’ James explained to him one evening in the dormitory. They were squatting on his bed, surrounded by a sea of books and parchment, and not making much headway with their arithmancy homework. ‘Otherwise it’ll never happen. If you overthink it, you’ll never act.’

Remus nodded. ‘Yeah I know. I could have snogged her, but it would have been awkward. I mean, I like her, I just don’t think we really fancy each other.’

‘I think you just need to grow a pair.’

‘And we’re already friends. That sort of complicates matters. I dunno.’

Just then Sirius appeared fresh from the showers, wearing nothing but a towel. Humming some tune and shaking his damp hair, he danced towards his bed and began to rummage in his trunk.

James threw a pillow at him. ‘Oi, put some bloody clothes on. No need to subject us to your rampant nudism.’

Sirius laughed and wiggled his hips. ‘You mean this? Perfection honed by countless hours of vigourous exercise? People would pay good money to see what you’re getting for free. No wonder you ogle any chance you get.’ He tossed the pillow back over his shoulder and pulled a nightshirt out of his trunk.

Remus began to roll up the various pieces of parchment. James hunted around for the stopper of his ink bottle.

‘So are you going to ask her out again?’

‘Not like that,’ Remus said. ‘She’s not my type. I don’t think we’re each other’s type.’

‘Oh.’ There was a pause.

Remus looked at him sharply, then laughed. ‘I knew it! You do like her, don’t you!’

‘What? Me? No. I mean, generally, she’s very...’

‘You do! Potter likes Evans!’

James tried to protest, but it was futile. Sirius, now wearing a complete set of pyjamas and still rooting around in his trunk, joined in the teasing until James looked defeated.

‘You’ve got your work cut out there, mate.’ Remus said finally. ‘She hates your bloody guts.’

‘Well, she’ll have to change her mind, won't she. Eventually.’

‘Why don’t you just ask her to go to the ball with you?’ Sirius suggested. ‘Might startle her into saying yes.’

Remus agreed. ‘I don’t think anyone has asked her yet, so if you move in quickly...’

‘Bastards.' James grumbled. 'Bet whatsername's been bending your ear about ball gowns and flowers, Sirius? Buying her a tiara, are you?'

'Don't remind me,' Sirius sighed and began to examine the detritus on his nightstand.

James shook his head. 'How can you stand her? I mean, she's obviously gorgeous, but she is mind-blowingly boring! What do you even talk about?'

'Luckily,' Sirius grinned, 'we don't exactly do much talking. Or, put another way, it’s not my mind she needs to be blowing.'

Remus groaned, James made retching sounds. 'Smug bastard.'

Sirius laughed. 'And I’ve got you lot for all the scintillating conversation a man could need. Who are you going with then, Remus? Asked anyone yet?’

‘Not yet. But I think,’ Remus said slowly, ‘I might do, after - tomorrow.’

There was a crash as Sirius accidentally dropped a glass. He swore and reached for his wand to reassemble the shards.

'Really? Who?' James asked.

‘Yes, who?’ Sirius demanded, waving his wand impatiently.

Remus picked up his pile of books and parchment and got up from James’ bed. ‘No need to sound so surprised. And as if I’m going to let you two spoil my chances.’

‘Come on, out with it! We’ll find out anyway.’

‘I’ll tell you later. When I’ve done it. If all goes well.’

 

* * *

 

When Remus joined his friends at breakfast the next morning it was clear the full moon was imminent. He’d overslept more than usual, his hair stuck up at odd angles around his ashen face, and he had that sullen determined look he got on the day of his transformation. As he gulped down two Painaway Potions with his pumpkin juice, they knew to steer clear of any questions pertaining to his well-being, and casually discussed their plans for the evening. James was keen to find out about Remus’ strategy for asking out that mystery date, but decided against it. In his current state Remus wasn’t likely to make a move on anyone.

In the break after Potions Peter caught up with James to vent his annoyance. Remus had long stalked off towards the greenhouses, and Sirius had disappeared elsewhere.

‘I know he’s not well, and of course I am sorry for him and everything, but does he have to be such a nightmare! Every time! Not a word out of him all morning and then he almost bites my head off for spilling his stupid tincture of knotweed. I mean. Wouldn’t kill him to remember we’re about to risk massive detentions for him later! He’s just like a girl, when, you know, at that time of the month.’

‘Yeah, well, let him hear you say that and he’ll rip your throat out. Quite literally, probably.’

‘Where’s Sirius? Off with whatsername again?’

‘Naturally. Lest they forget about each other’s existence, they must be joined at the lips at all times. If only she weren’t such a royal bore. He’s not much fun at the moment either, Merlin knows what his problem is. Hasn’t been right for a while.’

‘I thought he’d chill out, now that he’s getting laid and that.’

‘I know! But when he’s not bragging, and making most of it up I bet, he’s moping around, brooding about something. Pain in the arse, the lot of them.’ James sighed heavily and clapped Peter on the back. ‘Seems like it’s just you and me now, Pete!’

 

As it turned out, it was still just the two of them even when the school day was over. Sirius was busy ‘doing homework’ with Eliza Abernethy. Remus had vanished somewhere, possibly to the library, and only emerged briefly to devour a huge amount of supper in ten minutes flat. Then he left to get ready for the impending ordeal.

By now the four friends had established a sort of routine for the full moon. Since Remus was by all appearances ‘going away for a day or two’ he’d pack some books and clothes and be escorted to the shrieking shack by Hagrid, or Madam Pomfrey, or sometimes even Dumbledore. There he’d wait for the inevitable.

James, Sirius and Peter also waited, impatiently, for the night’s escapades to begin. As soon as they were able to creep away undetected, they headed for the Whomping Willow and the secret passage beyond.

Usually, the wolf awaiting them at the other end was rearing to break free and run wild. Sometimes, if the moon had risen early, Moony had already worn himself out by the time they got there, or worse, if moonrise was very late, he had yet to turn.

Not so tonight. Large yellow eyes greeted them in the dim light of the shack, a long, low growl, a gleam of teeth. To keep himself busy, the wolf had already demolished the few bits of furniture which Pomfrey would repair again in the morning. He could barely wait another second to escape his cell.

Once out in the open, they revelled in their animal freedom, capering through the Forbidden Forest, looking for adventure.

Moony was in a playful mood, racing them, almost letting Padfoot win, only to pounce on him and roughhouse him in the nettles. The dog let out a few stifled yelps, which worried Prongs and Wormtail for a minute, they still couldn’t be sure how much of Remus was actually conscious when the wolf took over. But soon enough Moony and Padfoot came hurtling over, speeding past them and deeper into the woods.

They spent the night running and playfighting wildly. When the rat and stag got tired of this game they stayed close, but concentrated on looking for other creatures instead, exploring various streams, examining strange fungi and hollow trees.

The moon already hung very low when Moony caught some scent on the wind and would have bolted off to hunt, if his friends hadn't been there to stop him. They’d done it before, but it was nerve-wracking every time. The wolf was strong, a hulking mass of muscle, with jaws full of those sharp teeth Prongs for one wasn’t too comfortable with.

He charged at Moony, antlers low, with Padfoot pushing, nipping, cajoling from the other side. Wormtail did his best to hold on to Prongs but failed, he slid and tumbled, hit the ground, and quickly made a break for it.

Moony paid them no mind. He was about get past and away, ready to hunt and kill. Desperate to hold him back, Padfoot bit him, and bit him hard. The wolf cried out in anguish, and with a blood curdling howl went after the dog, hell for leather.

 

With an angry werewolf behind him, Padfoot ran faster than he would have thought possible. They reached the shack, hurtled through the door and up the stairs. There Padfoot backed against the wall, panting crazily, ready for the attack. Moony was upon him, and raising himself up on his hind legs to an impressive height the werewolf howled again, but this time it was a wail of pain, long and tormented. Then he slowly collapsed. The moon was setting.

When Moony was in the throes of his transformation, they invariably left him to it. He hated anyone witnessing the agony he went through and had made them promise they’d always stay well away.

Wormtail had obviously long scurried off towards Hogwarts. Owing to his animagus form there was very little he could do when things got hairy. He’d be waiting near the Whomping Willow by now, cloak in hand.

Entering the muddy tunnel, stag and dog turned human and lit their wands.

‘You go ahead,’ Sirius said, ‘I think I'd better check on him.’

‘Why? There’s nothing you can do, Pads.’

‘I know, it’s just - I think I might have really hurt him.’ He made a face. ‘I could taste blood when I bit him. Still can.’

‘Oh.’ James looked uncomfortable. ‘You know it was for his own good. He’d never forgive himself if he - if we hadn’t stopped him. He’ll be fine about it in the morning.’

‘Yeah, probably. I just want to make sure. Go ahead, I’ll see you and Pete up in the dormitory.’

James nodded, stifling a yawn. ‘All right. Be careful. Norris is about.’

 

As James wandered away down the passage, Sirius took on his dog form again and returned to the room upstairs. He stayed hunched up by the door until the hoarse screaming stopped and all he could hear was a low groan. Then he approached the boy and nudged him a little.

Remus was a mess. He was lying on his side, barely conscious, and his sweaty skin was cut and bruised and streaked with blood. There was a definite gash near his collarbone where Padfoot had bitten him earlier. The dog whined softly, nudged the boy again, then began to lick his wounds.

Sirius hadn’t planned to do this at all, it just seemed the obvious thing for Padfoot to do. Before he became fully aware of how odd the situation was he felt Remus’ hand on his ruff, stroking his fur. Remus choked back a moan, coughed, and mumbled something indistinct.

After a little while the dog got to his feet, pulled the dusty old blanket off the bed in the corner, and draped it across the naked boy as best he could. Then he lay down next to him, just for a minute. Remus huddled against the furry shape for warmth, and sleepily hugged his friend.

Padfoot didn't move.

He should deal with those wounds, ease the pain, hit Remus with a heating charm. But he didn’t like to shift. There was that strong arm around him, the hand ruffling his fur. Near his ear Remus’ ragged breathing was slowing, getting easier.

He could smell forest earth and moss beyond the blood and pain. More than anything there was Remus' own particular scent, which to Padfoot smelled of gentle strength, and of wilderness, something delicious and seductive.

It was strange to be this close. This was when Sirius realised he was done for. He longed to be this close to Remus and be in his human shape, too. The thought made him feel elated and devastated in equal measure.

He would have to give up boring Eliza as a bad job, that much was certain.

Of course he daren’t change now. Surely Remus would freak out to find himself wrapped around Sirius rather than the big black dog, hands touching clothes or human skin where they'd just been buried in fur. He would wait until Remus was definitely asleep, and then withdraw from this - embrace... and creep...

 

There was a sound downstairs. Someone calling out. Sirius opened his eyes. Was that - must be Pomfrey? He shot up, Remus made a low sound of protest. Bloody hell, how could he have fallen asleep?

And he'd forgotten how to be a dog in the process.

He cursed under his breath and changed shape, deciding to hide under the bed. Madam Pomfrey was already coming up the stairs, Padfoot held his breath when the door creaked.

‘Remus? Are you awake, dear?’

Her footsteps crossed the room, she knelt down to examine the sleeping boy. Padfoot tried not to sneeze. He could only see her her ample behind, the various potion bottles she was lining up on the floor with a series of small clinks, and a part of Moony’s leg. His toes had a blue tinge.

‘Not too bad I see,’ Pomfrey commented. ‘Not too bad at all. We’ll have you fixed up in no time.’

Seeing the school nurse at work it was obvious she’d got used to dealing with werewolf related injuries over the past five and a half years. Remus barely reacted and seemed to still be unconscious when she gathered her things and got up to leave.

‘I have got a few errands in the village, Remus. You have a nice rest now. I’ll be back in about an hour.’ She enunciated the last bit very loudly, hoping to get through to Remus in his stupor. Then she pointed her wand at the grate where dusty coal burst into merry flame, and went on her way.

 

By sheer luck Sirius got back into the castle unobserved. People looked surprised to see him walking into the common room at this hour. Concerned cries of ‘What happened?’ echoed as he climbed up to the dormitory.

James and Pete were still getting dressed and brushing their teeth, respectively. They froze when they saw him come in.

James just stared at him anxiously, demanding an explanation.

‘Everything all right?’ Pete asked through a mouthful of toothpaste.

‘Yes, yes,’ Sirius said, and then very quietly, ‘he’s fine. I fell asleep, that’s all. Almost got caught by Madam Pomfrey.’

‘You fell asleep? There?’

‘Dunno how, either.’ He cracked his neck uncomfortably. ‘Floor is full of splinters, too.’

‘Must have been all that running around,’ Peter suggested. ‘I could have slept in the passage last night, just dropped off there and then.’

‘Yeah, what with all the running you do,’ James grinned.

‘Rats have a very fast heart rate! And short legs! You have no idea how exhausting -’

‘So he’s ok? How’s the -’ James mimed biting.

Sirius nodded. ‘I think so. Pomfrey’s fixed him up.’

* * *

After breakfast Sirius dragged himself from lesson to lesson. There was a strange feeling in the pit of his stomach, something like cautious optimism mixed with apprehensive self-loathing. How much would Remus remember, what would he think? What did Sirius himself think of anything?

James was tired, too, and they kept their jokes to a bare minimum. Sirius tried to focus on what was being said, but nothing really sank in. Later in Herbology, when he found himself with a trowel digging for some root or other, Oliver Boot had to elbow him in the ribs to get an answer out of him.

‘Sorry mate,’ Sirius mumbled vaguely, ‘got a massive headache.’

He used the same excuse on Eliza Abernethy just before lunch, and then in greatly exaggerated form on Madam Pomfrey at the Professors’ table in order to get himself excused for the rest of the day.

Gryffindor Tower was deserted. Sirius went to bed and pulled the drapes. He wanted to feel entirely alone.

 

Remus would still be asleep now, in the small room they kept for him down in the infirmary, where he had time to heal and rest until he would officially ‘return’ from his visit to an ailing relative or family funeral. ‘Some family thing’ Remus had called it this time round, when Roisin Flaherty asked where he was going.

Sirius remembered the touch of those long fingers, that particular Remus scent his dog nose couldn’t get enough of. If Remus had been in any way aware of hugging Sirius in his human form, he’d not been disgusted by it, so that was one thing.

But it was highly unlikely he would have been aware of anything. Even Sirius himself had been out cold until Pomfrey got there. And to Remus’ foggy mind Padfoot the dog would have probably seemed like any benevolent dog, a vague apparition, a hazy memory at best.

Sirius sighed deeply at his predicament.

He thought of the arm that had been wrapped around him, ghostly pale with savage streaks across the tricep, silvery scars near the elbow, and a big purple bruise. Skin that none of them ever got to see.

Actually the bruise had looked nothing like his other self-inflicted injuries. Sirius suspected it must have been an overlooked remnant from a quidditch four-a-side at the weekend, when Remus had played beater and had been properly attacked by a relentless bludger.

 

If he were still there, Sirius pondered, with Remus still holding on to him, he could in theory have turned around to face him.

And Remus might perhaps have pulled close against his chest. His face would have been very close to Sirius’ own, hot breath on his neck...

Then there’d be Remus’ strong hands on his shoulders, on his back, maybe sliding down to his hips. Savouring this particular thought, Sirius unzipped his trousers and began to stroke himself. Sirius might kiss him then, daringly, and Remus might respond, kissing him back.

They’d be kissing, snogging properly. Remus would taste amazing, as good as he smelled. Their kiss would probably feel rough, stubbly perhaps, but gentle. Remus’ mouth would be soft and wet, their tongues exploring each other impatiently.

And he would touch Moony’s chest. His hands would roam across solid muscle and soft skin, caressing any scars they encountered, tracing the faint outline of bones. He’d come across a nipple and tweak it a little.

And, still kissing him thoroughly, Moony would maybe make a throaty sound and push up against him. And there, firmly brushing against his own straining erection would be Remus’ hard-on, there between his legs would be Remus’ cock, hard for him and ready, full of promise and desire.

It was enough to get Sirius off. He came there and then, stifling a moan. He threw back his head and closed his eyes. Bloody hell. He was definitely a poofter.

 

* * *

 

When he awoke later that evening he could hear the others talking and laughing. A non-Marauder must be in the room with them, because James was enquiring into precise details of Remus’ trip to see his family. They loved ribbing Remus like that, forcing him to invent anecdotes and to ad-lib wildly. And they did have to ask, it would’ve looked odd if they weren’t at all curious about their friend’s ‘time away’.

‘There you are, you lazy sod,’ James said when he spotted Sirius’ bed curtains open and a shaggy head appear. ‘Feeling any better?’

The rest of Sirius came into view, he stretched and smiled at them, groggily.

‘Remus’s just been telling us about his auntie Mavis,’ Peter explained, ‘the one he’s been to see, down in Aberystwyth. They went on a train, and to see a castle, and -’

‘It’s really not that interesting.’ Remus said, rolling his eyes. ‘She’s married to a Muggle and likes doing Muggle things. We had to go along for her birthday because she keeps insisting it’ll be her last.’

‘I’ve never been to Wales,’ Kieran Bellamy said thoughtfully.

‘Couldn’t she have celebrated at the weekend?’ Peter wouldn’t let up.

‘Well, she is - very superstitious. Thinks she might pop her clogs any day. And to be honest I’d rather get a day off school than waste my weekend anyway, even if she did turn a hundred and three.’

Everyone agreed.

‘So did you have a good time?’ Sirius asked, before Pete could phrase his next question.

Remus shrugged. ‘All right, I suppose? Boring, mainly.’

His expression was neutral as he looked at Sirius evenly, although there maybe was a hint of a smile.

‘Well, if that’s all your curiosity satisfied,’ he added quickly, got up and grabbed his pyjamas off his bed, ‘I’m going for a shower.’

James, Kieran and Peter turned their attention to a new broom reviewed in the quidditch magazine James had been leafing through. The new Nimbus Supreme, Sirius had heard about it. He made some appreciative comments, then decided to follow Remus.

 

‘Moony?’

‘Yeah?’ the voice came through the sound of rushing water. Steam was rising out of one of the shower cubicles, Sirius chose the next one along.

‘Are you all right?’ He got out of his crumpled school clothes and dutifully turned on the taps.

There was a faint sigh. ‘What do you mean?’ The voice sounded tired.

Sirius phrased his next sentence carefully.

‘I was afraid you’d be in some pain, perhaps where - a dog might have bitten you.’

Sirius soaped himself down and listened for an answer.

There was a pause.

Sirius felt more than aware of both their nudity, Moony just beyond that thin tiled wall, his skin probably as soap-slick and slippery as his own. The thought made his blood tingle, and sparked a fire in his groin.

‘So that’s what that is,’ he heard Remus say quietly.

‘I’m sorry. It was just to stop you. You were -’

‘It’s fine,’ Remus interrupted.

‘- it must have been -’

‘It’s fine.’ Remus said again, this time more loudly. ‘Don’t worry, Pads, honestly. I’m sure I gave you a reason. Spare me the details, will you?’

Sirius let the jet of water douse his head and splash on his face, hoping it might clear his mind and take away the mass of convoluted thoughts. He made the water run colder, and as it streamed down his body he willed it to cool his desire, his boner, and this stupid nervous excitement.

Next door the taps squeaked and the rush of water died down.

‘I hope I wasn’t being too much of a nightmare.’ Remus said.

‘Not at all.’ Sirius turned off his shower, too, and reached for his towel. ‘No more than usual.’

There was a soft chuckle. Then Sirius felt a severe Chinese burn, this time on his shoulder and back.

‘Ow!’ he shouted, taken by surprise, then added an indignant ‘Stop tickling me.’

Remus laughed. ‘Just getting you back.’

‘Yeah, just you wait.’ Sirius finished wildly towelling his hair before he wrapped the towel around his waist and exited the cubicle.

Remus was standing by the sinks in his old flannel pyjamas, examining his lower jaw in the mirror.

Sirius hovered by the door, clutching his clothes under his arm.

‘You do know I’m sorry, don’t you. For mangling you.’ he said. ‘Is it very bad? Does it hurt much?’

Remus shot him a look, then pulled his pyjama collar aside to reveal a faint red line.

‘That little bite? Almost gone, see?’ he smiled. ‘It’s all right, really, Pads. Stop worrying about it. I’m glad you were there to prevent... the worst.’ his voice trailed off as he turned his attention back to his jaw.

‘But you know, it’s odd,’ he said then, ‘I had this feeling there was something strange about last night. Dunno, something - different.’

No sooner had Remus said it than the door flew open and the other three barged in, slapping towels, screeching, and singing one of Peter’s ridiculous chants at the top of their voices.

 

* * *

Sirius spent most of the next day with Eliza Abernethy. They only had Care of Magical Creatures together, but she constantly ambushed him between lessons just to hold hands for a few minutes, and for a quick snog.

Prongs, Pete and Moony let out vexed moans whenever they saw her coming. They were right, he should really break up with her. But it was easier to ignore his mates as well as his own better judgement, to give them all the finger and enjoy intermittent spells of blissful oblivion at the hands and lips of Miss Abernethy.

Eliza was very pretty and he enjoyed her attentions, even if his mind had a tendency to wander as soon as she spoke. Well, it also wandered fairly quickly when they kissed and so on, if he was honest, but that was nothing to do with her.

If he couldn’t have the person he really wanted, what difference did it make who he was with? It was lazy and dishonest, he knew, but it was a release. And Eliza didn’t seem to notice or mind, content to parade him around the place, basking in the envy of her friends.

Over lunch, she discussed her dress for the upcoming ball, the dances she and her friends had practised, and with whom they were hoping to go. Nebula Tucker had a thing for James, as it turned out, and she was hot, James would be chuffed. Not that he would care, enamoured with Evans as he was.

There was a commotion at the Hufflepuff table, two Slytherins causing trouble again. As Eliza and her friends strained to get a good look, Sirius turned to see what his own mates were up to.

James was laughing with Gilbert and Walter from the year above theirs, teasing fourth years again probably. Peter was giggling, too, while stuffing his face, Remus seemed engrossed in some document or other. Next to him, Evans caught Sirius’ glance and stared right back at him, smiling icily. As her eyes moved on to Eliza, her expression changed to disgust.

That afternoon, Eliza revealed the names she had chosen for their future offspring, all names she thought went wondrously well with ‘Black’.

‘I do like Carthac, you know, which would also work with Cormac,’ she explained as they were walking down to the quidditch pitch, ‘and although Balzac is definitely more poetic, don’t you think, with Balthazar we could then have a Zachary, which I just love. Zachary Black? Zach?’

She squeezed his hand and giggled excitedly. ‘Because otherwise it would be Balzac and Zach, and I mean, that would just be stupid, don’t you think?’

‘More like a pain in the sac,’ Sirius mumbled darkly. This whole scenario was making him feel physically sick. There was nothing for it. He’d have to give her the elbow.

‘What was that, sweetie? Anyway, so Lilac for a girl is the obvious choice, though it might remind us too much of Evans, and Blanca, or I was thinking Blai-’

‘Listen.’ Sirius said severely. They stopped, and he freed his hand from her grip. She stared at him in surprise.

‘Eliza. Listen. I’m sorry. This -’ he indicated the two of them, ‘is never going to work. You’re - great. But we want different things.’

She still stared at him, open mouthed, so he firmly planted his broom on the ground, and carried on.

She watched him say how he’d had a great time with her, and how it wasn’t anyone’s fault, just that he had come to realise things, and a stream of similar inanities.

He spoke politely, but his stance was defiant, his chiselled features set, grey eyes stormy under furrowed brows, dark hair rippling in the breeze.

There he stood, as devilishly handsome as ever, but suddenly no longer hers. With every word he was slipping further away. She could not believe it. This was unheard of. No-one slighted Eliza Abernethy, not even this gorgeous, arrogant, charming, pitiful, bastard son of a –

When she let rip, she pulled off a spectacular tantrum. People across the castle grounds were treated to her shrill and colourful recital of all the insults she could muster. Sirius tried to calm her, until he eventually just turned and stalked off to quidditch training, leaving her standing there, shouting after him, surrounded by a growing crowd of fascinated onlookers.

He was glad he had quidditch to blow off some steam. Lynton gave him an earful first for being late, then for flying like a maniac and ‘obviously bringing his private life onto the pitch.’

There was plenty of sniggering from the rest of the team as well, and endless jibes from Gilbert and James, which Sirius found mildly amusing. James the moron obviously turned into a gibbering bag of jelly as soon as he spotted Evans in the stands, even though she was chatting with friends and paying no attention to the game whatsoever.

At one point either Sirius or Crowe must have misjudged a turn, they crashed headlong into each other. Sirius managed to catch himself, but Crowe fell for what seemed like seconds and landed in a crumpled heap on the ground.

The team rushed to help her and to administer first aid, but luckily she was all right, thanks to a pre-emptive cushioning spell she apparently always used on the pitch. If anything, she was apologetic, and Lynton made a point of ordering both of them to stay on after the game for a further ear-bashing.

‘Brilliant bit of cushioning action,’ Sirius said to her on their way to the changing rooms once they were finally released. ‘Wouldn’t mind getting that spell off you. And sorry again. Really didn’t see you.’

‘Oh please, Sirius.’ she replied with a radiant smile. ‘I’m the one who’s sorry. It was my fault, really, don’t know what I was doing. How about you, are you ok? After, I mean - well, I heard what happened.’

Sirius shrugged and nodded. ‘Relieved, more than anything else.’ He grinned. ‘I s’ppose she could have taken it a bit better.’

‘Yeah...’ there was that radiant smile again. Was this a new thing? He’d never noticed her face light up like that before.

‘Well, see you then,’ he said at the door to the male changing rooms.

She just smiled and waved.

 

‘Blimey, Pads, you're not half leaving a path of destruction lately,’ James laughed on their way back to the castle. Sirius was walking in great strides, ignoring other students’ stares and whispers as they passed.

James threw an arm around his best friend.‘Listen, I’m getting some Firewhisky off Hawksworth for us to crack open after supper. Reckon you deserve it.’

Sirius nodded. ‘Nice one. Thanks, mate.’

‘Glad you didn’t kill Crowe though. Especially now. Obviously she was a bit out of it today, but don’t I keep telling you how good she is? Cushioning spell as well, should really be obligatory to begin with. I wonder about the legalities, say, in a cup scenario...’

‘Yeah, about that,’ Sirius said, brows still furrowed, ‘what’s going on with Crowe? She was giving me this weird look just now, all intense, and sort of a beaming smile... You don’t think-’

‘You mean is she after you?’ James asked earnestly. ‘As she must be since she is only human and you are the ultimate sex god whom no creature can resist?’

He laughed again and clapped Sirius on the back. ‘As it happens, she could resist. I thought you’d heard. That’s why she must have been so out of it.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘It’s because she’s going to the ball. With Remus, Remus asked her.’

Sirius seemed dumbfounded. ‘Oh. Right.’

‘Great for Moony though, isn’t it! Can’t believe he just asked her like that, outright. Apparently she really likes him, too. Lucky bastard. She’s a corker.’

‘Yeah,’ Sirius said. ‘Brilliant.’


	3. Disaster

The night of the ball was approaching fast, and the general excitement was becoming palpable. Corridors buzzed with talk of outfits, pulling, and dances, and everyone’s first and second choices of prospective partners for the big night. Who was taken, whom one could still ask.

Sirius couldn’t care less about any of it. They’d spent ages organising the details for a magnificent after party - after all, people had come to expect a certain Marauder standard - but his heart wasn’t really in it either.

Other things had begun to matter much more.

There’d been a letter from his father, ostensibly trivial, but Sirius understood its meaning. As usual it was full of words like honour, expectations, family allegiance, upholding tradition.  
Naturally the letter elaborated on the continuous source of disappointment Sirius was to his parents. Not only had he not been found worthy of the House of Slytherin, which try as they might it was difficult enough to forgive. But why wasn’t he now making more of an effort and taking the appropriate steps to reduce this stain on the family name.

Then followed several derogatory statements about prominent half-bloods, some of them the parents of students in Sirius’ year.  
Sirius must realise how important it was at his age to associate with the right sort of person, remember the friends one makes at school are the friends one has for life, and so on.

The letter finished with definite instructions to ‘get in with’ young Mulciber in Slytherin, who - Sirius’ father having just had occasion to meet Mulciber Senior again, at one of the dubious clubs he frequented - must be a ‘thoroughly decent chap.’

The letter had arrived at lunch, and Sirius incinerated it as soon as he’d finished reading it. It burnt with a bright green flame, to the surprise and delight of the younger Gryffindors at their table. Peter had giggled, too, while James and Remus had both looked concerned.

‘Nothing. It’s nothing.’ Sirius had said breezily, and not even bothered to check whether his brother was looking.

 

That evening, he and James sat on the ledge outside their window, sucking on Interminable Gaspers under a cold and starry sky. James suddenly stopped talking about Evans.

‘Did you see the Daily Prophet?’ he asked. ‘Walter had a copy.’

Sirius shook his head.

‘There’ve been more Muggle killings. Bad ones. It’s getting to be a problem for the Ministry.’

‘Where?’

‘Doncaster, I think. And somewhere near Birmingham. They used very obscure curses, dark ones, to disfigure and dismember. Some of the bodies were unrecognisable, just lumps.’

Sirius took a deep drag on his cigarette and exhaled slowly. ‘Death Eaters.’

James shrugged. ‘Obviously. But the Prophet didn’t say. It’s criminal the Ministry haven’t arrested anyone yet either. I mean, what are they doing?’

‘Maybe they can’t prove it. Those bastards are clever.’

‘Yeah, and they have friends in high places. You know that one nutter from the department of Magical Law Enforcement just proposed a bill to place all Muggle-borns under a separate set of regulations?’

‘Heard about it. They’re insane. And dangerous.’

‘I wish we knew what is really happening. There must be something evil going on, behind the scenes. I know it.’ James examined the burning tip of his cigarette. ‘Speaking of evil, what did your family want?’

‘My father. The usual. Wants me to ditch my undesirable freakish friends in favour of some decent ones. Like Mulciber, for instance.’

James laughed out loud, and Sirius smiled, too.

‘Mulciber, of all people. Why him, all of a sudden?’

‘Turns out his father and mine were great pals back in the day. And I think they were recently reunited by their - let’s say, by their shared interests.’

‘Oh.’ James had stopped laughing. ‘I see.’ He knew about the extreme views held by Orion and Walburga Black.

‘Yeah.’ Sirius sighed. ‘I wonder, is he getting worse or am I just noticing it more?’

‘He’s definitely badgering you a lot more than he used to.’

‘And all these killings, I bet they’re lapping it up. Things he said about... sounds like he’d like nothing more than to see Muggles put in their place, not to mention half-bloods. I’m to stop keeping company with them altogether. You know, in a manner that befits my social standing.’

‘Surely not,’ James said, but Sirius just shot him a look.

James had never exchanged more than a few words with Sirius’ parents, and Sirius didn’t talk about them much. From what James had gathered over the years they were two nasty pieces of work, still he tended to underestimate just how nasty.

‘Times are changing, apparently,’ Sirius said lightly. ‘Bet they've got Regulus reporting on me, the turd.’

‘Not much longer, and you’re out of there, and they won’t be able to get to you.’

‘Yeah.’ Sirius nodded thoughtfully. ‘Can’t wait to be an Auror.’

He flicked his cigarette end over the balustrade. ‘Bloody cold out here. We’ll need to sort out some better heating charms. I’m going back in.’

They got up, James took a final drag and chucked his cigarette away, too.

‘Anyway,’ he said, trying to lighten the mood, ‘if you do decide to defend your blood honour and befriend Mulciber, you’ll get his best mate Snivellus into the bargain, which is going to be pretty special. You’ll finally get to do all those exciting potion projects together, and...’

He froze. The skin on neck burned, as if brushed by stinging nettles. ‘What the-?’

Sirius, who was already halfway through the window, turned and grinned at him.

‘You - bastard - what did you -’ James pawed at his own neck, trying to brush off the burning sensation.

‘Wandless training with Moony has finally paid off.’

‘Right.’ James climbed after him. ‘That’s what you get from associating with undesirables. Not just half-bloods, half-breeds even...’

‘Shut the window you pillocks, we’re freezing here,’ Peter shouted from his bed.

James obliged.

It really was good to be back in the toasty dormitory. Sirius decided to check James’ nightstand for chocolate frogs.

‘What was that about half-breeds?’ Remus asked casually as Sirius wandered past. He was lying on his bed and leafing through some book or other.

‘Oh, nothing. Just, you know, that as associates go, they are very,’ Sirius smiled at him, ‘desirable.’

‘Right.’ Remus sounded indifferent, but returned the smile. They held each other’s gaze for a moment.

Chocolate frogs, Sirius reminded himself.

‘Moony, what have you been teaching him?’ James came bounding over. ‘I demand that you teach me the same thing. Some kind of burn, is it?’

He flopped down next to Remus on the bed and held out his hands to show he was ready. ‘How do you do it?’

Remus groaned. ‘Can’t you people do your own bloody reading, find your own bloody jinxes,’ he grumbled good naturedly, but sat up.

‘We can’t all be as good at spellwork as you. And if you’ve managed to get it into his stubborn old head, I’ll have it down in - ouch! Stop it, Pads!’ James winced and rubbed his neck again, ‘- in no time. Let’s hear it.’

Remus laughed. ‘Managed to crack it then, have you,’ he said to Sirius. He looked impressed, but it was also a conspiratorial sort of look, with a warm and open smile.

Sirius shrugged, and concentrated on the chocolate.

* * *

On the night of the ball, everyone got ready in their respective houses.

Peter was in a major flap, having attempted a spell that instead of a head of impressive golden locks had produced the same limp and wispy hair he already had, only in a deep tomato red. Remus helped him try a few different things to counteract the effect, but nothing seemed to work.

‘Sorry mate, you might have to grow it out,’ he conceded eventually, at which Peter literally howled with despair.

Next to them, James was hogging two sinks and mirrors, busy with his own coiffure. He had invested in both wax and pomade, but couldn’t decide what to do, making his hair stick up, then smoothing it back, perhaps a side parting, or no parting, all the while bearing an expression of intense concentration.

Sirius watched them from afar, butterbeer in hand. He couldn’t see what the fuss was all about, or couldn’t get into the spirit, or whatever. They were doing his head in, nervous as they were about people they saw every day, and people they didn’t even really care about. The whole thing was overblown and pointless.

Unusually, he hadn't actually asked anyone. People had been dropping hints, he probably could have had his pick, and he had briefly considered his options. But the truth was, he just couldn't be bothered. Pretending, and getting some girl's hopes up, when he really wasn't at all interested. And it wasn't like he had anything to prove in terms of his prowess with the ladies.

James was going with Nebula Tucker, just to be able to dance close to Evans, obviously. Pete had snagged Fenella Lane, but would have happily gone with anyone. Only Remus had apparently got his way in terms of his dream date, and true to form he seemed completely calm.

‘Give us a swig?’ Remus startled him out of his gloomy thoughts.

Sirius handed him the bottle.

‘Ridiculous, isn’t it.’ Remus said quietly and drank. James and Peter were still deeply immersed in their ritual of getting ready.

‘What is?’

‘All this. Dressing up, pretending to be formal. Prongs and Peter going mental. Just to...’ he trailed off.

‘Rite of passage, isn’t it. Apparently.’

‘Yeah, I suppose.’ After another swig, Remus handed back the bottle. Sirius could feel those amber eyes on him.

He drank quickly. ‘Anyway, aren’t you happy to get your gladrags on once in a while? Dance the night away, with a beautiful girl?’

‘Well, more rags than glad in my case. But I’m sure it’ll be fun.’ Remus looked down at his third hand dress robes. ‘I hope I won’t embarrass her.’ he added darkly.

‘Nah, Moony. You look -’ for weeks now, Sirius had been steering clear of any thoughts concerning this particular friend's looks. And he was sticking to that regime, so as to not come up with things like 'hot', or 'breathtaking'.  
‘You look good. She’ll be chuffed she’s there with you. Unlike poor Tucker and Lane, who’ll soon realise they’re stuck with two losers of the first order.’

Remus just shrugged, blatantly not believing him.

‘You’re sticking to your decision, then?’

‘Absolutely.’

‘You know you could probably still get a girl to ditch her partner for you at the very last minute...’

‘Maybe. Wouldn’t want to give anyone the wrong idea.’ Sirius still had no desire to engage in innocuous chit chat, or in fact dance, or even be at the cursed ball.

Soon after, the fanfares sounded. The four boys joined the throng of excited students pouring down the various staircases and into the Great Hall.

 

The next part of the evening involved first dinner, then dancing, a little speech, more dancing. After dinner, Sirius headed straight for the bar, where he talked to a variety of people while quickly downing a variety of drinks. They weren’t allowed anything stronger than butterbeer, but Sirius had made provisions by way of a cleverly concealed silver flask containing a good half bottle of Briar & Burdock’s bramble brandy, which he added liberally to his various goblets of lemonade, iced punch, butterbeer, and pumpkin juice.

Eliza Abernethy paraded past with Jermaine Palmer on her arm, she pointedly ignored Sirius while Jermaine gave him a friendly nod. He liked Jermaine, a seventh year and keeper for Ravenclaw, and a devil on the pitch, past whom it was very difficult to get a quaffle.

Other couples filed past. Sirius hung around and watched the dancing. As the drinks took their effect, he began to warm to the evening.

James was dancing with Nebula, but he didn’t look entirely comfortable. Peter, on the other hand, seemed to have forgotten all about his disastrous hair and laughed as he twirled Fenella around the dancefloor. Sirius was glad to see him so at ease, and cutting a fine figure in the crowd.

The four Marauders did scrub up well. His own dress robes, deep black, elegant and expensive, fit him perfectly, and Sirius couldn’t help noticing the impact his appearance seemed to have. Even James had made snide remarks about rampant vanity being typical of the House of Black, which was as close to an actual compliment as Sirius was going to get from him.

Now the girls were giving him sort of glazed looks, and dreamy smiles, and blokes whom he'd hardly ever had any dealings with wanted to be seen talking to him, and suddenly acted all matey. He played along for a while, and carried on drinking.

 

While he was queueing at the bar, someone behind him prodded his shoulder, trying to get his attention.

‘Hey, Black! Sirius!’ a voice shouted over the noise.

It was Evans, looking flushed, and frankly stunning in emerald green.

‘Get us a drink, will you? Two butterbeers, please. For me and McDougan.’

Sirius nodded. ‘McDougan, eh. Lucky man. You look lovely.’

Evans examined him with narrowed eyes. ‘What have you been drinking? And how much of it?’ But she didn’t seem entirely displeased.

‘We’re not allowed anything! So, not nearly enough.’

‘No need to overdo it,’ Evans cried, ‘But you don’t look so bad yourself, you know.’

A new band had come on. Over Evans’ shoulder, Sirius could see the crowd going wild to the music. Moony was in that crowd. He was dancing with Crowe, the two of them laughing and shaking around like idiots, having a whale of a time.

He finally reached the front of the queue. Trelawney was overseeing the bar, possibly for her own benefit, rumour had it she was a bit of a lush.

‘I see sickness, very near,’ she said to him as she handed him the butterbeers. ‘There will be sickness and pain.’

Well spotted, he thought. He delivered the drinks to Evans and her beau.

James was hovering nearby, pretending to listen to Nebula. Sirius joined them, handing them a butterbeer each. James roared into his ear, something about the party later.

The band had started a slow number, and Crowe had her arms around Remus. They seemed lost in their own world.

Sirius nodded vaguely as James rattled on, while Nebula watched them, arms folded across her chest. He tried to ignore the dancefloor.

They’d start snogging any minute now, he knew, Moony and bloody Crowe. Why did she have to get her hooks into him? Couldn’t she have found someone else, if she was as brilliant as James always made her out to be?

He’d seen Moony’s face earlier, laughing happily, being silly and enjoying himself. She probably really was almost worthy of him. But that didn’t mean –

And, as predicted, the snogging happened.

Sirius’ expression must have changed, because James turned to see what he was staring at, then promptly elbowed Sirius in the ribs.

He beamed and shouted something congratulatory. They clinked glasses. Sirius drained his in one.

‘I’m going out, for a smoke,’ he mouthed and indicated the door. James nodded, still grinning.

 

Once outside, Sirius found a secluded spot where he wouldn’t be noticed. Glad that he’d pre-rolled a few Confounding cigarettes earlier, he extracted one from the tin box in his pocket, and sparked it up.

He was beginning to realise there'd been another reason why he'd been so content to go to the ball on his own. In his quite mindblowing arrogance he must have secretly assumed he'd somehow still sway the person he was really after. Surely by some miracle things would fall into place, and he'd get what he wanted - the way he usually did. But of course he hadn't, and he wouldn't, not this time. How naïve of him. What an idiot. It was utterly hopeless. 

 

Next morning, most of what had happened after that Confounding smoke remained a complete mystery to him.

Sirius remembered going back inside, hanging around uncomfortably, draining his flask of brandy rather rapidly. As planned, they’d managed to sneak a load of people up to their party in a secret and pre-emptively charmed location, and there’d been much merriment. He must have very quickly got properly hammered, because beyond that he couldn’t recall anything definite.

Now his head was killing him. Sprawled on his dormitory bed, his body felt dull and heavy, almost as if paralysed. His mouth was parched and papery and tasted disgusting.

James brought him some tea and a bottle of ‘Hurry The Hangover’. He roughly sketched out the events of the previous night. In many ways, the Marauder after party had been a great success. Apparently Sirius had ended up snogging some girl as well, a Hufflepuff who’d been at least as wasted as he was. He’d been keen to pick fights with random people, and got quite crude in his taunts at some point, too. James had had to interfere and calm him down, especially when Evans had said something favourable about Snape.

‘You’ll be lucky if she ever speaks to you again,’ James finished his report.

‘Ugghhhh...’ was all Sirius could muster. ‘And... Pete? M-Moony?’

‘Oh, they didn’t get there till much later.’ James shuddered. ‘Pete’s had a stupid grin plastered across his face since last night. Managed to pull Lane in the end. Love’s young dream.’

Sirius moaned and rubbed his aching head. ‘N’you an - uh...?’

James shrugged and pushed his glasses up his nose. ‘Well... nothing really. No Evans, is she. Moony’s pretty happy though.’

Sirius closed his eyes. He felt sick. And he wished the pain would go away.

 

From there on in, things just got worse.

The Marauders still convened for important Map business, and of course did share the same dormitory, and most lessons, but all in all Remus and Peter were around a lot less than they used to be. As much as James was happy to have his best mate back after the Abernethy debacle, in his current state, undiluted Sirius wasn’t exactly a barrel of laughs.

James couldn’t tell what was wrong with his friend, what it was that made Sirius so disagreeable and short-tempered. He seemed moody and resentful, and behaved more unpredictably than ever.

It was Snape who got to bear most of the brunt. Sirius regularly chose to vent his spleen on him, and very imaginatively at that, which of course was cruel but also highly entertaining.

Only on the night of the full moon did Sirius revert back to his old self, and they had an excellent time. But it didn’t last.

James kept trying to wheedle out of him what was going on, when they were drinking alone somewhere in the evening, or on the nights the two of them went out under his invisibility cloak to map trickier parts of the silent castle. But he never got a single thing out of him that made any sense.

For some reason Moony seemed to have a calming effect on him, but then Remus was like that, good with people. Alas, even he couldn’t tell what was the matter, and anyway he was out cavorting with Crowe a lot of the time. And Peter - well, Sirius and Peter had never entirely seen eye to eye.

 

Things came to a head in January.

Sirius returned from his less-than-jolly Christmas holidays at Grimmauld Place looking drawn and exhausted. He made the usual jokes about his family, but there was a harsh edge to his voice, and a bitterness. They were putting a lot of pressure on him, James knew, and they were unafraid to punish disobedience. He’d blatantly had a hard time at home. It was taking its toll, and surely must be what had been troubling him all along, but why wouldn’t he discuss it?

Then Snape put two and two together regarding a certain lycanthrope in their year. He taunted Sirius with it, until Sirius did the unthinkable. He literally hadn’t thought, he said later, had never considered the consequences. Had just wanted to scare Snape shitless. That he definitely had managed, and almost made Remus a murderer in the process.

Dumbledore needn’t have lectured him, Sirius was so horrified by his own actions. When he was able to see Remus in the hospital wing after it was all over, he actually broke down and cried. James and Peter tactfully left them alone.

Remus just stared at him, hollow-eyed, his expression a mix of bewilderment and disbelief.

At length, he spoke. ‘How could you do it,’ he asked, hoarsely.

Sirius tried to explain. He knew it wouldn’t make sense, because it didn’t make any sense. He hung his head, trying to swallow the large lump in his throat.

‘I don’t know,’ he managed at last. ‘I honestly don’t know. Hurting you is the last thing I’d ever want to do. I just - I wasn’t thinking clearly. I truly am sorry.’

Remus said nothing.

‘I never would have let anything happen to you,’ Sirius continued, ‘Just wanted to shut him up. He was saying things... I never meant to... It’s the -’ he took a deep breath, ‘I know I’ve failed you. It’s the worst thing I’ve ever done.’

More tears were pricking his eyes, but he didn’t care anymore and let them run.

‘Please forgive me, Remus.’

Remus was still staring at him.

‘I am an idiot. An abysmal excuse for a friend,’ Sirius wiped his face on his sleeve. ‘You have every right to hate me. But maybe in time you’ll see a way to...’

There was a silence.

Eventually, Remus spoke. ‘You never do think, do you.’ 

Sirius cautiously looked up. Then he said in a low voice, ‘I’ll never betray your trust again, Remus. I promise.’

‘Too right you won’t,’ Remus said harshly. ‘I think you'd better leave now. I’m very tired.’

He closed his eyes.

Sirius nodded, got up, and slunk off, devastated.


	4. Brass Tacks

Sirius silently accepted the mighty dressing down he got from James, complete with an expletive laden barrage from Peter. They barely spoke to him at all for two days. When Remus reappeared in the dormitory, his attitude towards Sirius remained civil, impassive, bordering on icy.

Sirius kept out of their way, sick with shame and self-loathing.

Soon enough, James was tired of punishing his best friend. No-one but Snape and the Marauders knew what had happened, but there was a sense of relief amongst their fellow Gryffindors when James and Sirius started speaking again.

Nevertheless, Sirius kept himself in the background. There was much less of his easy laughter, and none of his usual swagger, or his dramatic moods, he was quieter, subdued. He also stayed well away from Snape, taking no notice of any of his snide remarks or taunts from other Slytherins, and completely ignored his brother Regulus, rather than trying to rile him at every turn as he would have done before.

Obviously he couldn't help taking the mickey out of James every chance he got, and couldn’t bring himself to take Peter too seriously either. He was sort of trying to make his peace with Evans, who was still - probably unwittingly - driving James round the bend. When it came to Remus though, Sirius remained humble, and treated him with almost deferential respect.

 

He went on long flights around the castle grounds, and threw himself into quidditch practice like there was no tomorrow. Bizarrely he’d also begun to seek out the library, and suddenly got a surprising amount of school work done. He most looked forward to the two free periods when James and Peter had Divination, and even blasted Crowe - or Caitlin, as he was forcing himself to refer to her when Remus was around - was nowhere to be seen. It wasn’t actually exciting, they’d just get through as much homework as possible to free up their afternoons. But these days it was the only time he had alone with Remus, time he hoped he could use to perhaps somehow redeem himself.

Sirius wasn’t one to grovel, but he needed Remus to know what their friendship meant to him. And Remus good-naturedly accepted the chocolate frogs that Sirius kept sending his way, he laughed at his jokes, and he enjoyed the pieces of special research that Sirius now frequently presented him with, tidbits he thought Remus would find interesting, which he invariably did.

Unbeknownst to Sirius, Remus had in fact long put the horrible incident behind him. Sirius had often been reckless, but never malicious, and it was obvious how much soul searching and anguish this ‘prank’ was still causing him. Remus hadn’t forgiven him lightly, but he had forgiven him. It would have been pointless not to.

He did however enjoy all the attention Sirius was heaping onto him now, and he didn't mind if it continued a little while longer.

 

On a clear Tuesday night, they were up late, stargazing from the Astronomy Tower. Professor Sinistra had split the class into teams of two, and as James was in bed with a mild concussion following a quidditch injury, Sirius had been paired up with Remus. The assignment concerned craters of the moon. They arrived at the prescribed hour, the last group of the evening. The moon was already more than half full, and waxing. Under the professor’s watchful eye, they climbed up to the telescope. It took them some time to adjust its settings and position, to find the right angles and coordinates. Then they took turns studying the pale rocky surface thousands of miles away. Sirius noted down his findings, and waited for Remus’ observations. Remus gripped the brass fittings tightly as he peered through the eyepiece. He looked decidedly uncomfortable, as if he were examining something highly unpleasant.

‘All right there, Moony?’

Remus just made a gruff noise and shrugged.

‘What’s it like?’ Sirius asked him later, when they were assembling their findings. ‘Looking at it up close like that, I mean. Does it feel weird? Do you feel anything?’

Remus shrugged again. ‘Not really. Just makes me uneasy. By association, I think. I’ve never liked looking at it much.’

He scanned their surroundings. It was late, and Sinistra had left them to it, Remus being a prefect and all. He pulled out a crumpled pack of Gaspers and retrieved a crooked cigarette.

‘Sorry, it’s my last one,’ he said, squashing the paper pack, and placed the cigarette between his lips. Sirius quickly lit it for him, wandlessly. He couldn’t suppress a small smile of pride.

‘I suppose it’s just a symbol,’ Remus continued glumly. ‘Of everything that’s wrong with me, you know. Things I’ll never be able to do. The life I can’t have. Things it’s denying me, things it’s making me do...’

Sirius nodded, his face solemn.

‘What I am to others. That’s why I hate it.’

‘Yes,’ Sirius said miserably, hanging his head. ‘Of course, I see.’

He sounded so dejected that Remus decided to put him out of his misery.

‘Listen, Pads. It’s all right. All that has always been there, ever since I can remember.’ He took another drag, exhaling slowly.  
‘And as for the other - well, I’ve got over it. I know you’re sorry. I know that you didn’t mean to - to do what you did.’

Sirius looked up at him, eyes wide. ‘Really?’

‘Yes.’ He held out his hand, offering him the cigarette.

Sirius accepted it. His face was full of relief, and of something else, as he took a drag his burning eyes fixed Remus with a strange gaze.

They were sitting very close.

Remus took a deep breath. ‘So there’s no need to repent anymore. Consider yourself forgiven. Feel free to keep plying me with chocolate frogs, though.’

Sirius smiled at him radiantly. ‘With pleasure.’ He took another drag, then handed back the cigarette. Their hands touched, clumsy somehow. ‘Thank you, Remus.’ he said hoarsely.

They packed up their things, and made their way back to the dormitory. Acting casually, talking of nothing in particular. Sirius felt light headed.

 

The next few days saw the weather turn milder. A Hogsmeade weekend was coming up, as well as several big quidditch matches. The Marauders were putting the finishing touches to their map, testing it extensively and ironing out any errors.

As they squatted around the unfolded parchment one evening, excitedly tracing the movements of their fellow students, clapping each other on the back and laughing at what their professors seemed to be getting up to, Sirius decided to propose a toast.

‘To the most excellent mischief managed.’ he exclaimed, and they raised their goblets of pumpkin juice. ‘To the Marauders! And, above all, to friendship.’

They clinked their goblets, he looked at each one of them in turn - James was making an exaggeratedly ceremonial face, Peter giggled, and Remus smiled back at him, with those unnerving eyes of his.

‘Yes,’ James added gravely, ‘It’s good to have the whole team back together. Marauders! To much mischief ahead.’

 

That Saturday, James, Sirius and Peter were well on their way to Hogsmeade when Remus joined them somewhere about halfway. He’d been hanging around, waiting for them.

‘What happened to Crowe?’ James asked.

‘She’s going with friends,’ Remus said. ‘I thought I’d go with you lot this time.’

‘Why?’ Peter was incredulous.

James eyed Remus shrewdly. ‘Everything all right between you two?’

‘Yes,’ Remus nodded. He seemed perfectly composed. ‘Well... I don’t know. Been seeing a bit much of her lately.’

Sirius agreed. ‘You have been neglecting us.’

‘Yeah, nice one, mate.’ James threw his arm around Remus and they walked on.

They threw a few wet snowballs, and when they got to the village they visited all their traditional Hogsmeade haunts. First on the list was Honeyduke’s, then Zonko’s Joke Shop. James and Sirius got some broom wax at Spintwitches, while Remus went to Potage's for a new cauldron, his old one having gone brittle from too many potions disasters. Peter and James wanted to look at jumpers, Sirius had to get a boring new quill, and Remus went to Maestro’s music shop to look at magazines. 

They reconvened at the Three Broomsticks. Remus had got there first and was studying the Daily Prophet when Sirius joined him at his table, setting down two butterbeers.

‘Hey Moony. Got you a refill. What’s going on in the world?’

The other boy looked up. ‘Cheers, Pads. Not much good, it seems. Death Eater attacks are on the increase.’ He folded the paper and laid it aside. ‘Did you get everything you were after?’

‘Yes.’ Sirius said emphatically and sat down. ‘Including this.’ He produced a small paper bag and pushed it across the table. ‘As promised.’

Remus picked up the bag and examined it, amused, if a little puzzled. ‘Right.’

They were chocolates, chocolate bullion, of the black and expensive variety.

‘Not frogs exactly, but they’re the good ones,’ Sirius explained, adding ‘I know you like them black and intense.’

Remus shot him a bemused look. He tried one, blinked in surprise, and nodded. Sirius took a gulp of butterbeer.

‘There you are!’ James set down several more bottles and shoved Sirius along the bench so he could sit down next to him. ‘Merlin it’s rammed in here.’

‘They had strangle scarves at Wizard Wear,’ Peter said excitedly as he flopped down next to Remus. ‘You should have come.’

As they chattered on, Remus quietly stowed the chocolates away, and noticing Sirius’ eyes on him he smiled, somewhat shyly.

Two rounds of butterbeer later they got down to why Remus really was here with them, rather than off romancing Caitlin Crowe elsewhere.

‘Bumped into Crowe earlier, Moony.’ James remembered. ‘Told her we were meeting you here, she seemed a bit put out.’

Remus sighed, and shrugged. ‘Yeah, well, I couldn’t bear another visit to Madam Puddifoot’s, to be honest. I don’t know why she likes that place so much, it’s nauseating.’

‘Is that all it is then?’ James wanted to know.

‘That. And she’s a bit much. She likes everything I do, everything I say. She’ll laugh at even really terrible jokes.’ He grinned. 'Believe me, I've tried.'

‘Sounds atrocious,’ James snorted.

‘I just think - she likes me too much.’

‘Sounds like she’s in luurve.’

‘And what’s wrong with that?’ Peter shook his head. ‘Going out with someone like Crowe, and complaining she likes you too much! You’re mental.’

‘It was the same with Abernethy,’ Sirius said. ’Wanted too much, when I thought we were just having a bit of fun.’

James disagreed severely. ‘As if you could compare those two.’ He looked around the room and lowered his voice. ‘Abernethy is a moron, whereas Crowe...’

Sirius drained his bottle. ‘Your round, Pete, I think.’

Peter protested mildly, but got up and went to the bar.

‘You're right, though,’ Remus said after several deep gulps of beer. ‘She does want too much. In fact, she wants to get it on. All the time.’

The other two stared at him, perplexed.

'And the problem is...?' 

Then it dawned on them.

‘You mean to say, you’ve never...?’

Remus shrugged again, rolling his eyes. ‘How can I? She’ll see me. She’ll work it out straight away. I’ve never got so much as my shirt off.’

James whistled. ‘Sorry, Moony. Just thought, perhaps in the dark-’

Remus shook his head. ‘I couldn’t. Too dangerous. You can feel them, especially the recent ones, and the bite...’

Sirius stared at his hands. He remembered the scars vividly.

James nodded. ‘But then - how will you ever shag anyone?’ He sounded so distraught they all burst out laughing.

‘I’ll just have to save myself until graduation.’

‘Well,’ James said brightly, ‘at this rate she’ll just think you’re frigid. Or gay.’ He took a sip of beer. ‘Could be worse.’

He didn’t see the glance that randomly passed between his two friends when he mentioned the word ‘gay’. Peter arrived with the drinks, and they started discussing the coming game against Slytherin.

 

Remus didn’t heed James’ advice, and broke up with Caitlin before the big Slytherin game. Sirius saw her unhappy and tear-stained face, and had to admit to himself that he did feel sorry for her. He could sympathise. But happily, these days he had other things on his mind.

There had been a change. A strange tension had crept in between himself and Remus, something intangible, that had started to make innocent, everyday encounters somehow self-conscious, almost awkward. Some fleeting glances seemed to last just a fraction too long, trivial words or smiles suddenly held an odd significance. There was a definite intensity between them, even if no-one else noticed it.

This new development cheered Sirius tremendously. It might just be a passing thing, and anyway Crowe was still in the picture, or at least her lingering shadow was. Perhaps Sirius was imagining things, or reading too much into them, although he didn’t think so. He couldn't help feeling excited. And he no longer denied to himself the extent to which he really desired his friend, now that he might actually be in with a chance.

The night of the full moon was no different. Wolf and dog had always had the most in common, but this time they ignored the other two completely. They raced through the forest, wrestled and chased each other, nipped and yelped and played wild games of rough and tumble. It was exhilarating. When Sirius complained of stiffness and sore muscles the next day, James and Peter reckoned he deserved it for ‘hogging Moony’ all night long.

 

Then there was the quidditch match. If Crowe was still despondent about Remus, she wasn’t showing it. It was a tough game, but they played almost flawlessly. Octavia Wynne caught the Snitch when they were already well ahead, and the crowd went absolutely crazy.

Naturally there was a Gryffindor party, and it was going to be one to remember. People chanted all the way to supper, and had to be told to keep it down in the Great Hall. The entire team was showered with compliments and the odd congratulatory firework. By the time they got to the common room, spirits were running high. There was music, and drinks, and more cheering and shouting.

‘There’s still a case of Rollicking Rum down by the Western stairs,’ James suggested at one point, his mouth close to Sirius’ ear. ‘Time we cracked it open I think, we've definitely earned it.’

‘Yeah.’ Sirius said. ‘Good idea. Give me your cloak, I’ll go with Moony.’

He pulled Remus away from a gaggle of people, and asked him to come on a secret mission. Remus looked flushed, happy, and a little dishevelled. He agreed to go along.

After the ruckus in the common room, the castle seemed extremely quiet. On nights like this, when students had good reason to celebrate, the curfew wasn’t enforced quite so strictly, but they hid under the cloak anyway, just to be safe. They walked along in silence, Sirius feeling almost feverish with the other boy so close. He thought Moony must be able to hear his heartbeat, hammering away.

They got to the small, dusty room, found the heavy crate and levitated it alongside them, trying to keep it in the shadows.

Then Sirius saw Flitwick, and stopped dead, holding on to Remus’ arm to make him stop, too. They were standing behind a row of statues. Remus carefully directed the crate of rum to the ground. Flitwick passed, unperturbed, carrying a small candle and a teetering pile of books and humming a tune, the Gryffindor quidditch chant, in fact.

The light faded into the distance, as did the tune. The two boys remained there, motionless under the cloak, Sirius’ hand still on Remus’ arm.

Then Sirius took heart. ‘Oh, Merlin’s balls,’ he whispered to himself, reached for the other boy’s face and kissed him right on the lips. Remus made a startled sound, almost losing his balance. He pulled away slightly, only for a moment, then fully kissed him back. They came apart, gasping for breath, eyes fixed on one another, hands trembling, and kissed again. 

They snogged, silently, for what felt like ages. Sirius couldn’t stop. Luckily, Remus didn’t seem inclined to stop either. It was different from kissing girls, rougher, more full-on. They were touching each other so gently, carefully, as if every move mattered, like this was something very important. Sirius could feel those hands on his shoulders, on the back of his neck, the small of his back. He ran his own fingers through soft, ruffled hair, along a jaw line, across that flat and firm chest. If Remus' scent had enthralled him before, now Sirius was drowning in it. With every fibre of his body he felt violently alive, crackling with electricity, like a live wire.

He really wanted to push Remus against the wall, feel the shape of his body against his own, touch every inch of his skin, taste him, claim him somehow, and be claimed. But even more than that he wanted for things to happen easily, in their own time.

Eventually, they came up for air.

‘We should probably take the blasted rum, and go back,’ Remus whispered, breathlessly.

‘Yes.’ Sirius kissed him again. ‘Not that I want to.’

‘I know.’ Remus smiled, and tugged at his clothes, trying to get them in order. ‘But I think we could do with a drink.’

They picked up the case again and walking close headed back to their tower. Remus let go of his hand as they neared the door.


	5. A Bit More

The party was still in full swing. People were dancing, drinking and chatting, with the occasional burst into song. James rubbed his hands excitedly as Remus opened the crate of rum, and everyone was delighted at the sight of so much contraband booze.

Predictably, there soon was even more animated conversation, more exuberant dancing, some snogging, and even louder chanting. Luckily, the seventh years knew their share of party-guarding spells, which seemed to be holding up well.

Sirius had a hard time concentrating on anything. People kept following him around, congratulating him on his flying skills, throwing red and gold sparklers at him and the other team members. For a long while he and Remus were at opposite ends of the room, talking to different groups of people. When they did meet briefly and exchanged a few casual words, James joined them immediately. Then they drifted apart again. James and Peter seemed omnipresent. And that Hufflepuff girl he’d accidentally snogged at the ball in his drunken stupor seemed to be making eyes at him again.

Sirius didn’t get another moment alone with Remus all evening. After a false alarm about McGonagall, the Gryffindor seventh years decided it was time to turn in, and all six Gryffindor prefects began chucking everybody out and sending them up to their dormitories, making sure certain students drank a lot of water before going to bed. By the time they had sorted out the remnants and wrecks of the party, and Remus finally came upstairs, Sirius was already asleep.

Frustratingly, most of the weekend passed in the same way. There were people around all the time. For some reason James and Peter had their minds set on spending every waking moment with their fellow Marauders, or in their immediate vicinity.

Sirius and Remus were acting normal. They were casual with each other, and friendly, the usual. Only every so often, there’d be a smile, or an accidental touch, unnoticeable really, but it was an acknowledgement, a silent promise.

 

On Saturday night, Remus proposed a kitchen raid, suggesting Sirius come along, but Peter resolutely insisted he should be the one to accompany him. Baffled, Remus agreed, and once they’d left James proceeded to bore Sirius rigid with some nonsense about Evans. Pete was a shrewd bastard, Sirius thought to himself, but he listened and nodded patiently as James rattled on.

He was feeling magnanimous. In fact, Sirius felt as if he’d won the Sensational Sweepstakes, or what Muggles called the Lottering. Things might not be ideal - there was going to be a definite bust-up with his family for one, what with the holidays upon them the week after next. Exams awaited them in just a few months’ time, and by all accounts there was a war brewing. But all that paled into insignificance when compared to the great piece of good luck and/or great personal achievement that was the fact Moony seemed to fancy him back. Seemed interested. That they had actually snogged, and might by all appearances snog again soon. Maybe, hopefully, even get to do more.

He could listen to James’ outlandish ideas about love, he could almost forgive Pete for unknowingly thwarting yet another amorous opportunity, and he could marvel at Remus’ poker face. In fact, he spent the next day doing much the same.

 

On Sunday night, however, they managed to get five minutes alone. They were still cleaning their teeth, when James and Peter left the bathroom, discussing an Arithmancy problem neither one of them was too sure about. Sirius caught Remus’ glance in the mirror. They rinsed and gargled and washed their faces rather rapidly. Then they kissed. They’d just moved towards one another, leaned in, it was simple, felt like the most obvious thing for them to do.

The kiss was clumsy, and rushed, and minty, but nothing less than spectacular. Sirius loved the feel and taste of Remus, his tongue in his mouth, the soft, warm skin under his hands. His fingers ventured beneath Remus’ old flannel pyjama top, and encountered more skin, silky and delicious. His thumb caressed the ridge of a scar, and Remus pulled back, looking flushed and scandalised.

He jerked his head towards the door, beyond which James and Peter could still be heard debating their respective interpretation of Embers’ third law. James’ voice was coming closer. Then a head poked in.

‘So which is it, then?’ James asked, ‘Projection through the last quadrangle, or the third unbounded section?’

Remus cleared his throat. He was rinsing his toothbrush. Sirius was busy arranging his hair into some wild sort of do in the mirror.

‘Remember, all of Embers’ laws really rely on the Wenlock figure,’ Remus said, surprisingly evenly. He shot Sirius’ reflection a quick look. ‘If you take that into account, all projections have to come from the incidental plane.’

‘I love it when you two talk gibberish,’ Sirius grinned. ‘You should be a professor, Moony. And he’s right, Prongs. I did it last week, if you follow what he said you’ll get there pretty easily.’

James eyed him suspiciously. ‘Yeah, nice hair, Pads. What do you mean, you did it last week? Since when… what?!’

‘Well, I seem to have managed to do a piece of homework the day it was set. Stranger things have happened.’

James stared at him, shaking his head in disbelief, and stuck out his hand. ‘Let’s have it then. Hand it over.’

 

The next afternoon, Sirius found himself a quiet spot in the deserted quidditch stands. He needed to be alone, to be able to focus and string together coherent sentences. A chilly breeze was sweeping across the seats, rustling the piece of parchment he’d laid out. It was barely spring, and cold, but the wind suited his mood. He opened his inkwell and gripped his quill. Now how to begin.

There was no way he was going to spend the coming holidays at home, or rather, where his parents lived, he no longer thought of that place as ‘home’ in any sense of the word. He was not going back there. And he would have to construct his reasoning carefully, so they would have no choice but to accept his decision.

Christmas at Grimmauld Place had been bad enough. He’d had to attend a series of formal dinners, each one drearier than the last, at which his parents entertained a host of smarmy businessmen and slimy politicians, society personages, and other members of the Most Ancient and Noble House of Black. Sirius had been expected not only to listen to their ludicrous ramblings which often bordered on the frankly psychotic, but to actually join in and make conversation. Later in the evening, when sufficiently drunk, his father would start laying into him, trying to embarrass and discredit his wayward son in front of an intrigued audience. And eventually Sirius would snap.

It was one thing to pretend to be courteous to people that repulsed him, people whom his father was trying to influence, or who were sucking up to the Blacks for their own purposes. He could mumble inanities, and manage to sit through it all in stoic silence. But when his father started on the insults, ridiculing his fellow Gryffindors and especially his friends, Sirius couldn’t help it and his anger flared up. Against his own better judgement he’d speak out, sometimes also affronting a particularly nasty guest in the process. And afterwards there’d be hell to pay.

His mother was the one who punished, that’s how it had always been. She’d liberally used spells to frighten, to distress, to sting and singe her children ever since they’d been little. She’d threaten them with nightmares, which duly arrived as soon as she found they hadn’t obeyed, horrible spectres that lasted for nights on end. For a while, young Regulus was too scared to sleep at all. Another favourite of hers was a pox hex that would cause itchy and painful boils to appear and torment them for any amount of time she deemed appropriate.

Of course by now she’d long upgraded to harsher punishments, designed to break resistance. Sirius had so soon excelled at Defense against the Dark Arts not just because he was bright, but because he had a very real and urgent interest in learning to defend himself, and his younger brother.

Before Hogwarts, a schoolmaster had come to number 12, Grimmauld Place, and every now and again a sweet but decrepit nanny would take the boys out to the park or into town. They were often sent away to their aunt and uncle’s grand old house in the country to spend time with their cousins Bellatrix and Narcissa, whom Sirius hated, and Andromeda, whom he adored.

Only when he first met James’ parents did he realise that not all parents were as tyrannically strict, as unpredictable and volatile as his own, or as icy and calculating as his aunts and uncles. Walburga Black could be affectionate, in a morose sort of way, but she couldn’t stand anyone disagreeing with her. When Sirius was Sorted into Gryffindor, she took it personally, blaming the same lunacy present in her own brother Alphard, the bad influence of that blood traitor Andromeda. Sirius was pronounced a failure, and once Regulus entered Slytherin he was officially elevated to the status of Golden Boy.

To top it all, Sirius was quite happy to be ‘an aberration’, which annoyed his parents even more. They weren’t content to let him be. If he wanted them to agree to anything, such as his staying at Hogwarts now, he’d have to make it sound like something they’d approve of. A harsh lesson he needed to be taught, for instance, ideally something that also flattered their absurd notions of pureblood supremacy.

 

After several false starts, he finally got down a few lines. It was trickier than he’d expected. He crossed out and rewrote bits of sentences, he examined his ink stained fingers, glumly stared at the treetops of the Forbidden Forest in the distance.

Someone called out on the pitch below, there was an answer, more shouting, laughing and shrieking. Hufflepuff had quidditch training this afternoon, Sirius knew, but surely it wasn’t that late yet? He dropped his quill and was about to get up and see what was going on when James whizzed past on his broom, howling like a banshee.

‘And there he is. Black!’ he exclaimed dramatically, ‘On the bench again following a traumatic head injury. Practising his calligraphy, hoping to win the House trophy for exquisite penmanship.’

Sirius grinned, wishing he had a dung bomb to throw at him.

Kieran Bellamy was flying close behind, diving into a series of tight loop-the-loops.

‘Bellamy!’ James announced. ‘Performing all the death defying stunts the ladies love so much.’ He mimicked the sound of applause, Kieran bowed to an imaginary crowd. They continued to circle the pitch at a breakneck speed.

There was a sound behind Sirius, and Remus sat down next to him. ‘Hello.’

‘Hi,’ Sirius said, surprised. ‘Didn’t hear you coming.’

‘We were wondering what you’re up to.’ Remus said, taking in the quill, the ink, and the stained parchment. ‘Prongs got us thrown out of the Study Hall again. Hope we’re not disturbing anything, what are you doing?’

‘Just - writing a letter. To my parents.’

‘Oh.’ Remus cocked an eyebrow. ‘What’s the latest then? Having to update them on how many half-bloods you’ve been thrashing?’

‘Nah, not yet,’ Sirius said, ‘I’m not going home for the holidays. Trying to let them down gently.’

‘But where - I mean, Prongs is going to be on Guernsey, isn’t he?’

‘I’m not staying with him. Just staying here. Even though it’ll be dull as hell, I’d rather be bored here than… you know.’ Sirius toyed with his quill. ‘I didn’t ask you or Peter because I’d obviously end up killing Peter before the week was out, and I know you have that family thing.’

‘Now here’s Lupin!’ James boomed in his announcer voice, zooming close overhead. ‘Feared for his fiendish brainpower and his command of tactics. Beware of his ferocious glare.’ He shot off, towards the other side of the stands.

‘Ah.’ Remus grinned. ‘Maybe it won’t be all that dull. As it happens, I’m not leaving either. I don’t really have a family thing. Well, my cousin is still getting married, and my parents are going, but I’m not exactly - able to. Or even invited.’ The next full moon was going to occur halfway through the holidays.

Sirius shook his head, frowning severely. ‘I knew it! All that werewolf tolerance business you were on about was just a load of hogwash. Thought it sounded too good to be true. Why didn’t you just tell us?’

‘You lot would have made a massive thing out of it. I didn’t want that.‘

‘But Moony, -’

‘And Potter!’ James roared, performing aerobatics at the opposite end of the pitch, ‘The Ultimate Flying Machine. Destroyer of enemies, defeater of rivals. Catcher of even the most devious snitch!’ He produced more fake applause, attempted a backflip hands free, and almost fell off his broom.

‘Anyway, worked out for the best in the end, hasn’t it?’ Remus said. ‘Now we’ll get to be bored together.’ he added, with a smile so suggestive it made Sirius’ blood rush to his groin and his heart skip and gallop.

‘Yeah,’ he said roughly, smiling back.

James and Kieran came hurtling towards them again at top speed.

‘How did you know I was here, by the way?’ Sirius wondered suddenly. ‘And where’s Peter?’

‘He’s still in the Study Hall, very keen to stay for some reason. And we found you on the map, of course.’ Remus said. ‘Made a rod for our own backs there, haven’t we. No more privacy at all, ever.’

‘Yeah.’ Sirius said darkly. ‘Should have thought of that.’

With a great swishing of robes, and stomping of boots, James and Kieran landed right in front of them. ‘Here,’ Kieran held out his broom as he collapsed into a seat, ‘I need a break, if one of you fancies a go.’

‘Brilliant,’ Remus accepted at once. ‘Thanks, mate.’

Sirius watched him walk to the very edge of the stands, straddle the broom and dive-bomb off. Grudgingly, James temporarily handed over his own broom, too. For another hour or so, until the Hufflepuff team arrived for training, the four of them took turns throwing themselves off the stands in novel ways and practising all sorts of daring manoeuvres.

 

‘So what are you going to tell your parents?’ Remus asked him later, as they were walking back to the castle. ‘Will they need much convincing?’

Sirius sighed. ‘Yeah, probably. Left it a bit late as well. If they get suspicious they’ll demand official answers from McGonagall or Dumbledore. I thought I’d plead detention, but they might have it pushed into term time. Or check up on the facts, and as much as I’d love to assemble a fat juicy piece of mischief I’m not prepared to actually spend the whole holiday in detention. Especially not if you’re here, too.’

Remus shot him a sidelong glance. The other two were quite far ahead by now. Sirius and Remus were making no particular effort to catch up.

Sirius continued. ‘Or I could say I need to do a load of revision. But I’m afraid they’ll find that hard to believe, and will probably end up strong-arming me into studying at Grimmauld Place, using my father’s delectable library. Contains “everything that is worth knowing”, apparently.’ He shuddered and shook his head in disgust.

‘How about practical training?’ Remus suggested. ‘Something you might need for your exams. And you obviously can’t practise at home.’

‘Yeah, I thought about that, too. But my parents have never been very diligent about restricting underage magic. On the contrary.’

‘What if you tell them you’ve been urged to stay? To revise with a special tutor? Extra coaching in jinxes and hexes, to develop your apparent talent.’

Sirius considered this. ‘I suppose I could make it sound a bit dark. They‘d like that. It’d have to be someone good though. And believable. They’ll quiz Regulus about it, no doubt.’

They were just entering the castle, where a crowd of chattering students immediately engulfed them.

‘I dunno,’ Remus sighed, dodging a couple of excited third years, and feigning bewilderment. ‘Can’t think of anyone credible who’s actually staying here over the holidays. A person of vague authority perhaps, like a prefect? Someone who’s maybe even taught you the odd charm before?’

Sirius nodded, earnestly. ‘Hm, yes. Tough nut to crack, that. Can’t think of anyone, either.’

Remus gave a start, winced, and rubbed his shoulder. ‘Ow. Bastard.’

They laughed. James and Kieran were almost out of sight, beyond a large group of young Hufflepuffs.

‘Let’s go this way,’ Remus grabbed Sirius’ arm and pulled him down a small corridor. They turned a corner, and another, and found themselves behind a large tapestry depicting a medieval botanical garden. Alone.

It was immediate and intense. They dropped their bags. Sirius cupped Remus’ jaw as they kissed, and he pressed their hips together, both of them unmistakably hard through their clothes. He could feel Remus’ hands on his shoulders and back, wandering across his chest and underneath his robes, and he followed suit. There was a shirt in the way as he caressed the smooth contours of bone and muscle, he wanted skin. But it was glorious to be getting lost in that scent, and between them, hard and urgent, the most delicious friction.

Sirius gasped when he felt Remus’ hand on his bare stomach, then lower, fondling his cock through the fabric, felt Remus smiling against his skin. They managed to unbutton trousers, unzip zips, and finally got into each other’s pants.

Sirius got there first, taking hold of Remus’ cock like a prize, moaning softly as Remus fingers encircled his own straining hard-on. They stroked each other gently but firmly, slowly, and deliberately.

It was strange, he’d never done this with a bloke before, but also strangely familiar. After all, he knew the anatomy, and it was Moony, and he had spent a substantial amount of time imagining precisely this or a similar sort of scenario. More than anything, it just felt absolutely right. They kissed some more, snogged, hands jerking faster, eliciting more gasps and stifled moans. Remus’ cock was perfect, the touch of his hand incredible. Sirius came before he really knew it, flushed and panting, with Remus’ cum sticky on his hands. Remus was panting hard, too, leaning back against the wall.

They smiled at each other.

‘That was amazing,’ Sirius breathed.

Remus grinned. ‘Yeah.’

In a daze, they got hold of their wands, scourgified each other. Then they kissed once more.

‘Bloody hell, Moony.’ Sirius was still in awe that what had just happened had actually happened. ‘Can we do this again?’

Remus grinned happily. ‘I hope so.’

They picked up their book bags and started walking towards Gryffindor Tower.

‘D’you think we should say anything to the others?’ Sirius asked, quietly. He wasn’t sure what he himself thought about it. ‘I’d rather not pretend in front of them, but - I quite like that it's just us for now, just you and me.’

‘Yeah,’ Remus agreed. ‘Prongs and Peter would make a massive song and dance about it. Anyway, we can’t say anything now if your plan is meant to work. You can’t be seen getting off with your - tutor.’ He chuckled. ‘If you still want to do that, I mean. I could get Montague to write you a letter of recommendation.’

Sirius beamed. ‘That would be brilliant, Moony. Thanks.’ Montague was one of the seventh year prefects, a very studious type. It would work perfectly. He’d always known Remus was a genius.

They entered a busy corridor and walked at slightly more of a distance.

‘Maybe we’ll tell them after the holidays, then.’ Remus said. ‘That is, if we still, you know...’ his voice trailed off.

Sirius nodded emphatically. ‘Yes. Good idea.’


	6. Interludes

The following evening, Remus appeared in the dormitory unusually late. He was coming from the showers, already sporting his pyjamas, just as James, Sirius and Peter climbed back in through the window, smelling strongly of a new type of Moroccan Unwinding Balm.

‘Heya Moony,’ James said, swaying a little, in time with the song playing on Peter’s Muggle gramophone. ‘Where’ve you been?’

‘Been meaning to ask you something all day,’ Peter said eagerly.

‘Just tried some of Hawksworth’s latest batch,’ James continued, flopping down on his bed. ‘Absolutely worth the hassle.’

‘Oh yeah?’ Remus smiled at them in turn. ‘No more Arithmancy, Pete, please! Just had to explain it all to Kieran. Again.’

‘Oh go on, Moony, it’s just one tiny thing...’

Sirius dropped onto James’ bed, too, and began searching the bedclothes for the latest Quidditch Weekly he’d been dying to borrow. Instead, he found another sort of thing entirely. It was a crumpled page from a muggle publication, printed with a series of those strangely frozen photographs. The photos showed naked ladies in various positions, smiling seductively and spreading their legs.

Sirius whistled softly, grinning, and studied the pictures in some detail. ‘Where’d you get this?’

James looked mortified only for a second, then he shrugged.

‘Keep it if you like,’ he said.

‘Nah, cheers.’ Sirius stuffed the page back where he’d found it. ‘So, Muggle porn, Prongs? Interesting. Another Evans thing, is it?’

‘Didn’t know you only liked it pureblood,’ James huffed and swatted him with the actual quidditch magazine.

‘How dare you,’ Sirius elbowed him back. They were still scuffling when Remus appeared in front of them. The record had finished playing. Pete must have gone to the bathroom.

‘Here you go, Pads,’ Remus said, holding out an envelope.

Sirius let go of James and looked up at him, questioningly. Remus looked very tired, just a hint of a smile on his lips. There was also a small patch of skin visible where is nightshirt rode up just above his pyjama bottoms, but Sirius was trying hard not to notice that.

‘Oh. What’s this,’ he took the envelope and opened it. As he scanned the piece of parchment it contained, his eyes widened.

The letter looked official and authoritative, signed by M. Montague. It recommended in no uncertain terms that one Sirius Black take up extra-curricular practical tutelage in the upcoming holidays, tutelage the school offered only to their more promising and distinguished students, and at no extra cost but the unfortunate loss of their two week break.

Seeing as Sirius had demonstrated an obvious talent in the field of jinxes and hexes which it would be irresponsible not to develop further, Montague had personally enlisted his accomplished co-prefect Remus Lupin to help Sirius build on this advantage. He urged the Blacks to allow their son this opportunity, even if Sirius himself was temporarily unwilling to comply. Signed, faithfully, and so on.

‘What is it?’ James demanded. ‘Sick note? Can prefects hand out sick notes now? Because I wouldn’t mind -’

‘Brilliant. Remus.’ Sirius beamed up at him. ‘Just brilliant. Thank you. They’ll definitely fall for that.’

He got up rapidly and hugged his friend, breathing in his scent just for a moment, forcing himself to let go again quickly. It was a bit awkward, but James didn’t notice, he was pawing at the letter, demanding to see.

Sirius sat back down on the edge of James’ bed.

‘Montague?’ James mumbled, studying the piece of parchment and nodding. ‘Yes, that is extremely convincing. Even I agree. And I know teaching this moron anything is essentially a waste of time.’

‘Oi!’ Sirius elbowed him in the side again, trying to snatch back the letter, but James dodged his hands and held on to it, studying it some more.

‘Just how did you get it to be so persuasive? Charmed in some way?’

‘Sort of,’ Remus grinned. ‘Only Pomposo, to make it appear more impressive. We didn’t want to go overboard, in case they spot it.’

‘Clever. Well done, mate.’ James nodded appreciatively, folded the parchment and handed it back to Sirius. 'Looks like you've got the holiday sorted then.'

‘Yes.’ Sirius agreed. ‘Thank you, Moony. You are a genius. I definitely owe you one.’

‘All right.’ Remus’ smile stretched into a yawn. ‘Good night, then.’

 

Unfortunately, the brilliant letter came at an unexpected price. When Sirius returned from the owlery the next morning and joined the others in the Great Hall for breakfast, Remus mentioned he’d been roped into tutoring two third years. Montague had been adamant, and Remus had agreed, thinking it would make his role as supposed tutor more convincing. And in a cruel twist of fate, Sirius realised, these third year halfwits would be taking up a lot of Remus’ free time. Including, crucially, the two free periods he and Remus had alone together, time he’d been looking forward to and fantasising about since their last encounter behind the tapestry. He tried to remain impassive, but it thoroughly frustrated him.

'What are you so cheesed off about?' James asked him in Charms.

‘Nothing,’ Sirius huffed impatiently.

‘Tell you what you need,’ James murmured after a bit. ’You need to get your end away.’

Sirius shot him a look.

‘Been ages since Abernethy. Bet you could find some candidates.’

‘Speak for yourself, Prongs. You’ve had barely more than a snog all year. And no matter how noble your sentiments about holding out for Evans, you might as well get some, at least until she actually starts talking to you. Might even make her jealous.’

‘Yeah.’ sighed James. ‘I know. That’s what I’m planning to do on holiday.’

Sirius snorted. ‘On Guernsey?’

‘They’ve got girls there! Bet they’re real lookers, too.’

‘The place is a lot more famous for its heifers though, isn’t it?’ Sirius laughed. ‘Good luck, mate.’

James elbowed him sharply, and Flitwick ordered them to contain themselves.

‘At least I'll have a chance of actually getting laid,’ James murmured haughtily. ‘Unlike you, holed up here with no-one but Trelawney to keep you company. Think about it. You may want to act now, before it’s too late.’

Sirius appeared to be considering this. He nodded slowly, then shrugged.

‘Yeah, maybe.’ he said lightly.

 

There was still no response from his parents by the time they turned in that evening. Sirius had smoked some more Unwinding Balm before bed, hoping it would help him sleep, but it didn’t seem to help, and his thoughts kept going round in circles.

What if they didn’t get the letter, or they didn’t trust it. Or they didn’t believe it, or they wanted to get their own teacher in? That wasn’t strictly legal, and maybe not very likely, but - one never knew with them. Sirius had included a personal note deploring the fact he was supposed to spend the holidays studying, which he hoped would have the desired effect.

But if he did have to go home, apart from the horrors awaiting there, and the fact Remus would have to go through a full moon alone, as if all that wasn’t bad enough, he’d also be away from Moony all this time. Wouldn’t they lose their momentum, wouldn’t things grow awkward? They were still in that exciting limbo, more than friends but not quite ‘together’ or anything. He for one didn’t want to go back to just being friends. They’d been acting like that for two whole days now, and it was doing his head in. If they weren’t getting any free time to themselves, they’d just have to make some.

He came to a decision. Quietly he got up, slid out from under the covers and padded across the cold flagstones towards the dark shape of Remus’ bed. As per usual, the dormitory was completely silent, silencing spells granting a room full of teenage boys their much needed privacy.

Sirius could hear his own heart beating excitedly as he pulled at the heavy curtain. A ray of light spilled out, pale and silvery, wandlight. Remus was reading. He looked up, surprised.

‘Hey,’ Sirius whispered.

Remus smiled, and shifted a little, making room. Sirius climbed in, carefully drawing the curtains behind him. Then he turned to face his friend.

'I was wondering what you were doing,’ he said softly.

‘Just reading,’ Remus grinned. He showed him the book, Secrets of the Seventeenth Key stood emblazoned on the garish cover.

‘What’s it about?’

‘Espionage. It’s pretty trashy, but I like it.’ Remus laid the book aside, just as Sirius reached out and touched his chest, his stomach.

As Remus shifted to face him fully, Sirius’ hand slipped further around his waist. The moment was quiet and calm, yet electrifying. Sirius felt giddy as they kissed, gently, unhurriedly and tender. They’d not done anything involving an actual bed yet, and now they seemed to be crossing that threshold very deliberately.

Remus pulled Sirius closer, and Sirius bucked his hips slightly, making their clothed hard-ons brush together. He repeated the motion just to hear Remus gasp again, both of them breathing heavily.

‘You’ve got a silencing spell up, haven’t you?’ Sirius remembered suddenly.

‘Yeah, course,’ Remus murmured, and claimed his mouth again, running his hands down Sirius’ sides and back, and lower, squeezing his bum cheeks.

The sensation made Sirius laugh, and buck his hips again. He rolled on top of Remus and sat up, straddling him. He could feel Remus’ body through the thin fabric of their pyjamas, Remus’ thighs, firm and supple, and his rock-hard boner. Remus looked breathtaking in the wandlight, gazing up at him. Sirius wanted to unwrap him like a present.

He bent to kiss him again, and found the first button of his pyjama top.

Remus froze. Drawing a sharp breath, he gripped Sirius’ hand. His stare was defiant, his muscles taut, as if he was just managing to keep himself from pushing Sirius away. Then he closed his eyes, and exhaled slowly.

‘Sorry,’ he said quietly. ‘It’s just-’ He was still rigid, his arms close to his chest.

For a moment Sirius had been worried, taken aback, but he understood. He nodded, gently rubbing his friend's shoulders.

‘It’s all right. Didn’t mean to...’ He pressed a kiss just below Remus’ jawbone. ‘It’s only me. And I have seen you before, remember. More than once.’ He kissed him again, and thinking of what Remus had said about things with Crowe, he added, ‘With me you can get your shirt off. I know I’m going to like it.’

Remus looked unconvinced, but his stare softened, he forced himself to relax. ‘Sorry, Pads. I’m not really - used to -’

‘I know.’ Sirius said. He placed his hands on Remus’ chest again, stroking him through the soft cotton. Then he slowly motioned towards the buttons. ‘May I?’

Remus nodded. He still looked uneasy, concerned. Sirius moved very slowly, unfastening them one by one, then pushing the fabric aside to reveal more of that luscious skin. He hoped his face didn’t betray any signs of distress at the scars, at how badly the wolf had ravaged the boy. He traced the silvery lines first with his fingertips, then with his lips, kissing and nuzzling. Remus was watching him, still tense, and positively squirming when Sirius’ fingers strayed anywhere near the bite.

‘Sirius!’ he hissed.

‘Sorry,’ Sirius murmured against his skin. ‘Does it hurt?’

Remus shook his head impatiently, willing himself to calm down. 'A bit - sensitive, that's all.’ He leaned back, submitting to Sirius’ ministrations. His fingers caught the edges of Sirius’ pyjama top, and tugged. ‘Take this off.’

In one swift movement, Sirius obliged. Remus was still watching him, and licking his lips. Then he pulled Sirius closer, one hand slowly sliding down the planes of Sirius’ chest, the other rubbing across Sirius’ tented pyjama bottoms, and firmly grasping the swollen cock within. Sirius suppressed a moan and moved into the touch, blindly feeling his way into Remus’ boxers. He found soft wiry fur and that hard, silky length, already leaking a drop of precum at the tip, and he watched Remus’ face contort with pleasure as he began to stroke him.

They kissed again, roughly, growing impatient. There was too much fabric in the way. Remus moved and shifted until they were both on their knees, pressing up against each other, and able to pull off each other’s remaining clothes. Finally, together, hard and panting, and completely naked.

Sirius paused, just for an instant. He wanted to memorise this moment exactly. Remus was staring back at him, smiling shyly, then he leaned forward to kiss him, to nuzzle his neck, a thumb on Sirius’ nipple, a hand along Sirius’ side, tracing along his hip bone, cupping his bum.

Sirius let his hands roam wildly, too. The scars made an intricate pattern, a bit like a map. He was carefully avoiding the bite for now, but none of this made Remus any less heady, or any less delicious. Sirius wanted to touch him everywhere. He hungrily explored as much as possible of that lean, muscular body, tasted as much as he could of that skin, that scent. They snogged some more. With Remus’ hands now caressing his thighs and fondling his balls, Sirius was beginning to feel delirious.

Between them, their cocks were standing to attention, connecting wetly at the tip. Sirius gripped them both, sliding them together. Remus cursed, and gasped, and moaned softly. Sirius cursed, too, as he continued to build a steady rhythm, and threw his head back. This was just too good. He could feel Remus’ hand at the nape of his neck.

‘Hang on,’ Remus said quietly, voice ragged. ‘Let me.’

His other hand joined Sirius’ between them, warm and strong and surprisingly slippery, as it jerked their cocks together, tight and fast. This was definitely too good. Sirius cursed again, trying not to come, made a strange sound, and came. He spilled all over Remus’ abdomen, euphoric, panting, still thrumming with pleasure as Remus followed, splashing hotly onto Sirius’ stomach.

They sat back on their heels, breathing hard. Then they shared another slow and languid kiss. Remus reached for his wand, moving the silvery light between them as he scourgified them both with two casual flicks. He stuck his wand back in the corner and stretched out on the bed, pulling Sirius down to lie next to him. Sirius put his arm around him, pushed a thigh between his legs, resting his chin on Remus’ shoulder.

‘Can’t believe we’ve not started doing this earlier,’ he murmured close to Remus’ ear.

Remus cracked a smile. He was gorgeous like this, sleepy and contented. ‘Yeah...’ he mumbled, ‘Bit mental though. With the others here I mean.’

‘Was that a Lubricous you did there? Wandless?’

Remus shrugged. ‘Comes in handy sometimes.’

‘I’ll say. You’ll have to show me.’ Sirius hugged his friend more tightly. He was still tingling all over. In bed, and naked, and wrapped around the naked form of the very person he’d been lusting after for months. Having just done mind-blowing things to each other. It was like being in a dream.

Remus was drifting off to sleep, and Sirius could feel himself doing the same. He forced himself to be sensible, to disentangle his limbs, slip back into his pyjamas, and get up.

‘Don’t go yet,’ Remus protested sleepily.

‘I think I'd better.’ Still within the heavy drapes, Sirius swung his legs off the bed. Before he braved the cold, dark dormitory, he pressed a quick kiss on Remus’ cheek. ‘Good night, Moony. Sweet dreams.’

* * *

In order to stick to their plan, Sirius was trying hard to take a page out of Remus’ book. He was doing his best to remain inconspicuous, forcing himself not to glance at his friend too often, not to find reasons for casual touches, not even to seek him out any more than he would have before. It wasn’t easy, and it definitely wasn’t fun.

He’d also not yet heard back from his parents, which was nerve wracking. As a result he badly needed some distraction.

The weather had brightened considerably. Apparently James needed distracting, too, so when they found themselves at a loose end they went for a long flight around the castle grounds, circling the lake and a bit of the Forbidden Forest.

When they returned, Pete was still taking his time up in the Study Hall, and they’d not seen Remus since lunch. But Kieran Bellamy and Oliver Boot were around and they quickly instigated a quaffle kickabout.

Just before sunset the four of them made their way back to Gryffindor tower. James had told Boot and Bellamy about their new batch of Jiggling Tonic, which they were keen to share, so they’d all decided on a nice little livener on their outdoor ledge before supper. There was a lot of excitement in the common room, mainly amongst fifth years who were chattering and gossiping about some scandal or other. Peter was nowhere to be seen, and nor was Remus.

James and Sirius led the way up to their empty dormitory. The sky was edged with banks of clouds, already streaked in dramatic shades of pink and orange. Oliver and Kieran climbed through the window, bemoaning the fact their own dormitory didn’t have a balcony. James passed them the bottles and was about to follow, but Sirius hung back.

‘I’ll just see where old Pete and Moony have got to,’ he said, hunting around for the map.

James shrugged and nodded. ‘Sure, mate. Don’t bother getting them if they’re far away though, their fault for missing out.’

Strangely, the map showed Peter near the entrance of the castle, moving slowly towards the Great Hall. Bit unusual for him, Sirius thought, and wondered what he might be doing. Maybe he’d been out on a walk, or he was trying to get in some dinner extremely early? The map showed lots of people around him, must be hanging around with Gilbert and Walter, Sirius supposed.

After studying the enchanted parchment some more, Sirius decided against a drink. He pocketed the map, and shortly afterwards found Remus in their usual spot in the library. He dropped into the chair next to him.

‘Hey Moony.’

‘All right, Pads?’ Remus finished whatever it was he was writing, and looked up. His amber eyes were almost golden in the lamplight.

‘Where have you been hiding? Not been cooped up in here all day, have you?’

Remus shook his head. ‘No. Well. Just for the past hour or so. Any news?’

‘Not yet. I wish they’d hurry up. It’s driving me crazy, not knowing.’ He glanced at what Remus had been working on. ‘Transfiguration, is it?’

They’d been set a fiendish essay on some spell which only transfigured one part of a thing.

‘Yeah. Did you hear what Oliver said about his brother? Once tried it on an omnibus - you know, a form of Muggle transport - trying to make it go faster. He somehow got it wrong and turned all of it into custard instead... traumatised a whole busload of pensioners.’

‘Sounds like the old Boot,’ Sirius said, grinning. ’Is it really that difficult?’

‘I think you just have to be stupidly precise. Doesn’t seem worth it for something so tedious. But I found this,’ Remus shoved a an open book over to him. ‘Which might make it a lot more interesting.’

Sirius looked at the page, but failed to make sense of the diagrams on it. ‘I’ve been thinking about you,’ he said very quietly.

Remus glanced at him, briefly. Then he almost whispered, ’Me, too.’

‘You shouldn’t be up here, it’s a really nice evening. You should be with us, having tonics out on the balcony.’

Remus started packing up his things, frowning slightly.

‘Yeah, well, Montague’s little brother’s been keeping me, hasn’t he. And his bloody friend. Not surprised they need tutoring, thick as two planks, both of them.' His expression softened. 'I just hope it’s somehow got round to Regulus, and it’s all been worth it.’

Sirius nodded, feeling frustrated and vaguely embarrassed.

‘Merlin, so do I. And I’m sorry, Moony. Thank you for doing all of that. You really shouldn’t have to give up all of your free time. All of our free time. And...’

‘Come on, you lot help me all the time. Not to mention-’

‘Well, still, it doesn’t seem right. I will make it up to you.’

‘You'd better.’ Remus grinned. They got up and moved towards the exit.

‘It is a shame,’ Sirius sighed as they walked down the corridor. There was no-one about. He let his hand slide down Remus’ back.

‘I had sort of hoped you and I would manage to fit in some more - tutelage together.’

Remus shot him an amused look. ‘Yeah, same here,’ he said quietly, slowing down. There was still no-one about, so he leaned in, a hand in Sirius’ hair, and brought their lips together. The kiss was slow and languid, when they came apart Sirius’ heart was beating in his ears, his entire body hungry for more.

Remus squeezed his hand, and they carried on walking.

‘Not that we need any,’ Sirius continued, wistfully. ‘Tutelage, I mean. We are pretty good at this. Especially considering we’ve not really done this before.’

‘Haven’t you?’ Remus stared at him, genuinely surprised.

‘Not with blokes, I mean.’ Sirius added quickly, and when Remus’ expression didn’t change, ‘Why - have you?’

Remus shrugged, and carried on walking.

‘You have?!’ Sirius was gobsmacked. ‘Who?’

‘Dunno why you lot always take me for such an innocent,’ Remus said. ‘I’ve not been completely abstinent, you know.’

‘We don’t think that, but you obviously never tell us anything! So, who?!’

‘Just - a boy back at home, last summer. And -’ He paused. ‘But you mustn’t tell anyone.’

Remus fixed his eyes on Sirius, who nodded impatiently.

‘I won’t, I promise. Who?’

‘Well, and - Palmer, last year.’ Remus smiled faintly at the memory.

Sirius slowed his steps again, still in shock. ‘Palmer. Jermaine Palmer?’

Remus nodded again.

‘Palmer! Never thought of him as... But I s’pose I never thought I would either... but him?’

‘Yeah well he’s Muggle-born, so he doesn’t want his parents to know he’s into blokes. It’s all a bit awkward, he doesn’t even like girls, at all.’

Sirius shook his head in bewilderment. It was a lot to take in. Not only was this new and exciting thing between them not nearly as new, nor maybe even as exciting to Remus as it was to him. He’d never looked at a bloke in that way before Remus, and Remus had actually already been with two others. Especially Palmer! Jermaine was generally considered a heartthrob, and Sirius would readily admit the man was handsome. He just never would have imagined...

‘You and Palmer,’ he said, thoughtfully. ‘Don’t know whether to be jealous or turned on. I just wish you’d told us! What did you get up to with him then? And all that time here was I thinking you were as straight as a - and that you never got so much as your shirt off.’

Remus smiled and cocked an eyebrow. ‘Well I told you he’s paranoid. Like myself, I suppose. We - did stuff, but I made sure he never really got to see anything, you know. I thought he mightn’t notice. Somehow he suspected, though. Not that I confirmed it at any point, but I think he was almost glad he had something to hold over me, too...’

‘Did he!’ Sirius growled. ‘If he’s trying to blackmail-’

‘Of course he isn’t! You know Palmer, he’s a decent bloke. He won’t breathe a word. And neither will you, Pads! Never knew you had a thing for him, though,’ Remus grinned.

‘I don’t.’ Sirius said resolutely. ‘I just mean, you must’ve - looked good together. Never had a thing for any bloke. Before you.’

Remus shot him a look.

‘D’you think it’s dangerous, what we’re doing?’ he asked after a pause.

‘Probably.' Sirius said cheerfully. 'But we’re Marauders, danger is part of the game, isn’t it?' His voice grew serious. 'And, to be honest... I really don't want to stop.’

‘Yeah. I don’t want to stop either.’

They would have kissed again, but there were people passing now, everyone heading down to the Great Hall for dinner.

 

James, Kieran and Oliver were already at their table, and to the trained eye were looking decidedly tipsy. They were throwing bits of food around and giggling like maniacs.

‘Black and Lupin!’ James exclaimed, grinning almost dementedly, and tossed a French bean at them. ‘Where’ve you two been, what have you been plotting?’

Sirius cleared his throat. ‘Library. Snogging, obviously.’ he deadpanned as he sat down. ‘Been taking your advice, Prongs.’

James giggled, Remus rolled his eyes. ‘What advice? Pete not here?’

‘Pete’s on, what was it, some kind of a - mission,’ James tried to remember. ‘Or homework, was it...?’ He batted at a lump of bread flying in his direction.

‘James reckons I need to get laid urgently,’ Sirius explained gravely, still managing to keep an impressively straight face.

Remus raised his eyebrows. ’I see.’ he said evenly. ‘Well... he’s probably right.’

'Pads! There! Look!' James pointed excitedly. 'That's Zephyr, isn’t it?'

Sirius whipped around. There was a great sweeping of wings overhead, then his large eagle owl landed daintily beside his plate and held out one foot.

With trembling hands Sirius detached the letter, patted Zephyr, and fed him some sweetcorn. Then he slowly unrolled the parchment. His mouth had gone dry. He began to read, narrowing his eyes trying to decipher his mother's spidery handwriting. James and Remus were watching him intently. As he read on, a wide smile spread across his face.


	7. Bliss (part 1)

Eventually, finally, they left. As the carriages pulled away, Remus and Sirius walked along behind them a little and watched the last of them disappear. Suddenly deserted, the school grounds felt very empty and quiet. 

‘Well, that’s over.’ Remus said at length and yawned. He'd been up for prefect duties since the crack of dawn, helping first and second years sort their luggage, catching and returning an escaped pet adder, trying to talk sense into several love sick fourth years. And forcing James to decide between photogenising spectacles so he'd finally close his trunk, spare Pete a coronary, and get downstairs in time. 

‘Yeah.’ Sirius grinned. ‘At least you're not supervising the train. And no more prefect duties for ages now. Just excursions, and lie-ins, and perfecting our flying skills, such as the triple backflip on a downward incline.’

Remus yawned again and said sleepily, 'I do quite a decent triple backflip from any angle.'

'It'll be me who improves then,' Sirius conceded, feeling generous.

He had enjoyed the morning tremendously. As on every end-of-term day, breakfast had been excellent, and for once he'd actually savoured it. Afterwards he'd comfortably lounged on his bed, throwing comments and suggestions at Prongs, who'd still been in a flurry of packing, and driving Peter mad, who'd been waiting by the door ready and packed and wringing his hands in exasperation.

Usually Sirius would have been in a foul mood at this point, chucking random things together, barely speaking except perhaps for the odd curse. He’d always hated going home days, hated his own bad temper and how it would soon change into forced cheeriness, frantically trying to eke out the last bit of enjoyment before the train pulled into King’s Cross and the inevitable gloom set in. Having to join a sneering Regulus on the emptying platform, waiting for their parents or often just the chauffeur. Then the short and dismal journey home to Grimmauld Place...  But not this time. Regulus would be waiting on his own. 

And now here Sirius was, ambling along with a definite spring in his step. He felt light and happy and excited, at peace with the world. Two glorious weeks stretched before them, two weeks of leisure, and hopefully a lot of pleasure, too.

The handful of other students remaining at the school had scattered quickly. Droplets of early morning rain hung from the trees and glittered on the grass in the weak April sun. There was a fresh smell in the air, crisp, green and earthy.

He kissed Remus under a beech tree. Taken by surprise, Remus melted into the kiss, snogging him slowly and thoroughly, a gloved hand on Sirius’ shoulder. Eventually, they came apart, smiling.

‘Shall we go for a walk?’ Remus suggested. ‘Don’t think it’ll be this sunny for much longer.’

‘Yeah, all right.’ Sirius agreed, even though he very much didn’t want to. He didn’t want to do anything that wasn't heading straight back to the dormitory and getting Remus’ clothes off. But there was no hurry really, no need to seem desperate. 

‘Odd seeing the place so empty, isn’t it,’ Remus said after a while. He'd sometimes had to spend the holidays here before. 'It's always a bit strange, at first. But peaceful. Then after a few days it starts to get boring.’

‘Not this time it won't.’ Sirius said resolutely. 

‘Maybe a bit lonely though, after a week or so...’

‘Nah, I doubt it. I can think of about a million things to do. We’ve got pranks to plan. Remember you’ve got jinxes to teach me, and hexes. Amongst other things. And if we’re really pushed for activities, I’m sure we’ll - come up with something to pass the time.’

Remus returned his grin. 'That’s true.’

As they strolled through the grounds, out in the wide open, Sirius kept his hands to himself only very reluctantly. He longed to get close to his friend. Thoughts of his touch, his skin, their strange and wonderful new intimacy, had been impossible to banish for the past couple of days. Obviously they'd been keeping their distance, playing it cool, acting off hand with each other. But at night he'd found himself wildly imagining all the things they might get up to once they'd finally be alone, and able to do what they liked...

The two boys walked on in companionable silence.

‘So glad I’m here, you’ve no idea,’ Sirius said after a while. ‘Always hated going home days. Having to go back, facing it all again.’

‘Really? I mean, we all know how much you dislike it there, but - they’re your parents after all. Don't you ever miss them even slightly?’

Sirius shrugged. He was going to reply with a quip, make a joke, or a vague, evasive statement, but he stopped himself. He never really talked about his family, not even with Prongs. But now, this was Moony, and perhaps - well, he might actually give him a proper answer.

‘I don’t.’ he said eventually. ‘I think - maybe sometimes I miss the idea of a real home. Something like Prongs’ family, or yours, or Peter’s. Sounds stupid, doesn't it.'  
He let out a laugh and cleared his throat. 'But I don’t miss my own. Not at all. How about you, you must be sorry you're not going back?’

Remus looked at him, almost surprised. ‘A bit,’ he said then. ‘I do miss them, even if they make a fuss and worry about everything. I like being there, you know, having my own room, seeing old friends...’

‘You mean - Muggle friends?’

Remus nodded. ‘Yeah. During the holidays we’re all practically Muggles, aren’t we. It doesn’t make much of a difference really. They think I go to some kind of a posh school.’ He grinned. 'Full of stuck-up ponces from "noble houses" and so on...'

‘They must be green with envy.’

'Mystified, more like, as to how on earth I stand it.'

By now they’d almost reached the greenhouses. Muffled thuds were coming from one end of number seven where Professor Sprout kept several lively specimens of Aggressive Thumpwort.

‘I’ve never had any Muggle friends,’ Sirius said wistfully. ‘Never even met any Muggles, not really. Only station porters, you know, delivery people. I went to a Muggle cinnimar once, a few years ago... it was interesting, but my mother found out, and she wasn’t too impressed.’

'Oh.' There was a pause. 'Do you know why she hates Muggles so much?'

Sirius kicked at a small stone. 'Well, according to her,' he said lightly, 'they're "unimportant, inferior, scum. Servants at best." Brought up that way, I s’ppose... And Muggles have always been a handy scapegoat for anything going wrong, haven’t they. The loathsome "Muggle influence." I doubt either one of them has actually ever spoken to a Muggle.’

Remus nodded. ‘How strange. I wonder what they’re afraid of.’

‘Halfbloods, I think. Lowering the tone. Grabbing our ancient possessions, marrying into the family, diluting our superbly precious blood. And they’re not alone - I mean all those crackpot death eater types are recruiting loads of followers based on the same ideas.’

'They wouldn't support death eaters though, would they?'

'Wouldn't they?' Sirius shrugged. 'I dunno. Probably not. They're not exactly keen on my becoming an Auror either, that's for sure.'

Remus was frowning deeply, and Sirius, suddenly annoyed with himself, thought he knew why. As thrilled as James and Sirius were by the prospect of becoming Aurors, it was an excitement they couldn't share. Peter liked the idea generally but didn't care for anything that sounded like too much hard work. And Remus, surely the most obvious choice for an Auror if ever there was one, would never be able to even contemplate Auror training, what with all the regulations concerning his wolfish affliction.

'Tell you what, Moony,' Sirius said briskly, trying to change the subject. 'I have an idea. Let's get you a broom.'

The other boy looked perplexed. 'What do you mean?'

'A school issue one. I know where they're kept, and we'll get through those locks and wards easily enough... what do you say?'

'Yeah all right,' Remus' face brightened. 'Good idea, worth a try at least.'

 

After lunch, which was strangely silent in the hushed Great Hall, they went out on a flight. They'd left both brooms up in their dormitory, and after briefly hovering on his successfully 'borrowed' one for trial purposes, Remus launched himself straight through the open window. Laughing, Sirius shot after him.

They flew up and up, circling towers and turrets and spindly spires. The castle looked majestic even from this angle, and countless walkways, arches, flying buttresses, and fluttering pennants made for an excellent obstacle course. 

When nicking the school broom they'd picked the best one there, but it still was no match for Sirius' own Comet 500. Undeterred, Remus zoomed along at a bracing speed, laughing and exchanging teasing banter with Sirius, who couldn't help but show off his superior flying skills with a few flourishes here and there. During term time they'd never be allowed to fly at such dizzy heights. A chilly breeze rippled through their hair and clothes, reddening their cheeks, making it hard to breathe. They narrowly avoided collision with a congregation of magpies, the annoyed birds swooping around them and complaining loudly. Remus and Sirius rose even higher, and left the castle behind them. It was spine-tingling, hair-raising, absolutely brilliant fun.

Unfortunately, as Remus had predicted earlier, the sun soon faded behind an expanding mass of great big clouds. They were coming closer, plump and iron grey, steadily growing ever more menacing. The two boys were flying out across the lake by now, the water shining like a flat sheet of dull silver under the darkening sky. 

When the rain set in it hit them with a vengeance, pelting them relentlessly with fat drops of ice water. It was difficult to see anything, and the wind picked up and whipped around them, trying to throw them off. Sirius took the lead, shouting at Remus through the rain to stay close, and at one point pulled him aside just in time to keep him from crashing into a tree.

There was no point trying to fly up to their tower in these conditions, so in the end they tumbled more than landed into the clock tower courtyard. Laughing, soaked to the skin and splattered with mud, they hurried into the castle. Inside, the school seemed almost eerily quiet after the whistling wind and the hammering rain outside. 

'Tergeo!' Remus gave them a quick going over as they climbed up a dim staircase. 

'Don't bother,' Sirius said softly, 'we'd better take a shower anyway...'

Back in the dormitory, he'd already begun to unceremoniously strip off his own dripping clothes, urging Moony to do the same before they caught their respective deaths, when Remus stopped him. 

'Hang on,' he said, 'don't undress yet - well, put something else on then. I've a better idea.'

Having thrown on a bath robe, Sirius somewhat grudgingly followed him out of the toasty dormitory full of big comfortable beds into the cold corridor and down two draughty staircases. Only when they got to the fifth floor, when he saw the statue of Boris the Bewildered and heard Remus mutter 'Sea cucumber' at a random door did it dawn on him where they'd come exactly.

The door swung open, and they stepped into a large room. It was brightly lit, warm, and very inviting. 

'Wow.' Sirius remarked, suitably impressed. He took in the elaborate stained glass, the shiny golden fixtures, and the pool-size tub set into the floor. Even the toilet cubicles at the far end managed to look elegant and classy. 'How very grand you prefects have it.'

'I never really come here,' Remus said with a smile, turning on several of the golden taps. Steaming water rushed forth and began to fill the tub suspiciously quickly. 'But I thought - since no-one's here...'

'Yeah. Great idea.' Sirius admired the turquoise bubbles emanating from one of the taps and bouncing into the water. 'It's amazing!' 

There was a sizeable display of bathing products, too, sponges and scrubbers, and lotions and potions of every description, next to a mountain of fluffy towels. Sirius casually glanced across to where Remus stood, and caught his breath.  
There Remus was, nonchalantly taking off his clothes one item at a time and placing them on a low marble bench. Something so everyday, but something Sirius had literally never seen him do before. 

For some reason, watching his friend undress so casually in front of him made something stir in Sirius. Not just because it was hot. Scars or no scars, the boy was beautiful, no question about it - the broadening shoulders, those lean muscles and long limbs, and a rather gorgeous backside, too. He moved with an easy grace, already adding his boxers to the pile of clothes with complete unconcern. 

But that wasn't quite it. It was trust, this was, Sirius realised, a silent declaration of trust. Quite an intimate thing. It made him feel a bit giddy, and he swallowed hard. Remus caught his glance and grinned at him, somewhat shyly, before plunging into the pool.

'Aren't you coming in?' he asked when he surfaced again, shaking his wet hair and wiping foam off his face.

'Coming,' Sirius murmured, shedding the last of his own clothes, and jumped in after him.

 

Now followed an extended session of exactly the kind of thing Sirius had hoped they'd get up to once the holidays began.

After some innocent splashing about, their bodies collided in the bubbling water. They kissed for a long time, their snogging turning increasingly rough and demanding, hands skimming across a smooth chest, a strong back, caressing cheeks, and nipples, legs entwining underwater, cocks sliding together.

Sirius just wanted more and more, every touch of Remus' skin only making him hungrier. He gently directed them towards the side where the pool was shallower, pushing Remus backwards with heated kisses. Still snogging, he embraced Remus and bodily lifted him up, sitting him down on the mosaic edge. At first Remus made a startled sound, then he grinned down at him from his new vantage point, and cocked an eyebrow, intrigued. 

Sirius held his gaze as he kissed his thighs, paying some attention to a raised line here, a faded silvery mark there. Then upwards, lapping at the bobbing cock, running his tongue along the underside, licking along the ridge, across the head. Finally, still keeping eye contact, he took the whole tip into his mouth. Those amber eyes, steadily widening with surprise and delight as Sirius proceeded, flew shut, and Remus gasped and moaned as Sirius set to work on him. 

As it happened, this was one specific thing Sirius had been thinking about quite a lot, one he'd been dying to try out. Not that he'd ever thought he'd be interested in sucking cock. But when he'd imagined getting off with Remus, touching and stroking him and wanking each other off, the logical next step in the fantasy had always been a bit of oral action. And Remus' cock was magnificent, thick and straight and long, maybe even slightly bigger than his own. It felt rock hard yet silky smooth in his mouth, and Sirius found it exceedingly tasty. He tried to fit in as much of it as he could, lapping and sucking, using his tongue in various ways, going with what he thought must definitely feel good.

Soon Remus was breathing hard and bucking his hips, a hand in Sirius' hair, his eyes screwed shut, his face torn between joy and desperation. He came with a stifled cry, and surprised Sirius into swallowing most of his load.

Sirius let go of him gently. He grinned, very self satisfied, and wiped his mouth. 'Did you like that?' he asked softly and kissed the smooth stomach. 'You taste good, you know. Salty.'

Remus was still panting, and looking at him with wide eyes, his face full of amazement, almost disbelief.  
'Yeah,' he murmured, catching his breath. 'Liked it a lot.'

Then he slid off the edge back into the pool, claimed Sirius' mouth quite ferociously and took his cock in hand with such skill and determination, Sirius was literally screaming and coming in under a minute. His cum flew into the bubbling water like a stream of white beads, and he saw what looked like a whole shower of stars.

When they got out of the tub, Sirius insisted on drying Remus off, and, squirming only a little, Remus let him.

'Now do me,' Sirius suggested. As his friend gently rubbed him down with one of the massive towels, he watched the look of something almost like reverence on Remus' face, and laughed quietly, feeling elated. 

They kissed some more as they got their clothes on. Eventually they made it back to their dormitory.

 

It was still very dark outside, with rain pattering and splashing against the windows. Sirius jumped into his bed, moving his pillows out of the way, and throwing out stray jumpers, chocolate wrappers, and magazines. Remus extracted the Muggle record player from under Peter's bed and put some music on, one of his ancient jazzy numbers.

'D'you think the house elves would bring us up some pumpkin pasties?' Sirius wondered. 'I'm absolutely starving.'

'Dunno, but they should. They must be seriously underworked what with no-one here.' 

Remus picked up a copy of the Daily Prophet and scanned the front page.

'Oi, Lupin. Leave that and get your arse over here.'

Grinning, Remus lowered the paper and walked over, but came to a halt just before the bed. He stared at it, frowning slightly, then drew his wand and engorged it to more than twice its size.

Sirius nodded approvingly and lifted the blanket. 'Nice one, Moony. Now get in.'

 

They whiled away the afternoon very pleasantly. Since no house elves appeared to obey any of Sirius' summons, he took one for the team and went down to the kitchens, returning with a mountain of supplies.  
Eating crumbly pastries in bed, followed by roast chicken legs, small bowls of pumpkin curry, fresh grapes, and pungent cave-ripened cheeses, all washed down with several goblets of bramble wine - this, Sirius reckoned, was what being on holiday was all about.

Later they read bits of the Daily Prophet, scanned Quidditch Weekly, and examined two new books Remus had got from the library. They smoked a Confounding pipe, dozed and listened to various records, too. But mainly they kept returning to more luxuriant activities, barely quenching their constantly recurring arousal. There was little they could do about it except give in. Close together, warm under the covers and delicously naked, with the rain hammering on the roof and no-one to disturb them, it was enough to keep them on edge, too good to resist. 

Sirius enjoyed the chance to study Moony's physique in some detail. He tried not to be too obvious or make too much of a thing of it, but the scars did interest him. Then again, to be honest, even Remus' elbow interested him, or his armpit, or any part really - he couldn't get enough of the boy. 

After much snogging and several bouts of wanking each other off, Remus gave him a blowjob so astonishing, Sirius temporarily thought he was losing his mind.  
It felt incredible, the velvety, liquid heat enveloping his cock, a skilled tongue and those lips wildly tormenting him with pleasure, coaxing throaty sounds out of him Sirius had never heard himself make before. Slowly Remus picked up the pace as he carried on sucking and lapping and teasing, obviously enjoying himself, not neglecting to pay attention to the tight balls either. 

It was all too much. Sirius opened his eyes intermittently, and watching his cock slide in and out between Moony's lips, rhythmically in and out, and then even deeper, was his undoing. He came hard, exploding into his lover's mouth. Remus smiled around him, and drank him dry.

No girl had ever blown him like that. Blokes just knew what it felt like, Sirius supposed, so they knew what to do... and boy did Moony know how to do it. It clearly wasn't the first time he'd done it either. Through his delirious haze Sirius suddenly felt a lot less smug about his own performance earlier in the bathroom.

 

'Tell me about those Muggle friends of yours, then,' he said, much later. He was propped up on a pillow, one hand trailing lazily across Remus' chest, their legs entangled comfortably.

'What do you want to know?' Remus was dozing, his eyes closed.

'What do they do? What are they like?'

'Nothing special really. Just people. Except they use - machinery instead of magic. Ingenious really.' 

'Machinery.' Sirius nodded. He felt Remus nuzzling against his shoulder. 'Sort of clockwork things, aren't they?' 

'Yes. And calculating devices. That's a fairly new thing they've come up with. They can calculate vast and complicated things, you know, even formulas to describe the universe and so on. And they use them to build more machinery.'

'Right.' Sirius studied the deep red canopy above their heads. 'Interesting.'

After a pause he began again. 'And this bloke of yours, last year. Was he very big on machineries?'

Remus, who'd been drifting off pleasantly, opened one eye.  
'No, as it happens,' he said then, a slow smile spreading across his face. 'He liked fishing. And rowing. Why do you ask? You're not jealous, are you? He was just some boy. Ages ago.' 

'No, no,' Sirius dismissed this idea haughtily. 'Not jealous. Just curious. I've never - I mean, how did it happen? Did you know him well? Did he proposition you?'

'Not particularly. I didn't know him at first, just sort of saw him around. It was in the summer, really hot, you know, when everyone's turned on all the time, and I realised that - well, I was beginning to notice him.' 

'And then he came on to you?'

'Actually, I sort of propositioned him. We made friends, and then... we saw a lot more of each other. Muggles don't believe werewolves exist, so I'd just told him I'd been in a car accident. He was all right, I liked him. No idea where he is now, he was only there on holiday.'

Sirius nodded slowly, still staring up at the canopy. 'And Palmer?'

Remus grinned again. 'Palmer?'

'Well, how did it happen with him? And how did we never know? I've been trying to remember any clues last year, but we literally suspected nothing! And it's not like we don't pay attention, remember who worked out the moon thing...'

'I told you, I couldn't let on, he was seriously paranoid.' Remus frowned slightly. 'We got talking in the library once. He obviously knew you lot from quidditch. And then eventually - he got me alone one night, really late. After a party up in Ravenclaw tower, some time around Christmas, the one before last. I may have been a bit drunk. You and Pete and Prongs were all busy elsewhere, you'd just started seeing Calliope Greene-'

'Ivy McGuigan actually, Callie was later. But go on.'

Remus laughed softly. 'Right. Anyway, he talked me into going for a smoke somewhere "with a great view". I think he was referring to himself there. But he does know all these secret rooms and places, some aren't even on our map because I can't remember how we'd got there. So we had our smoke, and then he started saying how he'd seen me looking at him... and he kept moving in closer. I didn't think I'd been looking at him particularly, but I might well have been, it was confusing. I was curious, so I went along with it.'

He yawned and stretched a little. 'And then we carried on, casually, just off and on, and in absolute secret. We were very careful, and you lot really had no reason to suspect anything. It only lasted a couple of months. You know how funny he is, and how charming, but he can turn nasty when he's scared. He's still convinced his parents will turn him out if they ever find out he likes boys. I think someone must have screwed him over badly in the past, someone he cared about. I was the rebound. Or one of the rebounds.'

'Yeah, wasn't he with that redhead then as well, from Hufflepuff? Melinda Sawyer?'

Remus snorted. 'Isn't he with Abernethy now? It's these girls I feel most sorry for. I mean, I don't really mind what gender people are, but he does, and girls do nothing for him.'

Sirius sighed. 'As Prongs always said, she is a moron. With appalling taste in men. Imagine if she knew...' he ran his hand across Remus' chest, their thighs sliding warmly together.

'She might think it's all her fault,' Remus murmured.

'Oh no,' Sirius said. 'It really wasn't. Nothing to do with her.'

Remus turned onto his side and eyed his friend intently.  
'So what about you then? You've seriously never felt attracted to another bloke? Before now?'

Sirius frowned slightly. 'I suppose I must have done, but honestly no, not that I've noticed.' 

'You mean I've turned you?' Remus grinned.

'Apparently so.' He cleared his throat. 'And then when I did come to realise - I just thought it was a massive disaster. Never would have dreamed that this scenario -' He tweaked one of Remus' nipples for emphasis, 'could actually happen. Even if I'd known you liked blokes.'

'Really?' Remus laughed softly. 'Even then? Not to fuel your rampant narcissism, but have you seen yourself?'

Sirius considered this, and decided to feign outrage. 'Are you saying you only like me for my gorgeous body?'

'Obviously.'

They laughed again, and snogged a little. Sirius didn't think he'd actually ever felt this good, this carefree and lighthearted and happy.

'Still might end in disaster, of course.' Remus added after a while. 'We might be in the process of ruining a beautiful friendship.'

Sirius nodded contentedly, his mind already sneaking back down to their respective nether regions. 'Worth the risk though, isn't it?'

 

– – –

 

The next few days passed very blissfully. As soon as the sun came out, they escaped the castle, roaming the grounds, and parts of the Forbidden Forest. One night they sneaked into Hogsmeade to visit young Rosmerta at the Three Broomsticks. She was excited to see them, blushing at Sirius, and happily organised them some firewhisky and a case of cheap wine, both purloined from her parents' pub. 

Accordingly, on their return they got quite spectacularly drunk, which took some doing - Sirius wasn't a lightweight exactly and Remus seemed almost impervious to alcohol. They discussed matters of universal importance, went off on strange tangents, and ended up talking the most satisfying nonsense.

Enjoying a long and foggy lie-in the next day, Sirius persuaded Remus to read to him a little, and to teach him several simple charms. Later they went for a walk to the vegetable patch, got stuck into their new stash of Confounding Resin, and after an accidental mishap continued to transfigure each other abysmally, laughing until they were bent double and gasping for breath.

Meals were a quiet affair in the almost deserted Great Hall. There were only five other students staying on, all of them much younger. One lunchtime they spotted one of them, a second year who'd doggedly insisted he remain at his otherwise empty House table, silently crying big lonely tears into his minted peas. Casually waving his wand, Remus mumbled something, then acted all surprised when a soup terrine and a gravy boat suddenly sprouted legs and began to chase each other. They raced along the table, clattering their ladles and sloshing their contents about, then jumped onto the floor and ran across the flagstones towards where the lonely boy was sitting. Sirius sent a pitcher of pumpkin juice after them, and as the passing ghost of old de Mimsy found himself suddenly circled by the three animated objects he clapped his hands and squealed with delight. The little boy had stopped crying and smiled, wiping his face on his sleeve.

'He's still a Slytherin, you know,' Sirius murmured. Remus just raised an eyebrow and shrugged.

 

With acres of free time to waste, Sirius spent a lot of it flying. And while Remus got a lot of use out of his borrowed school broom, he also indulged in plenty of reading. Stretched out on his bed, he'd be lost in the world of some novel, of magical theory, or abstract thought, when Sirius would come bursting in, windswept and ruddy cheeked, and launch into a vivid account of his latest adventures. Then he usually disappeared for a quick shower, where once or twice Remus followed to surprise him. Otherwise he would return wearing very little and try and insinuate himself between Remus and his book.

At night they shared one of their beds, which Sirius had almost got used to. In the beginning he'd kept waking up all the time, as if to check it was still real, making sure Remus really was there next to him. His sheer proximity still made Sirius' skin tingle with excitement. It didn't matter which bed they were in, they'd engorged them both, and slowly their respective things - books, magazines, quills, games, sweets, pieces of clothing - had migrated and mingled.

 

One afternoon, after copious amounts of rather spectacular sex, Sirius was sprawled out, sated, drifting off. Remus had put a new record on and climbed back into bed, pulling close against Sirius’ back, kissing his shoulder, the nape of his neck. With a sleepy, contented sound, Sirius pushed back against him, and felt a distinct hardness against his bum.

‘Again? Merlin, you’re insatiable,’ he grinned.

‘I know,’ Remus sighed. ‘Can’t help it.’ He bucked his hips slightly, once, twice, and Sirius could feel the warm shaft nudging, sliding between his bum cheeks. Then Remus said in a low voice, ‘I really want to fuck you.’

Sirius froze momentarily. Then he turned around to look at him. ‘You do?’ he asked, quietly.

Remus nodded, his wide eyes dark, his face open. ‘Very much. But I think - you should fuck me first.’

Sirius sat up, nervous. ‘Have you ever done it before? Because I haven’t… I mean, I have, with girls, but...’ He realised he was babbling, and stating the obvious, but he was trying to get his thoughts in order.

Of course he had thought about it, in passing, he knew this was what blokes, what gay men did. He had sometimes wondered whether Remus and Jermaine had done it, wondered which of them would have taken it up the backside, or if they’d have taken turns? He just couldn’t really imagine doing it. And the idea worried him. Wouldn’t it hurt like hell?

Remus shook his head. ‘I haven’t, not yet.’ he said simply. ‘But I’d really like to with you. If you want to. At some point, I mean.’

Sirius lay down again, propping himself up on one elbow. ‘At some point?’

‘Well, after the full moon. At least. Or later. Whenever you want.’

‘Right.’ Sirius considered this. He slowly ran a hand down Remus’ chest, then lower. ‘I s’ppose the full moon wears you out? Do you not feel up to much, just before?’

Remus laughed. ‘On the contrary. It makes me - rapacious. Ferocious. I wouldn’t be able to hold back so easily. Or at all. And apparently - apparently I bite a lot, too.’

‘Rapacious.’ Sirius repeated thoughtfully, with a slow smile.

By now he’d let his fingers trail all the way down to Remus’ lap. He caressed his thighs, cupped his balls, then gently trailed up again, stroking the turgid cock.  
With a soft moan Remus stretched out and lay back, closing his eyes. Sirius moved in closer and kissed the tip of Remus’ perfect cock, sliding his tongue across the swollen head, tasting the salty droplets gathering there.

Really, he thought as he licked and lapped, paying special attention to the sensitive ridge, only months ago he probably would never have imagined this to be as thoroughly enjoyable as it actually was.  
He sucked more of the hard shaft into his mouth, watching Remus’ expression melt into barely restrained delight, and set to work on him in earnest.

There was something exceptional about bringing Moony off, something wonderful and strangely moving. Sirius didn’t think he’d ever been a particularly selfish lover, but with Remus somehow things were different. Sirius loved pushing him to the very edge, keeping him on the brink, teasing him with fingers and lips and his tongue, with words and nips and caresses, and then propelling him on, and off, straight into ecstasy.  
Remus’ hand in his hair clenched wildly as he thrust deeper into Sirius’ mouth, exploding into him with a stifled scream, a moan, or sometimes just a silent gasp. Sirius greedily swallowed all of him, then casually wiped his lips on the back of his hand.  
‘I do believe I've got better at this,’ he said, grinning widely.

Remus nodded and mumbled something indistinct.

 

Later, while Moony was sleeping peacefully, Sirius pondered their conversation. The idea of shagging like that - actual intercourse - kept him occupied. What would it feel like?

He knew that apparently sometimes men had anal sex with women, although he’d never come across an actual girl who had done it. Surely, shagging a man or a woman up the arse couldn’t feel very different. But having it done to you? Wouldn’t it be emasculating, like a surrender? He had no interest in being ‘passive’ or ‘the girl’ in any relationship. And though he had liked being with girls, these days he thoroughly enjoyed the fact that Remus very decidedly wasn't one.  
Being with Remus felt sort of effortless, natural. Familiar, yet wildly exciting. He adored his friend's body, the way it was strong and lean and supple, still so boyish but slowly turning into that of a man. The thought of shagging him, of fucking him properly, made Sirius' head swim. He'd not dared consider it before, since it must be painful, and hurting Remus was unthinkable. As it was Remus already endured more than his fair share of pain.

But now he'd suggested it himself. And he wanted to fuck Sirius.  
Sirius thought about this. Seeing as people kept doing it, maybe it wasn't all that bad. Perhaps one got used to it. And if he was honest, of course he’d surrender to Moony. He loved pleasuring that boy, loved watching him unravel. It would be a new experience, maybe an awkward and strange and a bit painful one, but - it'd probably blow Remus' mind.

And now Sirius knew that Remus hadn’t actually shagged anyone yet, worried as he was they might find out about his condition. Palmer’s acumen must have made him even more paranoid. For once, in this one thing Sirius had the advantage. And maybe it was stupid or perverse, but he quite liked the idea of being Moony’s first shag. The one to introduce him to the delights of penetrative sex, of plunging and thrusting into a slick, all-enveloping passage, of coming, deep in the tight heat of someone else's body...

Remus had said how much he wanted to, in that low raspy voice he only used in bed. Moony, staring at him with those golden eyes, naked, horny and gorgeous, his lips slightly parted, his cock erect and glinting at the tip. So very sexy. Sirius reckoned he was going to recall that image a few times in the near future.

And, he decided, they would try the shagging. Even if the thought of Remus’ sizeable boner near his own little hole made him swallow hard. But there must be spells for that kind of thing. He might look them up. Maybe even teach Moony a charm or two.


	8. Bliss (part 2)

It was obvious when the moon started to take hold. 

Remus had been quiet all day, withdrawn almost, and spent hours on two essays they'd been set. Sirius had let him wander off to the library without further comment. It was a damp and hazy day anyway, he'd even briefly considered doing some homework himself. But he'd seen sense, gone for a flight down to the forest, wandered about a bit. Later he'd visited the library and done a little research of his own.

After supper, they'd retired to their dormitory. As they sat out on their little ledge and enjoyed a few bottles of Purfleet's and a single confounding pipe, Sirius started talking about an excellent idea he'd had. It was a prank that involved a lot of pyrotechnics and would incidentally turn an entire staircase into edible fruity jelly, but Remus wasn't getting into the spirit. At one point, while Sirius was still wildly holding forth, he simply got up and kissed him hard, probably to shut him up. Remus didn't let up, pushing Sirius backwards against the window sill, and as soon as they'd both scrambled back into the dormitory he proceeded to ravish him.

Sirius was too surprised to resist, and anyway, he wouldn't have wanted to. Remus was uncharacteristically forceful, even made a low growling sound, which seemed to bring him back to his senses. 

'Sorry, Pads,' he mumbled sheepishly, letting go of him, on the retreat. 

Sirius wasn't having it. 'What for?' He pulled his friend closer again. 'I like it when you get all - what was it? - rapacious. And when you growl. It's cute.' he added with a grin.

'Cute?!' Remus looked indignant.

'Well. Comparatively speaking. You should hear yourself as a full blown wolf.'

While Remus made a grimace, Sirius took the opportunity to overpower him and picked up where they'd left off. He didn't stay on top for long, Remus seemed stronger than usual, he probably could have easily thrown Sirius around the room if he'd felt like it. His stamina was exaggerated, too. Sirius began to see why his friend had been worried about trying anything new in this state. But he was intrigued by this hidden side to him, the powerful wolf already apparent in the usually so restrained boy.

Later, in his sleep, Remus' body tensed up. Sirius had to carefully loosen the fierce grip on his arm, to extract himself from a vice-like embrace and to push the sleeping body away a little to get some room to stretch out. Remus made strange noises, too, grunts and growls. He seemed to be dreaming vividly.

The next day was full of fog and drizzle. Sirius went down to breakfast alone, and brought a whole trayful of food back to the dormitory. Following an exploratory stroll around the castle, the map in his back pocket, he spent some time reading in front of the Common Room fire. Eventually Remus appeared.

'Hello,' he mumbled, sleepily rubbing his ashen face. 'Time is it...' 

'All right Moony? Almost time for lunch. Actually, I got you some food -'

'Yeah. Thanks for that.' He yawned and sat down on a sofa rather stiffly. 'What's that you're reading?'

'Oh, nothing.' Sirius let the book drop shut into his lap. 'Just some nonsense. Trying to get my head around that partial transfiguration charm.' 

'Right.' Remus sounded dubious. He still seemed dazed, his narrowed gaze skittering around the room. 'Had a strange dream. Really horrible.'

'Shouldn't have read the Prophet before bed, mate,' Sirius sighed. 'Enough to give anyone nightmares these days. Are you up for going out for a bit, before lunch?'

Remus nodded solemnly. Getting their coats from upstairs, Sirius noticed the empty tray on Remus' trunk. Of the enormous breakfast he'd lugged up on it this morning there were only a few crumbs left.

 

A short time later they were strolling through the grounds. Remus headed straight for the forest, they walked along the edge and eventually turned to follow the tall wall, past the front gates, and on towards the quidditch pitch. They didn't talk much. Sirius was trying to find jokes and stories with which to entertain his friend, but it seemed pointless. Remus was smoking his way through half a pack of Interminable Gaspers and managed the occasional wan smile, probably just out of politeness. 

Of course normally, during term time, Remus would retreat at this point. Prongs and Sirius and Peter would be causing a ruckus and be getting up to their usual nonsense, and Moony disappeared. Unnoticeable, studious, he'd slip off to the library, or off on some obscure errand, or Merlin knew where.  
Today there was no-one around, and no way of escaping, and the strain on Remus was palpable. He was fidgety, restless, on edge.

They ate lunch at the far corner of Gryffindor table, away from the others. Remus kept shovelling food into his mouth, steak and kidney pie, breaded trout, slices of roast, black pudding. Sirius was still trying to keep their rather one-sided conversation going, when a small grey owl arrived. It flapped around them once before dropping a parcel which landed with a thump, only narrowly missing the boiled potatoes. Then the little owl perched on Remus' shoulder, looking damp and thoroughly exhausted. 

'That's Georgie!' Sirius exclaimed in surprise. 'Prongs' parents' owl. Merlin, she's seen better days.' 

Remus shot the bedraggled creature a withering glance before shrugging it off his shoulder, the little owl flapped some more and settled on the table.

The parcel was wrapped in brown paper and contained a postcard view of Guernsey, a tiny tin wind-up cow, two rolled up Muggle magazines, and fudge in several enigmatic flavours.

'Hope you're not having too much fun,' Sirius read from the back of the card. 'Guernsey is nice. Mission is going well. Got you these Moony 'cause I know you like The Igneous Boulders but might have misremembered. Heifer for you Pads. Hope all goes well tonight, James.'  
Sirius dropped the card and snorted. 'Mission going well. Not very likely.'

Remus made a noncommital sound. He was leafing through one of the magazines. They looked strange to Sirius, and boring what with none of the pictures moving at all, but Remus already seemed deeply absorbed.

'Igneous Boulders?' Sirius pondered while winding up the tin cow. 'That's - what do you call it? Garridge rock, was it?' Most Muggle music terminology remained a mystery to him. Remus just nodded vaguely and turned the page.

Once released, the cow madly hopped along, making a tinny racket, and startled Georgie into taking to the air again. The little owl circled overhead, shying away from Sirius' outstretched hand, and flew off.  
'She knows I'm a dog,' Sirius mumbled darkly. 'Shouldn't have chased her so much last time at Prongs' house. Wonder why she's so knackered though.' 

 

'Where is Remus?' a squeaky-voiced second year dared approach Sirius that evening. 

'Gone away for a few days.' Sirius growled without looking up. He was stretched out on a Common Room sofa and busy scratching a reply to Prongs onto the piece of parchment in his lap. 'Back on Wednesday. Lights out for you though, even if he's not here to tuck you in.'

'Oh. Right. Um, good night.' The second year quivered and retreated.

Sirius frowned and waved his hand across his writing with a mumbled 'Siccaverit!' to rapidly dry the ink.  
Everyone was finally off to bed, and he'd be able to get out within the hour. Moony had left in the late afternoon, and though he'd felt almost relieved to see him go and have this day over with, waiting around now was even worse than the hours of strained silence before.

They'd talked through their plan for tonight, and had decided they wouldn't leave the shack, as Padfoot couldn't be sure he'd be able to prevent the wolf from hunting and attacking anything should he pick up a scent. 

Sirius wondered whether their animal counterparts would behave differently, now that he and Remus were - involved. But he hadn't mentioned it. There was no point giving Remus another thing to worry about. 

 

In the end their full moon alone together was uneventful, and they actually weren't much different with each other at all. 

They spent their time racing around the shack, destroying some of the furniture, and practising their howling, and did a lot of grappling and snapping and wrestling, too. The wolf could be quite rough and forceful, but let go at once whenever he'd accidentally made the dog yelp or yowl. He retreated then, apologetically, before rubbing his head against the dog and licking the sore spot he'd caused. The affection between the two creatures seemed much more pronounced than before. They were very comfortable staying close together, and as the moon lowered they curled up and dozed together on the moth-eaten rug, snouts buried in each other's fur. 

When the transformation set in, Padfoot very reluctantly left the room as per Moony's strictest instructions, and waited. The awful sounds the werewolf made weren't as bad as last time he'd heard them, still excruciating, but maybe not quite as unbearable. As soon as they had died down, Sirius returned and did what he could to relieve his friend's pain. Remus didn't look nearly as bad as he had the last time Sirius had done this either, just a bit cut up and bruised, and passed out from exhaustion of course. 

Pomfrey would be apparating by in the morning to sort him out, Sirius knew, so he covered Remus with the old dusty blanket, set a heating charm on both of them and a strong Awaken-at-Dawn on himself, and drifted off, wrapped around his friend.

\- -

Remus was back surprisingly early. On his return from the owlery, Sirius found him asleep in his own bed, stretched out at an odd angle and still in his clothes. He decided to get them some pumpkin juice and a cup of tea, and left him to sleep off the aftermath of the full moon.

'I'm fine,' Remus insisted a little while later, blatantly wincing as he moved to sit up. 

'At least have one of these then, and some of this to wash it down.' Sirius sat on the edge of the bed, holding out two phials of Painaway Potion in one hand and a bottle of Briar & Burdock's Bramble Brandy in the other.

Remus scowled. 'No need to play nurse, Pads. I'm all right, really.' 

'Bloody hell, Remus.' Sirius was getting annoyed now. 'Give it a rest, will you? You're obviously in pain, so you can stop acting all tough and invulnerable. I know it hurts, and that's all right. You're still probably literally the strongest person I know.'

Remus shot him a dirty look, but he took both Painaway Potions, pointedly uncorked them and rapidly knocked them back one after the other. 'Satisfied?'

'Almost.' Sirius held out the brandy with a smile. 'Three's the charm.'

Remus rolled his eyes, but he unscrewed the brandy looking mildly disgruntled now rather than angry, and mumbled something about 'a pain in the balls' before taking a deep swig. 

Sirius had some brandy, too, deposited the bottle on the floor and stretched out next to his friend. Facing him, he slowly began to caress his chest, his belly, touching him only very lightly. Remus allowed it.

'Better?' Sirius asked quietly.

Remus nodded and closed his eyes.

'It's just,' he said unexpectedly, 'if I dwell on it - makes it worse.'

'Right.' Sirius continued his gentle ministrations. 'Let's not dwell on it then.'  
He leaned in and pressed a kiss to Remus' cheek.

Moony turned his head and slowly kissed him on the lips. He felt for Sirius' hand and squeezed it, they snogged a bit more. Remus was sleepy, and Sirius let him drift off in his loose embrace. It was all very chaste, unlike them really. Somehow it still felt amazing.

\- -

 

They took it easy the next day, Remus reading and resting, and Sirius larking about a bit for his entertainment before wandering off to furtively read up on a few things and deal with some correspondence.  
That evening they went for a bracing walk at sunset and drank a solemn toast to what was Remus' penultimate night as a fifteen year old.

'You're already the age of a fine whisky,' Sirius intoned, butterbeer held aloft. 'Now you're about to develop into something even more mature, more refined, well rounded, and - flavourful as time goes on.'

Remus grinned. They clinked bottles.

'Here's to the future, and to -' Sirius decided to not get ahead of himself, '- to the cusp of a new year.'

Remus nodded. 'And here's to your reaching the grand old age of seventeen this autumn.'

'Ah yes.' Sirius stretched comfortably. 'Freedom at last. I am looking forward to that. Incidentally, any ideas for your impending birthday? Any plans? Any wishes?' he lifted his eyebrows suggestively.

Remus took a deep swig of butterbeer and shrugged. 'Not really,' he said with a smile. 'Let's just play it by ear... see what happens.'

\- -

The next morning, Remus found himself alone in the dormitory. He wandered down to the Great Hall and was halfway through his breakfast when Sirius rushed in, looking windswept and very excited. He sat down, had some eggs and engaged in cheery small talk. Then he dawdled with his pumpkin juice until they definitely couldn't be overheard. 

'I'll tell you what we'll do.' he murmured, eyes shining. 'Tonight, after dinner. We'll both fake a cold, so we'll turn in early, then we get out as soon as we can. We've got a date with Rosmerta at half past nine.'

Remus shot him a look. 'Have we?'

'Yes. Well, with her fireplace really. We're flooing down to London! Prongs is meeting us at the Leaky Cauldron!'

'Prongs! But... Why London? I thought he's still away on his holiday?'

Sirius grinned widely. 'He is. But he's talked his parents round, and they're letting him join us for the evening. And London is easiest, we can all just floo directly to Diagon Alley...'

'Right.' Remus seemed doubtful but intrigued. 'How do we get back? 

'Same way. Rosmerta reckons we'll be fine as long as we're back around midnight. Her parents don't leave the pub until twelve thirty.'

'Yes, I suppose...' A thoughtful smile spread across Remus' face. 'It is a brilliant idea. When did you plan all this then? And how did you organise it? I thought Prongs' owl was knackered?'

Sirius made a serene face and said in a deep booming wizard's voice, 'I have my means and my ways, young Lupin. Never underestimate the powers of a wayward mind.'

 

The plan went beautifully. Rosmerta was enthusiastic in her welcome and deplored the fact she couldn't go with them.  
Once at the Leaky Cauldron, they had a couple of drinks until James stumbled out of the fireplace, looking worried at first and then beaming as soon as he spotted them.

They hugged and patted one another on the back, laughed and teased and exchanged the usual banter. Prongs had loads to tell them about his sojourn on Guernsey, and he wanted to know all about their escapades, and about the night of the full moon.  
Sirius and Remus filled him in on what they'd been up to. They did neglect to mention one significant aspect of their activities. Not the right time, Sirius thought. We'll tell him later.

The drizzle had cleared by the time they left Diagon Alley and headed into Soho. Sirius might be unfamiliar with Muggles, but he did vaguely know his way around this part of London. There were a couple of streets to avoid, where his father frequented his dubious drinking establishments. And there were bars and nightclubs that exuded a certain mystique, where apparently Muggles partied and danced to music with wild abandon. 

It was fascinating. The clothes these Muggles wore, the colourful lights glittering everywhere, mirrored in the wet tarmac, and everything done without magic. Remus kept reminding them to stop staring, only to slow his own step in amazement as they passed a whole row of record shops on Berwick Street. 

'C'mon Moony,' Sirius nudged him. 'We'll look at them on the way back. We're already late.'  
He would have liked to take his elbow, to grab his hand, or to slip a hand into Moony's back pocket, but he did none of those things. After all their time alone together, this distance between them felt marked, almost cold. But he wasn't quite ready to break it to Prongs, not yet.

Remus frowned. 'Back from where? Late for what?'

'This pub we're going to,' James explained. 'They have an - um - early lock-in policy.'

'Yes,' Sirius nodded, 'Exactly. Let's go.'

A large man guarded the door at the Undaunted Toad, but he let them through. It was a friendly pub, ancient and dimly lit, the peeling walls plastered with posters and flyers and international beer mats. People crowded around the central bar, loud music was throbbing up from the basement. 

As if to prove a point about dealing with Muggles, Sirius got a round in using James' Muggle money. He felt a bit nervous, but did get served without a hitch, and smugly handed his friends their pints of lager. 

'Maybe we should go downstairs,' he suggested. In the basement the music had suddenly stopped, followed by loud applause, whistles and cheers. The next band would probably be on soon.

Remus shrugged. 'Could do.' He took a long sip of his beer.

James was covertly eyeing a small group of girls in the corner, a raucous bunch sporting short dresses, spiky hair and dramatic make up.

'This is great,' he said conspiratorally. 'D'you think they've noticed us?'

'Not content with harassing the girls of the Channel Islands, are you?' Sirius grinned. 

'Frankly, no,' James peered over at the girls again. 'What do you reckon? How old do you think they are?'

'Eighteen, nineteen perhaps?' Remus ventured.

There was more applause and cheering downstairs, a voice mumbled into a microphone, then the first bars of a drum beat.

'Too old for you, Prongs.' Sirius said.

'Oh no. I like an older woman. Anyway, you two must be a bit desparate, alone all this time and locked up at school...'

'Actually -' Sirius began, suddenly nervous, but Remus froze, staring at James and Sirius in turn, mouth agape. 

The music downstairs had started properly now, guitar and bass joining the drum beat, creating much energetic, melodious noise.

'It's them!' Remus exclaimed, eyes wide. 'It is them! You know, that album I have! The Crumbling Tomes!'

Both his friends just grinned at him and nodded. 

'Surprise!' James said.

'Happy Birthday!' Sirius added. They clinked their pint glasses with Moony's, who still looked dumbfounded.

'You knew?!' Slowly comprehension dawned on his face. 'That's why we're - ? But how did you -?' He shook his head in disbelief. 

'Let's go downstairs, shall we?' Sirius said quickly. 'We're missing all the action. Look, even our girlfriends are making a move.'

 

The large room in the basement was packed with people and very dark except for the brightly lit stage at the far end, on which a singer gyrated and howled while his band drowned the crowd in semi-melodic noise. Excited, Remus pressed ahead as far as he could, with Sirius close behind, James got pushed aside a little but caught up with them. They cradled their pints carefully. Spurred on by the haze of cigarette smoke they all quickly got out their own Interminable Gaspers, helpfully lit by an attractive Muggle girl wedged halfway between Sirius and James. 

At the front and all around the stage the audience was bouncing and jiggling and convulsing in fascinating ways. By some ripple effect soon everyone seemed to have been pulled into the rhythm, and as the lights kept changing colour to the raw, pulsating music, Sirius found himself strangely hypnotised. The singer's energetic performance was mesmerising, too. 

But as still more people piled into the room, by far the best part was being crushed up against Remus in the dark. Inconspicuous in the crowd, in public yet hidden, and thrillingly intimate. Everyone was swaying and shoving, and judging by the way Remus shifted and moved against him he must be more than aware of the growing bulge in Sirius' trousers. Sirius did his best to look disaffected, he kept a straight face and drank and smoked and grinned at James' efforts to chat up the Muggle girl. 

'Great, aren't they!' he shouted close to Remus' ear as the crowd once again squashed him tight against his friend. Remus beamed at him over his shoulder, and nodded. He also bucked his hips just the slightest amount. Sirius didn't think he could stand it much longer. Perhaps there was a toilet or an alleyway nearby into which he could drag Moony, and have his way with him... he could think up some excuse to tell Prongs. 

But he knew it was dangerous, being in Muggle territory and all, and without magic to help them out. Also, they'd come all this way for Remus to see the gig - maybe once the band was done, they could... 

 

Much later, they left the Undaunted Toad in high spirits, still intoxicated by the music, by the energy of the crowd and the pints they'd necked once they'd got to the bar after the gig was over.  
James' efforts to pull that Muggle girl hadn't come to anything, so he pretended he hadn't really tried. Moony still had that light in his eyes, he was unusually talkative, laughing and joking happily, and it was all Sirius could do not to keep staring at him and grinning like an idiot.

It was now, he thought as they made their way through the drizzly streets of Soho, he'd tell Prongs now. As good a time as any. They were happy and relaxed and at ease and best friends.  
Hordes of drunk Muggles were spilling out of pubs and crowding into the road, some drifting off towards the night clubs and strip bars found down seedier alleyways. Others went into late shops and snack bars, or lingered in groups on street corners, arguing, shouting and laughing.

Distracted by the Muggle spectacle, the three boys didn't take quite the same way back that they'd come. On Old Compton Street they passed an ornate brick building called the Swiss Tavern, in front of which a gaggle of young men stood together talking. Sirius noticed them with interest, wondering what it was about them that he'd picked up on instantly. Nothing about their clothes or their hair or behaviour particularly set them apart. Maybe it was just how they were with each other, or that they didn't seem to be on the look-out for girls to impress?  
One of the young men grinned at Sirius. Sirius raised an eyebrow and looked to see if Moony had clocked these blokes, but it was hard to tell, Remus was still busy teasing James. 

They passed through a different wall back into Wizarding London but realised they must have taken a wrong turn when they found themselves in a dimly lit side street, which led on to another, more sinister passage. One of the doorways to the right was lit by flickering torches, the flames burning a livid green.

'Oi, Black,' a familiar voice snarled, as two figures stepped out from under an awning and blocked their path.  
'Didn't think we'd see you here tonight. Not come to join your brother, have you?'

It was Mulciber, the smarmiest boy in Slytherin, and Piffle, that fat idiot. The doorway behind them must lead to one of their parents' pureblood haunts.

'I doubt they'll let you in, though, what with - that - in tow.' Mulciber spat in Remus' direction. Piffle grinned at them nastily.

Sirius clenched his fists, rage rising instantly, but James just laughed out loud. 

'As if we'd want anything to do with you,' he said lightly, 'or your moronic mates. Having a nice time at your inbreds club? It's not like you two would ever get in either without your daddies vouching for you, seeing as you look about twelve.'

'Piss off, Potter. Letting your boyfriend do all the talking, Black? How very gallant.'

'Letting yours do all the dim-witted staring into space, Mulciber?' Sirius growled.  
He was ready to wipe that smug smile off the bastard's face, could probably quite easily knock him out, too. Piffle was a different story, but as they eyeballed each other angrily, James firmly pushed past the two Slytherins, pulling his friends with him. 'See you, cretins.'

'I'll give your regards to Regulus, then,' Mulciber called after them. 'He'll be saddened to hear you're still defiling the family name, running around with pricks like Potter, and lowly halfblood scum.' 

Sirius was about to turn and face them, but James' grip on him was firm and they kept moving.  
'You do that, Mulcy. Run along now to daddy, there's a good boy.' James shouted, airily, adding a disgusted 'Tossers.'

They walked on in silence. Sirius was furious, seething with anger. He would have liked to have - if only he'd -  
Remus' face was calm, stony, unreadable.

'Let it go, Pads,' James said. 'He's just not worth it. It'd all just get back to your parents, whatever we do. And then you'd be in serious trouble. You know what I mean, otherwise we'd obviously have punched his lights out.'

'Yeah.' Remus said darkly. 

Sirius shook his head and let out a stream of expletives. When they reached the Leaky Cauldron, he still had a face like thunder, but as they entered the welcoming light of the bar he realised there was no point in letting the incident spoil their evening.  
'But - I s'ppose - you were right, Prongs.' he said eventually, through gritted teeth. 'Cheers for stopping me.'

It wasn't long until midnight. They'd manage a few more rounds before it was time to toast Moony's sixteenth year, and Sirius decided to do his best to restore their good spirits. 

When he brought them three firewhiskies along with their butterbeers, James and Remus were intrigued.

'How did you -?' James asked him quietly.

'Charmed the barmaid.'

'The barmaid's a man.' James observed. 'Have you no shame...' 

Sirius just grinned and shrugged. As they clinked glasses, Sirius caught Remus' glance. Maybe this was a good time to mention - he took a deep gulp of whisky, swallowed hard and burst into a fit of coughs. James patted him on the back energetically, and launched into a cheerful recap of the night, the brilliant gig, the girls at that club.

Remus became much more animated at once, and they all felt even more exuberant after the several small glasses of Jumbleby's Hedgerow Liqueur Sirius got them on the bartender's recommendation.

'To Moony. And to a great year ahead,' James raised a toast at midnight. 'May you manage much mischief - and bed many girls - pass everything with exceeding excellence, which you will anyway, - and, uh - not grow any curls...'

Remus laughed, they all clinked glasses again and drank. 

'Remus,' Sirius raised his toast in turn. 'Happy Birthday. To - life - and - love.' he said lamely, feeling strangely flustered. Suddenly words had failed him. Maybe this hedgerow stuff was stronger than expected. But Remus grinned at him happily, and all seemed to be right with the world.

All too soon James had to floo back to his holiday, as it was he was already pushing his curfew. Remus handed them one each of the Sober-Me Pastilles he'd pocketed for the occasion, a product of which he kept a stash as a prefect in charge of wayward students. The pills made their eyes water and their ears pop, and it was a shame about their carefully imbibed intoxication, but flooing even slightly drunk would make anyone throw up.

First James hugged them and disappeared. Then Sirius and Remus stepped into the fireplace.

\- - - - 

They got back to the dormitory with their adrenaline still pumping. Only barely had they got out of Rosmerta's living room and out of Hogsmeade unobserved. After unintentionally causing a racket with some bins outside the pub, Sirius had changed into his dog shape and howled and barked to cause a distraction while Remus moved quickly through the shadows. Someone chucked a slipper at him through an open window, and they ran almost all of the way back, just managing to avoid Mrs. Norris once they'd got back into the castle.

Remus closed and locked the door and Silenced it. Then he hugged Sirius fiercely.

'Thank you,' he said earnestly. 'That was brilliant. Thank you for the gig, and everything. Still can't believe...' He broke off. Then he kissed him.

'You're welcome,' Sirius chuckled. 'It was good, wasn't it. Great band. And - I liked you, in the crowd...'

They snogged a little more, moving slowly towards Sirius' bed.

'Was thinking of how to get you away, somewhere private,' Sirius murmured between kisses.

'Yeah,' Remus said breathlessly. 'Same here. I was thinking the toilets... but we would have been seen. Those girls Prongs was trying to pull all had their eye on you.'

'Did they?' Sirius wondered, genuinely surprised. He could feel the edge of the bed behind him.

Remus snogged him again and pushed him a little, bucking his hips. 'Can't say I blame them.'

As Sirius tumbled backwards, he feigned indignation. 'I knew it. You do like me just for my looks...'

'Shut it, Black.' Remus said with a predatory grin and climbed on top of him, straddling his legs. Sirius laughed as those long hands literally ripped open his shirt, buttons popping, and he arched his back as they firmly stroked his chest, gripped his hips, then went for his belt buckle.

Remus was kissing him, slowly at first and very thoroughly. He stopped for a minute, retreating to deal with Sirius' belt and button and zipper, then shifted a little and claimed his mouth again.  
Their kisses grew more fiery, tongues tasting of smoke and whisky. Sirius quickly stripped Remus of his shirt, feeling Moony's hands on his chest, on his arms and his shoulders.  
Moony's behind was grinding steadily against Sirius' pronounced erection. Where Sirius was bulging out of his trousers the soft fabric of Remus' old jeans felt both rough and smooth, creating the sweetest friction, and Sirius moved his hips against him, panting, and moaning. 

He was desperate. He needed to feel Moony's hands on his cock, or better even his mouth, and he wanted to get to Moony's own erection and do wicked things to him.

Remus straightened up again, got up on his knees and pulled down Sirius' trousers and pants, freeing Sirius' aching cock. Then he grinned at Sirius mischieviously and reached for his wand. He murmured something, and an instant later, his own remaining clothes had simply vanished.

Sirius sighed approvingly, his hand darting to Remus' glorious hard-on as his friend bent down to kiss him once more. When Remus' hand wrapped around Sirius' erection it was slippery with lubricant, liberally coating the entire shaft as he stroked him firmly, and forcing Sirius to break their kiss with gasps and a curse.

'Merlin - you're - killing me - ,' he panted, keeping his eyes screwed shut in an effort not to come at once.

'All right,' Remus murmured softly. 'Let me try something.' He sat up again. Open mouthed, Sirius watched him in disbelief. Surely Moony wasn't going to - 

Holding his gaze, Remus freed himself from Sirius' grasp, raised himself up a little, and moved the tip of Sirius' lubed up cock against his own bum crack. He moved it around a little, spreading the slippery gel, until he found the right spot. Sirius just stared at him, wide eyed and gasping. He could feel the little dip of Remus' arsehole, yielding slightly.

'Moony! Are you sure -'

Remus didn't reply, just continued to lower himself slowly onto Sirius' steely erection, making his concentrating face. After a first failed attempt, he tried again, frowning slightly, closing his eyes, and this time Sirius felt the head of his cock pop past the firm ring of muscle. It slid in deeper, Remus impaling himself further, until he'd taken him all the way. 

This was incredible. Actually entering Moony felt very tight, and hot, and slippery wet, and much too intense. Sirius found himself wildly gripping at the sheets, at Remus' thighs, breathing hard.  
He drank in his view of Remus' face, that gorgeous body, muscles moving beneath that creamy skin covered in silvery patterns. Here he was, actually inside Remus, fucking him, all of his throbbing cock buried deep inside his friend. He was dying to move, and afraid to. This was already much too good, he wouldn't last more than a few seconds.

Remus grinned at him and bent down to kiss him. Then he began to move his hips. 

Sirius cursed again, moaning loudly as the tight heat rippled around him. He watched in awe as Moony began to ride him, cautiously at first, watched his cock drive in and out of Remus' arse, in and out, slippery and glistening. Remus was breathing hard. He didn't look in pain at all, his expression was focused, and somewhat puzzled perhaps, and when he closed his eyes and let out a low sigh of pleasure it almost sent Sirius over the edge.

He grasped Moony's cock, much too delirious to remember a lubricating spell, and began to slowly wank him off in time with the rhythm of their hips. 

What had begun at a careful but steady pace soon picked up and they fucked faster. Remus was thrusting himself into Sirius' hand with Sirius thrusting up into him.  
Soon Sirius had to let go of Remus' cock, gripping his hips to steady him, and pounded into him deep and fast. Remus cried out in what sounded like surprise, hot cum splashing all over Sirius' chest. It was too much, Sirius came hard, almost howling in ecstasy, spilling himself deep into Remus' bowels. 

Still panting, they came apart gingerly and collapsed. Sirius' mind was just a blissful blank.

'Can't believe -' he began weakly, 'Moony. That was -'

'Yeah...' Remus murmured. 'Good, wasn't it...'

And within minutes they'd slipped into a deep sleep.

 

They did it again the next morning. Sirius woke up hard and horny, wrapped around a deliciously naked Moony, and couldn't resist. As he gently rutted against his sleepy friend's behind it became increasingly obvious that Remus had woken, too, and that he, too, was up for another round.  
This time, Sirius took a moment to remember some of his research. He accio'ed his wand and whispered the relevant incantations, then dropped his wand off the side of the bed and planted a number of kisses on the nape of Remus' neck.

'What did you...' Remus mumbled, still sleepy. He sighed and stretched a little, then bucked his hips at the first touch of Sirius' exploratory finger. 

'May I?' Sirius asked softly, his mouth close to Remus' ear. 

'Yeah,' Remus sighed with a grin, and suddenly moaned loudly as the finger breached him. 'Oh!' he sounded surprised. 'Pads! What is that - ah!' He gasped again.

'Just a simple spell, to help things along,' Sirius murmured and pushed his finger deeper. 

Remus shifted and bent one knee so as to allow for better access. 'Oh. Feels - amazing,' he said breathlessly. 'More, give me some more...'

And Sirius obliged. He slipped in another finger and moved them around, looking for that spot he'd read about, and grinned at Remus' enthusiastic reaction when he suddenly found it. By now, Remus was writhing under his touch and growing vocal in his demands. 

'Ah! There. Sirius!' he moaned softly. 'Go on, you can - Oh! Go on -'

Sirius let his fingers slip out and steadied Remus' hips. He lined himself up, rubbing the tip of his cock against Remus' hole, then slowly slid in with unexpected ease, until he was sheathed in Remus completely. They both cursed, and froze, almost shivering with pleasure. Joined there, intimately locked together, Sirius was overwhelmed, it felt so good. But he got a grip. Skimming his hands across Remus' chest, gently nuzzling against his back, he began to rock into his friend. 

He moved lightly at first, sort of nudging Remus a few times. Then he got sucked into the building rhythm, plunging in longer and more deeply, and angling his thrusts so as to find that sweet spot again. It felt incredible, fucking Moony like this. Moony was bucking up against him, meeting him stroke for stroke, making breathless, almost desperate sounds. There was a stifled cry, and a shiver ran through Remus' body, he stopped moving for a moment, seemingly stunned.  
Sirius continued, keeping his thrusts slow and shallow, and kissed the nape of his neck.

'You all right there?' he asked quietly.

Remus sighed deeply and moved his hips back against him. 'Yeah - Merlin - yes,' he groaned. 'Just - don't stop...'

So Sirius did as he was told. Those spells he'd taught himself - relaxation, pleasure enhancement, lubrication - must be very effective. Before he knew it, Remus was writhing and moaning again with Sirius driving into him, picking up speed as Moony egged him on to go deeper, and faster. It was better than anything. It was bliss.  
Remus came a second time, just before Sirius lost all self control, and his wits, and burst into a mind shattering orgasm. 

They didn't move for ages, lying splayed and motionless, exhausted, delirious. Then they carefully came apart, collapsing in two separate heaps, touching very loosely.

'Sirius...' Remus mumbled softly.

Sirius grinned, at the edge of sleep. 'Happy Birthday.'


	9. Closer

He drifted up from the deepest slumber when he felt Moony shift against him, the warm body turning and moving, away and out of bed. There was some sort of banging noise, and voices...

Sirius protested sleepily, half opened one eye and watched Remus put on some pyjama bottoms and a random jumper, carefully pulling down the sleeves and hem all the way, before grabbing his wand and padding towards the source of the noise. His hair was sticking up at odd angles, and from his vantage point Sirius thought his friend looked gorgeous and very sexy.

Remus yawned and opened the door. 'What is it?'

There was excited chatter from the younger students, then Remus laughed. 'All right, all right.' he murmured. 'Thank you. I'll come down.'

'What are you doing?' one of the voices asked brightly. 'Why was your door locked?'

'Sleeping. So you lot wouldn't bother us, obviously,' came Remus’ answer as he stepped out of the room and quietly pulled the door shut behind him.

Sirius stretched and sighed comfortably. He had no idea what time it was, but the commotion must be about a cake downstairs, and presents - probably owled in while they were asleep. It was a good thing those little buggers were making a fuss of Remus, their ever-popular prefect, and probably making old Moony feel acutely embarrassed in the process. But he should be made a fuss of, and spoilt rotten. Sirius couldn't wait to present him with the excellent birthday surprise he and Pete and Prongs had devised for him.

He’d join them down in the common room in a minute. First he was going to enjoy dozing just a little longer... and replaying recent events in his mind.  
Yesterday, last night, had been brilliant. He’d enjoyed every minute of their trip to London, the pub, that band. They should do this kind of thing more often, explore new bars in new places. As much as he loved Hogwarts, their life here was much too sheltered and isolated. Maybe in the summer…

Then he remembered the two Slytherins, and their obscene remarks towards Remus - well, they’d have it coming to them now. Sirius and James would take their time and actually savour plotting their blood curdling revenge. Moony wouldn’t like it. But there was no letting them get away with such base malice, not against any Marauder. Especially not against Remus.

Sirius smiled at the memory of the shock and delight on Moony's face last night, at how well their surprise had worked out. How much he’d fancied him in that pub, how much he’d wanted him in the crowd, and after, in a golden whisky haze at the Leaky Cauldron... And then of course, the best thing, the memory of which was still alive in his skin: how he’d actually had him, much later. And again, their astounding shag just a few hours ago.

It seemed like a big step for them, like a new level in their - well, their changed relationship. More intimate, and closer. They’d actually fucked. Moony had offered himself, and Sirius had taken him, taken him twice in fact. And Moony had loved it, both times, that much was certain. The thought of it filled Sirius with astonishment and wonder. He wanted to reciprocate, and soon. He wanted Moony to feel that same intense pleasure - to feel just as desired, as amazing, just as overwhelmed.

 

When he did join them down in the Common Room, Remus and the three younger students were chatting by the fireplace, sipping mugs of tea and munching bits of birthday cake. It was a chilly day despite the intermittent sun poking through the clouds, and a fierce wind kept pressing up against the window panes. The young ones watched him enter with that slightly awed expression they tended to get.

‘Look at all this!’ With a grin Sirius helped himself to a piece of sumptuous chocolate cake and settled opposite Moony near the low fire smouldering in the grate. ‘Good turnout, Remus?’

‘Yes, thanks,’ his friend smiled and pointed at the wrapping paper strewn on the floor and the small pile of presents in front of him.

‘Excellent cake, too. Wish your mum would send us cakes on a regular basis… What d'you get then?’

Boringly, there were books, and more books. A magical atlas, a lexicon of symbols, several novels, and a speed-writing quill from his parents. Two miniature bottles of disappearing and transferrable inks from the three young students, which was a nice touch. An unwearably garish jumper from an aunt, socks and more books from his grandparents, and two records from his cousins.

There were cards, too, including one each from Evans and James and Peter, in which 'hope you like your present!' was a recurring phrase.

‘What did you get him?’ one of the second years asked Sirius eagerly.

‘Aha!’ Making a mysterious face, Sirius swallowed the last bit of cake, licked his fingers and pulled a matchbox from his pocket, which he then grandly presented to Remus with a flourish.  
‘With the compliments of Messrs. Potter, Pettigrew, and Black. Oh, and Evans, too. Hope you like it.’

Remus accepted the tiny box with a smile and eyed it suspiciously. ‘What is it?’

‘Open it.’

Having turned and examined the small object in his palm, Remus attempted to push it open. It sprang into action and unfolded itself, growing exponentially in the process and righting itself onto the floor - it was beautiful to watch, and one of several aspects Sirius was particularly proud of. Having expanded into a small wooden cabinet standing on three elegant legs, about the size of a very small side table, it stood still, gleaming dark wood and shiny metal.

Remus was intrigued. He shot Sirius a questioning look before scrutinising the small glass dials, the various polished brass cranks, switches, and buttons.

‘It’s a travelling case,' Sirius explained proudly. 'To keep your things in when you're - out and about, you know to store all sorts of supplies... Doesn't look it, but its capacity is pretty massive.'

'Right...' Tentatively, Remus pushed one of the buttons. A drawer shot out, revealing a surprisingly large compartment containing a metal apparatus somewhat similar to Peter’s Muggle record player. Remus eyed it, mystified.

'And that is the best bit. You see we've also put in this - um - quintophonic magnetographatron,’ Sirius pointed at the strange metal device, grinning from ear to ear. ‘Might still have to work on the name. It's a universal music player, for all sorts of formats, both Wizarding and Muggle...’  
He flicked a switch which caused five trumpet-like copper horns to sprout from the far end of the little cabinet. 'Those are the speakers.'

‘I see,’ Remus said slowly, seemingly dumbfounded. ‘What on earth - how - where did you get such a thing?’

‘We invented it. Well, we had this idea, James and I, so when Peter found an old Muggle contraption we tinkered with it for a while. Maybe got carried away a bit. It works, though. And look!’ He pressed another little button and a thin metal ring flipped up from a hidden slot in one side. ‘Drinks holder, too.’

Everyone crowded around to admire the mysterious object. Remus seemed both overcome and concerned and kept shaking his head.

‘But -’ he began several times.

Sirius quickly launched into a demonstration of the various functionalities - a pull-out sixty-four-games board, various hidden compartments, receptacles and boxes, a potential minibar and/or clever potions storage. Most brilliantly, the universal music device could read cylinders, metal plates, magnetic ribbon, and of course Moony's brand new birthday records. And there was a radio in it, too.

‘Beauty, isn’t it?’ Sirius proudly announced over the introductory chords of the first song. ‘And just listen to the quality of that sound!'  
He probably would have liked to have seen a more enthusiastic reaction from Moony. But knowing how his friend's mind worked he wasn't entirely surprised. He’d had an inkling Remus might find reasons to think himself unworthy of such an elaborate present.  
'You can still modify it any way you like, of course. There’s a few hitches which we thought you might be able to iron out, but all in all...’

‘Yes,’ Remus said quietly. He was trying out the various switches and dials, opening drawers and compartments. ‘It's ingenious. And it looks so - sleek...’

‘Oh, Evans - I mean, Lily helped us with that. And with the storage solution, too, well she and I worked it out together. Thought it should be extremely portable. So you can take it anywhere...’

‘Thank you. It’s - fantastic.’ Remus grinned at him but still seemed a bit puzzled. When he pressed another button at Sirius’ suggestion they all watched in awe as the thing folded in on itself, the sound from the record dying away as the whole cabinet rapidly returned to the size and shape of a matchbox.

'Right.' Sirius got up. 'Surely it must be time for lunch. Why don't you lot clear off while we'll get all this upstairs... Merlin, I'm starving.'

 

Over a delicious lunch Sirius answered Remus' many questions as to how they’d gone about making the mysterious musical box. Moony seemed visibly relieved when it transpired that Evans had had no small part in it, not least since the project had provided Prongs with the perfect reason for them to spend time together, and one she couldn’t very well refuse.

'Still, it must have taken you a while,' Remus said, looking vaguely embarrassed. 'It's just - a bit much, isn't it?'

'You're underestimating our abilities! Didn't take that long to work out, once we'd stumbled on the right book. We started it ages ago - last summer, at Prongs' house - and then forgot all about it until November...' Sirius watched Remus' expression and shook his head in exasperation.  
'All right,' he said then, 'if you're finding it so hard to accept, let's just say that - Pete is sick of us always borrowing his Muggle record player. Prongs and I wanted to see whether we could make the idea work.  
And since we knew we'd never agree on who'd get to keep it we thought it best for you to have it - you'd look after it, and you'd always let us borrow it, no questions asked... Happy now?'

Moony was looking decidedly less embarrassed, so Sirius quickly added 'Plus I sort of thought - well, you deserve a nice present.'

'Right...' Remus smiled and raised an eyebrow. 'Yes, it is brilliant. Thank you, Pads. I'll write to the others and thank them, too.'

After lunch they went for a walk and a smoke, though it was still blustery and cold outside. Sirius got Moony to reiterate several times exactly how delighted he was with both the surprise gig and his present, and what geniuses he and Prongs (and in part, the others) were for arranging it all. He was also full of ideas for future outings.

Back in the dormitory, Sirius decided to take that shower he'd missed out on earlier, but couldn't tempt Remus to have another and join him. When he returned, fresh and fragrant and typically wearing very little, he found Remus sprawled on his bed and immersed in one of his new books.

Feeling at a loose end, Sirius rummaged in his trunk for a bit, before throwing himself onto the bed next to Remus and arranging his body into what he hoped was a seductive pose.

'Not going to just stare at books all day, are you? You can do that all term.'

'Well, actually - I was hoping you'd show me something.' Remus said slowly. 'Teach me a spell or two?'

'Oh yeah?' Sirius grinned. This sounded very promising. He nonchalantly lifted the book from Remus' hands and put it aside. 'Tell me more.'

Remus chuckled, he pretended to want his book back so Sirius threw himself on top of him. They wrestled a bit, laughing, then they snogged.

'So - what would you like me to show you?' Sirius asked teasingly, pinning Remus down on the bed.

Those amber eyes fixed him with a steady gaze. There was no mistaking the solid bulge in his trousers. Sirius rolled his hips in response.

'This morning,' Remus said huskily. 'How did you do it? I mean, what were those charms you used?'

'Ah! The tutor's asking for tuition - the roles are reversed I see,' Sirius smoothly pushed himself up and sat facing Remus, crossing his legs. 'Accio wand! So what do I get for teaching you my carefully researched spells?'

'Dunno,' Remus returned his lusty grin. 'Might use them on you.'

Sirius raised his eyebrows appreciatively, nodded and proceeded to explain the charm.

'It’s easy, really. Like this, see?’

Remus watched his demonstration, and slowly repeated the movement a few times.

‘Yeah, that looks about right,’ Sirius said. ‘Go on, try it.’

‘All right.’ Remus paused briefly, then waved his wand precisely and rapidly, and Sirius jumped and laughed as he felt a distinct tingling in a rather intimate place.

‘I’m pretty sure that worked,’ he grinned, shifting his hips a little. It felt about right, warm, and sort of wet, but not unpleasant.

‘Oh yeah?' Intrigued, Remus raised an eyebrow. 'Can I - see…?’

‘By all means.’ Sirius spread his legs to either side of Moony in invitation, and motioned for him to move in closer.

Remus looked at him, wide eyed, licking his lips. ‘Do you want to - shall I -?’ he asked quietly.

Sirius nodded curtly, almost businesslike. If they were going to do this - and he thought they should - he still sort of wanted to get it over with. Relax, he told himself. Of course Moony would be careful, it probably wouldn’t hurt much.

And he already liked that look on Moony’s face, hungry and excited and intrigued. Remus moved up until he was kneeling between Sirius’ thighs, sliding his warm hands up them and into the legs of the boxers, slowly skimming past Sirius’ balls and hardening cock. He got hold of the waistband from the inside and pulled it down in one smooth motion, carefully lifting the fabric over Sirius’ excitedly growing boner. Sirius helped by raising first his his hips, then his legs, until he was entirely naked.

Remus took in the view for a moment, the way one might look at an opulent buffet. He leaned in for a quick kiss, then bent lower and applied his mouth to the by now very prominent erection, eliciting a sharp intake of breath from Sirius. He lapped at the head, drawing the whole shaft into his mouth, and used his tongue in ways that made Sirius gasp and his eyes roll back in his head.

All too soon Remus let him go again. He sat up straight, licking a stray drop of precum from his lips, and fixing Sirius with an intense gaze he asked quietly, 'Are you sure?'

'Yeah,' Sirius said, sounding a lot more certain than he actually felt. This was going to be strange. But they'd done a load of new stuff in the past twenty-four hours, and had ventured into some strange new territory together, they might as well venture further. He did want to try this, even if - even if he still couldn't readily imagine himself doing it.  
'Yes. Get on with it!' he murmured, trying to encourage himself just as much. 'Do it. Do me.'

Remus grinned back at him, then focused his attention lower. With a lusty smile he ran his hands up the backs of Sirius' thighs, lifting and spreading them slightly. He squeezed Sirius' bum playfully, cupped and fondled his balls, stroked the rigid shaft, all the while trailing a gentle finger down into the cleft between the cheeks.

Sirius had tried this when teaching himself the preparatory charm, he'd poked around down there and found a finger quite manageable. A full size cock was going to be a different story... But he wanted Remus to feel the same exceptional pleasure that he'd let him experience earlier, he wanted him to lose all sense of reason, the way -

'Ah!' he let out in surprise, eyes flying shut. 'Oh! Merlin! Moony!' He gasped again. 'No, no, don't stop!'

It was an exquisite, teasing, tingling feeling, the slick finger slipping into him, the delicious friction along the rim, rubbing down into and stretching his tight passage. This felt very different from his own experiments. Of this he actually wanted more, much more, a great deal more...

'Another one,' he soon demanded breathlessly.

Moony obliged, watching him with wide eyed fascination. 'How's this,' he almost whispered, his voice rough.

'Yes... Yeah. Oh!' The second finger felt amazing, probing and scissoring, but curiously it only increased his need. Soon enough Sirius bucked his hips impatiently. He wanted more, needed more - wanted to feel it deep down, to feel it hard, he wanted all of it.

The charm must be working wonders. Remus seemed just as surprised at Sirius' rapidly growing desperation as Sirius had been earlier when their roles had been reversed.  
But Remus was ready for action, and didn't hesitate when Sirius, panting and moaning and cursing, instructed him once again to get on with it.

So there it was. Before he really knew it, and answering his strangely deep and urgent need, after a moment of frustration as the fingers withdrew there was the solid head of Remus' cock pushing against his yielding hole, firmly pushing past the rim, and in, in one long and steady thrust. And after a brief, overwhelmed pause, the shaft moved even deeper, slipped back out a bit, just to enter him again and push all the way in.

It only took two or three thrusts for Sirius to cry out, coming hard. Hot cum splashed up against Remus' chest and onto his own belly, and raising his hips higher he urged Moony not to lose momentum. Remus looked lost to the world, eyes screwed shut, obviously doing his utmost not to come as his hips kept up a steady rhythm.

Sirius watched him in a daze, felt the firm grip of those hands on his thighs, felt his own cock already growing hard again as it bobbed against his stomach. He took himself in hand, stroking as he watched Moony, savouring the rhythm of those hips, each thrust driving the steely, slicked up length deep into his insides, again and again, filling him up so pleasurably, slamming against his prostate, making him pant and moan - and as they went even faster, even deeper, making him almost lose his mind.  
His cry was echoed by Moony's just a moment later, and breathing heavily, sweaty and sticky and delirious, they collapsed, thoroughly exhausted.

Both of them were still panting when Remus withdrew carefully and lay down next to him, looking shocked and amazed and utterly debauched. Sirius grinned at him and stretched his legs. He was done in, dazed and slightly dizzy.

'Merlin, you're good,' he sighed.

'Yeah?' Remus smiled and vaguely mumbled something unintelligible.

It seemed incredible, what had just happened. They'd not just shagged, Sirius had been shagged, and properly. Moony, his - well, probably officially more than just a mate now - Moony had just fucked him. Sirius had actually taken it up the arse. And it had felt bloody fantastic.

He wondered why he’d been so hesitant beforehand, convinced there’d be something odd about it, why he would have been so nervous to begin with.  
As it turned out, he'd more than loved it - he'd come twice in quick succession, which was a first. And even now, with his hole still weirdly tingling and a wetness that must be Moony's cum beginning to spill out, he wanted to feel it all again, to be claimed so thoroughly by this most delectable friend, and be very firmly pushed into ecstasy...

'That,' he slurred dreamily. 'Never... Bloody - brilliant.'

'So - you liked it then?' Remus asked quietly.

'Liked it?! Loved it, Moony. Never thought I would.'

He felt Remus' hand on his thigh.

 

Later that evening they lounged on Remus' bed and listened to Muggle records on his brand new acquisition. Moony was engrossed in a magazine while next to him Sirius was staring up at the red canopy, idly playing with a little glowing practice snitch, catching and releasing it over and over. It had suddenly occurred to him that the end of their holiday was now dangerously near.

'Only three more days,' he murmured. 'Before term begins. Well, two. If they all get back on Sunday.'

He felt ambiguous about it. Of course he was looking forward to seeing everyone again, but he was slightly nervous about it, too. James would show the appropriate amount of enthusiasm for the ream of new ideas he'd amassed - the jelly stairs, that mind fogging liquid, a hex that would shrink its victim's shoes just enough to chafe, an improved memory retractor charm, to name just a few. More adventures much further afield, beyond the boundaries of Hogwarts.  
Pete would be full of outrageous stories and gossip. Kieran and Oliver would be keen to help them royally prank bloody Mulciber and his Slytherin lot.  
He refused to let his thoughts stray anywhere near his brother and instead focused on how much he was looking forward to playing a proper Quidditch match again.

But there was that other thing. How would they break the news that he and Remus were - well, shagging? And, Sirius contemplated dreamily, shagging they definitely were now. Who would have thought? Considering he himself was still slightly surprised by it all - and he'd been harbouring a serious crush on his friend all year - it was bound to shock the others profoundly.

He wondered whether things would carry on between them or if this might turn out to have been just a thing of opportunity, a sort of holiday romance, an experiment... For the past ten days he thought they'd been quite different people from their term time personae - allowing themselves to be unguarded, intimate, even vulnerable. Would they just go back to normal when school started again? He wasn't sure. They'd not actually talked about any of it.

'Moony,' he began.

'Hm...' came the vague answer from behind the dog-eared copy of Phenomenal Perambulations.

'There's only two days left! Before all hell breaks loose again.'

'Oh.' Remus lowered his magazine, staring wide eyed into space. 'Right. Boggarts and dourbogs. We'll really have to get on it now. We've not done a single thing.'

Sirius rolled his eyes. 'Homework!? Trust you to bring that up.'

'Well, we will have to do it at some point - and we've got loads.'

'Didn't you get through a fair amount the other day? Before the full moon?'

Remus raised an eyebrow and gave him a look. 'Yeah, before the full moon. It'll be useless. Any essays I write then always come across as really aggressive...'

Sirius laughed. 'Even about - what was it, the comparative uses of uncommon swamp wort? I'd like to read your aggressive take on that.'

Remus grinned too, but his mind was elsewhere, no doubt tallying up the total inches of parchment they were expected to fill.

Now wasn't the time to talk about any - relationship stuff, Sirius thought. He flung the glowing ball in the direction of his trunk, sat up and went in search of some more cake. 

They ended Moony's birthday very comfortably. In bed, enjoying hot chocolates laced with firewhisky and exploring what Muggle radio stations had to offer, falling asleep in a tangle of limbs, and sleeping like logs.

 

Their last two days alone were decidedly less fun. Remus applied himself to his school work with a vengeance, and Sirius followed suit, grumbling and complaining. It wasn't that he hated actually doing the work so much as the fact that he was obliged and expected to do it. And it frustrated him, having to squander what was left of their precious time alone together on such long winded and tedious activities.

Friday was almost entirely wasted on books and the library. They did also go for a flight, testing the spells that guarded the borders of the school grounds and diverted any students' attempts to cross them. They managed to fit in a couple of long snogs here and there, including one in the library, taking care to remain out of sight. And they had butter beers under the stars, and a bout of exquisite fumbling back in the dormitory that somehow concluded much too quickly.

'Our last lie-in...' Sirius sighed early on Saturday, his arms loosely wrapped around his friend. Squinting in the morning sun, he added '...just you and me.'

Remus turned to face him.  
'Yeah,' he said sleepily and nuzzled against his shoulder.  
Then he looked at Sirius curiously.  
'About that. What are we going to do?'

'You mean - when the others get back?'

'Yes... are we going to say anything? Tell them about - this, us?'

Sirius nodded slowly. 'We probably should now. I'd like to - well, we should.' He sighed again and shrugged. 'It's just, I've been meaning to tell him before... What if he - if they can't handle it?'

Remus was watching him. 'I know,' he said quietly. 'It might change the whole dynamic.'

'Really it shouldn't make a blind bit of difference to either of them! But it might...' Sirius frowned deeply. 'We wouldn't want to break up the Marauders.'

There was a pause. Then Remus said in a very matter-of-fact sort of way, 'Let's keep it under wraps then. Unless you'd rather we rein it in? Or we can stop altogether -'

He was beginning to retreat, so Sirius tightened his embrace. 'Oh no we won't. That's the last thing I want.'  
He kissed him. They snogged slowly and languidly, savouring the moment. Sirius relished the feel of that delicious skin against his own wherever their bodies touched and slid together. Once again it seemed to take next to nothing to give him a raging hard-on. He came up for air, breathing heavily, and cursed softly.

'Of course we'll tell them,' he said. 'We can't not do this anymore. Just let me deal with Prongs first. And then we'll somehow break it to the others...?'

They lingered in bed a while longer. To his delight Sirius found himself the delirious recipient of one of Moony's killer blow jobs. It turned out to be the highlight of that day. 

Time was running through their fingers, and all the school work they were having to catch up on kept preventing them from making the most of it.  
After supper they went looking for the highest room in the castle, which was surprisingly large and decorated with lots of intricate masonry. There they proceeded to empty an entire bottle of firewhisky while trying to invent new charms. They attempted barely-hovering, skin discolouration, and achieved a brilliant skidding aid that had them wildly sliding around the place. 

The next day Sirius couldn't quite remember how they'd made it back to the dormitory. It was long past lunchtime when he came to, feeling parched and exhausted, a dull fuzzy ache in his head. And there was something else, a sound in the distance. Of voices. Many of them, whistling and shouting. This was confusing. It sounded suspiciously like -

'Oi, Pete, will you move this trunk? Just levitate it for Merlin's sake -' Surely that was Kieran Bellamy, down on the spiral staircase?

'I can't, there's this ruddy thing in the way -'

'Come on you twits, get a move on.' That was unmistakeably James.

Sirius sat up, excited and confused, which made his head throb a bit louder. He was in his own bed, which had been returned to its original size. He was alone, and he was naked. Moony was nowhere to be seen. 

By the time Pete and Prongs barged in, Sirius had managed to find some pyjama bottoms and collect his thoughts a little.  
James was bursting with important news and anecdotes. It took him all of two minutes to reveal he'd actually had a holiday fling after all, with a Muggle girl called Violet, and obviously things had gone far beyond merely snogging - though he wasn't going to boast.  
Sirius talked about what a boozy and unruly time he and Moony had been having, referring several times to his nasty headache, until Pete supplied him with a dose of Hurry-the-Hangover.  
Pete, too, had a certain look about him, but he wouldn't divulge any details. He just blushed when they asked about it, and grinned mysteriously.

Remus appeared a bit later. He'd been to return the borrowed school broom he said, before its absence would attract any attention. Sirius watched him briefly hug Prongs and Peter and ask about their holiday. Their whisky-fuelled night had left its mark on him too, he was looking a bit pale and seemed tired. But it was almost eerie how good he was at acting normal. When he randomly glanced at Sirius his eyes didn't betray a thing. It was as if their two weeks of passion had never happened.

Soon Kieran and Oliver sauntered in, bringing with them Thomas, Charlie, and Ibrahim, everyone talking at once and demanding to to see this fabled contraption James had been banging on about on the train. Remus made it unfold for them and kept back a little, leaving them to it. 

It was brilliant having the whole gang back. Once they'd adequately admired the excellent cabinet and music player and tested its abilities they all decamped to the common room, where there was quite the party atmosphere. 

Sirius enjoyed some friendly banter with Gilbert and Walter, he laughed and wrestled with James, and happily caught up with people and all sorts of general gossip. Here they were, James and Sirius, the dynamic duo reunited, getting up to their usual antics and once again entertaining not only each other or their fellow sixth years but their entire house. For a while Peter sat with them, giggling excitedly, then he disappeared elsewhere.  
Remus circulated, chatting with various groups of people, eventually getting stuck in a corner with Evans. They seemed happily engrossed in their conversation, and it suddenly occurred to Sirius that no matter whose attention he and James managed to grab it didn't mean very much if secretly they were both pining for the two people ignoring them in that far corner of the room. He quickly shook off the thought.

On the way down to supper the castle was positively buzzing. As they made their way through the throng, James wanted to know whether Sirius had heard from his family at all.

'Nothing so far,' Sirius said. 'I s'ppose Regulus might well have some message for me now.'

'Did Moony even teach you any jinxes and hexes?'

'Not exactly.' Sirius grinned and cleared his throat. 'But my repertoire is pretty extensive, old Reg won't be able to tell whether I've learnt anything new or not.'

'Right.' James nodded. Lowering his voice, he asked, 'And you and Moony - have you been getting on okay?'

Sirius eyed him suspiciously. 'Course! Why?'

James still spoke quietly, acting all conspiratorial. 'It's just - I know what's been going on with you two. It's great you've managed to sort it.'

Sirius stared at him, dumbfounded. 'What do you mean?'

'You and Moony. Come on, it's obvious. I've been watching you all along, I mean it's been going on for ages.'

'Obvious...? For ages?!'

'Yeah. The two of you have been at odds since before Christmas, haven't you. But it's good you're getting over it. To be honest I think you can just go for it now, as far as Moony's concerned anyway.'

Sirius kept staring at him. He opened his mouth and closed it again.

'Dunno why you haven't sooner, really.' James smiled reassuringly.

'Prongs - what on earth are you talking about?'

James made an exasperated face and rolled his eyes.

'Crowe, of course!' he almost shouted. 'That's why you've been so off with each other, isn't it. I'm sure you thought nobody knows about it but you've fancied her all year, haven't you. And then Moony got her. But they're ancient history now, and - did you see, just now - he barely seems to even notice her anymore. I think it's time you made your move. Especially now you've made it up with Moony.'

'Right.' Sirius swallowed, trying not to laugh. 'I see. Yes. But how did you - I mean - Crowe?!'

'Like I said, it was obvious,' James said smugly. 'And I s'ppose she's difficult not to fancy, isn’t she. I'd suspected you had a soft spot for her, but I knew for sure back when Moony first asked her out...'

Sirius shook his head in disbelief.

'...and then you started acting strangely as soon as they got off at the ball, remember. And you weren't particularly friendly with either of them for a long time after.'

For a moment Sirius was too stunned to say anything. By now they'd reached the Great Hall.

'Listen,' he began precariously, 'that's not exactly it. I mean, yeah, she's great, but-'

A group of Ravenclaws literally ran into them, shoving at them and laughing. They all knew each other from Quidditch and after barely so much as a greeting they instantly started on the taunts, who was going to whip which part of whose anatomy this term, and to what degree. It was great fun, and Sirius was more than grateful for the distraction. 

Then Jermaine Palmer happened by and briefly joined them, cracking jokes, clapping his friends on the back, and grinning at them all. He also nodded a friendly hello at James and Sirius before carrying on towards the Ravenclaw table. Sirius watched him walk away, noting once again the boy's smooth swagger and Caribbean good looks. He still couldn't quite get used to the idea that Palmer - and Moony... Then as soon as he got to the table Abernethy was all over him. Sirius had to look away.

Mercifully the topic of Caitlin Crowe didn't come up again. The evening progressed much as first evenings back at school always had, and although he was almost constantly distracted Sirius did feel a bit odd about it all. So much had happened since they'd last been together like this, and yet he was acting as though nothing had changed.

Even if their shared secret was exciting in its own way - as if he and Remus were undercover, like secret agents - that first night by himself in his own bed again felt very lonely. He wondered what Moony was doing now, he thought of that alluring body curled up under the covers, so close and yet so far... They'd barely spoken all day, had not had a single moment alone together. Tomorrow then, he thought as he drifted off to sleep.

Before they knew it, as the week progressed life at Hogwarts quickly slipped back into its everyday routine.  
Nothing out of the ordinary happened. The four friends did their usual things - school work, a bit of mischief, the planning of pranks, and glorious bouts of absolutely nothing. They also cheerfully sampled and organised more of their various contraband goods. Quidditch training picked up again, and Sirius realised these days it was only on the pitch that he felt truly relaxed. 

He kept trying to get a private moment alone with Prongs to talk to him, but it didn't happen. And he couldn't get a private moment alone with Remus either, not even during the two free periods they usually spent together - Trelawney had gone awol, Divination was cancelled, and James and Peter stuck around. 

Sirius was gutted, he'd been counting the minutes to their next intimate rendezvous. It wasn't just that he wanted badly to get physical. He wanted to talk to Moony, properly, to be close to him the way they'd been during their two weeks alone, he wanted to make him laugh, to get his full attention.

Not that he was jealous exactly, he wasn't the jealous type. But he did like and was used to people taking notice of him. Really, Remus acted the same as he ever had, yet somehow Sirius felt short changed. All the girls he'd ever been out with had made him their focal point, had followed him around, and flattered his vanity and his ego.

He wanted Moony to react to his presence, to seek him out in a crowded room, to look for him when he wasn’t around. He would have preferred a beaming smile when they met, rather than a casual hello. And he felt strangely possessive all of the sudden, wondering why Moony might be talking to whomever it was he chose to talk to. Envious of the random tokens of affection Remus doled out in passing - an arm thrown around James' shoulders, or Pete's, a playful punch aimed at Kieran, a lively discussion with Lily while sharing a bag of Every Flavour Beans.

It wasn't a role he was at all used to, or particularly liked, but Sirius couldn't help it. He missed Remus dreadfully. He longed for the touch of those fingers, now perpetually occupied with quills and parchment and dusty books, with trowels and cutlery and records and magazines, forever painfully out of reach. Those lips, smiling and smoking and talking nonsense, that skin firmly hidden away, and those eyes, all too often focused on someone or something else.

They might have their moments, brief and rushed encounters, but there'd been barely time for a good snog, let alone anything more. Even his plans to sneak into Remus' bed late at night had been consistently thwarted.

One evening Remus suggested they venture out into less explored areas of the castle, he had in mind two corridors in particular which he suspected contained several as yet unmapped rooms. Since Pete was too tired and James was still trying to finish an essay, he wondered whether Sirius might be interested in the mission.

 

'What's wrong?' Remus asked once they were safely away and alone, having silently made it to the far corridor in question.  
It was only dimly lit by old enchanted gas lamps, the panelling strangely discoloured. There were no paintings on the walls here, so they'd thrown off the cloak.  
'Did something happen? Are you angry?'

'No, not exactly.' Sirius said gruffly. 'Nothing's wrong, except -'

Remus stopped and looked at him steadily.

'It's just, we're still - you still want - this, don't you?' Feeling sheepish, Sirius took his hand. 'Us, I mean.'

'Yeah, course,' Remus said, shaking his head with a puzzled frown. He stepped closer and kissed Sirius. Their kiss quickly became a long and luscious snog, from which they emerged breathing rather heavily.

'Sorry,' Sirius said quietly. 'I was being stupid. It's just - this distance. You've been so far away. It's been getting to me.'

Remus raised an eyebrow. 'But I've been right here -'

'You know what I mean.'

'Yes, well - so have you though, haven't you. You wanted to break it to Prongs before we make it obvious or tell anyone else, so I suppose I've just been - taking your lead?'

'Yeah.' Sirius sighed. 'Dunno why I'm finding it so hard to talk to him about it, I mean, he'll be fine with it, won't he. He'd better be fine with it. But you've been so - so bloody normal - for a moment there I thought maybe it was all over between us.'

Remus shrugged at him and smiled, and they snogged again.

'Merlin, Moony. What have you turned me into,' Sirius murmured glumly. 'A simpering mess. Ridiculous.'

Remus laughed. 'Lost faith in the old infallible Black charm already, have you?'

They both laughed quietly, still standing in a loose embrace. A look passed between them, and for a moment neither of them said anything. It was strange - a calm affirmation, of something neither of them remotely dared contemplate.

'Right,' Sirius said, his hands slipping further beneath Remus' jumper. 'Shall we find these private rooms then...'

 

Later that night, alone in his bed, Sirius replayed their activities in his mind in great detail.  
They'd found three new rooms to map, each one dusty and not in the least bit interesting. They'd investigated them for all of several seconds before snogging on a windowsill, getting into each other's pants rather rapidly, followed by some first class oral action. Then they'd snogged some more.

It had been hot, and much too short, and wonderful. Sirius was glad nothing had changed between them, and he felt foolish for thinking it might have, for having come across as needy. Moony wouldn't think any less of him, but it bothered Sirius. It just wasn't like him!

He wasn't going to go all soppy over Moony, but he did probably care more about the exciting turn their friendship had taken than he'd cared for most of the girls he'd ever been out with.

He knew Moony was afraid of it all ending badly, but how could it possibly? They'd known each other forever, they'd always been friends, and - he couldn't quite imagine himself no longer fancying that boy. Maybe he was being unrealistic. He had lost interest in girls before, and seemingly overnight. But - for whatever reason - this was different.  
Really the surprising thing wasn't that he and Remus were together at all, but that it had taken them so bloody long to realise that they should be. While it was perhaps odd and unexpected that he and one of his closest mates had started seeing each other, he sort of wished the possibility had occurred to them much sooner.  
He'd rather not examine too closely or try and define what it was between them exactly. But it still sort of blew his mind - and he didn't want it to end.

It was probably time to make it public that Sirius wanted to be with Remus, that he wanted to snog - and shag - Remus senseless. He honestly couldn't care less what anyone thought or said about them if it meant he could touch Moony whenever he felt like it...

Sneaking around and pretending was both boring and frustrating.  
He would bite the bullet and talk to James tomorrow. He'd just come out and say it: Moony and I have got it together. Remus and I are sort of - an item now. Moony and I have taken up shagging like wild beasts!

And having made the decision and reaffirmed it in his mind he focused on remembering the touch of Moony's skilled hands on him, and finally fell asleep.


	10. Trouble

Next morning, Sirius didn't exactly start the day in the best of spirits. He'd overslept, and didn't encounter any of the others as he rushed into the showers and down the various stairs and corridors into the Great Hall, cursing his bastard friends for not waking him earlier, knowing full well that they'd most likely tried and failed.

There was a restless sort of hollow pit in his stomach, and he felt like his blood was full of Zonko's fizzing agent. His hair seemed ready to bristle and stand on end. But he was determined, and oddly excited.

If all went well, he might be openly snogging Moony by lunchtime. He couldn't predict what James' reaction would be. But why shouldn't it go well? It was obviously a good thing. Even if James found the idea unpleasant, no-one was asking him to get involved. He was just going to have to lump it. And somehow he couldn't see Peter being particularly bothered either.

When he arrived at breakfast there was an odd atmosphere at their end of the table. Peter had already left, Moony seemed to have as good as finished, too. He gave Sirius a small covert smile, but he was looking pale and somewhat uneasy. James had pushed his eggs and bacon aside and was glowering at his Defense Against the Dark Arts essay, madly scribbling away to fill the last few inches. Even Oliver and Kieran seemed unusually muted as they nodded hello at Sirius, watching him with interest.

'What's going on?' Sirius said as a general greeting. Had they had a row? He proceeded to rapidly pile his plate with eggs and beans and sausages before the platters disappeared.

'Did you sleep all right?' Remus asked.

'Very funny. You selfish gits might have tried a bit harder to wake me up. You know how I hate rushing my breakfast.'

Sirius was still feeling nervous and twitchy, but held on to his resolve. There was going to be no chickening out. He cleared his throat and leaned across the table, placing his hand on James' roll of parchment.

'Oi, Prongs,' he said in a low voice. 'Listen.'  
He cleared his throat once more.  
'There's something I've got to te-'

'Yeah' James spat, his face like thunder. 'I know! He's already bloody told us.'

'Has he?!' Sirius shrunk back, surprise pushing his voice almost an octave higher. A rapid questioning glance at Remus provided no explanation, Moony just rolled his eyes grimly and downed the last of his pumpkin juice.

'Blistering boggarts!' James exploded, throwing down his quill. ‘Still can’t believe it! Think you know a bloke! Bloody treacherous bastard!’  
He fixed Sirius with a wild stare, almost trembling with rage, and grimaced as though there was an unbearable stench in the air. 'The bloody cheek! And behind our backs as well! For all that time!'

Sirius stared at his best friend, open mouthed. His heart felt very loud in his chest, and the hollow pit in his stomach was rapidly becoming a gaping chasm. He’d never expected anything like so much untempered anger. 

Meanwhile James raged on. 'Just the idea of it! Urgh!’ He mimicked vomiting. ‘It's vile, is what it is. Don’t know how - how anyone! - could seriously think this would ever work, I mean it's bloody ridiculous!'

‘Now hold on, mate,’ Sirius protested, still stunned, but his own anger beginning to flare up.

James carried on regardless. 'And the fact it's been going on! In secret! Lying to us, for ages!' he shouted, adding a hostile 'By his standards, anyway.'

'By -? What?' Sirius said. 'What do you mean?'

'That thing he had with Fenella Lane only lasted all of five minutes, didn't it. Bloody traitor! Just seen them snogging, have you? Certainly didn't hang around here for long, once he’d dropped his bombshell. It's disgusting is what it is.'  
He pushed his glasses up his nose and glared at his essay again.

'I- uh -' Thoroughly confused, Sirius sat back, feverishly trying to make sense of it all. 'Peter - ?!'

'And Jocasta Lamprey,' Remus supplied ominously. 'Been seeing each other for weeks, apparently.'

'Right...,' Sirius nodded, trying to place her.

And just then it came to him who Jocasta Lamprey was. Merlin's bearded clams! All at once the chasm in his stomach disappeared, flooded by a torrent of red hot outrage. This was unbelievable!

'A Slytherin!’ he shouted, utterly repulsed. ‘He’s never! A bloody Slytherin! What on earth is the matter with him? How’s that even possible?’ 

'That's what we all want to know,' James said viciously.

'A prank, surely?' Sirius kept shaking his head. 'They must've bloody jinxed him -'

But people seemed to be just as scandalised over at the far table, where a congregation of Slytherin fifth and sixth years was debating angrily and throwing the Marauders more dirty looks and menacing stares than usual. 

‘Love potion, then? He’d never -’

'That's what we thought,' Remus said darkly. 'But it's been going on too long for that, if it’s true what he says.'

'No potion would've stayed effective all through the holidays.’ James shuddered. ‘And it’d have to be damned effective, whatever it was.’

‘But - what then?! Some sort of demonic possession?’ 

The other two only shrugged helplessly.

Remus cleared his throat. 'Well. Love, or so he says. Apparently he - er - genuinely just likes her.' Even calm, inscrutable Moony looked like he was going to retch at the thought.

'Impossible!' Sirius said again, looking from one to the other. 'Isn't it?'

Then it came back to him. Peter's overlong hours in the study hall. The way he'd frequently absented himself just before the holidays. The way he'd been acting since.

'Flipping doxies. I even saw him,' he said slowly, 'a while ago. On the map. I remember wondering what he was up to, he must've - been with - her! Urgh! Never would've imagined...' He pulled a face.

Remus gave him a strange look, before getting up and retrieving his book bag from under the table.  
'I'm already late. See you in a bit,' he said to them all and left.

Sirius remembered not to stare after him, but scrutinised his sausages and eggs instead, while James started on another expletive laden attack on Peter's feeble mind and character.

During the lessons that followed, Sirius and James examined the situation from every angle, dissecting clues they might have missed, theorising about ways in which that Slytherin must have snared him, and generally maintaining a steady level of righteous rage. The whole thing was just baffling. And infuriating. And downright disgusting!

Of course Sirius was more than aware of the irony. This was going to have been the day James - and Peter, and perhaps everyone else - would have found out about himself and Moony, about the sexy new turn that their friendship had taken.  
Instead, blasted Peter had beaten them to it! And Sirius couldn't help lambasting Pete for having started such an unsuitable, unsavoury liaison - meaning he was saying and doing the exact sorts of things he'd been fiercely hoping not to hear from James and Peter. The sheer force of Prongs' - and his own - reaction worried him. What if James reacted just as badly again? He shouldn't, of course, it was nothing like the same, but what if he did? 

Peter was keeping well out of sight. Probably wise, Sirius thought, seeing as the three other Marauders would most likely tear him to shreds if they only got the chance. What on earth was he playing at?

Over lunch - during which neither Peter nor his girlfriend made an appearance - it became obvious that an increasing number of Slytherins were just as vexed by the situation as the Marauders were. Insults kept flying, as well as taunts and even the odd jinx. 

Remus remained largely absent as well. He was busy first with Prefect duties, later with some meeting in the afternoon, followed by a long chat he apparently had to have with Evans afterwards. Something about unruly third years again.

The main event at dinner was the disgraced couple making their first appearance. Peter marched up to his usual place, fully aware of the effect he was having. Almost the entire Great Hall was staring and talking about him, and he seemed to be enjoying all the attention. He was being pointed out by first and second years as he passed, and wherever he walked the chatter first died down and then doubled in volume.

The girl, Lamprey, a brunette fifth year who'd thus far remained inconspicuous, was receiving much the same treatment.

Needless to say, things at Gryffindor table remained frosty at best. After a brief and tense silence, James and Sirius couldn't help but interrogate Peter. It was all true, he and Lamprey were 'happy', they’d started secretly going out just before the holidays, and then managed to meet and ‘get to know each other better’ while they’d been away as well. The mere idea of it made Sirius' skin crawl. Who would voluntarily go and meet a Slytherin? Let alone go out with one! He shuddered to even imagine it.

Of course the Marauders were being watched with great interest, so they tried to keep it down, but eventually their terse exchange exploded into a full blown shouting match. 

‘I just don’t see why!’ James bellowed. ‘Are you really that desperate? Haven't you learnt anything - anything! - in six whole years?’

‘It still is none of your blasted business,’ Pete protested. ‘You don’t know her. And it’s nothing to do with you.’

‘Are you out of your tiny mind? Course it’s my business. It’s all of our business -’

‘No it isn’t!’ Apparently this new Peter wasn’t moving an inch. It was unusual to see him so defiant.  
‘Piss off, Potter. I dunno why you're so convinced it's wrong, or that you should have any say about it. I don’t actually need your bloody approval.’

He shot angry glances at the other two Marauders - at Remus, who was frowning deeply but hadn’t said very much, and at Sirius, who had nowhere near finished giving his extensive opinion yet.

‘Or yours, or yours! Just - keep - out - of - it!’

Peter slammed down his goblet with such force the stem snapped clean off, spilling pumpkin juice everywhere. He got up from the table and stormed off.

Remus left soon after, to discuss the acquisition of various clandestine goods with their friend Hawksworth in seventh year. It remained for James and Sirius to rake over the whole infuriating business once again with Oliver Boot and Kieran Bellamy.

 

Later that evening, as eventually one by one the occupants of Gryffindor House went to bed, Sirius persistently hung around. He was going to have to catch up on his backlog of Transfiguration reading at some point he said, at least down here he wouldn’t fall asleep over it. Soon more shouting could be heard upstairs, and some banging, then silence.  
Finally Remus lost his endlessly long game of Wizarding Chess against Samira Siddiqui, and she finally said good night, too. At last the room was deserted, except for a yawning Remus who came over to join Sirius by the dying fire.

‘Hello,’ he said with a small grin, stretching his back.

‘I thought she’d never leave,’ Sirius huffed as he got up to meet him.

Remus nodded. ‘Good game though.’

He stepped closer, and they kissed. They were tired. But kissing Moony was still the most exquisite thing. Those wonderful lips, so delicious and inviting, the firmly demanding tongue. The way Moony’s breath hitched when Sirius ran a hand up his spine and pulled him closer still.

There was a sound on the stairs, and they jumped apart.

A large blond boy appeared, Elliot Hodge, a bumbling sort of character and seventh year.

‘Sorry!’ He gave them a wide grin and began a quick tour of the room. ‘Seem to have left my, uhm - er - whatsit - ah, there it is, yes. Thought I’d left it here.’

He bent to pick something up and rapidly made his way back to the stairs.

‘Sorry again, old chaps. Don’t mind me. As you were.’ And flashing them another grin he disappeared.

Sirius and Remus stood frozen to the spot.

‘Never heard of Accio, has he,’ Sirius grumbled.

‘Must’ve been something delicate,’ Remus said, taking Sirius' arm. ‘Come on, let’s go up.’

 

Sirius followed him up into the bathroom, which they carefully locked and silenced.

They couldn’t resist another snog, and though they’d only been together the previous night it felt like it had been forever. Sirius kissed him slowly, deeply, moving against the other boy’s body, shivering under Remus’ touch. He was enjoying the feel of his sandpapery chin, that gorgeously gropable arse, and the hard bulge of Remus’ crotch creating the most wonderful friction against his own. 

Breathing heavily, they went for each other’s trousers without thinking. Before they really knew it they were grasping and pumping each other’s cocks, and panting loudly, desperately, between hot and sloppy kisses. Sirius had a vague thought of bending Moony over a sink, or having Moony do it to him, or of sucking each other off, but there just wasn’t time for anything. Whether it was the lusty, delirious look in Moony’s eyes that did it, or his soft, choked moan - Sirius much too rapidly came apart, mere seconds before Remus’ hot cum spilled all over his hand.

They kissed some more. Then Sirius remembered there was something he’d been meaning to say, and he reluctantly pulled away.

‘You know,’ he began quietly. ‘I was going to tell Prongs, this morning. About us. I’ve had it with sneaking around.’

‘Oh.' Remus smiled, scrutinising him with those amber eyes. 'I was wondering what you meant, before he kicked off.’  
He yawned softly. ‘I still think you're both massively overreacting, you know.’

‘We are not! Bloody Pete. What he is doing is - just - ludicrous.’

Remus gave him a quizzical look. ‘Of course Pete’s a fool. She’ll have him for breakfast. But he's still free to do what he likes with whomever he likes, isn’t he. As are we all. That’s what we want, too, isn’t it.’

‘Yeah,’ Sirius admitted grumpily. ‘I know. But it’s not the same. We’re different. You and me, together, is - right. They’re just wrong.’

‘D’you think Prongs will see it that way?’

Neither of them knew.

‘So what were you going to say, this morning?’ 

Sirius shrugged. ‘Just the facts, I s’ppose. Only then he went totally mental.’

‘I wonder,’ Remus said darkly. ‘He'll think we've all gone mad, the poor sod.’

Sirius snorted. ‘While his own obsession with Evans is a sign of rampant mental health. But I s'ppose - perhaps it's not the best time to spring yet another shocker on him. Maybe we should wait for it to blow over. It’s not like it’s going to take very long.’

‘I bloody hope not.' Remus ran a slow hand up Sirius' chest. 'But who knows! He must mean it - to risk getting everybody’s back up like that...’

‘Yeah. “Love.” Or lust!' He shuddered. 'Or both.’

Remus pulled a face. Then he looked at Sirius, pulled him closer, and kissed him.

'Well.' Sirius said huskily, ‘Speaking of lust...'

They grinned and kissed again, deeply, but found they were genuinely too tired to linger for much longer. They'd barely untangled and started to clean their teeth and so on, when an almost sleep-walking Peter barged through the newly unlocked door. As he disappeared into a toilet cubicle, murmuring gibberish, Remus and Sirius parted with a conspiratorial smile and made for their respective beds.

Sirius didn't sleep straight away. He kept replaying bits of the day in his mind. How delicious Moony's skin had felt just now, and how mesmerising his kiss. The sensation of their tongues sliding together, all the while feeling Moony's hard-on through the fabric of his trousers, rubbing against his own cock. That seductive scent, permeating everything. And then, Remus' hands, slick with that lubricant charm... He thought how much he wanted them to shag again, thoroughly, and soon. Any which way, both ways, he wanted them to do everything.

Moony was right, James would definitely think his three friends had gone crazy, that much was certain. What if he decided to throw them all over, to abandon the Marauders altogether?  
It was frustrating, but what with their group already out of kilter, it probably really was wise not to tell him just now. Best to let James cool down a bit. As much as Sirius longed to be with Remus, openly and all the time, there was no way they were going to risk breaking up the Marauders. Never that. 

* * *

During the days that followed, things between the Marauders remained stormy. After continued needling and several heated arguments they finally reached a sort of impasse, where Peter pointedly ignored James and Sirius, and they refused to even acknowledge his existence. 

In the common room they stayed as far away as it was possible to be from Peter, who had attracted his own little group of curious listeners, most of them much younger students. 

Prongs was still severely put out. Livid, and scathing, and quick to anger. Sirius felt much the same - restless, irritable, and impatient. It didn’t help that Remus was constantly occupied by other business. He and his co-prefects were expected to keep an eye on a band of boisterous third years who obviously understood the beauty of an elaborate prank and had a flair for experimental spellwork.  
They kept Remus busy, but whenever he told James and Sirius about their latest exploits he sounded a little proud of them, too. James and Sirius agreed, the little twerps were talented, and amusing. But Sirius mainly found them a massive nuisance. Thanks to their antics he barely got a chance to talk to Moony at all, let alone in private. 

Instead, Sirius found himself spending practically every waking minute with Prongs. This meant having to endure a lot of endless blathering on about Evans, and any attempts at actually progressing their Slytherin revenge prank just resulted in lengthy fulminations against Peter. 

Sirius was constantly longing for Moony to join them, yet became curiously self-conscious when Remus actually was around. All the while he was keeping himself very carefully in check, keeping up their blasted pretense. It was painfully frustrating. 

On the subject of Peter’s ongoing and unspeakable affair, Remus still wasn't overtly taking sides. Yes, Peter was obviously insane to think Lamprey was a good idea, but then it was Peter who had to do the actual going out with her. Moony reckoned Peter was being punished enough by his own actions, and didn’t they all have the right to make their own mistakes?

'But don't you see, it's basically treachery,' James shouted once again when they were out by the lake one cold and grey afternoon, skimming stones under a heavy sky. 'Goes against everything we stand for!'

Remus sighed. 'Why won't you let it go? Change the record, can't you? It might just be possible that he wasn't considering us particularly when choosing a girlfriend. Maybe he really just likes her.'

'He wasn't considering anything,' Sirius said darkly. He was carelessly throwing a handful of stones, counting skips. He definitely wasn't letting his gaze stray anywhere near Moony, who kept smoothly bending down here and there, picking up flat rocks. 

'Who knows, maybe not every last Slytherin is all bad,' Remus was saying now.

Sirius snorted. 'Yeah. Try and name just a single example.'  
He skimmed another pebble, and only counted a measly five. 'And anyway, before you like someone surely you've got to get to know them, at least in passing. And for that to happen - who would even think of spending any time with a Slytherin?' Sirius shuddered. 'Voluntarily?!'

'Exactly!' James was flaring up again. 'Why would he? What's he been playing at?!'

'No-one gets to choose whom they fancy, do they,' Remus said, making a decent throw. His tone of voice caused James to look at him quizzically.

'You're not secretly fancying a Slytherin, are you, Moony?'

'No.' Remus sent another flat pebble flying across the water, managing an impressive eight bounces. 

Sirius cleared his throat. 'Nice one,' he said and tried to match the throw. 

When a nasty drizzle set in they wandered back towards the castle. 

Sirius walked in long strides, his hands shoved deep into his coat pockets. He hated keeping this big secret from his best friend. Pretending was such hard work. And everything was in a mess anyway! Maybe he’d just say something after all. Why not now? Just come out with it, while the three of them were alone? The thing is, Prongs, Moony and I - or he'd just wing it, not overthink it. He took a deep breath.

'Actually, I've been thinking,' Remus said just then, 'whether he's trying to define his independence. Maybe it’s his way of proving he’s - his own man.’

‘Proving he’s got no taste whatsoever, you mean,’ James grumbled. ‘Or sense of decency.’

‘I mean - you two are notorious. Lords of misrule, always in trouble. Pads is the young rebel from an ancient family of dark wizards, and I've got my own, um - problem... Maybe he's trying to give himself more of an edge.'

James considered this. 'But he's already an animagus! And anyway, what have I got that’s so special then?'

‘I dunno, brains?’ Remus suggested. ‘Wealth? The fact you can handle yourself around a quaffle, and you're not entirely hideous …?’

‘Your grievous obsession with Evans, more like,’ Sirius said, shooting Moony a curious sidelong glance.

James however grinned and nodded smugly, obviously extremely pleased. ‘Brains, looks, and money, eh? You forgot bravery.’

'Anyway,' Sirius huffed, 'that's not the way to do it. The honourable way to gain notoriety would be to come up with a prank to end all pranks. Or a supreme new curse. To hex a Slytherin into next week. Not to bloody go out with one!'

'Precisely.' James took this as his cue to launch into yet another vicious tirade. 

Remus rolled his eyes but Sirius gladly joined in. It wasn't the time to say anything. 

* * *

The weekend was particularly torturous. Time didn’t seem to move at all, the weather was horrible and forced them to do all their school work. Sirius felt very much stuck indoors, only escaping to play some four-a-side quidditch against a group of Hufflepuffs. They were almost out of booze, and even smoking Confounding cigarettes behind the greenhouses no longer worked. It had to be down to this latest batch they’d got from Hawksworth, but instead of lulling Sirius into a state of pleasant relaxation, smoking now made him feel nervous, vaguely worried, and ill at ease.

And of course the one person now so frequently on his mind remained ever present, yet out of reach. If only Trelawney deigned to teach her next class of double divination! Sirius was counting the minutes. He and Remus would finally have some time to themselves. Two whole hours of time! His private thoughts and ideas of how exactly they might spend those two hours sustained Sirius through days of what felt like endless waiting around.

When at long last the day rolled around, spring appeared to have broken out properly. Finally, after ages of very cold and blustery weather a bright morning promised a day of the most glorious sunshine. The ceiling in the great hall had become a sky just as blue, and everybody suddenly seemed more cheerful and optimistic. 

Peter gobbled up his breakfast in stony silence, while James and Sirius joked loudly with Walter, Kieran, and Oliver. Remus, who was still staying out of the Massive Falling-Out, or what he called their Very Childish Disagreement, was engrossed in some book by his plate, only glancing up every now and then to laugh at a particularly funny exchange. 

Then the owls arrived. Amongst the usual birds delivering postcards and newspapers and magazines to Gryffindor table there swooped in a large dark shadow. Sirius' heart sank as Pleione, the Black family owl, landed majestically next to his plate, hooting gently.  
The envelope she presented to him was of heavy paper stock, embossed with the family crest and sealed with shiny green wax. This did not bode well. Whenever his father sent out such official correspondence it meant he was either giving instructions or making demands. In short, it was going to be bad news.  
Sirius turned the envelope in his hands before finally pocketing it. He wasn't going to spoil his mood. Whatever it was could wait. 

 

As the morning dragged on, Sirius had to make a real effort to conceal his growing excitement. James was keen on getting concrete plans underway for their Ultimate Slytherin Revenge Prank, but Sirius wasn't much use, he was struggling to concentrate. When they finally got out of Charms and into the corridor he found Remus there, waiting for him. They usually met in or near the library. Moony greeted him casually, but with the sort of smile that made Sirius feel strangely happy and slightly weak at the knees. 

He beamed at Moony. James was still talking about varying degrees of achievable stench but had to turn off into another passage soon enough to get to his next lesson. Sirius and Remus had been walking in the general direction of the library out of habit, but slowed their steps now.

'Where shall we go?' Sirius asked hoarsely. They'd have two whole hours to themselves! His skin was tingling and his stomach was aflutter with anticipation, and his blood had pre-emptively very much begun to rush towards his groin. It had been so very long. He was aching to touch his friend. 

'I was thinking - there's this one place,' Remus said. 'This way.' He seemed very calm, but moved briskly, not wasting any time.

People were everywhere, hurrying to their next lesson. The two boys got to the seventh floor, where they passed the bizarre statue of a peculiar wizard and three trolls apparently having convulsions. Sirius was still eyeing it with interest when Remus slowed down. 

'It's somewhere here,' he said, examining the walls of the corridor. 'Hang on.'

They stopped. The walls looked like any other, Sirius couldn't see anything out of the ordinary. It was quiet here. He was breathing in Remus' scent, and it was making him a bit giddy.

'Remus,' he said, his voice rough.

Remus looked up, a flash of amber eyes, and Sirius leaned in. Their kiss was amazing, hot, and hungry. Then, even though he seemed just as desperate for more, Remus rapidly pulled away.

'Wait,' he said breathlessly. 'Let's find this room. It's here somewhere.'

And he went back to closely studying the wall. Sirius meanwhile began to pace up and down. Merlin, anything would do! All they needed was a private place where they could be alone together, ideally somewhere comfortable. Where they could finally drop all pretense and get their hands on each other... Somewhere to snog, and to hopefully shag like there was no tomorrow. 

To his great surprise just then a door appeared right there in the wall. 

'Over here, Moony - look!' 

Remus' face lit up, and he came over. 'That's it! What did you do?'

'Nothing,' Sirius shrugged, puzzled. He tried the handle and pushed the door open. They entered, looking about this strange place in wonder. 

It was spacious and very pleasant. There was a fire flickering in the grate, colourful rugs covered the floor, and the large day-bed upholstered in deep Gryffindor red looked particularly inviting. In short, Sirius thought, it was perfect.

'Well.' He shut the door behind himself and cleared his throat. 'What sort of room is this then?' 

'Ours, now.' Remus grinned and stepped closer and kissed him. 

They snogged like they meant it. Sirius didn't hold back and went straight for his friend's clothes. Robes flung to the floor, they tumbled into bed, kicking off shoes, hastily unbuttoning shirts, and opening belts and trousers. Finally, still snogging ravenously, they got hold of each other's desperately leaking cocks and brought each other off within what seemed like mere moments. 

They kissed some more, before lying back to catch their breath.

'What?' Remus said when he noticed Sirius grinning at him.

'Nothing,' Sirius said quietly. He began to take off the rest of Remus' clothes, slowly loosening and removing his school tie, stripping him of his open shirt, pulling down his boxers and trousers all the way to reveal Moony's narrow hips and beautiful arse, his long and lean legs. He pulled off Remus' Gryffindor socks, too.

'There.' He said ceremoniously, placing a few stray kisses on particularly tempting parts of Moony's physique, his inner thigh, his abdomen, his chest and neck, his hip bone.

Remus laughed and reached for his wand. 'You could always do this - Abitegimenta!'  
And with a swish of his wand all of Sirius' clothes simply vanished.

Sirius shrunk back in surprise. 'Wait, I'll still need those! Where've they gone?'

'Don't worry, we’ll get them back later. Same spell.' Remus grinned. 'Much later.'

'Right.' Sirius lay down again, moving close to Remus. 'I like it. But I still think my way is more fun.'  
And he drew his friend in for another snog.

It was wonderful, savouring Remus' lips, tasting his salty skin, breathing in his beguiling scent. Sirius gently traced along several scars, once again amazed that he was able to do this. Not only to see Moony naked, but to touch his skin, to touch Remus like this. Even if Palmer had got to suck Moony off or whatever, no-one but Sirius had done this, no-one had been this intimate.

Meanwhile Remus' hands roamed across the planes and curves and angles of Sirius' anatomy. One hand had trailed down Sirius' back, coming to rest on his buttocks.

'Been thinking about shagging you all week,' Remus murmured.

Sirius nodded, grinning broadly. 'Yes please,' he agreed, his lips close to Remus' ear. 'Do please shag me senseless. Once I'm done with you, that is.'

'Done with me?'

'Yes.' Sirius said breathlessly, his hands already fondling Remus' balls. 'Not sure I can wait. Might have to ravish you first.' He kissed Remus again, then added, his voice rough, 'If that's all right.'

They laughed and wrestled a little, and of course then the shagging began in earnest.

It was only the second time they were doing this, and the last time felt like it had been a lifetime ago. But Sirius wasn't feeling nervous or even particularly self conscious. There was no need for any bravado to cover up his lack of experience, as there had been during his very first exploits with girls. 

He just went with what felt right, with that easy rhythm they had. Kissing and caressing his friend's luscious body, lapping at his gorgeous cock and pleasuring him orally as Remus granted him access, guiding Sirius' fingers impatiently, to explore deeper, to prepare. Until finally, with Moony's legs thrown over his shoulders, Sirius entered him, firmly, carefully, holding Moony's gaze as he sheathed himself in that tight and most blissful heat. Pushing into him deliriously, picking up speed, gasping and cursing, trying new angles and adventurous manoeuvres to increase the other's pleasure. 

And later, on his knees, as Moony slicked him up and fucked him at a brisk and steady pace, Sirius howled with delight at the irresistible stimulation, the exhilarating tempo, and the sheer force of his friend's desire. 

They came and made each other come again, in various ways and with surprising stamina, their appetite only increasing with the eating. And in between their bouts of vigourous shagging they joked and laughed and snogged, apparently making up for all those long days of feigned indifference. 

'I really need some water,' Remus croaked at one point, and before he could even think of the right spell a large goblet of water appeared on a bedside table.

'I really need some butterbeer!' Sirius tried and promptly, gleefully, lifted a bottle of it to his lips.

Then Remus wished for some crisps and was presented with a crystal bowl full of crispy baked slices of turnip and beetroot. 

'We've got to put this place on the map,' he said as they munched away. When Moony bent out of bed to extract the map from his trousers on the floor, Sirius couldn't resist giving his bare arse a playful slap.

'Oi,' Remus protested, grinning.

Sirius licked his lips and watched his friend's lean muscles move under silvery-scarred skin as Remus swung his torso back into bed. He couldn't help himself, his cock was already showing interest again. If only these two hours weren't about to end.

They gave it a good go but for some mysterious reason this magical room refused to be mapped. Every approach they could think of failed. In the end they gave up and put the map away.

'It must be unplottable,' Remus sighed with frustration.

'Might be a good thing though,' Sirius said. 'Think about it, as long as we know where it is you and I can always come here. Without anyone knowing what we're up to...' He nibbled Remus' ear and slowly ran a hand up his thigh. 'If you get my meaning.'

'Yeah,' Remus conceded, turning towards him. 'That's true. If we manage to get in again. I'm not sure how we did it.'

'Must be something to do with what you need?' Sirius wrapped his leg around Moony's thighs.  
'So far it seems to provide whatever we ask for. I was just wishing for some sort of room we could go to for some - privacy - when the door appeared. How'd you find out about it?'

'Hawksworth mentioned it. He said it's not always there, but it's helped him out a few times.'

'Maybe it's to do with how badly you need it, whether it appears or not. I was getting a bit desperate earlier.' Sirius grinned. 

They kissed, slowly and leisurely. Who knew when they'd get to do this next? Sirius was making every minute count. Eventually the boys showered together in a bathroom that had conveniently appeared. Still they couldn't keep their hands to themselves, groping and fondling each other, licking and sucking and nibbling, and snogging for long stretches in a close embrace.

When they towelled themselves dry the vague thought once again appeared in Sirius' mind that they probably weren't exactly acting like friends with benefits anymore. There was something else here, something strange, and wonderful. A sense of belonging, and trust, and a deep sort of affection. It scared the hell out of him.

'Are you all right?' Remus asked him when they stood by the door, fully dressed and ready to leave. 'You look like you've seen a ghost.'

'Fine,' Sirius huffed and shook his head.

 

At lunch James nudged Sirius conspiratorially.  
'So what've you been doing then? Or rather, whom...? You look like the cat that's got the cream.'

When Sirius just shrugged, manoeuvring a large piece of game pie onto his plate, James turned to Remus.

'Moony, what's he been up to?'

Remus glanced at them both. 'He's somehow managed a twisting-dive-and-somersault,' he said casually. 'Out on the pitch earlier. He seems to think he's master of all Quidditch now, hence the smug face.'

'Bloody hell, mate,' James said, unknowingly voicing Sirius' exact thoughts. 'How'd you manage that?!'

Sirius cleared his throat. 'Dunno.' He shrugged again, grinning vaguely. 'Outstanding talent and natural flair, I s'ppose.'

He focused on his pie. Quick thinking from Moony, but the twisting-dive-and-somersault!? It was a dream move which unfortunately Sirius was still a long way from achieving.  
And how on earth was Moony keeping such a straight face? All Sirius could think of was sex. Holding and feeling and tasting him, all those things they'd just done. The memory kept buzzing in his veins, warm and exciting, and was a constant, massive distraction.

 

Later, during sheer endless Arithmancy, other thoughts kept intruding on his bored mind.

How they had been together. Those slow, long kisses, Moony's hand in his hair. His gorgeous smile, happy and open. How when Remus had picked him up from class earlier, Sirius had been thrilled by the strangeness of it. Such a simple small thing, yet it had seemed significant. And he had liked it.

So what if he'd enjoyed being treated like Remus' - date? Seeing as they were actually on shagging terms, surely a bit of 'romance' never hurt anyone. 

Sirius reckoned he was quite good at the business of romancing, after all he'd had plenty of practice with a variety of girls. Really it was just a certain exchange of gestures and phrases to set an affair in motion, which would then take its usual course from excitement and pleasure to boredom and break-up. He tended to get caught up in the moment, then to quickly move on. And it had always been easy, maybe because none of it had ever really meant anything.

Obviously Remus was always going to be different. He'd known that from the outset. They were mates, had always got on. Now they were just getting to know each other in this new and different, electrifying way.  
He'd dismissed Moony's concerns as unnecessary doom mongering. If they were indulging in some physical intimacy together, what could really go wrong? There was so much exhilarating and blissful pleasure to be had, and above all it seemed so uncomplicated. And they could always stop if they got tired of it, not that that seemed particularly likely right now. 

Only, suddenly he wasn't so sure of that anymore. Moony's concerns were beginning to feel uncomfortably real. Sirius really didn't want to go back to being just friends. And he was beginning to doubt he'd be able to. It would be more than just disappointing, it'd be sort of - crushing.

Idly drawing figures on this parchment, Sirius wondered whether there might be more between them than powerful sexual chemistry. But he quickly dismissed the idea for what it was - ludicrous nonsense.

He'd obviously long fancied Moony, physically, had been after him for ages. Had wanted to be near him, had desperately wanted to get the other boy's clothes off and his hands on him and all that. Something like a - romantic entanglement - wasn't at all what he'd envisaged. 

He wasn't going to let himself get all weird and emotional about his mate. Apart from anything else, it was the very thing Remus had all along been afraid of. 

He stifled the thought, pushed it aside, mocked the idea. Remembered instead how Moony's weight had felt against his back, all that smooth warm skin against his skin, Moony's hands gripping his hands, and Moony's hips moving in that perfect rhythm, going for that sweet spot that reduced Sirius to mere putty in his arms.

He must have made some sort of sound then. People were tittering all around him and Professor Vector reprimanded him sternly, something about keeping his erotic feelings for Chaldean Theorems to himself. 

 

Quidditch training later that afternoon provided some welcome respite. Sirius relished being out in the spring sunshine, zooming around the pitch at breakneck speed, diving and climbing so steeply it verged on downright dangerous, and chasing after his opponents like a man possessed. He even managed to perform something almost approaching the dreaded twist and somersault which would at least stop James badgering him about it, and earned him some impressed nods from his team mates.  
Lynton praised his enthusiasm and his skill, but warned him against blatant recklessness.

Later, refreshed after a bracing shower and feeling more at ease in his own skin again, he hung back in the changing room. He was taking a very long time to dress, even sending James ahead without him. When he was finally alone he pulled out the letter from this morning. He stared at it for a moment. Then he took a deep breath and tore it open.

As expected, it was in his father's elegant hand. He skimmed it quickly once, then, mouth agape, he read it a second time, gasping in disbelief.

There were the usual phrases - the accusations, the put-downs, the insults. The shame Sirius had brought upon the family, and so on, and so on. The great embarrassment of an eldest son and heir who was so utterly unworthy of his heritage. How in the current political climate his dishonourable behaviour was having much wider repercussions, of which he must be made acutely aware. 

If he at all valued his continued education at Hogwarts, Sirius would step into line now, and would hasten to cooperate. Sirius would be coming of age soon, and plans for the future must be made. For the Ancient and Noble House of Black to retain its superior position it must demonstrate its continued allegiance to other powerful and influential bloodlines. Naturally Sirius would have his part to play.

Certain arrangements were already on the table, with the finer details yet to be hammered out. Having soiled his own reputation by insisting on associating closely not only with Gryffindors, but also with blood traitors, and as rumour had it even with half bloods and mudbloods, he wasn't going to be allowed to cause any further damage. 

Sirius had had his youthful rebellion, he'd had his fun. Now duty called. Due to his own imbecilic actions the doors to all the best houses would now be closed to him. Others however were still willing to make an exception. Orion Black went on to list the ladies in question, all of them pure-blooded, very wealthy single girls from Slytherin, some were a lot older, but 'of decent stock,' and still 'young enough to perpetuate the family line'.

None of this was up for debate, but a simple statement of the facts, of the path laid out for Sirius, of the fate awaiting the disgraced son, selflessly salvaged by his long suffering father. Who by the way hadn't enjoyed having to grovel and prostrate himself to eminent members of his club, in order to secure an advantageous future for his disreputable son. 

From now on, he fully expected Sirius to obey the rules. To show due respect to his forebears, and behave accordingly. To keep to his own kind, no more associating with unsuitables, to actively erase the stain on his character and his reputation. Word travelled fast, and any further deviation would have dire consequences not only for Sirius himself, but for the whole family. Family honour would be defended at any cost, Sirius need be under no illusions. His mother would be in touch shortly with more details.

Sirius stared at the parchment in his trembling hands and gulped for air. His heart hammered painfully in his chest.

He shoved the letter back into his pocket and left the changing rooms. As he marched towards the castle he felt strangely numb, and nauseous. There was rage, too, rising in the pit of his stomach. 

He didn't notice any of the people passing him, and was so completely unaware of Professor McGonagall greeting him that she stared after him with concern.  
This was it, he thought grimly. Time to get out, to cut loose, to escape his parents' horrible self serving clutches.  
He'd always known the moment would come, he just hadn't expected it to arrive this soon. 

He changed direction and headed for the lake. 'His part to play' indeed. The mere idea was sickening, and ludicrous. Why they would seriously imagine he'd ever go along with it was a mystery to him, and yet another sign they knew literally nothing about their son. Over his dead body would he let anyone else have any say about his own future, least of all his psychopathic parents.

He knew he'd extricate himself from this predicament one way or another. It wouldn't be pleasant, or easy, but he'd manage. He was coming of age, he was as bloody-minded as they were, and he knew this particular enemy intimately enough to outmanoeuvre them somehow. 

Only the bit about 'half-bloods and mudbloods' frightened him. Apparently they really were aligning themselves with Death Eaters now. His parents had never hesitated to make good on their threats before, and the insane death eater rhetoric would only justify them being even more ruthless. 

There was one half-blood in particular who mustn't attract their interest, let alone incur their wrath. Best if they never even became aware of him. If they for any reason set their sights on Remus, or his family - it was unthinkable. They mustn't know. His despicable grass of a brother mustn't find out. And that meant no-one could know.

Sirius strode along the edge of the lake and on, criss-crossing the grounds aimlessly, kicking rocks and firing curses at random tree stumps. Eventually he made it back to Gryffindor Tower, where he frightened a few first years with his furious temper. Thankfully he hadn't encountered Snape or Peter, either of whom he'd have happily torn limb from limb. Remus was out on Prefect duties, and James was engrossed in a tense game of Wizard Chess against Oliver Boot. 

Sirius barked at anyone who came near him and almost immediately retired to his dormitory. He smoked a number of cigarettes out on the ledge, he gulped down the dregs of their last bottle of Firewhisky, then he angrily went to bed and pulled the curtains shut.


	11. Silence

James wasn't sure what had happened to his friends. Peter had obviously lost hold of his senses. Remus seemed - distracted somehow. And Sirius, his closest ally, his brother, seemed to have had one of his darker turns again.  
He wouldn't discuss the exact cause. From one minute to the next he'd withdrawn into dark ruminations. He no longer felt like doing much of anything, spending his time brooding, teasing Peter very cruelly, flying off the handle at the slightest provocation. He carelessly banged and crashed his way around the place, leaving a trail of broken and smashed things in his wake. 

Try as he might, James couldn't wheedle out what was bothering his best friend. Sirius refused to talk about it, getting that defensive and dangerous look in his eyes that warned anyone not to press the matter.  
It must be that letter, James knew. Something Sirius' parents had said or done, something that must have really hit him where it hurt. Frustrating as it was for his friends, while Sirius would wildly vent his spleen over any minor annoyance, he'd always kept serious problems to himself, especially if they involved his family. He might talk about it eventually, once he'd formed a plan of action in his own mind. 

One night, smoking out on their little balcony, James plied him with sufficient firewhisky to loosen his tongue. But just when Sirius seemed on the brink of confiding in him something made him stop, he clammed up abruptly, drained his glass and started teasing James relentlessly about his obsession with Evans, until James, defeated, called it a night.

The last time Sirius had got like this, Remus had had a calming effect on him, but not now. If anything, Sirius got worse around him, becoming twitchy, restless, and short-tempered. Not that Remus was exactly around much, busy as he was with his blasted prefect duties. James couldn't pinpoint it exactly, but something wasn't quite right between Sirius and Remus either. By all appearances they were acting normal, or at least Sirius' current version of normal. But lately there seemed to be a strange sort of tension between them. And it almost seemed as though Padfoot was avoiding Moony. 

'Let's go and plant dung bombs near Slytherin?' Remus would suggest, for instance, obviously in an effort to get Sirius out of the Common Room and out of himself. 'We could put a trigger charm on them so they'd explode every time their door opens.'

Sirius, who'd been scowling at the latest issue of Quidditch Weekly, looked up with the beginnings of an appreciative grin, but as his gaze flickered up at Moony his smile faltered and a sort of pained look returned.

'Good idea, mate,' he said coolly. 'Best take Prongs, though. I'm - too tired to go out again.'

'Are you?' Remus asked, surprised. 'Since when?'

'Just - tired, all right?' Sirius huffed. 'Training was really full on today. And I've not been sleeping that well.'

'Right. Keep your hair on.' Remus seemed puzzled more than annoyed.

'Might be because it's Slytherin?' James wondered later, under the cloak, as he and Moony placed a neat row of dung bombs along the corridor leading to the dungeon. 'Perhaps he's got to steer clear of them altogether. Mustn’t offend Regulus.'

'Yeah. Maybe.' Remus didn't say much more, he was obviously turning something over in his mind.

* * *

Days passed. Sirius remained cantankerous and irritable. He might go on long solitary flights, and never could resist the odd game of four-a-side, but he still refused to go on kitchen raids, in fact declined to join any night time excursions at all. Instead, he stayed up late in the Common Room, or grumpily took to his bed, announcing loudly that he did not want to be disturbed.

Then there he lay, behind his drawn bed curtains, gloomily staring up at the red canopy for what felt like hours, listening to the muffled sounds of the dormitory, as they dwindled to charm-enforced silence. Sirius knew he was being unfair on his friends. Yet somehow he wasn't able to tame his bad temper, or to control his moods. He felt sort of paralysed by his anger. 

Although he badly wanted to tell Prongs about the letter, about the whole ridiculous nightmare brewing in his immediate future, a stupid sense of pride prevented him from saying anything. It was just too humiliating, his damned parents wielding power over him like that. Too shameful to repeat, too horrible to say out loud. And he wouldn’t be able to stand anyone’s pity. He'd get out of this mess somehow, there’d be a way. 

He sighed miserably. The thing was, even if he did tell Prongs, Sirius knew he’d really have to also talk to him about the - thing between himself and Moony, which by now he was actually afraid to do. That way danger lay. If Prongs were to have another meltdown - like the continuous one he was still indulging in about Peter and his girlfriend - people would find out. The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black would find out. Which would spell certain disaster for both Sirius and Remus. 

Before the most recent developments his parents would probably have been irritated by their son cavorting with a halfblood. A boy as well, though at least there'd be no chance of him muddying the family line. These days however their response was bound to be merciless. They would probably even relish in their casual cruelty towards Remus or his family. In the current political climate it would stand as a clear statement of intent, they'd be setting an example. 

Sirius ran his hand across his face, stretched his limbs, tried to get comfortable. This happened every night, no matter how decisively he was willing himself to sleep, his mind kept churning, thoughts endlessly going round in pointless circles. He’d attacked the problem from every angle, and the upshot remained the same. 

There was no way he could risk it. 

Not for his own future, and he was certainly not going to allow himself to put Remus in any danger. Sirius had no choice but to play along. Pretend. 

It was nauseating to think about, impossible to say out loud, that temporarily, in order to appease his parents, he'd officially be friends with - never mind be snogging - purebloods only. Even saying it would be allowing his parents’ despicable notions to become reality. It was too shameful.  
And there was no way Sirius would actively shun Remus, or deny their friendship. He was just - he was going to be keeping his distance. Subtly. Spare himself and Moony the humiliation.  
He was taking a step back. Let things cool down a bit. Which was torture, but also something of a relief. 

Because, of course, there was that other thing. 

The fact Remus was on his mind all the time. This urge Sirius had to be near him, with him, trying to amuse and impress. It all disturbed him profoundly. Whenever Remus greeted him with one of those smiles, or with a playful shove, or clapped him on the back, Sirius reciprocated, but shrank away quickly. He wanted badly to talk to his friend, properly, about everything. And he longed for Moony's touch, fantasised about his skin, his gorgeous body. But these days, simply being face to face with his friend was enough to confuse and unsettle Sirius. A whole maelstrom of convoluted ideas kept threatening to overwhelm him, and Sirius found himself unable to face up to any of them. Instead, flustered, he made some random excuse and left in a hurry.

As he did most nights, in an effort to suppress his worries, to stop himself dwelling on his own misery, Sirius ended up having one off the cuff as he thought of Remus.  
Stroking himself slowly as he thought of his kiss, his beautiful chest, his strong arms, those hands, and their wonderful touch. That scent, so delicious and heady. Moony looking up at him with his lips wrapped around Sirius’ cock. He imagined sucking Moony off, lapping at his balls, licking the long shaft, tonguing the salty, leaking slit. He endlessly replayed his memory of that time he’d had him almost bent double, Moony’s legs thrown over his shoulders, and Sirius entering him, thrusting into him hard, again and again. Or feeling Moony’s lips on his shoulder and his hands on his arse, parting his cheeks, and Moony taking him firmly, in one swift, determined stroke. Filling him up, fucking him deeply, and Sirius almost losing his mind.  
Later, in the aftermath, panting wildly and wiping his sticky hand on his sheets, Sirius always felt hollow, in acute despair. He longed for Moony’s sage words, for those amber eyes, for his hands, for those luscious kisses. Ached for Moony’s smile, for his wit. Sleep still wouldn’t come. He was utterly wretched.

So apparently he was harbouring a genuine tenderness for Moony. Actual deep and moving feelings, possibly something approaching - he daren’t even think what. He'd probably been heading that way for a while now. It was alarming, and dangerous, and not something he had much experience of, or any, really. They had just sort of been messing around, hadn't they, their physical relationship had seemed blissfully uncomplicated. Until now. No-one had ever got to Sirius like this. And it was the very thing Moony had been afraid of all along. 

Sirius was afraid, too, frightened by his own intensity. But he wasn't allowing himself to get any - ideas. It would only complicate everything. Sirius wasn’t going to go there.  
Distance would be good for them, in every way. As crushing as it would be to forgo any chance of intimacy with Remus, steering clear of him would probably simplify things, he attempted to convince himself. Still, he knew he wasn't exactly handling the situation particularly well.

* * *

As the days wore on, Sirius was continually haunted by his father’s words. He remained taciturn and stroppy, forcing himself to suppress his innermost thoughts as well as any emotions. He avoided Peter, kept away from Moony, and even from James at times. Instead, he hung around with Kieran and Oliver, he sought out and randomly spent his free time with acquaintances in his own year as well as in the year above, and he saw a lot more of dodgy Hawksworth than strictly necessary. In order to distract himself, and to make life easier to bear, he developed an even fiercer obsession with Quidditch.

The strained silence that had descended on the Marauders’ end of the table during mealtimes was grim and oppressive. Prongs remained frustrated, still making the odd attempt to engage Sirius in cheery conversation, but largely devoted his attention to the other side of the table, where Walter, Gilbert, Kieran and Oliver somehow successfully managed to ignore the icy tension. Peter had taken to gobbling up his meal at record speed, before pointedly leaving the table to join his girlfriend elsewhere. Remus, of course, wasn't giving anything away. He was absent a lot of the time anyway, or he tended to arrive late, and often left in a hurry. When he was around, he kept himself to himself, his nose in a book, wearing a placid expression that remained completely unreadable. 

On the Tuesday morning, a whole endless week since the letter, and a full week since Sirius had last spoken properly - let alone done anything more than speak - to Remus, the weather was as abysmal as Sirius’ mood. Scoffing his scrambled eggs at breakfast, Sirius thought Remus was watching him, but neither of them said anything. As usual Sirius was feeling dreadful, queasy, and confused. He wanted nothing more than to spend those two free hours with Remus again, and yet he was scared to even contemplate the idea.

In Charms, he interrupted his brooding only to viciously malign various Slytherins. 

‘Meeting Moony, then?’ James casually asked him as they were leaving the classroom.

‘Yes, er, no, I dunno,’ Sirius said vaguely. ‘I s’ppose I’ll see what he’s up to.’

‘Why don’t you talk to him,’ James frowned. ‘If you won’t talk to me. Moony’s a good listener. Maybe he can help -’

Sirius huffed and rolled his eyes. ‘Will you give it a rest,’ he said, turned and walked away. They were all doing his head in. Everything was doing his head in. He wasn’t even sure what to do with himself. The damned rain meant flying would be out of the question. He wanted nothing more than to find Remus, and he wanted to avoid him at all costs. 

Prongs still had the map, but Moony would most likely be in the library. When Sirius got to their deserted dormitory, he kicked off his shoes and threw off his robe, thinking he might actually just smoke a Confounding cigarette and attempt a nap. Then he heard water running in the bathroom. He went to investigate, pushed open the door to the showers, gasped, and froze. In an open cubicle stood a figure, stark naked in the rising steam. His clothes were scattered haphazardly on the floor, as though thrown off in a hurry, and the boy was wildly scrubbing away at his arm, then his hip, his stomach, then his arm again.

Sirius stood rooted to the spot, mesmerised by the view - muscles rippling beneath silvery scarred skin, the rivulets of water running down the strong back, dripping down the gentle curve of that beautiful arse. At first Remus seemed too caught up in his vigorous cleaning to notice him there, then he suddenly stopped dead and looked over his shoulder, eyes wide and mouth agape.

For a long moment, neither of them spoke. Then Remus cleared his throat awkwardly and resumed his scrubbing. ‘Herbology mishap,’ he explained. ‘Got hit by a load of sap from an overripe Bulbous Tarblain. I don't know why I can’t seem to get it off, it burns like hell...’

‘Oh.’ Sirius swallowed hard. ‘Do you - um, - would you like some help with that?’

Remus’ movements slowed, he looked back at his friend. He seemed undecided at first, then he raised an eyebrow with a faint smile. ‘If you think you can shift it,’ he shrugged.

 _I shouldn’t,_ Sirius thought as he pulled his shirt and t-shirt over his head, _I probably shouldn’t,_ as he rapidly removed his trousers and socks, _this is a terrible idea,_ as he as good as ripped his pants off and stepped into the shower cubicle. 

They kissed only briefly. Sirius pulled away and rubbed at the purplish blue marks from the plant juice, just for show really, before letting his hands explore other areas of Remus’ physique. Then he was on his knees, sucking Moony’s impressive hard on into his mouth, fondling his balls, going at it with a sort of desperate eagerness, water splashing all around them. Remus’ hand was on the back of his head, directing him, holding him in place as he moved his hips, pushing into him. Pulling Sirius away and up, shoving him back against the tiled wall for a fierce kiss, then turning him to face the tiles.  
‘Shall I fuck you,’ Remus huskily said close to his ear, his hand slipping around Sirius’ cock, his rock hard erection sliding against Sirius’ wet crack. Gasping, Sirius nodded curtly, he moved into that hand gloriously pumping his shaft, and then back against the slick fingers about to breach him. Soon enough, he was panting, his vision a blur, steam and water permeating everything, and then Remus was inside him. That beautiful cock, large and solid and firmly demanding. They were both cursing and groaning and breathing hard, sounds of pleasure echoing from the tiles, muffled by the rushing water. Moony was shagging him slowly and deliberately, going deep, hitting the exact spot that made Sirius quite literally weak at the knees. As Remus picked up the pace, thrusting into him faster, relentlessly, in a rapid staccato, Sirius dropped all pretense and shouted out his delight. _Yes,_ he thought, _yes, this - just sex, nothing weird,_ just as Moony pushed him over the edge. Sirius came all over Moony’s hand and up the tiled wall, while Remus kept pounding into him. Then he suddenly pulled out, and Sirius felt hot liquid splash onto his back, where the streaming water was already smudging and diluting it and beginning to wash it away. 

Catching his breath, Sirius stood braced against the tiled wall for a moment longer, before stumbling backwards. Moony was breathing heavily, too. They might have kissed again, but didn't, they smiled at each other instead. Then they rinsed themselves down, and giving up on the marks from the Tarblain sap, Remus left the cubicle. Sirius turned off the taps and followed. He took the towel Remus offered him with an outstretched hand. 

‘Bit like shagging in a tropical rainstorm, isn't it,’ Remus said quietly.

Sirius nodded.‘Yeah.’ He roughly towelled his hair, and began to get dressed. 

Remus was shooting him sidelong glances, but didn't say anything either. He didn't ask what was wrong, what had been wrong, what had changed. He was merely giving Sirius an opportunity to speak, to explain. And he seemed to be keeping his distance, too - even just now during sex his touch had seemed perfunctory, sparse of any affection.

It was odd, unlike them, awkward. Once again, Sirius found himself strangely paralysed. What was there to say, what could he say? Apparently his friend had read the signs, and had understood them. That heavy ache returned to Sirius’ chest, and he was filled with sickening, leaden despair.

Back in the dormitory, Sirius had just spell-dried his hair and Remus put on a fresh shirt and jumper when footsteps sounded on the spiral staircase. Then a flabbergasted Peter appeared in the doorway.

‘What are you doing here?’ he demanded, frowning at them.

‘No divination?’ Remus asked. 

‘Not for me, not today,’ Peter shrugged, and then Sirius saw the movement behind him. There was someone with him, shifting, retreating rapidly.

‘You didn't!’ Sirius boomed. ‘You _wouldn't!_ Merlin’s balls, Pete!’

Peter defiantly opened his mouth to speak but Sirius was already shouting him down. 

‘Blasted scuttling dung beetles! Wormtail! How dare you! A Slytherin here, are you out of your tiny mind?!’ Sirius was at the door now, bellowing over Peter’s shoulder, although Jocasta Lamprey must have already fled - ‘Piss off! And don’t come anywhere near us again, unless you want us to wring your neck!’ Then he stared down at Peter. ‘You were actually going to sneak a Slytherin into our own room?! What, into your bed, next to ours? Our private rooms, Pete! Marauder headquarters! Is nothing sacred to you, at all? Think you’d actually shag her here, did you? It’s sick, is what it is, disgusting, makes me heave, just to think -’

Then Remus was standing next to him. ‘I've got to go,’ he was saying evenly, his face a mask of calm, barely frowning. ‘See you later.’ 

‘Bye, Moony.’ Peter moved in the doorway to let him pass. ‘Hypocrite, aren't you, Sirius Black,’ he hissed then. His cheeks were burning a bright red, but he fixed Sirius with an unwavering stare. ‘Who is the one brought up on Slytherin riches then? Which one of us has a Slytherin mother, and a Slytherin father, even a Slytherin bloody brother? Jocasta’s been telling me about your family history, you’re nothing but a freak accident in a long line of nasty miscreants.’ He took a deep breath. ‘We've none of us ever made a fuss about it, but really you come from more evil than most actual Slytherins. Bet by blood you’re more of a Slytherin than a lot of them are.’

Sirius was staring at him, aghast. Moony's footsteps had come to a halt on the stairs below, after a moment of deafening silence they resumed again and faded into the Common Room. 

Peter stood his ground, he seemed self-conscious, but strangely fearless. Sirius was about to punch him, hex him, stun or curse him. Clutching his drawn wand in his fist, he didn't move. When he stepped right up to Peter, the other boy flinched. Sirius grabbed his shoulders and shoved him aside, hard enough for Peter to topple backwards onto the floor. Without another glance, Sirius stormed out, thundering down the stairs, striding through the Common Room and out, banging the door behind him.

He spent the remainder of the two free periods out in the rain, trudging through the sopping grounds to the edge of the forest, wildly firing curses into the trees. Wood singed and splintered, bark sprayed, he caused one tree to actually wobble precariously, and a large shrub to go up in flames. None of it stopped him, or even registered. He didn't even mind getting soaked again. The freezing rain only served to underline his mood, and it disguised and dissolved any hot tears that might find their way down his cheeks, tears of rage and anguish, and of fierce self pity.

 

When he got back into the castle, people were between lessons, milling about. Sirius felt numb somehow, walking along in a daze, leaving a wet trail of muddy footsteps. Then he saw Piffle, the vile git. Sirius moved without thinking, his wand still in his hand.

‘Expelliarmus!’

Piffle turned in surprise when his wand flew from his sleeve, squinting after it. And Sirius’ fist hit him squarely on the nose. 

Although Piffle was very tall and broad-shouldered, with the stocky heft of someone whose diet featured immense amounts of crisps, sweets, and chocolate, he stumbled backwards, holding his nose. He still seemed to be trying to fathom what was happening when Sirius punched him again, and again. Swinging blindly, Piffle tried to get a hold on Sirius, but the other boy was too fast for him.  
Sirius wasn’t thinking, acting instinctively, ruthlessly venting all his pent up anger and frustration. His fist connected with Piffle’s jaw, with his double chin, with his temple. He laid into him until strong hands pulled him away. Piffle was lying huddled on the floor, whimpering softly.

‘Bloody hell, Black,’ Gilbert said, slowly loosening his vice-like grip on Sirius’ shoulders. They were walking away swiftly, while behind them people were starting to gather, gawking at the infamous sixth year bully, reduced to a sorry heap on the floor. Gilbert was still urging him on. ‘What’s got into you? Not that he doesn’t deserve it - but what on earth -?’

‘Had it coming to him,’ Sirius growled through clenched teeth. He rubbed his sore knuckles, gingerly touched his cheek where a hook from Piffle had only just grazed him.

‘You should take it easy, mate. Not that it wasn’t brilliant, I mean, really, well done. But if McGonagall finds out she’s bound to give you a walloping just as bad - and you don’t want to be pushing your luck there.’

Sirius nodded vaguely.

‘Where are you headed?’ They were well away now, and Gilbert let go of his shoulders.

‘Transfiguration.’

‘Oh dear.’ Gilbert grinned. ‘Well, good luck. Hopefully she won’t have got wind of this. Yet.’ 

 

For the rest of the day, Sirius felt deeply exhausted, and sort of numb. He skipped lunch to smoke a very strong Confounding pipe with Hawksworth behind the Astronomy Tower, and the smoke successfully blurred and muted the rest of the afternoon. During their last lesson of the day James questioned him continually, and that evening in the Great Hall, everyone at the Gryffindor House table seemed to know all about who’d knocked out that goon in Slytherin.

Sirius didn’t deny or confirm anything. He shrugged a lot and grinned wanly when people congratulated him on a job well done. They all wanted details, but he didn’t supply any. All during dinner Peter kept cautiously eyeing Sirius, obviously awestruck, and clearly afraid that Sirius might mention the reason for their earlier fight. James was excited, even exuberant, that finally that pillock Piffle had got his just desserts. He was also growing increasingly annoyed at Sirius for his refusal to play along and indulge them with a thorough account of his heroic actions, not even revealing what had triggered such a ferocious attack. Remus remained very quiet, though he seemed impressed, too, if concerned. Sirius was avoiding his eyes, and Remus actually moved seats before the crème caramel appeared to sit and chat with Evans. 

* * *

The days that followed were strange, empty, excruciating. Relations between the Marauders remained strained. 

To his immense surprise, apparently Sirius had got away with his outburst of unprovoked violence. Piffle hadn’t made a complaint, and probably wouldn’t. And if any professors had heard about the incident, none of them seemed inclined to raise the issue.  
Sirius caught himself almost wishing he’d got hit with several weeks of detention. Being forced to spend most of his free time doing menial tasks alone somewhere seemed a lot less painful than spending it either alone, subtly avoiding his friends, or gloomily enduring their company.

Then, as if things weren't already bad enough, one evening while killing time in the Common Room, James actually got into a proper row with Remus, which wasn't easily done. It was when Remus let casually slip that Peter's affair with The Slytherin hadn't exactly been news to him. James could hardly contain himself.

'You knew?!' he shouted. 'Why didn't you bloody say anything?!'

Remus shrugged his shoulders. 'You know what I think. It's his own business.'

James shook his head in disbelief. 'And as you well know, for the hundredth time, she's a Slytherin! So of course it's not just his own business! She'll screw him over one way or another, and you can bet your life she'll try and inform on us. Don't give me that look, people are sorted into Slytherin for a reason, for Merlin's sake. You can't have forgotten-' he dropped his voice and hissed '-what one of them almost did to you?!'

'Of course I haven't,' Remus said evenly, frowning now. 'But you’ll remember that Lamprey had nothing to do with that.'

'Oh come off it! They're all the same, bloody hell, Remus.' James spat, still shaking his head. 'Lying, deceitful, sneaky, slimy bastards, the lot of them.'

He looked at Sirius for support, who was spread out on a sofa, glowering and stabbing with his quill at the much crossed out, smudged and stained piece of parchment that was his disastrous attempt at a Transfiguration essay. 

Sirius barely glanced at them, but agreed, 'She will ruin him.'

Remus sighed, exasperated. 'Even so. He's being foolish, granted, but - we're his friends. We might at least give them a chance. Pete's his own man. Leave him to make his own decisions, it's not for you to -'

'A chance?' James raged on. 'It can't have escaped your notice that there may well be an all-out war brewing, and whom do you reckon we've got to thank for that? The cursed followers of Salazar the Great is who. And your precious Lamprey-'

'Mine? Precious?'

'She'll hurt him, Remus!' James was losing his patience. They'd been over this too many times. 'Whether she means to or not. She'll rat on us to her slimy friends, and she'll try to break up the Marauders, and - just you wait. We'll have to stop her! Not you, mind, if you're happy to just stand idly by, lying to us about it -'

'I've never once lied about it.'

'Lied by omission then,' James shouted. 'Which is the same thing. You should've bloody told us! Not kept quiet. Never about something as big as this.'

There was a pause.

'Right.' Remus said. He took a deep breath. 'In that case, I suppose there's something else you ought to know.'

This came as a surprise to James, and apparently to Sirius, too, who looked up sharply. 

'The truth is,' Remus said, 'Sirius and I-'

'Have found the perfect hex.' Sirius cut in. 'That's true. Been meaning to tell you. We've thought of the best way of - getting Mulciber back. We'll hex him. In revenge.'

'Have you?' James asked, somewhat puzzled. ‘You’re on fire these days, Pads, aren’t you?’

Remus frowned at Sirius, mouth agape. 

'Yes,' Sirius said firmly. 'We've been meaning to tell you, but what with one thing and another...' He stared at Remus, wordlessly urging him to play along. Moony was still frowning, and looking at him strangely.

'Let's hear it then,' James said. Remus raised an eyebrow at Sirius.

Sirius cleared his throat, and quickly said, 'Uh - a love spell. We'll make them all fancy each other, you know, unsuccessfully. Deep feelings, all that. It'd be hilarious - obviously excruciating for them...'

Remus had raised both his eyebrows now, he opened his mouth to speak, but closed it again.

James nodded slowly, thinking it over. 'Might work. It'd be unexpected, that's for sure. And not our usual sort of thing, but - I suppose I know more than any of you just how vexing it is. And that’s even though the person in question will eventually come round...' His gaze inevitably drifted over to where Evans was chatting to her friends. 

'Yeah. That's how we must have come up with the idea,' Remus said dryly and got up. 'I need some air. See you later.' And with a withering glance at Sirius, Remus turned and walked away.

'Pads,' James asked, clearing his throat. 'What on earth is going on?' 

Sirius huffed and stared at his essay again. 'What can you mean.'

'You and Moony.'

'Nothing. What should be going on. Everything is bloody peachy. Now will you stop badgering me!'

Sirius threw his parchment and quill onto a chair, spraying it with ink, then he jumped up and marched off towards the dormitory stairs. He reappeared soon after, still looking severely put out, and scanned the room. 

'Give me the map,' he demanded when he came over to where James was talking Quidditch with Walter and Kieran. 

'You've got it,' James reminded him.

'Oh. Right.' Sirius patted himself down and nodded, and rummaging in his robes to retrieve the object in question he strode off, banging the portrait door so loudly it caused the Fat Lady to shriek and spit.

Lily Evans and her friends turned to look at James, who rolled his eyes grimly, as if to say, 'I know. Black. Giant plonker, isn't he.'

* * *

Sirius hurried along the corridors. There was still some time before curfew, but only few students were about. He stopped to study the map again. Remus kept moving, and fast. The full moon was only a week away, it was probably already making Moony feel restless. 

'Remus,' he called when he finally caught up with him. 'Wait. Please.'

They were up on the seventh floor, in a narrow passage overlooking the entrance hall. There was an intricate stone balustrade to one side and a row of small statues to the other, famous goblins of the Middle Ages.

Remus stopped, and turned to look at him, his expression just as stony faced as the nearest goblin. 

'What is it.'

'Where are you going?' Sirius asked. 

Remus rolled his eyes. 'What's it to you?' His voice sounded awfully cold. 

'Listen, Moony. Don't be - I'm sorry.' Sirius was close enough now, he came to a halt and reached out for Moony's hand. 'I couldn't - we can't.' He swallowed hard. 'And I can't say anything.'

'Yeah,' Remus said darkly. 'So I've noticed.' His expression softened, and he sighed. 'It's all right. The thing is, I understand. It was all a bad idea anyway.'

'But that's not at all - what I mean is -' 

Remus was staring at him, waiting for him to elaborate. Once again Sirius was unnerved by his friend's eyes, so warm and seductive when they were smiling, so distant and unreadable now.

'It's my parents. They've - they are -' he took a deep breath. 'It's - just - they've been making threats -'

'Threats?'

'Yes. You know. Their usual pureblood nonsense, just - more severe.'

'You might've said.'

'Yeah, maybe I should've. It's embarrassing. And I don't want you involved. So I really can't be seen to -'

'Right,' Remus said slowly and nodded. He gently retrieved his hand. 'As I said, I understand. It's all right, Pads. Don't worry.'

'But that doesn't mean, I mean, we can still - get together, can't we? Sometimes? Just us?' 

'Probably not,' Remus calmly took a step back. 'I don't think that's a good idea.'

'Oh.’ Sirius stared at him in disbelief. The reality of Remus saying it out loud was nightmarish, compared to Sirius dutifully thinking it. He cleared his throat. ‘Right. I see.’

'Yes.' Remus sighed. 'It's been fun. But all the secrecy isn't. All the sneaking around, pretending, deceiving the others. It's no good. And now - it's obviously stressing you out, and it’s going to get you into more trouble with your parents... it's time to end it.'

Sirius nodded slowly, still in shock. 

'It'll be all right. We'll be all right.' Remus smiled feebly. 'I'll see you in a bit, Pads.' Then he turned and walked away.

Sirius didn't follow him. He just stood there, stunned. Supposedly this was for the best. But everything was dreadfully, dreadfully wrong. He knew he'd messed up somewhere, but he wasn't sure how it had happened, what he could've done any differently. 

* * *

On the face of it, the night of the full moon was uneventful. Nevertheless James found it strange, strained somehow, uncomfortable. Peter didn't join them this time, and even Sirius seemed reluctant, although of course in the end he wouldn't miss it for the world. The three animals capered about wildly, especially Prongs and Moony, while Sirius seemed half hearted about it, and kept himself at a bit of a distance.

The following afternoon, as soon as they knew Moony would have got back from the infirmary, James suggested they go and see him. Sirius declined, actually using the phrase 'busy with homework.'

'Chocolate frog,' James offered as he sat on the edge of Remus' bed. Moony, who was sprawled out, face down on his mattress, turned his head and smiled groggily. The little frog hopped towards him.

'Feeling better?'

'Mm.' Remus nodded. He turned onto his back, began to sit up, but winced and flopped down again. 

'Here.' James held out a phial of Painaway Potion.

'Thank you.'

'Moony. Listen.' James said then, pushing up his glasses. 'About you and Padfoot... Everything all right there?'

'Yeah.' Moony sighed and rubbed his face. 'Course. Why?'

'Because it's obvious something's happened between the two of you.'

Remus half opened one eye. 'Is it...' 

'Yeah, for Merlin's sake, and I want to know what it is.'

'Rgh,' Moony growled. The chocolate frog was hopping near his shoulder now, he bashed at it with his hand and picked it up.  
'Nothing.' He sighed. 'I dunno. Best ask him, see what's wrong with him.' He bit off the chocolate frog's head.

'He won't tell me a thing, not the a mood he's been in. It's that letter from his parents, got to be. He just won't say what's in it. Has he told you? What's happened? It must be something terrible, for him to clam up like that. I thought - maybe you'd fallen out, too. Or that you'd at least have an idea.'

Remus shook his head, munching chocolate.

'After all, people - tell you things.'

When Remus wasn't any more forthcoming, James hung his head in despair. 'I'm so sick of it. All of us being so - so out of sorts. I hate everyone being angry all the time. I miss us. I miss the Marauders. How do we fix this, Moony?'

Remus closed his eyes and made a sound that was half sigh and half groan. 'Get over yourself, for one thing.' he said at length. 'Make it up with Peter. Let him do what he likes, be who he is. Stop trying to interfere.'

'But-'

'Come on. You lot have always remained my friends - even though I'm an actual Dark creature. Far worse than what Pete's doing.'

'But that's-' James protested again, then thought better of it. 'And - Padfoot?'

'I dunno, he's your best friend, isn't he.' Remus sounded so resigned, and cold, James eyed him suspiciously. 

'What's he done? What's he done to you?' he asked quietly.

'Nothing! Merlin, Prongs, give it a rest. He's "done" nothing "to me", why should he have. Nothing at all. And I don't know what's going on with his parents either, the usual is what he's said, just worse. I dread to think, to be honest, but if he won't tell us... That's it, Prongs. That's all I know. Now will you please piss off and let me get some sleep.'


	12. A Glimmer

‘Look at him, the traitor,’ Sirius sneered, wiping his muddy hands on his trousers. James lowered his trowel and followed his best friend's gaze to where Peter was coyly chatting to his beaming girlfriend at the entrance to greenhouse three. ‘Holding hands, plain as day. Urgh. It's indecent.’

‘Yeah. Mind you, you've done a lot worse in public than hold hands,’ James said, frowning at Wormtail over the long purple leaves of the small shrub they'd just planted. ‘Back when you were still interested in getting laid, that is.’

‘That's hardly the point,’ Sirius spat, impatiently firming the soil around the shrub with his shoe. ‘Nobody wants to watch them. It's disgusting.’

James used his trowel to pat the soil, too. ‘You know Moony reckons we should let it go. Ease up on Pete. Let him be his own man, as he put it.’

Sirius grunted and scowled at the ground, then at Peter in the distance. ‘He would say that, wouldn't he.’

‘Well. I'm actually starting to think he's right.’ James got to his feet. ‘What Pete is doing is obviously massively out of order. But what about the Marauders? We're always fighting. It's bloody exhausting. Not talking to Pete. You've been a right moody bastard for weeks, and won’t say why. Even Moony's been out of sorts, though he keeps denying it.’ When his friend showed no inclination to comment, James continued cautiously. ‘Maybe we should make an effort and - I dunno, ignore Wormtail’s insane behaviour, and his blatant transgression of Marauder code. Try and get on with him again. Pull together as a group, you know?’

Sirius snorted, his hands shoved deep into his pockets, and shifted uneasily. James was half expecting him to storm off, which he’d been doing a lot lately. But even Sirius knew there’d be hell to pay from young Madam Sprout if he absented himself from Herbology with at least twenty more minutes to go. ‘I’ll get the watering can,’ Sirius huffed instead and strode off.

‘Maybe you're right,’ he conceded darkly when he returned with the heavy galvanised can. ‘Maybe we should pull together. For the common good.’ He proceeded to drench the plant and its new surroundings. ‘I s’ppose - it might improve things.’

James grinned weakly and stepped back so as to keep his feet dry. ‘Would probably make Moony happier, if nothing else.’

Sirius shot him a strange look. Then he glowered at the ground again which he was rapidly turning into a soggy swamp. 

‘Maybe we’ll all be happier,’ James suggested.

Having upended the watering can to get the last drops out, Sirius carelessly let the thing clang to the ground. ‘Fat chance,’ he said under his breath.

‘Sirius -,’ James began, ‘mate, -’

 _‘Don’t.’_ Sirius hissed sharply, cutting off his best friend’s hundredth attempt to get him to open up. ‘Listen. I can’t talk about it, all right? Stop hassling me, will you? Don't take it personally. I just - can’t. It’s nothing to do with you anyway.’

‘Something to do with Moony, then?’

‘No!’ Sirius let out a frustrated groan, shaking his head emphatically. ‘Nothing to do with any of you. It’s my own business, and I’ll sort it out. Just - leave it, all right!’

James shrugged and nodded, taken aback. ‘Right. Sorry for giving a damn. Merlin. I just thought - since you’ve been so off with each other -’

Sirius shook his head again and kicked a lump of earth. ‘I’ve told you, you’re imagining things,’ he said, adding harshly, ‘You just don't like him hanging around with Evans so much, that's all.’ 

‘As if!’ James scoffed. Just a moment later, he pulled a face. ‘You don’t think - he did say he doesn’t fancy her, didn’t he. He wouldn’t try anything, would he? Knowing that I like her? Not Moony...’

‘Nah. I doubt it.’ Sirius sighed and shrugged theatrically. ‘But am I his keeper? How should I know?’

* * *

James and even Sirius did seem to make an effort not to antagonise Peter any further. They even restrained themselves from uttering any sort of comment at all where Jocasta Lamprey was concerned. Nevertheless, Marauder relations didn't improve as much as they might have hoped. 

Peter began to relax again in their presence, and they actually managed to share the occasional joke between them. But he still seemed strangely uneasy, almost shy, around Sirius. Moony had mentioned to James something about a big blowout between Padfoot and Peter, just before Pads had given Piffle his almighty thrashing. Sirius never said a word about it, and dismissed any questions with a sinister frown and a careless shrug.

And for whatever reason Sirius and Remus still seemed ill at ease with each other, too. James observed the two of them closely, trying to work out what had happened there. It couldn't still be about that thing with Crowe, these days neither of them seemed remotely interested in her. On the contrary, Sirius seemed singularly uninterested in anyone. 

This was a source of frustration for an apparently growing number of girls. As much as the new Sirius - moody, sombre, and taciturn - exasperated his friends, to members of the opposite sex he apparently seemed even more attractive.  
James supposed that the brooding frown possibly lent Padfoot's face a certain gravitas, but those shadows under his eyes, the pallid skin and sullen expression? He for one just wanted his best mate back, the Sirius who was witty and exuberant and hilarious, with all his stupid jokes and his infectious laughter.

Remus on the other hand remained his enigmatic self. He kept up amicable conversations with his friends at mealtimes, he chatted to them normally in the Study Hall, and he played the odd game with them in the evenings. But he avoided talking about anything personal at all. When it came to Peter, and especially to Sirius, Moony seemed reserved, and more polite than usual, as though he was choosing his words very carefully. When James mentioned this in a roundabout way, Moony cut him off rather gruffly, and insisted everything was fine. Why all these secrets all of the sudden, James wondered to himself, not a little angry. Last he'd heard, they were supposed to be best friends! Why would neither of them talk to him? And what on earth could be bothering them?

As Sirius had pointed out, Remus really was seeing a lot of Lily Evans, and seemed to be getting awfully chummy with her new best mate in Hufflepuff, Philomena Quince. Maybe a dalliance with Quince would sort Moony out. It was spring, after all, James thought. Surely they were all feeling it, he himself certainly was.

'Evans and Quince coming to the match, then?' he enquired when Remus finally joined him and Sirius on the grass near the Quidditch pitch after what had been a suspiciously long prefects meeting. Remus had walked across the grounds with Evans, they'd parted ways by the stands. Of course James had waved at her but she’d barely graced them with a withering glance before turning her back and sauntering off to meet her own friends.

'Extended meeting again?' Sirius asked pointedly, examining a thistle amongst the daisies and clover.

'Endless. Blasted third years,' Remus sighed, dropped his book bag and sat down. 'And I assume they are going to the match. Who isn't?'

It was the last match of the season, Gryffindor against Ravenclaw. Although it was still a couple of weeks away, talk about it was already buzzing. 

James grinned excitedly. 'Great. Are you going with Quince then?'

Remus shrugged noncommittally. 'Have you got that pipe on you?' He lay back in the grass with a sigh and blinked up at the sun. Though the weather still remained changeable, there'd been a few days like today, warmed by the most beautiful sunshine.

'And Hawksworth's finest,' James said, pulling out all the relevant paraphernalia. 'There you go, Pads, you do the honours.'

Sirius sat up and did as he was told. He took his time, completing every step carefully and slowly, while James talked in detail and with great confidence of the beating they were going to give Ravenclaw. Somehow Sirius didn't seem quite as convinced that they had it in the bag, but he wouldn't elaborate beyond a few gruff remarks. He wasn't even really listening, obviously mulling something over.

Soon the first puffs of fragrant blue smoke rose into the air. Sirius declined a second round, but got to his feet instead, and stretched his limbs. Then he made a vague excuse and took off.

James shook his head as they watched him walk away.  
'How much more of this, Moony?'

Remus didn't know.

* * *

What neither of them knew, or indeed could know, was how much Sirius was suffering. It was constant, and relentless, like some sort of a curse. He didn't know what had caused it, or how to escape it. It was his blasted dog's nose, making his everyday existence a living nightmare.

The mere scent of Remus was sending him haywire. Whenever he caught a hint of the particular note - so tempting, the gorgeous smell of Remus' skin, with traces of smoke and leather and the clean herbal fragrance of whatever soap Remus used about his person - Sirius' mind flooded with thoughts that went straight to his groin. He couldn't help it. And it was driving him to distraction.

He might be minding his own business in Potions when he'd suddenly freeze, staring at his cauldron very deliberately, keeping his breaths shallow.  
It took supreme self control not to look up as Moony walked past - with his beautiful chest and smooth back and sexy arse, with those strong arms and that lopsided smile - Moony, every inch of whom Sirius still longed to touch and taste. Who now was so completely out of reach.

He might be tucking into his breakfast when suddenly he'd get awkward and clumsy, worrying about wayward glances, about accidentally staring at Remus, self-conscious even about eating his sausages in public. 

No matter where it found him, the scent instantly roused memories of the most delicious touch, the slide of skin on skin, the feel of toned muscle, of supple flesh... He'd be trying to focus on Charms, but thinking of lips moving against his own, a tongue on his nipples, the soft wetness of a mouth enveloping the head of his cock...  
Or between lessons, in the crowd, mid-banter with Gilbert and Walter and suddenly speechless with just a blank stare, because all he could think of was the rhythmic rolling of hips, his cock pushing deep into tight velvet heat, breathlessly whispered words, thrusting into mindless bliss, the repetitive slapping of skin against skin...

He had no choice then but to rapidly escape to the nearest convenient location for some manual relief, really he was wanking himself silly. The situation was a disaster. It was completely unsustainable.

What made it even worse was that these days he and Moony were barely speaking at all. It was almost as though they were no longer even friends. He hated the way Moony acted around him now, his damned politeness, his inscrutable eyes, his impassive face. Sirius had been shut out. 

During an introduction to a new and ingenious way of solving a tricky Arithmancy problem he got it particularly bad. Remus was sitting a couple of desks away to his right, Sirius couldn't really see him without leaning forward, but he sensed his presence intensely. And soon enough the chalkboard and its complicated diagrams faded from his vision, as suddenly all he could think of was Remus' hands on him. Remus' hand on his balls, squeezing his cock, wanking him slowly. And Remus moving into him, thrusting inside him, pounding into that sweet spot with maddening accuracy. Sirius made an actual noise then, a small, overwhelmed sort of guttural moan. Not loud at all, but audible enough to snap him out of his daydream and to cause a lot of snorting and giggling at the surrounding desks. Of course this had happened once before, though it seemed like ages ago now, back when they'd still been - when things had been different. 

People seemed to think it a hilarious joke, and very daring, considering that Professor Vector was famously strict. She tersely congratulated him on once again finding the subject so arousing, then hit him with a detention.

Lying in the grass now and succumbing to sweetly mind-clouding Confounding Resin, next to Moony, was absolutely out of the question. Sirius escaped as soon as he was able. He wandered around the grounds a bit, then made his way back into the castle. Maybe there'd be Kieran and Oliver up in the common room. Maybe he'd just have a wank and a cold shower. Maybe he'd actually visit the library and continue his search for an antidote. 

In a random corridor he found himself unexpectedly confronted by a dark figure stepping out of an alcove. Tall, pale, and arrogant in his demeanour. Handsome in a sickeningly Slytherin sort of way.

'What do _you_ want,' Sirius spat.

'You might be more cordial to your own brother,' Regulus looked him up and down. 'Not that I'm surprised. I want a word.'

Sirius really wasn't in the mood. He simply pushed past the younger boy and strode on.

Regulus, the great arse, kept in step with him. ‘Is it true you punched Piffle in the face?’ he asked conversationally. ‘He keeps denying it but a few people say they saw it happen.’

Sirius shot him a withering look and shrugged, making an indistinct growling sound.

‘Serves him right if you did, he is a right prick.’ When Sirius didn’t answer, Regulus changed tack. ‘Pettigrew still seeing Lamprey, then?’ 

Sirius stopped dead and faced his brother. ‘What do you want?’ He hissed. ‘We don’t exactly do smalltalk. Spit it out.’

Regulus was staring back at Sirius just as fiercely. 'About this pal of yours. Halfblood, isn't he? Lupin. The one who was supposedly tutoring you.'

Sirius’ stomach dropped, but he managed to keep up an air of utter indifference. 'And? What's it to you.'

'I'm not sure it's wise to get so mixed up with him.'

'Mixed up?' Sirius snorted. 'We've been mates for years.'

'Never mentioned he's a mudblood.'

Sirius stepped very close to him, forcing his younger brother back against the wall. 'Don't you dare use that word,' he snarled. 'You dirty little schemer. You ought to know better than to ape those brainless morons you call your mates. Think they're impressive, do you, going on about how important they are by no achievement of their own, referring to their dads are all the time like they're bloody five year olds. They're pathetic. Their fathers are pathetic. And they are scum, the lot of them.'

Regulus stared right back at him. 'Hit a nerve, have we?' he grinned. 'Lupin your new bosom pal then? I saw you with him this morning, looking very cosy. Queer fellow, isn't he, I've heard rumours...'

'Cosy? What can you mean. And what rumours?' Sirius asked sharply.

By ‘this morning’ Regulus could only be referring to the handful of words Sirius and Remus had exchanged, during the two free lessons they shared every week. Sirius had kept well away, but Remus had tracked him down, only briefly. They'd spoken in the clock tower courtyard for barely a few minutes, about nothing in particular. It had been excruciating, and irresistible. The moment had felt very private, there’d been no one else around. And it had seemed to him then that he wasn't the only one leaning in, not the only one trying not to stare at the other's lips. Apparently they were both feeling the pull, seemed to be gravitating towards each other. He'd got a grip on himself, and left. Good thing, too, if Regulus was randomly going around spying on him. What had he even been doing there, shouldn’t he have been busily scratching away in some lesson or other?

'You know, _rumours_.’ Regulus sneered. ‘Unsavoury things. The company he keeps. Strange predilections. Some foreign disease he’s said to have...'

Sirius stared at him hard. 'What on earth are you talking about.'

'I'm just saying. Mother and father are concerned enough about you as it is. We wouldn't want them to have to-'

'This is Snape, isn't it,' Sirius spat, seething. 'What's that piece of scum been saying now. Or Mulciber? And what sort of a hopeless imbecile are you, buying into any of their absurd nonsense, let alone going round repeating it?! Just what is the matter with you!'

'It isn't though, is it. Nonsense.’ Regulus said haughtily. ‘It's a fact he is always going away - for some treatment I imagine. And I've seen you with him. Schoolboy infatuation, is it? Hate to think you're getting unhealthily close to someone like _that.'_ He made a face. 'I'm sure our parents would be more than interested in who's corrupting their son. Don't you see it's in your own interest, brother.'

Sirius snorted, just about managing to restrain the overwhelming urge to punch his brother in the face.

'Why do you have to act like you're so special?' Regulus asked. 'Playing the rebel all the time. Can't you go along with what they want for once without always making a scene?'

Sirius shook his head angrily. He was almost touched by the pleading in his brother's voice, his apparent wish for them to just get on.  
But of course the question was ludicrous and frustrating, the sad fact being that Regulus fundamentally misunderstood.

'Because their pureblood obsession is dangerous,' he said. 'Why can't you see that. It is outdated, misguided nonsense. Blindly following a maniac, celebrating their own superiority based on a random coincidence, persecuting innocent people, looking for scapegoats... It's wrong, Regulus. They are wrong. If you believe any of it you are wrong.’

As he spoke Regulus' face once again slipped on his mask of arrogant indifference. His handsome features, so similar to Sirius' own, set like smooth white marble.

'Suit yourself,' he said icily. 'But I certainly won't be lying for you.'

Sirius kept his fists in his pockets and breathed deeply.  
'Carry on being a snitch then, if you must,' he said then, sounding almost bored. 'Lupin is of no consequence. He's a mate, and last I heard he’s got a girlfriend. Frankly I don't even care how much money he has or what his bloodline is or with whom he chooses to get off, so why on earth should it be any of your business?' He shook his head dismissively. 'There is no "disease", and he certainly isn't corrupting me. I barely even talk to him. So don't go bothering our parents about him. What you can tell them,’ he cleared his throat, and continued haughtily, ‘is that I've received their letter, and that I understand. Now push off, before I bloody advanced-level hex you.'

He fired a Chinese burn at his brother to underline the last bit, not needing to draw his wand, nor to so much as whisper the incantation. It had the desired effect - Regulus jumped and cried out in surprise and pain when the generous dose hit him. He backed away rapidly, looking genuinely afraid.

'And tell Snape to keep his wishful imaginings to himself,' Sirius shouted after him. 'Whatever vile designs he has on Lupin, no-one wants to hear about the figments of his filthy mind.'

He turned on his heel and strode in the opposite direction, continuously cursing under his breath, gripping his wand tightly, barely containing his fury, just about maintaining an icy exterior. He had a good mind to start spreading vicious rumours about Slytherins, too. Maybe spiking the great tits with love potions wasn't that bad an idea after all.

Thankfully, there were only a few younger students in the Common Room, and his dormitory was empty. Sirius chucked his book bag in the general direction of his trunk, threw off his robes, and climbed into bed, pulling the curtains shut. He stared up at the canopy for a long moment, then closed his eyes, breathing deeply. 

His bloody brother. What could he know? What had he seen? Nothing, surely, there had been nothing to see at all. Of course certain people were forever making insinuations about ‘boyfriends’ and ‘passions’ and sexual dalliances between blokes, it was a normal part of their obnoxious pureblood banter. Regulus had just wanted to annoy him. To warn him that he’d be keeping his older brother in check, which of course he knew would only rile Sirius more. He obviously had nothing tangible. Of course he knew nothing, there excruciatingly was nothing to know. And Sirius would keep it that way.

If only he could get over himself! There must be some way of getting over this insane infatuation! However much he ached to be with Moony, it could never happen again, it was never going to happen. Sirius would have to let go of his crazy fixation.  
Eventually he opened his belt and the front of his trousers and proceeded to take himself in hand. This still was the best way he knew to calm himself down, to take his mind off things, to get some bloody respite from it all. 

He pictured various sexy girls in sexy situations. He even tentatively imagined one or two blokes naked. He recalled details from porn magazines he'd come across. But it was no good. None of it worked anymore. Sirius didn't want anyone else.

So in the end he let his mind drift where it inevitably would. To long fingered hands. The back of a neck. Collarbone. Shoulder blades. The smooth curves of muscle. Moony’s arms. His eyes. That playful, mischievous smile of his when they were getting intimate. His beautiful chest. The flat abdomen, rising and falling with Moony’s breath. That gorgeous arse. 

Sirius let his fantasy build slowly, wanting to make it last. He pictured himself kissing the top of Moony’s spine, running his hands down the strong back, over his hipbones, around to the front and up. Following scars, finding nipples, playfully tweaking them. Remus would sigh faintly when Sirius kissed his lower back, Moony would start breathing more heavily as he moved back against him, moving into the touch, making soft, low sounds of pleasure.

Sirius imagined rutting against Moony’s backside a little, letting one hand drop to his groin, where Moony’s glorious cock stood large and fully erect and wet with desire, desperate to be touched. He would fondle him and tease him wickedly, caress his balls, pump the rigid shaft deliberately slowly, spread the drops of precum around the head.

Moony would push back against him, more firmly now, so Sirius’ own throbbing cock would be squashed between them, pointing skyward, sliding along Moony’s crack, steadily rubbing up and down his cleft. By now they’d both be desperate and panting, and Sirius would spread Moony’s bum cheeks and - no, not yet.

He'd be on his knees, taking Moony's cock in his mouth. Keeping eye contact, watching Moony’s composure rapidly dissolve as Sirius flicked his tongue, as he sucked on the long shaft and swallowed against the head, tasting the salty slit. He remembered Moony's taste exactly. He'd adored it. He’d be savouring it now. 

Sirius was pumping his cock fiercely, picturing Moony arch up into him, and Sirius taking his length completely, letting him pound into his mouth, until - no, wait... 

Moony was on his back, looking up at Sirius kneeling before him. Remus was stroking Sirius’ cock with one hand, expertly twisting and turning his lubed up fingers, making Sirius gasp and curse. ‘Come on then,’ Remus would say with that wicked smile, and would let his thighs fall open in invitation. ‘Show me what you're made of.’

Sliding his fingers along Moony’s crack, Sirius would push first one, then two fingers into him. Moony would be responding delightfully vocally to being worked open, wanking Sirius’ cock ever more fiercely.  
Then he'd actually pull Sirius closer by tugging on his cock, and Sirius, delirious, would watch Moony line them up properly, watch his own cock in Moony's firm grip, nudging against Moony’s puckered hole glistening with the charmed lube. The head of his cock would dip deeper, and plunge in. Moony, groaning at the first burn, would cant up his hips eagerly and grip Sirius’ arse with both hands.

He would moan softly, lifting his legs higher, resting his ankles on Sirius’ shoulders, and he'd say, ‘Fuck me, Pads.’ 

They would kiss, then, as Sirius’ sank into him deeply. They’d be snogging wildly, and somehow this thought made Sirius’ head rush, the hand on his cock moving in a desperate blur. The taste of that luscious mouth, Moony’s tongue, oh… Sirius physically ached for this, painfully ached for what he could no longer have.  
They'd break their kiss only long enough for Sirius to pull out a bit, and to push back into Moony. Slowly, deeply, all the way. They'd be completely entwined, Moony’s leaking cock jutting up between them, and every delicious thrust of Sirius’ hips propelling them further into heavenly, mindless bliss…

Sirius was wanking furiously now, imagining himself sheathed in Moony's most intimate passage, picturing Moony on all fours, and Sirius driving into him, hard, reducing Moony to gasps and stifled groans. He’d be fucking Remus relentlessly, burying himself deep within him.  
He managed to suppress the moan that would've escaped him. And then, at the last minute, the scene changed, and it was Sirius himself on his knees, and Moony behind him, entering him. Sirius pressed against the wall in that shower, and Remus shoving into him, fast and hard. The sensation of Moony holding him, taking him, claiming him, his hands on Sirius’ skin and his cock thrusting deep inside him, was his undoing.

He came with something like a sob, pulsing all over his hand, onto his trousers and shirt. For a while he just lay there, panting. There was a desperate, hollow sort of pain in his chest. Eventually he Accioed his wand and Scourgified himself. Lying back, stretching his limbs, he let out a heartfelt sigh. Then he closed his eyes and tried to think of nothing at all.

 

When he came to, he was momentarily confused. Faint yellow light was spilling through the gaps in his bed curtains, and two voices spoke very softly. Prongs and Moony, over by Moony’s bed, by the sounds of it. How was it so dark already, Sirius wondered, how long had he been asleep?

‘At least five,’ Remus was saying now. ‘We might as well pinch one, what do you think? He’ll never know. And we’ll put it back.’

‘Five bottles? Bloody hell. He's not got a drinking problem, has he?’

Sirius kept still, listening.

‘Nah, I think it's to impress his girlfriend and her mates. I never asked him about it, just put it on the list, and Hawksworth delivered the goods.’

‘Right. I dunno, Moony, I don't feel that great about nicking booze off Pete. What about that bottle of firewhisky Padfoot’s got stashed away, there's bound to be some left?’

‘Oh.’ Remus sounded doubtful. ‘Firewhisky’s a bit strong isn't it? For a Tuesday?’  
Ever the prefect, Sirius thought. Or maybe he just had scruples to steal from him.

‘We’ll just have a bit. Dilute it with pumpkin juice. Pads won’t mind, or he’ll get over it. Go on, Moony, you're the stealthy one. It'll be under his bed. Easy as pie.’

‘ _Is_ he actually asleep?’

‘Padfoot!’ James called experimentally. Sirius didn’t make a sound. He’d give them a fright if they did touch his booze. ‘Course he is. We'd know if he weren't,’ James continued gruffly, ‘he'd be giving it the full bull in a china shop routine.’ 

‘Yeah.’ Remus’ voice was very quiet. ‘I just don't want to aggravate him any further, you know.’ 

James snorted. ‘As if you could. As if anyone could. He’ll be angry whatever we do, or don't do. To tell you the truth, I'm close to giving up on him. Can't take it anymore. He's doing my nut in.’

Remus made a noncommittal sound.

‘There,’ James’ voice was suddenly much closer, ‘behind that one. If you lean in you’ll get it.’

‘Ok.’ Sirius heard Remus just beyond his bed curtains. By the sounds of it, Moony was getting to his knees, reaching under his bed, behind the left front bedpost.  
There he was, so very close. Sirius felt almost paralysed. He pretended to be asleep, breathing calmly, inhaling the wonderful scent, not moving a muscle. Remus hadn't been anywhere near Sirius’ bed in absolute ages, and now he was close enough to touch. And he was gone again.

‘Nice one!’ James murmured appreciatively. ‘Wait, I'll get the glasses.’

Sirius’ mind was still reeling. He rubbed a hand across his face, full of despair at his impossible predicament.

There was the telltale thump of a bottle being unstoppered, the sound of two measures of drink sloshing into the glasses. ‘There we are,’ James said heartily. ‘Cheers.’ They drank.  
Sirius wondered whether he should make a show of waking up.

‘Tell us about Quince, then,’ James demanded a moment later, ‘What did she want? I reckon she’s got a thing for you, you know.’

He might listen in on this first, Sirius decided. 

‘Nothing.’ Remus said dismissively. ‘Asked about some book Evans had mentioned. Do you think? I dunno.’ He sounded very doubtful.

‘Yes! Course! Don’t sell yourself short. She hangs on your every word when you speak as though you were some great imparter of wisdom.’

‘Bollocks.’ Remus snorted. ‘No, she doesn’t.

‘And she’s not bad looking, you know? Not an obvious stunner perhaps, but - there’s something about her.’

‘Hm,’ Moony seemed to be contemplating her looks. Prongs was right, of course, Sirius thought grimly, there was something about Quince. He didn't know her well at all, but she had unconventional and definitely attractive features, and she could be very charming, damn her.

Remus cleared his throat. ‘I think she just likes Evans. You know she was great friends with Lauren O’Hearne for a while.’

‘Oh!?’ There was a pause. _‘Really?’_ James sounded thrilled.  
Sirius was surprised, too, and stupidly relieved. O’Hearne was a lively seventh year who had famously announced last spring that boys need no longer waste their time asking her out. She’d then embarked on a very public dalliance with Helena Sweeting, the developments of which had kept all the boys - and a few girls - in all four houses completely enthralled for the six weeks that it had lasted.  
‘So you mean - she _fancies_ Evans?!’ James seemed unable to contain his excitement.

‘I suppose she’s only human,’ Remus deadpanned.

‘Does Evans know, do you think? D’you think she would consider - she wouldn’t, would she?’

‘I doubt it. Evans obviously likes boys. But who knows, don’t they say - isn’t sexuality meant to be fluid and all that… Anyway girls are always so touchy-feely, you never really know with them, do you. Are they just being friends, or are they, you know -’

‘Shagging,’ James supplied dreamily, apparently in awe. ‘D’you think there’s more of them? Going at it? In secret?’

Moony didn’t answer straight away, probably taking a swig. ‘Gay people? Here at Hogwarts? Yeah, of course,’ he said then, very matter-of-fact. ‘Definitely.’

‘Blokes as well, you mean? Well, there was Hector Blundell, but he’s graduated now…’ James remembered, ‘and that twerp in fourth year, what’s his name, I bet he’s gay.’ 

Sirius rolled his eyes. He thought both of those were terrible examples. Nice enough blokes probably, but hardly representative. He was impressed by Moony’s nerve, talking so casually, seemingly unconcerned. What was he doing - testing the water? About to spill the beans?

‘I bet there’s loads more. Even - people we know quite well.’ There was another pause, before Moony continued. ‘I s’ppose it’s not always that easy to - to come out and say it. And then some people swing both ways, don’t they.’

‘I had an uncle like that,’ James said thoughtfully. ‘Or a distant cousin. “Only boys until he grew up,” my mum used to say about him. I think he eventually got married and had lots of children. Seems to have been an all right bloke.’ 

‘Yeah.’ Moony said. ‘It’s just a normal thing though, isn’t it.’

‘Yeah, course, nothing wrong with it. Still - I dunno. Urgh. I can’t see the appeal. Can you?’

Oh Merlin. Sirius felt his heart beating in his chest. Moony, the supremely gifted liar, who was so notoriously truthful. Don’t say anything, he silently implored his friend. At least not about - us.

‘You do realise,’ Moony said lightly, ‘you’re asking someone who’s never more than snogged a girl.’ He sounded amused. ‘Who knows, I may want to go all out, when I finally get the chance. Try everything, let loose, you know. Go wild.’

That's how he does it, Sirius thought. The master of deflection. Remus hadn’t actually been untruthful.

‘Right.’ Prongs sighed unhappily. ‘Well, Moony - we can’t have you leaving Hogwarts a complete celibate. I won’t stand for it. There’s got to be something we can do.’

Remus chuckled. ‘Don't worry -’

‘No, I'm serious. I'll sort something with Padfoot. We’ll sort you out.’

If only, Sirius thought sadly. He could think of a thousand ways to ‘sort Moony out’, none of them requiring Prongs’ input whatsoever.

‘I'll be all right.’

‘Yeah, I know. But we’ll think of something.’

There was a pause while one of them refilled their drinks.  
‘So you really think, Evans and Quince are -? Really?!’

Moony was laughing now. ‘You should see your face. Course not! I was just having you on. She’s never - at least I don’t think -’ He cleared his throat again. ‘And - well. She did sort of ask me to take her to the match.’

‘Oh.’ James said, chuckling, too. ‘Right. Ha. Very funny. But see, I knew it! She does fancy you. What did you say?’

‘I said why not.’

‘Ever the romantic,’ James snorted. ‘Serves you right if she _is_ just using you to get closer to Evans.’

‘I dunno that I even want to go out with her.’ Remus said thoughtfully. ‘So don't get too excited about using me for double dates with Evans yet.’

‘Why wouldn't you? I’ll never understand you lot. Pete “in love” with a Slytherin, you still a virgin, yet dithering whenever a fit girl fancies you…’  
Moony still a virgin, Sirius couldn't help smirking. If Prongs only knew.  
‘And Pads, the notorious heartbreaker, suddenly blind to any advances at all. It's as if he's on a different planet! An angry, horrible one. And girls are still going nuts for him!’ James sounded exasperated and bitter. ‘There’s at least half a dozen that, given half a chance, would be all over him like a rash.’ He sighed theatrically. ‘And here I am, just trying to go out with a wonderful, beautiful woman, who is _your_ friend, and-’

‘Oh! Wait!’ Remus interrupted, stemming what would no doubt turn into yet another tedious tirade. ‘Speaking of a rash… There's something I wanted to show you.’

‘Please! Moony! You'd better ask Madam Pomf-’

‘Not on _me_ , you twit. It's a potion, hang on…’

Sirius stretched his limbs. He was getting distinctly bored of lying there listening to those two bastards finish his firewhisky. 

There were sounds of footsteps and Remus rummaging in his trunk, then faint clinking of what must be the buckles on his battered leather satchel. ‘Here.’ The thud of a heavy book on the floor, the papery flicking of pages. ‘Look at this.’

‘This? _Purpura pustula?_ Oh. _Grievous purple boils?’_ James read out loud. _‘Upon contact, this potion will cause a mysterious rash of a violent purple colour to erupt from sore and reddened skin. Painful and itchy, it forces victims to grimace ludicrously. Boils appear in armpits and around genitals only, so are often mistaken for venereal disease._ Ouch. Sounds horrible.’

‘Doesn't it.’ Remus said pleasantly. ‘I think we could brew it, too.’

‘Oh! You mean - to use it on -?’ 

‘Yes.’

‘Bloody hell, Moony. What happened to “Slytherins are people, too” and all that?’

Sirius’ stomach rumbled. He yawned loudly, pretending to wake up. 

There was a brief pause before Remus answered. ‘That doesn't mean I've got to like them. Anyway we’d only target a few of them, the right ones - Mulciber and Piffle and Bulge and that lot. It’s much too good to resist.’

‘Hm…’ James was intrigued. 

‘I'm in!’ Sirius threw back his curtains and jumped out of bed. 

The other two looked up in surprise. 

‘I'm in.’ Sirius said again. ‘It's an excellent plan. As long as we’ll get Regulus, too.’

‘Really?’ James cracked a wide grin. ‘All right, Pads? Brilliant. Let’s do it!’ He raised his glass excitedly. Remus was smiling, too, a small sort of polite smile, but one that reached his eyes.  
‘Oh, we’ve nicked some of your firewhisky,’ James admitted sheepishly. ‘But we’ll get you some more.’ 

Sirius waved his hand dismissively, and stretched his limbs, yawning again. ‘What time is it?’

‘You’ve missed supper. But we’ve got you some chicken and roasties.’ James pointed at a large covered plate on his trunk. 

Sirius strode over and lifted the domed metal cover. The most delicious aromas wafted up, making his stomach rumble again. ‘Thank you!’ he said gravely, before taking a large bite out of a succulent chicken leg. He chewed with relish, feeling marginally better about everything. ‘So how does it work? What do we need?’

* * *

‘Pete,’ Remus began the next morning at breakfast. ‘We've had an idea we wanted to run by you.’

‘Yeah?’ Peter looked up from his kedgeree. 

‘It's a potion. A memory retaining liquid.’

‘It'll be really useful,’ James chimed in, ‘for our exams in June, you know?’

‘Right,’ Peter nodded, intrigued. ‘Sounds like a plan.’

‘It's a bit tricky though,’ Sirius explained gravely. ‘We’d need your help with it.’

Wormtail hesitated for a moment. Then he beamed at his friends. ‘Sure. I'd be happy to help!’

‘Excellent,’ Remus grinned. 

‘Yeah, nice one, Pete!’ the other two nodded appreciatively. James leaned in. ‘We mustn't tell anyone though, all right? Not even - significant others.’

‘Goes without saying,’ Pete agreed. ‘What are the ingredients? Easy to obtain?’

‘Yes and no. We’ll need a silver cauldron. Large quantities of beetroot. And a certain sort of striped snail.’ Remus screwed up his eyes trying to remember. ‘Cochlea Pituitosa, was it?’

James and Sirius shrugged. 

‘We’ll have to look it up.’ James said. ‘Might well find it in the pumpkin patch. There's a few more exotic things we’ll have to extract from Slughorn’s special cupboard.’

‘No problem,’ Peter was beaming again and rubbing his hands. ‘It’ll be fun!’

James and Remus were grinning, too, and even Sirius seemed in good spirits. The Marauders were back!


	13. Resolution

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _So after two 'moodier' chapters, things are finally looking up again! Not as soon as I'd promised, but I'm posting this now in the hope that I haven't overlooked anything... (do please let me know if I have!)_

In the days that followed, much of their free time was occupied by research and planning. They’d justified lying to Peter about attempting Purpura Pustula simply as a necessary precaution. James had actually found a memory enhancing potion he reckoned they could make at the same time, and they’d conveniently get the ingredients for both. 

Sirius kept himself at a distance. ‘I mustn’t let on,’ he’d explained to Prongs and Moony. ‘I can’t risk Reg finding out I’ve had anything to do with this. No one should even suspect we are planning anything at all.’

They had solemnly nodded. James had looked concerned, Moony had seemed impersonal, and neither of them said any more about it. He took on solitary tasks such as finding references in the library, liaising with Hawksworth about a new list of goods to be smuggled in, and charming house elves into quietly procuring a huge amount of beetroot in the near future.

Whenever the four of them did meet, to check on their progress and discuss the next step, it took all of Sirius’ willpower to keep his mind from wandering where it mustn’t. He avoided addressing Moony directly, and took pains not to sit or even stand near him for any amount of time. Remus remained noticeably distant, too – polite, courteous, but reserved. With an iron will Sirius kept his mind focused on the idea of Regulus, covered in boils, writhing in agony. It would be a small revenge, and a childish one perhaps, but it would be revenge nonetheless.

Since Lily Evans was a firm favourite of Professor Slughorn’s, Remus managed to get himself invited to the Slug Club. A wildly jealous James kept pointing out that a true friend would have let James go on the reccy, a true friend would have recommended that James accompany Evans. Even Sirius would have been more apt, with his exceptionally posh family background, or Peter, with his genuine skills in potioneering. Slughorn was a massive snob, and in his eyes surely Remus had neither sufficient pedigree nor talent. And Moony obviously had no aspirations whatsoever to mingle with those whom the professor deemed as belonging to the upper crust. But Lily had spoken, and Remus would be going.

On the evening in question, Sirius came back from Quidditch training alone, expecting an empty dormitory. He’d feigned a cramp in his leg, and Lynton had been impressed enough with his playing thus far to let him get off a few minutes early. Sirius had decided to forgo the locker room showers in favour of the ones up in Gryffindor Tower, where he’d get to enjoy a bit of privacy.  
When he got to the dormitory, however, instead of solitude and silence, he found a girl. Sitting on Remus’ bed. Giggling.

‘Evans!’ He said, dumbfounded. ‘What are you doing here?!’

‘Hi, Sirius.’ She turned and smiled at him. ‘Remus is just getting ready.

‘Is he?’ Sirius frowned in confusion. ‘Are you even allowed up here?’  
Evans had obviously made an effort, she was wearing a midnight blue gown, and jewellery. Good thing Prongs wasn't here, he'd have a heart attack.

‘I’ve just been helping him with his outfit. We didn’t think you’d be back yet.’

Sirius placed his broom in its corner, and kicked off his muddy boots. ‘Right. Slug Club. I forgot it was -’ The bathroom door opened and Remus appeared. ‘- tonight.’ Sirius finished lamely, staring.

‘Oh, hello,’ Remus grinned a bit sheepishly. He turned to Evans. ‘What do you think...’

‘Excellent! If I say so myself,’ she giggled. Sirius just nodded, speechless.

Remus was wearing a crisp white shirt and dark trousers. Nothing special as such, but the clothes were cut to fit him magnificently. Highlighting his shoulders and chest, his narrow hips, his long legs, they made him look tall, and strong, and elegant, and gorgeous. 

‘Give us a twirl then!’ Evans clapped her hands, obviously pleased. Then she turned to Sirius. ‘He insisted on changing in the bathroom. Bit of a prude, isn’t he.’

‘Yeah,’ Sirius agreed absent-mindedly. Moony’s arse in those trousers looked genuinely breathtaking. ‘Bloody hell.’ he half whispered.

Remus raised a quizzical eyebrow at him, but Sirius avoided his gaze. He couldn’t face Moony’s cool and indifferent eyes, not with him looking so particularly fuckable.

‘Just a small sartorial charm,’ Evans said smugly. ‘Works wonders, doesn’t it? And no, Black, before you ask, _you’re_ not getting any help – you neither need nor deserve it.’

‘Charming,’ Remus pretended to be disgruntled.

‘You obviously wouldn’t need any either,’ Evans explained quickly, ‘if you didn’t insist on dressing like your own grandfather all the time.’ 

Sirius was backing away, pointing at his muddy Quidditch robes. ‘I’m taking a shower. Have fun tonight.’ He stole another long look at Moony before closing the bathroom door. Oh Merlin. Moony had never taken him seriously when Sirius - quietly, just between themselves - had described him as sexy. And now it was out in the open, for the whole school to see. Or all of the Slug Club, at the very least. Luckily Evans did not seem to be interested in Moony, not in that way. They really seemed to be just good friends. 

 

The other Marauders waited up for Remus that night, and when he returned - still achingly handsome, and decidedly tipsy - he had much to tell. Gossip mainly, and he was puzzled by the brusque way two Slytherin girls had talked to him. James helpfully analysed their comments as aggressive flirtation, which seemed to baffle Remus even more, causing his friends to roll their eyes. Then, hiccuping slightly, Remus smoothly produced three slim paper envelopes: dried henbane, flitterbloom root, and troll’s ear wax - vital ingredients for their impending potion.

‘Turns out that snail we need is a freshwater snail. Apparently there’s some in the lake,’ he explained. ‘They come up during a new moon, you can just pick them off the rocks.’

‘Right, we can do that,’ James was sniffing each of the new ingredients and pulling a face every time. ‘Ugh, that’s rank. And you’ve just gone and nicked these from under his nose?’

Remus grinned. ‘He practically invited us to. He was showing off his massive collection of curios, and droning on about this and that... Merlin does he like the sound of his own voice.’

Peter nodded. ‘What about the silver cauldron?’

‘There’s a key to his cupboard. He keeps it in his desk drawer. Should be easy enough.’

‘Not before the match,’ James decided. ‘We can’t risk getting caught, not before we’ve won the Quidditch Cup.’

‘I can’t risk getting caught, full stop,’ Sirius mumbled darkly. 

‘Still going through with it, though, aren’t we,’ James patted him on the back, and Sirius nodded.

‘Yes,’ Peter nodded emphatically. ‘But there's no immediate rush, is there. The exams aren’t for ages yet.’

* * *

Saturday found practically every single owner of a broom, and all of his or her mates, out on the Quidditch pitch in in the most brilliant sunshine. The four Marauders were all present and correct, taking turns on James’ and Sirius’ brooms. At first Sirius couldn’t help showing off some of his newly acquired aerobatic skills, then he lost interest. Now he was sitting by himself in a quiet bit of the stands, scowling, and furtively scanning a small book on curse breaking, while the others made the most of the exhilarating chaos on the pitch. 

Sirius was as desperate as ever to find a cure for his obsession with Moony. He was on tenterhooks, all the time - nervously excited that he'd see him, forever hoping he'd get to talk to him alone, perhaps they might have some sort of a moment together, perhaps there'd even be some reason to touch... and then crushing panic, because of course he couldn’t, he wouldn’t, he _mustn’t._ Staying in Moony’s vicinity was torture. Giving him a wide berth might seem more virtuous, but felt just as devastating. 

The few vaguely suitable spells he'd come across thus far hadn't worked at all. This little tome had seemed promising enough when he'd found it sitting forlornly on a cobwebbed shelf in the library. Wasn't this torture he was suffering caused by something like a curse? It certainly felt like one.  
Squinting at the bright parchment now in the blinding sun, he searched the pages for anything useful. Until, to his intense dread and his painfully intense delight, Moony turned up.

‘Hey, Pads.’ he said casually and sat almost next to him.

Sirius let the little book disappear into his lap and deliberately calmed his breathing. ‘All right?’

‘Smoke?’ Remus offered him his pack of Gaspers. 

Sirius retrieved one carefully. ‘Cheers.’ He lit both cigarettes wandlessly, which gave him a strange pang.

They smoked, staring straight ahead. Two or three half-hearted games seemed to be going on simultaneously, people were screeching, shouting and laughing, and no one was really following the rules. James was just wildly crisscrossing the pitch at breakneck speed, followed closely by Peter and Oliver Boot. 

‘Prongs is flying like a man possessed,’ Remus commented.

‘Probably still trying to shake off the smell,’ Sirius nodded. ‘Can't believe it's not knocked Pete off his broom yet.’

Remus chuckled. ‘Yeah. I was hoping his stench would clear the pitch for us… Interesting hex, isn't it. And amazingly persistent, even long after the counter-spell he's still pretty pungent.’

‘Sticks to your clothes, doesn't it… He’s got off lightly really, Kieran could have gone for something a lot worse.’

‘Yeah, like an even stronger cheese. One of those slimy French ones…’

Sirius grinned. ‘I think he would've done if only he could've remembered the name. But you could use anything. Mouldy socks. Rotten eggs.’

‘Rotting fish. In a blocked drain.’

‘Or a rotting corpse!’ Sirius shuddered. ‘That’s a smell that’s definitely meant to stick to you, isn't it?’

‘Yeah…’ Remus said soberly. ‘Ugh. That _would_ be somewhat off-putting.’

They both breathed in sharply when James almost collided with Gryffindor Seeker Octavia Wynne, at the tail end of a daring triple twist.

‘Bloody hell,’ Sirius shook his head and shouted, ‘Simmer down, Prongs! Don't be an arse!’ James casually flipped him two fingers, laughing. ‘He should take it easy,’ Sirius grumbled. ‘At this rate he'll break his neck. There’s no time to regrow any bones before the match.’

‘He's just trying to keep up, isn't he,’ Remus said lightly. ‘All those crazy stunts you've been pulling? You must've put in an insane amount of training lately.’

‘Well.’ Sirius shrugged, secretly elated that his new flying skills had made an impression. ‘Got nothing much else on, have I.’ He sighed. ‘And I suppose it helps... It's a distraction, you know.’ 

‘Yeah.’ Remus gave him a fleeting look. There was a pause. ‘It’s nice to have you around again, Pads.’ he said then. ‘And in better spirits.’

‘I've been around.’ Sirius frowned. ‘Good of Peter to grace us with his presence, too.’ He risked a sideways glance at Moony. ‘Is that why you’ve come up with that potion then? To get the four of us together again?’

Remus grinned. ‘Maybe.’ His voice dropped and took on a menacing edge. ‘But Slytherin have had it coming, too. Two birds with one stone.’

‘Well, it's worked.’ Sirius blinked into the sun, puffing on his cigarette, keeping calm. He was dying to escape, and he was enjoying Moony’s physical proximity so very much. He couldn't move.

Moony was watching Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff fifth years chase each other. ‘I'm really glad you and Prongs are actually getting on with Pete again.’ 

‘We still hate what he's doing of course. But - we've decided to take the high road. Let him make his own mistakes, and all that.’

‘Very impressive.’ Remus said gravely, a teasing smile on his lips.

Sirius had to force himself not to stare at those lips. ‘It only makes sense. Once you think about it.’  
Out on the pitch Pete, Prongs, and Oliver Boot were practicing somersaults. He cleared his throat.  
‘I suppose it's one good thing about spending more time alone,’ he said wistfully. ‘Makes you think about things.’

Remus frowned a little, his eyes fixed on their friends’ antics.

‘Not much fun though, is it.’ Sirius added darkly. ‘Being alone.’

‘No.’ Remus said quietly. ‘It isn't.’

He seemed to be avoiding Sirius’ gaze. The moment was awkward, both of them distinctly self conscious. Sirius’ heart was pounding. 

How easy might it be, to say the right words, to reach out to him.  
_I can't,_ he sternly reminded himself. _I mustn't. It can't happen. It's impossible._

Clearing his throat, he got up quickly. ‘I'm uh - I forgot, I've got to - see Hawksworth about something. Tell them to get my broom back in one piece, will you?’ 

‘Sure.’ Remus nodded, still staring at the various figures racing around the pitch. His face had taken on that distant, inscrutable expression again.

‘Cheers.’ Sirius mumbled, somehow feeling crushed. ‘See you in a bit, then.’

‘Yeah. See you.’

* * *

Three days before the big match, Sirius was just on his way back to the Common Room when he came across Jermaine Palmer. Sirius had taken a very long, meandering and lonely route from the Study Hall, and had enjoyed some surprisingly powerful Nepalese Confounding Resin along the way. Now his mind was floating dizzily through clouds of random and absurd thoughts, and he was in no mood to talk. Least of all to the handsome Ravenclaw keeper, against whom he’d come to harbour a vague, Moony-related grudge. 

‘Oi, Black,’ Palmer approached him directly, looking concerned. ‘Sorry about the bad news, mate,’ he said, and clapped Sirius on the back. ‘Rotten luck, isn’t it.’

‘What news,’ Sirius frowned, searching his pleasantly fuzzy brain for any clues.

‘Lynton’s legs! Haven’t you heard?’ Palmer’s wide eyes were a dark and mysterious shade of green.

‘Nah, I, uh - what’s happened?’

‘He’s had an accident. A bad one, but he’s all right -’

‘How bad?!’ Sirius demanded. 

‘He must have slipped on a moving staircase, fell down one whole floor. I’ve heard Nearly Headless de Mimsy caught him, but a fat lot of good that must have done.’ Palmer smirked. 

‘Oh.’ Sirius tried hard to focus. His mind was like treacle, with Palmer’s words sinking in slowly, their full implication only gradually becoming clear. ‘But he’ll able to play, won't he!?’  
Surely they hadn't lost their team captain? Not days before the most anticipated game of the season! That would be unthinkable. Disastrous!

‘Not sure. He’s in the hospital wing, being looked after.’ Palmer was squeezing Sirius’ shoulder now. ‘Don’t worry, apparently he’s all right. He may well be able to play after all.’

‘I’m not worried,’ Sirius said hazily. He couldn’t help giving Palmer a quick once-over. The older boy was tall, athletic, and very well formed. ‘We’ll give you lot a good hiding, no matter what.’

Palmer grinned widely, showing perfect teeth. ‘That’s the spirit,’ he said, and actually winked, before letting go of Sirius’ shoulder. ‘Anyway, do send him my regards when you see him.’

Sirius nodded, and briskly walked away. Lynton had better be all right! How had this happened? Had he been jinxed, or hexed? An act of sabotage? They probably had the Quidditch Cup as good as in the bag - provided they’d be able to play at full throttle. Without their team captain it would be a different story, and Ravenclaw knew it. Palmer bloody knew it. 

Damn Palmer, with his smooth manner and his swagger. Had he been friendlier than usual? Sirius had had plenty of chances to admire Palmer’s physique after Quidditch training. And he'd idly entertained certain thoughts about Palmer before, had imagined what it would be like to touch that smooth dark skin of his, to grapple with that Quidditch honed body. It definitely would be fun to get off with him. But those ideas inevitably led him straight back to Moony, and made him resent them both.

Rotten luck for Moony, really. Twice to have got involved with blokes whose families had such a stranglehold on them. Of course the families in question couldn't be more different - what Sirius had gleaned from Palmer’s frequent impressions of his parents, they just seemed concerned and very strict, rather than menacing and evil. Whenever Palmer started quoting the funny and absurd Muggle things his parents tended to come out with, imitating their deadpan delivery and their Jamaican patois, the effect was hilarious, rather than chilling. There was nothing at all funny to say about Orion and Walburga Black.

Yet, in the end, where Moony was concerned, it had come down to the same thing. Perceived as too obviously unsuitable, he'd been treated like a dirty secret by both Sirius and Jermaine. Who both feared their parents, whether they were ignorant Muggles or despicable Pureblood nutters. When Remus genuinely was the most eligible person Sirius could think of.

It wasn't right. None of it was right. 

As the mental fog gently lifted, Sirius suddenly saw himself more clearly. He hadn't been himself either. Not for ages. He'd let himself be frightened. It wasn't like him at all. 

He did feel responsible for the dangers posed by his psychopathic parents, and he would still do anything to avoid Remus running the risk of attracting their attention. But maybe he should allow Remus his say in the matter. Maybe there would be a way of explaining it to Moony, so he wouldn’t be offended, so he'd understand. Maybe Moony would even change his mind about all the secrecy not being worth it. 

Because as much as his own feelings for Moony terrified Sirius, ignoring them hadn’t helped one bit. Cutting himself off hadn’t made them go away. Perhaps...

‘Sirius!’ Gilbert shouted, gesturing wildly. The corridor leading to the portrait hole was full of people, standing in groups, talking seriously amongst themselves. The atmosphere was much as though there’d been a death in the family.  
As Gilbert and Walter approached they both talked at him at the same time. ‘Have you seen him? Is it true? How’s he doing? Will he be able to play?’

‘There you are,’ James joined them, looking deeply worried. ‘Heard any news yet?’ 

Sirius shook his head, mumbling something about Palmer, when Caitlin Crowe and Octavia Wynne came to talk to them. Suddenly Geoff McLeod, the Gryffindor Keeper, and his mate Clement Ormsby, and several random sixth and seventh years, were all standing with them, too. 

‘Aurelia’s with him,’ Crowe explained in hushed tones, referring to the other Beater with whom Lynton was particularly close.

‘And McGonagall!’ McLeod said. ‘That’s why I think it must be bad. She wouldn’t bother otherwise.’ 

‘She _would_ ,’ Ormsby insisted. ‘She’s big on Quidditch, takes it very seriously, doesn’t she.’ 

_‘Was_ it sabotage?’ James wanted to know.

‘He just slipped,’ Crowe shrugged. ‘Could happen to anyone, I suppose. He must’ve tripped over a scarf, or the hem of his robe, or a loose step, or…’

‘To be honest… the way he fell, all the way down that really steep staircase, you know the one near Boris the Bewildered,’ McLeod said. ‘I think it’s fair to say we’ll be playing without him.’

‘Oh.’ They all shuffled uncomfortably. 

‘Can’t they just postpone the match until he’s better?’ a Fifth Year asked.

The team members shook their heads in unison. Wynne explained, ‘We’ll have to play, it’s in the rules.’

‘We _could_ still win,’ Sirius suggested.

‘Yes!’ James nodded emphatically. ‘So we’re one man down. We’re still a cracking team. We’ve just got to be that little bit better than them.’

‘But - they’ve got Gorst. And Fowler.’ Wynne said.

‘And Palmer,’ McLeod added darkly. 

‘Well,’ James wouldn’t be discouraged. _'We’ve_ got Crowe, and Wynne, and Gillingham, and Black. Not to mention McLeod and Potter.’ He attempted to draw the team into a sort of huddle. ‘Lynton is a superb Chaser, but Sirius and I aren’t half bad either. We can do it! If you want, I’ll even intermittently give Sirius here the hairdryer treatment. It’ll be just like having Lynton right there on the pitch with us.’ The others chuckled but didn’t seem entirely convinced, so James tried again. ‘Come on! Where is your fighting spirit?!’

* * *

The long anticipated match began with much fanfare as usual. The stands were absolutely bursting with excited onlookers, and people kept rattling off to each other the various different outcomes in terms of who’d win the Cup, depending on today’s actual score. 

As the players walked out onto the pitch in two neat rows, scarlet and blue, the crowd went wild. Sirius wasn’t feeling great at all. Of course he couldn’t wait to play, Quidditch was his one perfect escape from everything. But he had barely slept, and nor had the rest of the team. James looked pale and worried, and Gillingham had dark purple circles under her eyes.

After a day and a half of speculation, Lynton had finally surfaced, in a worse mood than ever, and sporting elaborate bandages. He very definitely wouldn't be able to play. So he'd given his team a stern talking to, and another, just before the match. They could already hear him shouting instructions and commands from the stands now.

James had done his utmost to rally the spirits, and at first they did manage to hold their own quite well. Soon enough though they felt Ravenclaw’s advantage in their third Chaser, and found themselves warding off Ravenclaw’s continuous onslaught, unable to get a hold on the Quaffle, let alone mount any significant counter-attack. As the team began to fall apart, their opponents’ lead increased steadily. The masses of Gryffindor supporters wouldn’t be deterred, waving scarves and banners and chanting loudly, but it looked like the Ravenclaw side of the stands was already doing a victory dance.

Sirius took a penalty shot Ravenclaw incurred for Cobbing, and scored. Then Crowe got knocked by a Bludger and Lynton called Time Out.

During the short break in the changing rooms, friends came to see the team, to cheer them on. Remus and Peter came by, too, with a beaming Lily Evans and Philomena Quince in tow. They waved from the door, but couldn’t get any closer to James and Sirius. The room was packed with people, everyone talking and gesticulating at once, dishing out advice and making suggestions. James and Sirius waved back. And before Sirius could form any disparaging thoughts about Quince, he caught a glimpse of something. That particular expression. Remus, in an unguarded moment, staring back at him. Then Lynton appeared and chucked everyone out so he could shout at his team in peace. 

Lynton made some good points regarding their best strategy, but Sirius wasn’t listening at all.  
Moony's golden eyes had seemed sort of glazed, with his lips slightly parted. And Sirius knew that look. Seeing it on his friend’s face again had made his heart leap, and turned his insides all light and fizzy. And suddenly he knew what to do.

Perhaps all was not lost. In fact, perhaps the exact opposite was true. Anything was possible. There still was everything to play for. He wasn't giving up without a fight.  
‘Listen,’ he said to Prongs as they walked back onto the pitch. ‘Let's give these bastards what for.’

Though James nodded solemnly, he did not expect Sirius to mean it so very literally. His teammates watched in awe as Black threw himself into the match, caught hold of the Quaffle and rapidly scored. He was on fire, swooping and soaring, diving into dangerous manoeuvres, keeping Gryffindor in possession all the time. Electrified by his energy, the team pulled together and began to play like they meant it. 

Sirius was making record speed, wildly dodging Beaters and Bludgers, at one point accidentally achieving a highly precarious triple twist and somersault. The crowd was going wild, and Gryffindor scored again, and again, in rapid succession. He and James collaborated beautifully, while Crowe and Gillingham did sterling work defending, and throwing tricky obstacles into their opponents’ path. Ravenclaw seemed dumbfounded by Gryffindor’s renewed verve, apparently stunned into inactivity. If they kept this up they’d soon no longer stand a chance. 

In the stands, Lynton was going absolutely crazy. Shouting at Sirius to fly responsibly one minute, then cheering yet another goal.  
Sirius ignored him, he was enjoying himself too much. Finally a chance to properly let rip, the perfect outlet for his boundless energy. It was down to the Seekers now, but there was no point worrying about them, he was focused only on the task at hand. 

James tackled Elias Bumble and sent the Quaffle Sirius’ way. Catching it easily, Sirius hurtled towards the goalposts, where Jermaine Palmer was hovering nervously, actually looking worried. Blasted Palmer, Sirius thought, and staring down the handsome Ravenclaw keeper he fired at the furthest hoop with considerable power. Palmer did a double backflip trying to prevent the inevitable goal. 

The crowd roared. Sirius just managed to avoid a vicious Bludger, he raced towards their nearest Beater Aurelia Gillingham to shake it off. James was already on the attack again. He’d casually intercepted a Ravenclaw pass and was storming ahead towards the hoops. Sirius sped up, soaring high, then dive bombed steeply to get into position. 

Palmer skillfully averted the attack, but luckily Sirius just about caught the Quaffle. He did some sharp manoeuvring, the crowd jumped to their feet with excitement, screaming and pointing and shouting. The Snitch must have finally come into view. Both Seekers raced past in hot pursuit, Ravenclaw just ahead. Sirius was turning on the spot rapidly, looking for James, when something violently smashed into his back. It knocked him for six. He lurched forward over his broom, struggling to draw breath, trying to absorb the shock. But it was no good. The Quaffle escaped his grip as he lost his balance. A second Bludger whacked the side of his head, and he tumbled backwards, scarlet robes billowing around him. As if in slow motion, he fell for an eternity. The roar of the crowd was ringing in his ears, and then there was nothing.

* * *

Slowly he became aware of voices, and some sort of commotion. Cold hands touching him. He vaguely realised that the loud incessant moaning was his own. His head seemed to be splitting, his arm and shoulder burned in excruciating pain, and his leg was pure agony.

When he came to again, he was lying in the hospital wing. There was a strong medicinal smell of herbal tinctures. Thin white curtains muted the fading daylight, a few lamps cast a soft glow through milky green glass shades. Sirius felt dizzy, and very heavy. It was too much of an effort to stir his leaden limbs, and he sank back into the comfort of dreamless sleep.

‘Mr. Black,’ Madam Pomfrey roused him at one point. ‘Sirius. Time for your potions, I’m afraid.’

Sirius blinked up at her blurry face, nodded, and coughed. She helped him sit up, propping pillows around him, and handed him a cool goblet filled with a deep green, slightly steaming liquid.  
‘All of it, please,’ she instructed, ‘and then this one.’ She indicated his bedside table, on which stood a long stemmed glass thimble containing some sort of deep blue concoction. Sirius nodded obediently and drank. The green potion tasted absolutely abhorrent, the blue one tasted aromatic and sort of like resinous wood. As soon as he’d downed the last drop from the tiny glass, his vision sharpened, and his head cleared.

‘What happened?’ he enquired politely. ‘And what time is it?’

‘They’ll be having supper just now,’ Pomfrey explained, ‘are you hungry at all?’ When Sirius weakly shook his head, she continued, ‘You’ve had a bad fall, from a great height. Several bones needed mending, here and here,’ she pointed at areas of the heavy cast on his arm, ‘and you’ve dislocated the shoulder. Then you’ve fractured a femur,’ she superfluously indicated his leg encased in plaster, ‘as well as the tibia and fibula. And I’m afraid your brain may have been shaken up a fair amount.’

‘Oh.’ Sirius sighed. ‘It feels all right though...?’ Then he suddenly remembered. ‘Merlin, what about the match?! Who's won?’

Pomfrey smiled at him benevolently. ‘Gryffindor, I’m glad to say. Your fall caused quite a distraction, which allowed Octavia Wynne to just get ahead and catch the Snitch.’

‘Yes!!’ Sirius instinctively tried to punch the air and cried out as a sharp pain shot up his arm, pain harsh enough to make him catch his breath, though he managed to suppress a small wail of agony.

‘Indeed. But don’t get too excited.’ Pomfrey was eyeing him sternly. ‘Even if you did play exceptionally well, frankly I don’t hold with such blatant recklessness. You were spoiling for an injury, and you’ve got it. Things could have been a lot worse.’

Sirius bowed his head meekly, though of course he was elated. It was a close call, but unless the score had changed much after his accident, by his calculations - they might just have - Merlin, had they?! ‘And the Cup?’ he asked quietly. ‘You wouldn’t know...?’

‘Alas, I can’t help you there,’ she said briskly, picking up the goblet and tiny glass and making her way to the adjoining apothecary at the far end of the room. ‘You’ll be allowed visitors after supper, but only if you get some rest now.’

Of course Sirius found it impossible to lie still and get any rest at all. He cursed his own misfortune, being stuck in here, missing out on everything - the team win, the post-match feast, the ceremony! Finding out whether they'd bloody won the Quidditch Cup! 

He stared at the ornately patterned ceiling, endlessly replaying the run-up to his accident in his mind, wondering how a simple Bludger could have taken him out so completely. He recalculated points, and variations, which kept adding up to the same result. He carefully tried to move his afflicted limbs, flinching at the severe pain.

 

Then, finally, he heard voices approaching. Before he knew it, the whole team had barged in, parading around the massive silver Cup, chanting the Gryffindor anthem, and popping the cork on a bottle of fizzy elderflower wine. Madam Pomfrey tried to contain them, but there were too many of them, surrounding Sirius’ bed, showering him with praise and congratulations and commiserations. 

Peter and Moony had come, too. Pete hugged him awkwardly, shouting ‘Well done!’ repeatedly, and patting his plaster cast.  
Remus threw his arms around him briefly, murmuring congratulations. Pressed close up against him for a mere second, that smooth and supple body, breathing in that seductive scent, Sirius let out a whispered 'Merlin!' and took a deep breath. And the moment was over. As Remus stepped back Sirius avoided his eyes, and shook McLeod's proffered hand.

They had all brought him jelly skulls and ice mice and chocolate, and used quills and wands to scribble and engrave his plaster casts with cheery messages and vaguely obscene imagery. 

The party was exuberant, though Peter and Remus hung back somewhat self-consciously, even if they sang along with the chants and toasted and drank and joined in the celebrations. Having already stretched to an uncharacteristic level of tolerance, soon enough Pomfrey kicked everybody out.

When she returned, grumbling to herself that while laughter was the best medicine she did draw the line at sparklers in the hospital wing, Sirius had made up his mind. Never mind his stupid accident, there was something very important he’d been meaning to do, and he was determined to follow it through.

'Excuse me, Madam Pomfrey,' he asked demurely. 'May I please have a quick word with Lupin? I believe he's forgotten something.'

'Has he now,' Pomfrey frowned, but of course Sirius knew she had a soft spot for the young werewolf. 'I suppose you might. Let me get him. Not long, mind! It’s getting late. You’ll absolutely need your rest if the potions are to work.'

Sirius nodded obediently. 'Thank you.'

A few long minutes later, Remus approached his bedside with a puzzled frown. ‘What is it?’ He seemed uneasy. 'What did I forget?'

‘I need to talk to you.’ Sirius propped himself up very carefully. The latest pain relieving potion hadn't kicked in yet and his leg was hurting badly. ‘It's - important.’

Remus nodded.

‘It's - I've - it's about _us._ ’ He nervously cleared his throat. Thankfully, Pomfrey had disappeared into the apothecary again. He took a deep breath. ‘I've been doing some thinking, and I wanted to tell you. I've been an idiot. And a coward. I got scared by what was happening, and I've been trying to deny it, and - I’m not doing that any longer.’

Remus was watching him, frowning slightly.

‘The truth is, you see, Remus, I - I really like you. There it is. I know you said it was all a bad idea, and that we should leave it, but - but - I don’t think so. And I don’t want to.’ Sirius had the horrible notion he might be flushing a bright beetroot red.

Remus seemed frozen, his face inscrutable. 

Sirius pressed on. ‘I've been wrong and stupid, and I’m sorry. I never should have pushed you away the way I did. You see, I’ve - never felt this way about anyone before. I got scared, and confused, because - because of how much I like you. Not just as a friend. And not just - you know, for sex.’ He swallowed hard. ‘I know what you said. You were right, and I do understand. But I can’t help the way I feel about you. About us. And I had the impression that maybe you - I was hoping that perhaps we could - pick up where we left off? Be together again.’ His heart was pounding in his chest. 

Remus was staring at him now, his eyes wide with astonishment. 

'More than friends, I mean. Properly _together_.’ Sirius gulped for air. He was feeling strangely wobbly inside, and somehow hot and cold at the same time. When Remus didn’t answer at once, he quickly added, ‘I’m sorry if this is only making things even more awkward. It’s just - I can’t pretend any longer.' 

Remus was frowning again, but his gaze had softened.  
'Right.' he said at length. The moment stretched excruciatingly. 

Sirius couldn't bear it. ‘If you don’t want to,’ he was saying rapidly, ‘of course that’s fine. I’ll understand. Don't worry. I - I won’t bother you any more about it.’

‘I do want to,’ Remus spoke very softly. He placed his hand on Sirius' fingers, where they were gripping the bedsheets. ‘Of course I want to.’ Then he leaned in and kissed him.

It was as though all sorts of sparklers and explosives went off in Sirius’ mind then, and he drank in all of it, the other boy's scent, the wonderful touch of his lips. _Yes,_ he thought, almost dizzy with relief, and _yes_ echoed his body's overwhelming response. 

He melted against Moony, cupping his face with his good hand, losing himself in the moment. This was better than winning ten Quidditch Cups. A slight pressure on his broken arm made Sirius whimper and they remembered where they were.  
'Moony,' Sirius murmured in awe, and kissed him again. Then he self-consciously pulled back. The nurse was still in the other chamber.

Remus cocked his head. 'She's hardly going to mind,' he said, eyeing Sirius quizzically. 'There's a reason she's not married, you know.'

'Not her as well? Blimey. But it's not that,' Sirius said uncomfortably. 'It's not because - it's not that.’ He took Remus’ hand, still amazed that he was suddenly able to, that he was allowed to do this again. He squeezed the warm fingers. ‘I don’t care who knows anymore, really I don’t. I don’t want any secrecy. It’s just -’ he sighed miserably. ‘Something’s happened. I’m afraid I no longer have a choice in the matter.’

Remus nodded. ‘Your parents,’ His voice was quiet and matter-of-fact.

‘Yes.’ Sirius hung his head. ‘Everything is really messed up.’

‘It’s that letter, isn’t it. What’s been going on, Pads? What are they doing to you?’ 

Sirius looked up at those amber eyes. _Go on, everything,_ he reminded himself, _out with it. Got to tell him the lot._ He swallowed again. 

'Regulus is officially spying on me now. He’s actually made a point of telling me as much. And he reckons - well, he's particularly concerned about my friends.'

Remus, watching him, raised an eyebrow. 

'If he got wind of - of this, _us_ , my parents would go mental. They would properly lose it. Not that I particularly care, you know I don't.’ He took a deep breath. ‘But I'm afraid that - I know that - they'll make trouble. They'll try and deter us. They might go after you. Or your family. I'm so sorry.'

'I see.' Remus said, somewhat puzzled. 'But you’ve been with loads of people. What's different about me, then? Should I take it personally, or is it the fact I'm a bloke...? Or a Half-blood. That’s it, isn’t it.'

'Yes. No. All of it,' Sirius sighed. 'They've always disliked you lot, generally, on principle - you know, Gryffindors, bad influence, all that. But it’s a lot worse now. They've still got deluded notions of me joining _the right side_. I'm coming of age. I'm to _do my bit for the family_. You know, _in this political climate_...'  
Sirius drew a sharp breath, but managed to keep his voice steady. 'That’s what that letter was about. Apparently - I'm to forge an alliance. With some well-connected Slytherin girl. Or a wealthy pureblood at the very least. Perpetuate the line, and so on.'

Remus stared at him in horror and disbelief. 'You can't be serious,' he almost whispered. 'Why?! You're not even out of school yet?'

Sirius shrugged, concentrating on Moony’s hand in his own. 'There's a war brewing. Things are changing. I'm the last heir. They're making sure the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black retains every privilege and advantage, if, or, according to them, _when_ \- You Know Who takes over.'

‘Bloody hell, Pads.’ Remus was still staring at him, aghast. 'But, they can't...! That’s - unspeakable! Medieval!’ He was getting angry now. ‘Surely they can't force you to do that?! Not legally? How soon would they be expecting you to actually - ?'

'Next summer, I imagine. It's not even unusual in their circles. Politics, social posturing. Favourable blood ties, produce a suitable heir, and so on.' Sirius sighed. He did actually feel strangely better for having said it, for seeing Moony's horrified reaction, his outrage. 'It'll never happen of course. Don't worry.'

‘But - if you’re not going along with it - what are they going to do to you?’

‘They’ve said they’ll take me out of school, now, at once, unless - unless I _behave_. Comply with their schemes.’ 

‘Have you told Dumbledore about this, I’m sure he could -’

Sirius shook his head. ‘He’s got no power over them. They can do what they like.’ He snorted bitterly. ‘I’ve thought and thought about it. If I want to stay here... I think that if I show willing now, I'll have a better chance of escape.' 

‘Right…’ Remus seemed lost for words, his eyes wide. 

'I’ll have to pretend to play along for a bit. But I'm going to get out of there. I’ll go and stay with uncle Alphard, or with Andromeda, or I’ll hide out somewhere. They won't be able to touch me. I'm not actually worried about that.' He glanced up at his friend, who was still staring at him, shocked and concerned. 'The thing is, Moony. What I’m worried about is you. If they were to even remotely suspect that you were somehow - _corrupting_ me, which of course I'm hoping you are going to do, and thoroughly,’ he gave Remus a small grin, before continuing darkly, '- they'd put a stop to it. They'd take steps to make sure you’ll never come near me again.’ He cleared his throat once more. ‘And I can't let that happen.'

Remus nodded slowly. 'I'm not scared of them,' he said simply. 'Surely they wouldn't really go so far as to -'

‘They wouldn’t hesitate.’ Sirius consciously relaxed his fierce grip on Moony’s hand. 'My mother once hexed a small child in Kensington Gardens. Thought he'd nicked my toy. The little bugger had to go to Muggle hospital, can't have been more than five or six years old. She laughed about it! Thought he deserved it. Ruthless doesn't begin to describe them.'

There was a pause. 

'I see,' Remus said at length. 'Right. So we mustn’t let on.’

Sirius nodded despondently. ‘Regulus mustn't get the chance to cause trouble. For some reason the genius seems to listen to Snape, and Snape's still got an axe to grind. It’s best if no-one knows. Not Prongs, nor Peter, not Boot, or Bellamy, or Evans, or anyone...’ He sighed deeply, and squeezed Remus' hand. 'It's a bloody nightmare, I know. I'm so sorry, Moony.'

'Not even Prongs and Peter...? They'd never say anything?'

Sirius shook his head grimly. 'Better not.'

'You all know about the wolf.'

'Yeah, and we all know how that's turned out.' Sirius said bitterly. 'Even though I'd really never meant to... What if they blab when they're pissed, or make some obvious joke? Always assuming James doesn't have a massive meltdown about it first. It's too much to risk, Remus.'

They sat in silence for a moment. This must be one of the most grown up conversations they'd ever had. Sirius felt those amber eyes scrutinising him. 

Then Remus shrugged. ‘Well. If that’s what we’ve got to do, then...’

‘I’m sorry, Moony. It’s not what you want, and it's not what I want either. We shouldn’t have to hide and sneak around. If you’d rather not -’

‘Don’t be silly.’ Remus hadn’t let go of Sirius’ hand. ‘I just had no idea. If only you'd said! It’s not your fault your brother is such an evil prick and your parents are insane. I suppose Prongs doesn't know about the letter either?’

Sirius shook his head. ‘I haven’t told anyone. Couldn't. It's too mental, and - well, too humiliating.’

‘Tell him.’ Remus insisted. Then he sighed in frustration. 'You should've bloody said. Remember the hell you lot gave me for keeping the wolf thing a secret...! That's what friends are for, aren't we?'

'I’ve been too ashamed.’ Sirius almost whispered. ‘And there is more, Moony.’ This was the worst bit. He grasped Remus’ hand more tightly. ‘They want me to steer clear of “undesirables” altogether. They’ve warned me not to taint the family image. By which they mean my hanging around with Muggle-borns, and-’

‘Half-bloods.’ Remus finished the sentence. He was frowning deeply, but seemed worried rather than offended. ‘Right. So we’ll have to be _friends_ in secret, too?’

‘Yes.’ Sirius whispered, mortified. ‘I didn't know how to tell you. If I want them off my back, I can’t be seen to - I can’t even be around you, not even just as a friend. If they were to find out…’ He glanced up at Moony, who was staring back at him, obviously perturbed, and shaking his head in disbelief. ‘That’s why I’ve been trying to stay away. I can’t risk them lashing out.’ 

‘Right,’ Remus said again, more loudly this time. He’d dropped Sirius’ hand and was standing up straight. ‘I see. Well, I’m glad I’ve got it back. Thank you, Sirius.’ He gave Sirius a meaningful look and a small, regretful smile, as Madam Pomfrey appeared in the apothecary door and approached them sternly.

‘Are you still here!’ she chided. ‘I’ve told you both, Mr. Black needs to rest. His brain is likely to still be very addled, frankly I doubt he’ll make much sense in this state. Why don’t you return to Gryffindor House, Mr. Lupin, and celebrate your friend's hard earned victory.’

‘Yes. I will.’ Remus nodded. ‘Good night, Madam Pomfrey. Good night, Sirius. Thanks for - um - for making me come back.’ His voice was perfectly calm, but he gave Sirius a long look, a conspiratorial look full of concern and affection. ‘It’ll get better. You’ll be right as rain tomorrow, you’ll see.’

‘Yes,’ Sirius smiled. ‘Good night, M- Remus.’


	14. Candour

Everyone was cheerful at breakfast. James and his fellow team members were still being treated like heroes, admired and gushed over by younger Gryffindors, and showered with lots of attention by everyone else. People wouldn't stop asking about Sirius Black, whose ears must be constantly ringing over in the hospital wing, the way people kept going on about him. Shame he was missing out on his moment of glory, really, James thought, might cheer him up, the miserable git. And to be honest he did deserve the adulation, the way he'd single handedly turned the game around. They'd visit him at lunch, James decided, and bring him some treats, make sure he wasn't feeling too left out, or too sorry for himself.

And there was big news to tell him! Lily Evans had actually exchanged a few friendly words with James, sentences even!  
"Well done," she’d said to him in passing. "Brilliant match. Do pass on my congratulations to Black when you see him."  
James had beamed at her and nodded and spluttered something, and although in an ideal world he would have come across a lot more suave, he still felt elated.

Of course Pete and Moony took the mickey a bit, as was only to be expected, but they seemed in high spirits, too. Pete kept giggling at Kieran Bellamy’s nonsense, and Moony actually laughed out loud at something Walter said. James realised how long it had been since they had properly laughed together. And once again he was sorry that Padfoot was missing out. 

As they were leaving the Great Hall, Moony stopped dead in his tracks so suddenly that Peter and James shoved right into him. They followed his gaze, and froze. 

"Oh Merlin," James uttered quietly.

"Is that-" Peter said, staring in disbelief.

"Yeah," James nodded, "that's them all right."

At the other side of the entrance hall McGonagall stood talking to two tall figures. An imposing, very pale man with dark, slicked back hair and sharp features was staring down his aquiline nose at her. He was wearing a richly embroidered black coat over a moss green suit, his white shirt setting off an emerald school tie. Next to him stood a bony, sour looking woman, scrutinising the professor with haughty disdain from under her elegant black hat. She was dressed in shiny grey silk, a necklace of lime green jewels glittered around her throat. She must've once been very beautiful, though her face looked pinched and twisted into a permanent expression of disgust. 

Regulus stepped up to join the two visitors, and it immediately became obvious how much he resembled them. He had his father’s high forehead and widow’s peak, his mother’s eyes. As for his mother’s cheekbones, and his father’s nose, of course Sirius had those, too.  
McGonagall said a few words to Regulus, and his parents smiled toothily. The woman stiffly patted his shoulder, the man merely nodded. They seemed impatient to get on. 

"Must've come to see Padfoot," Peter said quietly. "Because of the accident."

"He’ll be delighted," James sneered.

"Come on," Remus said, and walked on, ignoring the Blacks completely. 

James and Peter followed, though they couldn’t help furtively gawping at them a bit more. Sirius’ parents held almost mythical status at Hogwarts. Everyone knew of them, knew all about the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black - and people's interest and awe was fuelled by Regulus’ boasting as much as by Sirius’ staunch silence. But one hardly ever got to see them - mere glimpses during those rushed few minutes on the King’s Cross platform, and only when they deigned personally to drop off or collect their sons. Here they suddenly had materialised, like evil characters from a fairy tale. 

"I can’t believe they’ve come," James kept shaking his head. 

"Maybe they’re looking to find someone to blame," Peter wondered. "Get money out of the school, that sort of thing?"

"As if they’d need money." James scoffed. "Nah, I think they’ve just come to give Dumbledore a dressing down. Or to do Pads’ head in. And to check on him. After all, they haven’t seen him in a while."

"Yeah," Remus agreed darkly. He was looking worried. "They might just be making their presence felt."

"How do you mean?" Pete asked.

"Remember he mentioned something about them - urging him to fall in line with their beliefs. If they've been making threats-" Remus shrugged. "Maybe they’re trying to scare him, to make sure he’ll comply."

"Right," James nodded, frowning deeply. "That letter."

Remus nodded. "Anyway, I doubt they’ll succeed. They can’t do anything to him here. And Padfoot isn’t that easily scared."

\---

Sirius had woken up from a deep, restorative sleep, feeling better than he had in months. His limbs still hurt when he tried to move them, and his whole body was heavy and stiff. But the morning was bright and airy, even in the boring hospital wing, and the new day seemed full of promise.

He mentally basked in their Gryffindor glory, of having actually won the Quidditch cup, but he was restlessly excited about Remus. It had been a brave and complicated thing to do, talking to him last night, and he'd pulled it off. Really the whole day had gone as though he'd knocked back a load of Felix Felicis! He still couldn't quite believe it. 

As he once again replayed their amazing kiss in his mind, and the wonder that was Remus saying that _of course he wanted to,_ he heard voices approaching in the distance. McGonagall, and - another sound that chilled him to the bone. He listened harder, hoping he was mistaken. A woman's voice, terse and clipped, and then a deeper, male rasp. 

Wincing, he sat up as much as he could, bracing himself. Then the door opened. Pomfrey hurried over and spoke a few quiet words with McGonagall. She seemed to shy away from the other two visitors, stepping back as they strode into the room.

“Sirius,” his mother's icy tones greeted him as she swept towards his bed, heels clicking on the flagstones. “Darling.” She grinned sweetly, her white face a rigid mask, grey streaks in her dark, stiffly lacquered curls. Then she reached out her long taloned hand to actually pat his cheek - obviously for Professor McGonagall’s benefit. “How are you?”

Sirius closed his eyes and bore it. “Hello, Mother,” he croaked. He tried not to breathe in her scent - the scent of his childhood nightmares. Bitter almonds, powdery violets, and something else, sort of dank and old.

His father had come to stand on his other side now, staring down at his son.

“I'm all right,” Sirius said. “Just a small accident -”

“Nonsense!” his mother cut in. “You might have been seriously hurt. A shocking display of carelessness on the part of the school. We’ll be speaking to your headmaster about it. But naturally we first wanted to see how you are.” She grimaced her version of a smile again. “Does it hurt very much?”

Sirius caught McGonagall’s reassuring glance. He was glad she was there. “Hardly at all,” he said gruffly. 

“What on earth were you playing at?” his father boomed. “Frightening your mother like that. Some silly game. Might have died, for all we know.”

“He certainly would _not_ have died,” the professor said sharply. “There might have been an element of recklessness and derring-do, but it's largely thanks to Sirius that his team won the House Cup.”

“Boulderdash. House Cup! A win for Gryffindor is no win at all. You’ll know by now that our son is prone to thoughtless and stupid behaviour. Your job is to beat it out of him. Why haven't you?” He haughtily demanded over his shoulder, but before McGonagall could reply, he carried on. “What's he doing playing games anyway. Exams coming up, surely. Time better spent cramming facts into his thick old head, so he'll stand a chance, what?”

“Your son is an excellent player,” McGonagall said. “If he -”

“Waste of time!” Orion Black bellowed, shaking his head dismissively. “Better things to do with his time.”

Sirius stared at his white fists on the bedsheets, containing his rage. Go on, he thought, take Quidditch, too, why don't you. 

“Now, Sirius,” his mother said, her voice glacial. “You know how concerned your father and I are about your future.”

The expectant silence that followed seemed to stretch on and on, until Sirius relented. “Yes.”

“Once again, boy, you've amply demonstrated that you’re not the keenest wand in the shop.” Orion Black looked down his nose at his son, swaying a little. “However,” he turned to face the window, the tone of his voice now lofty and thoroughly bored, “what you lack in academic brilliance, you will make up for with sheer hard graft. We’ll accept nothing less than 5 Exceeds Expectations in your N.E.W.T.s. An attainable goal, even for you.”

“With respect, Mr. Black,” McGonagall countered dryly, “Your son is in fact a very bright student. If he applied himself a little more, he would easily achieve outstanding results.” He raised his eyebrows at her, but she continued undeterred. “As it happens, since he’s been enjoying the beneficial influence of the more studious amongst his friends, his work has dramatically improved.” 

This was true of course, but while it vaguely pleased Sirius to hear her say it, he was petrified that she might start mentioning names. 

His father meanwhile scoffed. “ _Friends._ Very droll,” he snorted. “That useless ragbag of blood traitors. Brainless Gryffindors, with their absurd sense of valour and pride. Bunch of nobodies, trying to gloss over their dubious heritage. Simple fact is they're of inferior stock.” 

McGonagall’s eyes almost popped out of her head. “Mr. Black!" She protested sharply, "I’ll thank you not to -”

"Don't make me laugh." he interrupted her, shrugging lazily. 

“Listen, darling,” Walburga Black now addressed her son, her sickly sweet voice making his skin crawl. “If your grades still aren’t up to much by the end of this year, we'll find you a private tutor for the summer.” 

Sirius sat stock still, his head bent, clenching his teeth to conceal his fury. 

“And a decent one this time,” his father sneered, “unlike that other fellow, prefect, what was his name, Llewelyn? Luton? Underqualified, certainly, inexperienced at the very least. And meek, your brother says, unlikely to hex so much as a billywig. Unsurprising, frankly - given his background.” He turned to McGonagall with a scornful laugh. “Couldn't afford anyone decent, what? Wonder what possessed us to agree to it.”

Mortified, nauseous with anger, Sirius took long shallow breaths, his stomach churning, his heart pounding in his chest. He risked a quick panicked glance at the professor. Frowning severely, and obviously puzzled, she seemed about to speak, but having registered his imploring stare, she chose not to.

"We’ll be more involved in his school life from now on," Walburga Black addressed the professor. "We’re making a stand for what is decent, for what is right. Our son may have strayed a little from the path that has been laid out for him since his birth, but that doesn't mean he's a lost cause." She forced her lips into another toothy grin. "We want him kept away from the corrupting elements you seem so very keen to promote at this school. Do you understand?" 

Scowling at McGonagall, she pointed a claw-like finger as she rapidly got to her feet. "You may choose to champion the feeble offshoots of deteriorating families," she hissed, "of those who continue to muddy our Wizarding bloodlines, ever diluting the little pure magic we have left in this country. But we will not tolerate it. Our son deserves to associate with the very best, unsullied by the influence of lowly, Muggle infested vermin. Half bloods, and worse. It doesn't bear thinking about, that he should be expected to mix with scum such as _Muggleborns_." She hissed the last word, shuddering with disgust. "I believe we’ve made ourselves clear."

Stuck in his bed, paralysed with shame, Sirius felt his hands shaking with rage and humiliation. But he knew better than to say anything, to give them anything to latch on to. 

"We pride ourselves in treating all students equally," McGonagall said slowly, crisply enunciating every syllable. "In line with the school charter, which you will well remember. There can be no exceptions." She studied Sirius over her spectacles and cleared her throat. "Since Madam Pomfrey has asked us not to overtax young Mr. Black," she announced in a tone that brooked no argument, "I suggest we leave him to rest now. She’ll be keen to administer his potions." 

Sirius’ father patted his shoulder. His mother patted his head. Sirius didn’t react, keeping his eyes firmly fixed on his trembling white knuckles, on the pain of his own fingernails digging into his palms. Only when the door had closed behind them, once the steps had long receded, did he allow himself to relax.

"You poor boy," Madam Pomfrey approached, shaking her head. She seemed to have more to say on the matter, but restrained herself. "Here you go." She handed him a mug of sweet tea and two chocolate biscuits. When she plumped his pillows, she gently rubbed his shoulders, and suddenly Sirius felt a lot better. "Try and get some rest now," she instructed kindly, and thanks to whatever charm she had subjected him to, he found it mercifully easy to nod off.

\---

The school nurse allowed in lunchtime visitors, mainly because Sirius so badly needed cheering up.

He was dozing when his friends came sauntering in.

"Here," Pete threw an armful of assorted sweets at him, topped by a number of chocolate frogs. "From everyone in the common room. With their best wishes."

"And there's this," Prongs supplied a huge card bearing the picture of a writhing dragon spitting golden flames, which spelled out the words Get Well Soon. "Signed by everyone." 

His begrudging tone made more sense once Sirius opened the card - there drawn amongst the squiggles, well wishes and signatures was a profusion of flowers and love hearts.  
"Thank you." Sirius grinned and studied the scribbles for a bit before laying the card aside. "Moony not coming then?" 

"Had a lunchtime meeting," Prongs shrugged. "Bit strange if you ask me, on a Sunday. But he's sent you something, hang on." He patted down his pockets. "You've got it, Pete."

"Ah yes," Peter pulled out a little paper packet and handed it over. "From his special hoard, Honeyduke’s finest. Since he’s got into these he keeps quietly buying them in Hogsmeade, and then stashes ‘em away somewhere no one can get to. Devious bugger." Pete pinched a chocolate frog from the pile of sweets on Sirius’ covers and began to unwrap it. "I s’ppose it's cause they're expensive, he must've been saving up. Not that I’d even want any, mind," he wrinkled his nose, "much too bitter for me." He bit the frog in half.

Sirius peered into the bag. It was chocolate bullion - the deepest, darkest chocolate money could buy. Exactly the same as the chocolates Sirius had once bought for Remus, months ago, shortly before they’d first… Sirius inhaled the sweet, aromatic scent. "Cheers," he grinned, unable to hide his delight. If this was meant as a message, which he thought it probably was, its meaning made him feel slightly wobbly, and ridiculously happy. "Tell him thanks, will you?" he added gruffly.

"Like them, do you?" James seemed surprised. "I’ve always had you down as more of a chocolate cauldron man. If chocolate frogs are unavailable."

"As we grow older, some of us try to develop a more sophisticated palate," Sirius said cheerfully and placed a piece of chocolate bullion in his mouth. The flavour was rich, a tad bitter, and very strong. Delicious, easily one of the best things he’d tasted in ages. He thought of Moony’s lips again, and quickly pushed the thought aside. He’d take his time thinking about that later.

"What did your parents want, then?" Pete sounded as though he was afraid of the answer. "We saw them earlier. Didn’t look very happy."

"They weren’t. And they just wanted the usual." Sirius shrugged. "To give me a firm talking to. Tried to put McGonagall in her place, too, but she obviously wasn't having any of it."

"Don’t think we’ve ever seen them at school before," James said breezily, though he was watching his best friend carefully. "They may have given some First Years nightmares."

"Yeah. They’re impressive like that," Sirius swallowed the last traces of chocolate. "Actually, they wanted to check on me. And to keep me in check. Because they - they've made it very clear, that I'm to,” he took a deep breath. “Oh, bloody hell. I'm not to be seen fraternising with Muggle Borns, or Half Bloods. I'm to stay away from them. To honour the family name.”

“Why?” Peter frowned. “What's it to them who you hang out with?”

"Family honour and so on -"

"Blistering boggarts," James interrupted him. “Whatever next?!”

“And because they're trying to," Sirius stared at his clenched fists, "they're trying to find me some Pureblood to marry. A Slytherin, preferably." He laughed bitterly. "Know anyone suitable, Wormtail?"

"They are _what,_ ’ James hissed, aghast. "Marry?! Mate, you're only in Sixth Year…’

Sirius shrugged. Astonished that he’d actually just told them, that it had been this easy, he felt curiously lighter. "I'll be of age in November. It's just a strategic move for them. To gain influence, consolidate power. It's not meant to happen straight away, they'll just want to - to enter into an agreement." He made a face. “I've known about it for a while, it was all in their last letter. The wheels have been put in motion, and I’m to comply - or else.”

"But they can't expect you to, to -" Peter spluttered, "you're not actually going to -"

"Of course not! Never. I'll get out of it somehow. But, you see, in order for that to work, I'll have to pretend to go along with it for a bit."

"That's insane," James shouted, utterly bewildered. "They can't! Surely!" He looked at Peter for support. “They can't make you?!”

Sirius shrugged dejectedly. "Thing is, until I'm of age, they can. That's why they're not wasting any time. And if I don't obey their mad wishes, they've said I can forget about school altogether."

James huffed angrily. "And - Moony? Does that mean you’re supposed to no longer be friends?" 

"Hang on,” Peter said, “Is that why - did he not come along on purpose…? Does he know about this?"

"Yeah," Sirius nodded solemnly. "I told him last night. Had to tell him first, didn’t I."

"How’d he take it?" James asked, still in shock.

"All right, I think," Sirius said truthfully. "Didn't like it, obviously, but who does. It'll be fine. We'll just have to stay away from each other in public."

"Fine?!" James shook his head. "None of this is fine. Bloody hell, Pads. I mean, we knew they were mental, but this is next level stuff. Where do they get off, purposely ruining your life like that, trying to dictate who you're friends with-"

"Try growing up with them," Sirius exhaled slowly, glowering at his fists again. "Unfortunately, for now, I’ve got accept it, play the dutiful son. I haven't got a choice."

For a moment they all sat in stunned silence. 

"What a nightmare." Prongs said then. "But they’ll have another thing coming, that’s for sure. Just you wait. We'll sort something out."

"Yeah, course," Peter nodded vigorously. “They’ll never get away with this.”

“We’ll throw them off the scent, for now.” James continued vehemently, “And at the first opportunity you’re obviously coming to live with me...” 

"Thanks," Sirius managed a wan smile, feeling slightly better about everything.

"Until then you and Moony will just have to pretend you've fallen out," Pete shrugged. "To be honest, I thought you already had."

"It was that blasted letter," Sirius said darkly. "Been trying to keep my distance on purpose. It's not been fun."

Prongs was eyeing him shrewdly. "So is this why you’ve been such a nightmare, then? I mean, fair enough. But to be honest, mate, you’ve been a right pain in the arse for _weeks_! Couldn’t have saved yourself - and your best mates - a load of hassle and just bloody come out with it straight away now, could you."

"Yeah, I know," Sirius sighed. "Sorry about that. Didn’t know how to talk about it."

"Don’t worry, Pads. It'll be all right," Peter said encouragingly, picking up a sugar quill and nibbling the pointy end. "So we’ll all have to pretend for a bit. But we'll work around it somehow. And then we’ll let _them_ have it."

"Course we will," James nodded energetically. "Everyone knows you only ever underestimate the Marauders at your peril."

As his friends threw ideas around of how they’d extricate him from this mess, Sirius realised that they really had no idea, no concept of how vile members of the Ancient and Noble House of Black could be. But, he thought later, drifting off after Pomfrey had sent Prongs and Wormtail on their way, friends were the best, the most important thing. As much as life seemed intent on pummelling him with problems, ranging from the inconvenient to the downright nasty, he was lucky to have such magnificent friends.

\---

He woke just before dinner, suddenly feeling markedly better. His limbs no longer hurt but only ached a bit, even though his last Painaway Potion must have worn off by now. Once he finished his fish pie and cauliflower, he listlessly read bits of the same old copy of Quidditch Weekly for the umpteenth time. Then he dozed, daydreaming of flying, of dodging bludgers, of getting ready to score… His ears pricked up when he heard a faint, muffled sound.

There was a soft click, and the far door slowly opened a bit. Gripping his wand, he peered over the edge of his covers. The door was already swinging shut again. There was nobody there. 

"Pads," a voice whispered. "It's me." And then in one smooth movement Remus appeared seemingly from thin air. "Hello." He smiled, stepping up to the head of the bed, where Sirius was beaming at him.

"Thank Merlin it’s you." he said with some relief, excitedly propping himself up into a sitting position as quickly as he could. "Great timing, Madam Pomfrey’s just -"

"Gone for her dinner and crossword, I know," Remus grinned. "She's a creature of habit. I can't stay long, I just wanted to see how you are."

"Oh." Sirius nodded. "I'm all right. I'll be out of here tomorrow." He swallowed. Moony, in his everyday clothes - patched grey trousers and a very soft looking blue jumper - was looking most delectable. He smelled amazing, too. 

"Good. Your bones have all mended then?"

"Good as new, apparently. Or will be by tomorrow." Frowning, Sirius tapped his plaster casts. "Can't wait to get these off."

"Nor can I," Remus said with such a devious grin it made Sirius almost dizzy with excitement. 

"Yeah," he managed, trying not to stare at Moony like a besotted fool. "How was your day? Thanks for the chocolates, by the way."

Remus smiled and shrugged. "I thought they might cheer you up… Today was fairly unspectacular. Everybody's been talking about you, though," he perched on the edge of the bed. "You're something of a tragic hero, you know. And of course your parents caused quite a stir." He sounded casual enough, but paused for an instant, giving Sirius a searching look. "McGonagall was showing them round, looking all the while as though she'd swallowed an Acidulous Toad."

Sirius nodded. "They just came for an inspection," he explained darkly, "and a stern talking to."

“Pete and Prongs are really worried about you.”

“Yeah… I’m glad I’ve told them. You were right about that.” Sirius smiled sheepishly. “Probably should've done it ages ago.”

“Hindsight, and so on,” Remus shrugged. "But there was nothing else your parents wanted? Nothing - new?"

"Not as far as I know." Sirius met Remus’ gaze frankly, keen to show that he wasn't holding anything back. "Still put a bit of damper on the day, of course. It's as though they _knew_ , I must've woken up too bloody happy this morning, so they’ve made a special effort to pop round, knock me down a peg or two."

"Right." Remus examined his hands. "I woke up very happy, too," he said quietly. 

"Yeah?" They grinned at each other as Sirius pulled him in. Their kiss was gentle at first, quickly turning hungry and demanding. Remus’ jumper felt as soft as it looked, beneath it there was a T-shirt and then glorious skin - silky, warm and sort of electrifying. When Remus made a soft throaty sound, Sirius almost lost it. He let out an actual whimper and tilted his head back, gulping for air. 

Remus pulled away, chuckling. "Sorry," he said, "It's just - I've been thinking about doing this all day."

"Tell me about it," Sirius groaned. They kissed again. When they came apart, Sirius couldn't help beaming in wide-eyed wonder at each affectionate touch, at having Moony’s gorgeous face so irresistibly close. 

"Oh," Remus suddenly remembered. "I did get you something else." He pulled a small book from his back pocket and placed it in Sirius’ lap. It was a thick volume, a beaten up library copy entitled _Dangerous Escapades and Miraculous Escapes_. "No matter what state you're in, the worst thing about this place is the crushing boredom."

"You're not wrong," Sirius sighed, leafing through the yellowed pages with interest. "This is brilliant!" If at first glance the old fashioned typesetting didn't exactly look enticing, the numerous engraved illustrations certainly did - action packed pictures of wizards and witches engaged in breathtaking feats of courage and daring. A woman escaping an exploding tower on a Romanian Horntail, a man trapping a huge troll under ice in some barren wasteland, another wizard just about balancing on a tooth-like rock, locked in a duel with a giant sea creature as massive black waves crashed around them. 

"The stories are a bit much," Remus explained. "But they're so over the top, it’s hilarious."

"Sounds perfect. Thank you!" Sirius beamed up at his friend, feeling strangely overcome. He closed the book and cleared his throat. "Moony, listen. I hope you know that - that I'm sorry I’ve been such a pillock recently. Properly out of order, I mean." He swallowed. "You must've written me off as a total prick."

Remus shrugged. "I probably would have done," he said evenly. "But you seemed so miserable. I couldn’t work out what had happened, except that you must have been panicked by something. I thought maybe it was the idea of being with - I dunno, your actual friend. Who is a bloke. And a werewolf. And, well… me."

"Oh Merlin, no," Sirius protested emphatically. "Never that. It was everything else - the situation, not you. I’d - I’ve wanted to be with _you_ for ages." He couldn't quite believe how easily the words slipped out. "Maybe I did get a bit flustered by just how much."

"Really?" Remus glanced at him shyly, a quizzical smile on his lips.

"Merlin, yeah." Sirius couldn’t help beaming at Moony again, who was looking delighted, and embarrassed, in a most appealing way. Then they both noticed the sound at the same time, faint but distinct, of footsteps, approaching. 

Remus jumped to his feet. "Bloody hell. She must be early." He hesitated for an instant, then bent to kiss Sirius once more, before swiftly disappearing under the cloak. "See you soon," the disembodied voice whispered.

“Yeah, see you…” Sirius said quietly, still grinning like an idiot.

\--

Everyone made a great fuss of Sirius when he finally did appear in the Common Room, late the following afternoon. He’d only meant to drop off his things and to determine where the other Marauders might be found, but then he got stuck. Of course he enjoyed every minute of it, telling and retelling his version of events, joking with members of his team, basking in all the attention. Once James, Peter and Remus turned up, all three of them excited to see him, he soon made his excuses, and the Marauders decamped to their dormitory.

Soon enough they sat out on their small balcony, clinking bottles of butterbeer. Sirius breathed deeply, enjoying the fading afternoon sun - he'd longed for fresh air, he'd missed being outside. They were messing around, teasing each other relentlessly and talking nonsense. Sirius was glad no one mentioned anything about his _situation_. In fact, things between them suddenly felt happier, and more normal, than they had in months. 

Predictably, Moony was acting entirely normal. But Sirius was suddenly finding it remarkably easy to do the same. That awful tension between them had disappeared. He was no longer tortured by the fact he desperately fancied one of his best mates, or troubled by endless, pointless worries about the exact nature of their friendship, or the futility of his yearning. Instead - and this was a thought he'd let sink in slowly back in the hospital wing - he was probably genuinely allowed to refer to Moony as his actual _boyfriend._ Only in secret, obviously - but nevertheless. Who would have thought? Not something he would've dared dream of, even a few days ago. 

Prongs, meanwhile, was already talking excitedly about his own future girlfriend. He and Evans had started exchanging an average of one sentence a day, some of them not even hostile. James insisted on sharing this important news in excruciating detail, and his friends humoured him. 

Then Peter had an announcement to make. "I’m breaking it off with Jocasta," he said solemnly. "Tomorrow. At lunch, I think. Just thought you should know. And it’s not because of anything _you’ve_ said," he added quickly, "but for completely unrelated reasons."

"What reasons?" Sirius asked with interest.

"Quidditch, mainly," Pete made a face. "I’ve realised that I can’t be going out with someone who won’t cheer for the right team. Slytherin weren’t even playing on Saturday, it shouldn’t have made a difference to her."

Remus raised an eyebrow. "Are you saying you’d have cheered for her house team?"

"Course not. Not in a million years." Pete shook his head in disgust. "That’s why it would never work. That’s why she’s got to go."

"Right. Fair enough." Remus nodded. He seemed amused, and wordlessly gestured at James and Sirius not to laugh, nor to launch into a lengthy treatise on the subject of "I told you so’. 

They indeed managed to hold back. "Good luck, mate," was all Sirius said, and James added dryly, "I’m sure she’ll take it well."

\---

“Let's see those battle scars, then,” James demanded later that evening, adding hopefully, “very gory, are they?” 

Having only just emerged from a long, luxuriant shower, Sirius found his three friends busy at the sinks. James came bounding over, toothbrush in hand, and proceeded to nonchalantly inspect first Sirius’ arm, then his thigh. Approaching more cautiously, Peter joined in, the two of them gawping in unison.

Bemused, Sirius batted them away. “Get off!” he laughed, swatting at them with his hand and pulling his towel tighter around his waist. “Nothing to see here.”

“He’s right,” Pete remarked, fascinated and impressed, “there's nothing there at all. Not even a bruise. Come and see this, Moony.”

"I've seen enough scars to last me a lifetime, thanks,” Remus said darkly, spitting toothpaste into the sink and proceeding to wash his face. “By the way, Pads,” he casually added, reaching for a towel, “if you want to work on that History of Magic thing together, I could meet you in the library tomorrow morning?" His voice was devilishly calm, but he seemed to be carefully avoiding even a passing glance at Sirius’ bare chest above that low slung towel.

"Yeah, cheers, that'd be great," Sirius cleared his throat. Tomorrow morning, of course, meant their two free hours together - the very setting of his vivid, constantly distracting fantasies. "Maybe not the library, though, remember… Shall I just meet you up here in the dormitory?"

Remus shrugged. "Sure." 

“I s’ppose we could do some other exercises as well,” Sirius mumbled. And he strolled off, calm as you like, though inwardly he was positively thrumming with excitement. 

\---

When Sirius appeared at breakfast the next morning, having got ready very carefully, Remus was sitting with Montague and Evans at the far end of Gryffindor table. 

“This is going to be weird,” James observed darkly, watching them over his buttered toast.

“Yeah,” Sirius sighed. He sounded despondent enough, even though currently he was only just about managing to conceal his excited anticipation.

“I know,” Peter agreed, nodding vigorously. “But I’ll just have to get it out and get it over with. How hard can it be?”

 

The morning ticked by excruciatingly slowly. In Charms, James kept shooting Sirius quizzical glances, and he asked whether Sirius was all right several times.

“Course I am,” Sirius huffed impatiently. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I dunno,” James frowned, “what’s going on? Are you nervous about something?”

Sirius just rolled his eyes and shook his head. He also made an effort to stop fidgeting with his quill, to stop chewing his thumbnail, and to stop tapping his foot.  
“You just seem - different somehow,” James insisted. “Didn’t hit your head when you got knocked off your broom, did you?”

But Sirius refused to even dignify this with an answer.

Luckily, even the most interminably boring lesson had to end some time. Sirius managed not to sprint out of the classroom, but instead to chat normally with Prongs until he had to turn a corner to get to his next class. As soon as James was out of sight, Sirius sped away, towards Gryffindor Tower. 

“Remus?”

The Common Room was deserted. He jogged up the steps to the dormitory. And there Moony was, lounging on his bed, glancing up from a book in his lap.  
“Hey,” he said with a smile.

“Hello,” Sirius croaked. Beaming, he approached, and without thinking, he kicked off his shoes, pulled off his robe, and his jumper. He threw himself onto Moony’s bed, and at Moony. They kissed wildly, and laughed, and kissed some more. Remus manoeuvred his book out from between them and chucked it on the floor, before tangling his hand in Sirius’ hair again and pulling him into another passionate snog. Before he knew it, Sirius found himself flat on his back with Remus on top of him, straddling him. “Careful,” he winced, laughing breathlessly and indicating his limbs, “these have only just been mended! And, um,” he added apologetically, “If I want to fly again… I’m meant to be taking it easy for a bit.”

“Yeah,” Remus shrugged, “I thought as much. That's why I'm going to do all the work.” He flashed Sirius a deliciously devious grin and bent down to kiss him. Sirius closed his eyes, giving in to those lips, letting his tongue dip into Remus’ mouth, before pulling back to watch in awe as those large, skilful hands slowly stripped him of his shirt, and opened his belt, and opened his trousers. He reeled Remus in for yet another kiss, gasping as Remus took hold of his cock, freeing it from its confines and stroking it firmly. Then Remus let go again, in order to impatiently push down Sirius’ trousers and boxers. In a few quick manoeuvres he managed to disrobe both Sirius and himself completely. Sirius groaned with delight at the vision before him - gorgeous Moony, with his smoothly muscular chest, and his narrow hips, and his strong arms, with that dream of a cock standing proud and already glistening with excitement. They snogged some more, groping and stroking each other again, before Remus moved lower. He kissed and licked his way down, past the spot beneath which Sirius’ heart was deliriously hammering, past Sirius’ flat stomach which trembled and shivered with anticipation, until he settled between Sirius’ legs. Remus licked along the length of Sirius’ cock, before sucking it into his hot, wet mouth, and Sirius let out an almighty groan as his eyes rolled back in his head. Moaning and panting, his hips bucking uncontrollably, he just about managed not to come on the spot. And there was Moony's grin again, Moony's hand cupping Sirius’ cheek, drawing him into another kiss. 

“Pads,” he said quietly, breathlessly, close to Sirius’ ear. 

Sirius had captured Moony’s cock in his hand, firmly working the long, hard shaft, using the copiously beading precum to coat the head, to ease the slide of his fingers.  
“Yeah,” Sirius choked back a whimper as he felt his own cock once again in the grip of Remus’ hand, now slick with charmed lubricant. He felt his body begin to tingle all over as Remus slathered the wet gel from the root of Sirius’ cock to the very tip.

“I, um,” Remus began, his breath hot against Sirius’ ear. He inhaled sharply, and said, “Can I shag you?"

“Yeah,” Sirius nodded, staring in undisguised wonder. “Course, go on. I'm - I’m all yours.” And he laughed giddily, because he could say such a thing, and mean it, and because it was true. Moony was staring, too, his face earnest, almost reverential. He was slicking up his own cock now in swift, casual strokes. Sirius reached for the nearest wand on the bedside table, and, thrilled by the intimacy of actually using Moony's wand, he performed that special preparatory charm on himself. Then he lay back and let his thighs fall open, digging his heels into Moony's bum cheeks to urge him closer.

Raising Sirius’ thighs only slightly, Remus pushed into him slowly, covering Sirius’ body with his own, resting his elbows on either side of Sirius head. They snogged again, slowly, leisurely, as Remus pulled out and then pushed back in. Sirius’ tongue roamed Remus’ mouth, invading and claiming, just as Remus’ cock thrust deep in and out of Sirius’ tight passage. It felt incredible, much too good, it couldn't last long. Deliriously fisting is own cock, Sirius gloried in every firm stroke of that solid cock inside him, in the overwhelming bliss of Moony entering him again and again, of Moony hitting his prostate. Gloried in the mind blowing fact that this was Remus, Moony, actually fucking him, in a slow and deliberate rhythm. Panting wildly, and gazing into Moony’s beautiful face, into those lust clouded eyes, he came all of a sudden, in an exhilarating rush, after what felt like mere moments, gasping for air as he spectacularly shot his load. Remus seemed surprised, and amazed, and started fucking him faster, harder, his thrusts becoming erratic, until he, too, hurtled over the edge. Sirius thought that he might've felt him come, but perhaps he had imagined it. 

Once they'd caught their breath, they kissed again. Remus didn’t pull out straight away, but even when he did, the two of them lay together, grinning contentedly, and somehow unable to stop touching. They summoned and drank goblets of water, but they didn't leave the bed. 

Later, insisting that Sirius continued to rest his limbs, Remus sucked Sirius’ hopeful semi into a full blown, majestic erection, before climbing on top of him and proceeding to ride him until they were both thoroughly spent, and there was barely time left for a shower. 

And for the rest of the day, Sirius felt like he was floating on air.  
At lunch, Remus had swapped seats with Oliver Boot, and seemed engrossed in a chat with Kieran Bellamy. James and Sirius were keeping an eye out for Peter, but he had obviously decided to ditch his girlfriend in private.

“Bloody hell,” he told them later, in the short break between History of Magic and Transfiguration. “That was awful!”

“Give you a hard time, did she,” James nodded understandingly, as though he himself had dumped any number of girlfriends. 

“Not at all!” Peter grimaced. “Her face sort of - crumpled - and then she started to cry, and,” he shuddered. “She wouldn't stop. I feel terrible.”

“She'll be all right,” Sirius said reassuringly. “She'll be disappointed, for now. Tomorrow she'll probably get angry, and all her friends will hate and badmouth you for a while. But seeing as they're all Slytherins anyway,” he shrugged, “it won't exactly be a huge loss.”

Peter let out a deep, heart wrenching sigh. “Maybe I shouldn't have dumped her after all,” he said despondently. “What was I thinking? What if I'll never have another girlfriend again?” 

“You will, mate,” James patted him on the back. 

“Course you will,” Sirius agreed. “Plenty more plimpies in the sea, and all that.”

“Exactly. And there was a reason why you wanted to break up in the first place, remember,” James said encouragingly.

Peter wasn’t convinced. “Just because of the Quidditch team she supports, I mean, that's not even a reason…” Peter shook his head.

James instantly launched into an elaborate speech about the all encompassing importance of Quidditch, and the importance of finding and belonging to and celebrating one’s tribe - the sacredness of which must neither be underestimated nor ignored. Sirius made the odd approving sound, but thought it wise to say nothing. 

\---

In the days that followed, Remus was kept busy, or kept himself busy, so that it seemed natural for him not to be seeing much of his fellow Marauders. Sirius found reasons to go off on his own as well, so James wouldn’t feel too guilty about spending time with Peter and Remus. In the evenings, he now often feigned exhaustion and retired early, and Moony tended to appear in the dormitory not long after.

They planned a new moon outing to the lake to collect the fabled snails for their potion, but a torrential downpour prevented them from venturing out at all. The rain continued for several days, which eased Sirius’ acute envy of his team members, with whom he still wasn’t allowed to fly. Instead, he tried to use the time wisely, to study, and improve his grades.  
And in the privacy of their dormitory, it only seemed natural that Remus would help him study - the perfect excuse for them to sit close together, to catch up on conversation and banter, and to find lots of reasons to accidentally touch. Unfortunately, any opportunities to do more than that were painfully few and far between.

At least Regulus kept his distance. And thankfully, there hadn’t been any new missives from his parents, either. Instead, one lunchtime, Montague suddenly loomed over him and silently delivered an envelope. It contained an official note, stern in tone, summoning Sirius to the Astronomy Tower that very evening. 

Sirius was deeply frustrated by the unfairness of it. If this was about their hilarious mishap in the Study Hall the previous afternoon, surely James had been every bit as guilty of generating that unfortunate amount of candyfloss. There was no reason Sirius should be singled out for extra punishment. And tonight of all nights! It was Walter’s birthday, and Gryffindor Seventh Years really knew how to throw a party. Most of the younger students would be chucked out of the Common Room before it got too late, but Walter was a mate, and he'd certainly allow the Marauders to hang around. Sirius had been looking forward to this all day, he’d felt like letting loose, he could do with a drink, or five. And now this!

Having complained to James and Kieran about it at some length, Sirius dutifully trudged towards the Astronomy Tower after dinner. He fervently hoped it would just be a dressing down, rather than an actual detention. Anyway, who did Montague think he was, and where did he get off, doling out punishments?

On the first floor, Professor McGonagall seemed suddenly to appear from thin air. "Mr. Black! I'm so glad you're feeling better," she greeted him warmly. "I was hoping to have a word with you, do step into my office for a moment."

"Yes, Professor," Sirius said resignedly, trying to hide his frustration. They walked around the corner and she ushered him into her small office. Through the window Sirius could see Fifth Years out on the Quidditch pitch, flying obstacle rounds in the waning evening light. He longingly watched their antics for a moment, before taking a seat at the professor’s desk.

"I was sorry to hear brooms will be out of bounds for you for a few weeks," she said, sitting in her own chair. "You’ll be missed. And my congratulations again on winning the Quidditch Cup." She opened her Tartan biscuit tin. "Shortbread? Take two."

"Thank you," Sirius murmured. She helped herself to a piece as well, and took a dainty bite. Munching on the deliciously buttery biscuit, he wondered what on earth this was going to be about. 

"Mr. Black," she began at last. "Sirius. I wanted to talk to you about the demands made by your parents. I do not believe that what they are asking of you is reasonable or indeed justified."

"It’s evil, is what it is," Sirius growled. "They've finally gone completely round the bend. But they can't - I mean, there’s no way I’m going to start treating Muggle Borns and Half-Bloods any differently."

"I'm glad to hear it," she nodded earnestly. "And frankly, we wouldn't tolerate anything else. However, I’m afraid there's nothing to be gained by publicly antagonising your parents."

"Don’t I know it," he said darkly. "Hasn't ever stopped me trying, though." 

"Quite. In this instance, though, I would prefer you to consider your actions. It might be prudent not to make a show of going against their wishes." 

"Yes, Professor." Sirius sighed, scowling at the table. "I have been trying to avoid certain people for a bit. That was my plan, anyway. Even if they’re close friends."

"It may be wise." She regarded him over her spectacles. “I've made some inquiries. Unfortunately, in your case, Wizarding law won't be able to protect you, or keep you here against your family’s wishes. An old special decree has seen to that, it’s deeply disappointing. I imagine Professor Dumbledore will want to discuss this with you when he returns.”

“Right.” Sirius nodded despondently.

"As regards close friends, Mr. Lupin is of course considered a Half-Blood."

"Yeah," Sirius croaked. "We’ve been - we’ll just…’ And suddenly he had a thought.  
However strict and stern McGonagall liked to appear, she was a kind, honourable and utterly dependable person. She knew what Sirius was up against, and here she was once again demonstrating that she was on his side. This was an adult he could trust. An ally, perhaps. Maybe she could help.  
"You see, in his case," he cleared his throat, "it's even more frustrating. Because I - um, I really don't want to see any less of him. I - I'd like to see more of him, if anything.” Crumbling the last bit of shortbread between his fingers, he felt his face burning up. She raised a quizzical eyebrow. “A _lot_ more,” he continued, undaunted, “more than anyone else, I mean.” He swallowed nervously. 

Her other eyebrow went up as well. “I see,” she said slowly. “My students seem to have an extraordinary propensity for getting themselves into tricky situations. I suppose it’s because they’ve the courage to do so.”

“This wouldn't be tricky at all,” Sirius said darkly, “if it weren't for my bl- I mean, _my parents_.”

“Indeed.” She agreed. “But you do realise, Mr. Black, that in the Muggle world, such close - friendships between young men are very much frowned upon. That is to say, in parts of the country, including Scotland, they would in fact be considered illegal.”

Sirius stared at her.

“And Mr. Lupin’s mother, being a Muggle, may well take a similar view to your own family on such a liaison.” She cleared her throat. “Then there is his affliction to consider, of which of course you are aware, and which must remain an absolute secret.”

Unsure what she was getting at, Sirius frowned at her, narrowing his eyes.

“You do wield a considerable amount of power over Mr. Lupin. Should your friendship go sour, you might compromise not only his school career, but potentially -”

“But I would _never_ -” Sirius cried out, deeply offended. “I would never compromise him, Professor. No matter what happens between us. And he’s my _friend_ , not just some - fling. I would never do that. You must believe me.”

She stared at him, apparently unperturbed. 

“Please don't stop me from seeing him,” he pleaded, drawing a shuddering breath. “No one even knows – we haven’t told anyone. And it's - it's the one good thing, what he and I have. We'd just try and be together anyway. We'd have to defy you. It would make everything worse. Please, Professor.”

“I do believe you.” she said. “As your teacher, it is not within my remit to condone any romantic relationships between students. On the contrary, from an educational standpoint we try and discourage them as much as possible. In your case, however, I can see that Mr. Lupin has had a very positive influence on you. Far be it therefore from me to stop you from spending time with him. As for anything beyond mere friendship, you will ensure that I - as well as the rest of the staff - shall remain entirely unaware of it.” She looked at him sternly. “I'm afraid it’ll be in your own best interest at present to apply the same policy to your fellow students, too.” 

“Yes, Professor,” Sirius nodded.

"And may I suggest that you continue to apply yourself to your studies, Mr. Black. You may as well achieve the excellent results of which you are capable."

"Yes, Professor."

“Good.” She nodded and gestured towards the door. “Thank you, Mr. Black, that'll be all. Please give Mr. Lupin my best regards.” 

Sirius thanked the professor again, before he left her office and continued on his way to the Astronomy Tower. He felt a bit sick - nervous, and relieved, and queasy. What had possessed him to talk like that - to actually open up, about deeply personal things - and to McGonagall of all people? Surely this must have been a colossally bad idea. At least she'd reacted well. And she was on his side. 

When he threw open the door to the Astronomy Tower, scowling as he strode in, he was surprised to find Remus standing there in the dimly lit room, turning to face him with a nervous smile. 

"Not you, too," Sirius huffed impatiently. "Any idea what this is about? What are we meant to have done? And where is he, anyway?"

"Oh." Remus bit his lip. "Montague? He's - not actually coming." He cleared his throat and smiled sheepishly. "It was just a ruse. I thought you’d know."

"Ah." Sirius stared. "Right." He cracked a wide grin. "Merlin, I’m gullible."

"I only thought of it this morning, that we could meet here while everyone’s busy partying and milling about...” Remus explained. 

“Yeah,” Sirius nodded. Then he took a deep breath. “Listen, Moony. McGonagall’s just made me sit with her in her office. She’s looked into my situation, apparently there's little I can do, at least for now - no surprises there. But then she wanted to talk about you, and…”

“Me?” Remus raised an eyebrow. “What have I done?”

“You're _my close half blood friend_ , remember,” Sirius huffed. “Anyway, she's recommended I stay away from you…” He made a face. “But then - I dunno why exactly, but I've - sort of told her. About us. Well, I’ve hinted at it." 

“Oh!” Remus said, taken aback, staring at him in disbelief. “Right…”

Sirius continued quickly, "She was so good with my parents, you know, keeping them at bay, and fending them off. She's been looking out for me. I think, I just thought - that she might be able to help us." 

Remus still looked dumbfounded. “And would she?” he asked. “How did she react?”

"It was odd.” Sirius frowned a little, “All I really said was that - that I want to see a lot more of you, not less. She didn't seem all that surprised."

"She's probably seen it all before," Remus said thoughtfully. "Half-Bloods, and Purebloods, and blokes, and girls, and everything."

“Yeah,” Sirius considered this. “She’s also said we'd better not let on.” He sighed. “That - that we’re even illegal according to Muggle law… is that true?”

Remus nodded darkly. “People have started to protest against those laws again,” he shrugged, “It used to be fine, ages ago, but they keep changing their minds about it. Muggles are strange.”

“Merlin’s balls, Moony. Why is absolutely everything conspiring against us?!”

“I know...” Remus stepped closer, amber eyes shining in the half light. "I’m sorry I've lured you here under false pretences.”

“No you're not,” Sirius grinned. “And nor am I. If I'd known, I might've,” he swallowed, looking down at his crumpled school robe, "you know. Made more of an effort."

Remus actually laughed at this. "Why? It's still only me."

“And? I’d make an effort for you.” Placing his hands on Moony’s sides, he pulled him closer. “Why wouldn't I? I’d still like to, you know, impress you. Make you fancy me." He rolled his hips gently, suggestively.

“I’d fancy you anyway,” Remus said gruffly into Sirius’ shoulder. “That - that bit has never been a problem…” his voice trailed off.

“Really?” Amazed, but knowing not to push the point, Sirius filed away this piece of information to marvel over later. He moved his hips again. “Well maybe I’ll still spruce myself up for you.” 

“I'm not going to stop you,” Remus murmured, gasping as Sirius kept moving against him. “Merlin.” Sirius delighted in the firm grip of those big hands on his waist as he was manoeuvred back against one of the slender columns. Kissing him deeply, Remus let his fingers skim down Sirius’ side, while grinding their hips together most deliciously.  
“Fuck me, Pads,” Remus said roughly, stopping himself. “I mean - do you want to-?”

Sirius laughed. “Yes,” he gasped. “Of course I do. Anything.” Tilting his head back to bare his throat, he added hoarsely, “Merlin, I always want to. To fuck you, for you to fuck me, anything at all… I’ll have you any way you please.”

 

\---

“What've you got planned for today then?" James grinned the next morning in their dormitory. "Accepting another trophy, are we? About to address the nation?” He suddenly looked serious. “Your parents aren't coming to see you again, are they?” 

“No, why - this?” Sirius asked loftily, indicating the crisp shirt he was buttoning up, and his fine trousers. “Just felt like - making an effort, for a change.” 

“Right,” James laughed, turning to where Remus was hunched over a piece of parchment on the floor, hurriedly finishing a last bit of Potions homework. “What d’you reckon, Moony? Who's he trying to impress?”

Remus raised an eyebrow at them. “Who knows,” he shrugged. “Waistcoat as well, Pads? At this rate, it might even work…” As he continued to scribble rapidly, a slow grin stole onto his face.

Sirius solemnly dusted a bit of lint off his trouser leg. “Good.”


	15. Conversations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Yes, I am posting twice in a month! Wonders will never cease! This is the chapter that I know some of you have been waiting for... I hope I haven't overlooked anything, otherwise please let me know!_

Late one afternoon, while dawdling over his Charms essay in the Study Hall, Sirius suddenly found himself set upon by Lily Evans.  
"Black," she said, "I need a word."

"What have I done now," he asked the prefect, dropping his quill and stifling a yawn. 

"Incredibly, this isn't actually about you." 

"Isn't it? I've no powers over Potter, you should know that by now. I've tried and I've tried to put him off you, Evans, but he is a man possessed. We're all living in hope that it'll blow over."

She made a face. "It's not about Potter either. Mind if I sit?" She slid into the other corner seat and leaned forward, edging closer. "It's – about Remus. I wanted to ask you something."

"Right." This was unexpected. Sirius remembered with a sickening feeling that of course she was on his parents’ list of _People Not To Be Seen Fraternising With_. Too late now.

"I was just wondering," Evans began quietly, fixing him with a stare. James wasn't entirely wrong, Sirius found himself thinking, her green eyes were sort of mesmerising. "I have this theory. The way he's been acting lately… you know, happier, laughing a lot more, and sort of distracted. And always off somewhere, even at odd times of the day. He won't tell me anything, but I think – is he seeing someone?" 

"Oh." Sirius said. He took a deep breath. "Well..."

"You see, I think there might be someone. But if there isn't – it’s just, I've got a friend who really wants to know."

Sirius shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "Who’s this friend?" he asked, playing for time.

"Amy Purslane. Fifth Year, in Hufflepuff. But don’t tell him about it, unless he, I mean – she’d be mortified."

"Barnaby’s sister?" Sirius nodded appreciatively. "She seems all right. But, to be honest," he cleared his throat, "I think she’d probably be better off looking elsewhere."

"I knew it!" She beamed, obviously pleased with herself. "Who is it? Go on, you might as well tell me, I'll find out eventually."

"It's – er..." Sirius wondered whether he was being hypnotised. "You’d really better ask him yourself."

She rolled her eyes, her fingers impatiently tapping the table. "I obviously have, but he’s always being evasive. Why won't he say, what's the big secret?"

When Sirius didn't react straight away, feverishly thinking how best to deflect Evans’ interest, she leaned in closer. "It’s not a Slytherin, as well, is it? Or a Muggle, back home?"

"No!" he protested a shade too ferociously, and tempering his voice he added, "Nothing like that." 

Evans continued to stare at him, waiting for him to elaborate. "Go on."

"He, um – he can't talk about it," Sirius explained very quietly. "It's – the other person's family that's the problem. If they found out about it, they'd go after him, that's why no one can know."

"Ah! Like in Romeo and Juliet?" she asked, fascinated. "Or Remus and Juliet, haha. You know, Shakespeare. Muggle literature?"

"Yeah, er," Sirius frowned, shrugging vaguely. He needed to get her to leave.

"Is there a family feud, too?" Evans’ bright eyes were shining. Sirius cursed himself for having said too much, for having said the wrong thing. It was too bloody close to the truth, and it hadn't put her off one bit. On the contrary, apparently.

"There's no feud," he said gruffly. How had he let himself get embroiled in this conversation at all? "They're just – dangerous people, Evans, so you're going to have to keep your mouth shut. All right?!"

"Fine." She shrugged, smiling. "And you're sure she's not in Slytherin?"

"Absolutely sure."

"Is she in our year, then? Or in Seventh Year? Or Fifth?" Evans asked shrewdly. "Is she pretty? Do I know her?"

"Back off, will you?" Sirius growled. "I've told you I can't say anything, and nor should you. They – they’re happy together, that's all you need to know."

"Or is it a bloke?" Evans whispered.

He looked at her sharply. "Why would you say that?"

"I don't know," she shrugged again, “maybe because you’re being so cagey about it? _“The other person”_ and all that. Anyway, I've often wondered, I mean it wouldn’t exactly surprise me if –" as her voice trailed off, still staring at Sirius, her eyes widened. "It _is_ a bloke, isn't it!"

Annoyed now, Sirius shook his head and took a deep breath. She seemed to be reading his bloody mind! If he said nothing she'd continue to speculate, and at this rate she'd have it all worked out in a minute. He had to stop her. If only he’d just invented a Muggle girlfriend, but thanks to his damned pride he'd blown that. And now, some distant Muggle girl back home wouldn't explain why he'd asked her to keep quiet about it here at school. Somehow she'd managed to bamboozle him, and he'd royally messed up.

"Listen." he huffed, losing his patience. "Stop trying to bully me into telling you things. It's his own business. He's your friend, too, I'm sure he'd tell you if he could."

"Right," she nodded, sitting back. She cleared her throat and looked around the Common Room. "So this person’s family are powerful, and scary," she mused to herself, before smiling at Sirius. "Not unlike yours, then, by all accounts…” 

"Hi!" James crashed into the seat next to Sirius, grinning excitedly. "What are we talking about?"

"Nothing," Sirius said gruffly, massively thankful for the distraction. "You talk to her, she’s doing my nut in." He grinned up at Remus, who'd arrived with Prongs. Remus seemed surprised to find Sirius and Evans sitting together, but only greeted them fleetingly, and continued to walk on towards the far end of the hall. He looked shattered, Sirius thought, watching Moony disappear through the grand double doors. Maybe their private lunchtime escapade had been a bit much, so soon after the full moon. It had been amazing though… spectacular, really. When his gaze returned to Evans, she was staring at him, and her jaw had dropped. 

“...so Remus is still a bit under the weather, you see,” James was blithely chattering on, “not the best at handling his drink…”

Evans got up as though in a daze, still staring at Sirius in utter shock. "Yeah, whatever, Potter." she murmured, sounding bored, "I've seen him easily drink _you_ under the table before. Anyway, I'm off." She cleared her throat. "Bye, Sirius." And she turned on her heel and strode off towards a group of girls crowded together on the other side of the room.

Blistering bollocks, Sirius thought wildly. What had he done? 

–––

Having to deal with the new Marauder scenario infuriated James on a daily basis. It was hard work. All four of them would chat normally in the mornings, until they left the dormitory together, and then Remus would drift away. He'd get talking to other people in the Common Room, or he lingered in some corridor to deal with younger students, or he would just nip into the library for something before breakfast. 

Throughout the day, Sirius and Remus didn't speak, they barely even went near each other. Whenever they had to occupy the same space, such as during the lessons they had together, they kept it very subtle – as though by sheer coincidence they'd find themselves at opposite sides of the room. It seemed normal that Sirius should eternally be engaged in banter with James, and Remus busy joking with someone else. 

At mealtimes, Remus was often sitting with Evans now, which meant a thrilled and stupidly nervous James was able to pop round and talk to her. Or Sirius would sit between Kieran and Walter, or next to Oliver Boot. Either way, there almost always was a noticeable gap at their end of Gryffindor table. James hated that the four of them no longer hung around together as they'd used to, that he kept having to choose between spending time with Pads or with Moony. 

Bizarrely, the two of them seemed to be taking it better than either James or Peter. Sirius and Remus didn't seem too bothered, in fact they appeared to be in good spirits most of the time, to have fully accepted the situation. To compensate, they took time to catch up in the dormitory – these days James often found them actually doing homework together, or sitting chatting on one of their beds, or laughing while lounging on a windowsill or having a drink out on their tiny balcony. Relieved to be able to speak to both of them at the same time, James would join them, but sometimes, thinking it was only fair, he left them to it.

That evening, Sirius sat almost in his old place for a change, James having swapped seats with him so he now sat opposite Peter rather than Moony. They were chatting happily, making plans for their upcoming half term holiday.

“It's not really a holiday, is it,” Peter said darkly. “We're just meant to study our arses off.”

“Better off doing that together, though, aren't we?” James grinned. “And in the interest of your future career, Pads, you're coming to stay with me. You'd shrivel up with misery in London, including your brain and other appendages. Can't let that happen.”

Laughing, Sirius shrugged. “Yeah. I doubt they'll let me, though.”

“They'll have to if my parents formally invite you. Pureblood honour and so on. And you lot, are you coming to help us study, or what?”

Pete shook his head. “Got to go to a family reunion, unfortunately. Five generations of Pettigrews will be there, from all over the country. But maybe towards the end? I could floo over for the second weekend.”

“Great!” James beamed. “And Moony, you've obviously got to come, too. We’ll be useless without you.”

Remus arched an incredulous eyebrow as he chewed and swallowed a piece of cheese on toast. “I'm going to Wales,” he said then, “to see my grandmother. But maybe I can do the last weekend, too.”

“Your Muggle grandmother?” Sirius asked with interest.

“Yeah. It'll be a Muggle holiday. My cousins will be there, too.”

“How are you ever going to study, surrounded by Muggles?!” James shook his head disapprovingly. “You'll definitely have to put in a few days with us.”

“How do you manage, anyway?” Peter wondered. “To spend all that time with Muggles? Don't you ever slip up?”

Remus grinned and shrugged. “Not really. My Dad does, sometimes. It's harder for him. But my mum has had loads of practice explaining it away.”

“I don't know if I’d manage,” James said thoughtfully. “I'd be on my toes the entire time, worrying that I'm doing or saying the wrong thing. And I've been doing Muggle Studies. Not very relaxing, I imagine.”

“It's all right,” Remus said. “You get used to it, and anyway it's only once a year. Although the local youth think I'm not quite right in the head, because I know nothing about anything they're into.”

“You do know all about Muggle music, don't you?” Sirius ventured. He noticed Evans at the other end of the table, shooting him a strange, appraising look.

“Only some,” Remus was saying. “Do you know how much of it there is? But yeah, that's usually all we can really talk about.”

Sirius nodded, scowling at his pea and ham soup. Evans’ stare was making him deeply uncomfortable, and slightly afraid. He’d not yet managed to talk to her again, but he needed to urgently, to put her off the scent, to keep her quiet.

“Sounds awful. I mean, a lot of Muggle music is atrocious as well.” Pete made a face. “And that game they like, instead of Quidditch - football? _So_ tedious, dunno how they sit through entire matches of it.”

“You're starting to sound like my brother,” Sirius frowned at him. “Are you sure that the Slytherin hasn't rubbed off on you?”

Peter rolled his eyes. “True, though, isn't it? Moony, back me up here. Muggle football _is_ a yawn fest.”

“Well,” Remus said evenly. “I've only ever been to one live match. It's not Quidditch, that's for sure. But it’s still good fun. Once the crowd goes wild -”

“You've been to a football match?” James asked, surprised. “When was this?”

“Last summer. A friend took me, I must've told you about it?” Moony sounded casual enough. Sirius glanced at him curiously. He remembered all about that supposed Muggle _friend_ with whom Moony had spent the previous summer. 

“A Muggle?” James said, apparently both dubious and impressed. “I've chatted to Muggles before, but never… You'll have to help us, Moony, show us how it's done? When we're all in Godric's Hollow. Loads of fit Muggle girls to chat up there!” He beamed at them in turn, and they all responded enthusiastically, even though Wormtail didn't seem entirely convinced, and Moony and Padfoot possibly might have other things on their minds than chatting up girls.

–––

One evening a few days later, exhausted by Quidditch training which had been the most brilliant fun, Sirius found Peter and Prongs on the little balcony outside their dormitory. They were listening to the radio on Moony’s Quintophonic Magnetographatron, and working on demolishing their stash of Honeyduke’s. 

“How was it?” James inquired, grinning, when Sirius climbed out to sit on the windowsill. “Muddy, by the looks of things.”

“Yeah,” Sirius beamed, dangling his feet and appraising his own mud splattered clothes. “It was great. Pomfrey and Hooch should've let me play again ages ago, seeing as it's the end of the season and we’re really just pissing about. There's a boggart in the showers, so I came up here.” He reached out to pluck a Jelly Skull from the mound of sweets. When the dormitory door opened, Sirius’ nose picked up Remus’ scent long before the other boy appeared next to him in the window. 

“Hey, Moony,” they all greeted him. 

“All right?” Remus replied casually. Then Sirius felt his hand on his back, slipping beneath Sirius’ dishevelled Quidditch robes just for a moment, in a warm, secret caress. The touch sent shivers down his spine, but Sirius just about managed to remain impassive.

"What did you lot say to Lily Evans, then?" Remus demanded, eyeing his friends in turn. "You haven't been pestering her again, have you, Prongs? She's been really off with me, dunno what I'm supposed to have done."

James made a noncommittal sound. "Not more than usual, I don't think."

"Off with you how?" Sirius wanted to know.

"I don't know, she's just sort of – cold. And distant. You know, as though I've pissed her off, or disappointed her in some way… and as per usual I've no idea what you lot have been up to."

"Right." The other three Marauders looked at each other, and shrugged. 

"That’s girls for you. Nothing to do with us, mate," Pete concluded. “Have we got any butterbeers left?”

"Unless," Sirius said slowly, as though he'd only just remembered, ‘it was – she did say something about her friend fancying you… A Fifth Year, Barnaby Purslane’s sister."

"Oh yeah?" James beamed, obviously loving this fresh bit of gossip, while Remus just looked bewildered.

"I said I wasn't sure she was your type." Sirius shrugged. As much as he relished being this close to Moony, making sure he remained entirely indifferent wasn’t easy.

"What?" Peter gaped, James shook his head. "Why would you say that?" 

"She might be," Remus said lightly with half a shrug, apparently considering whether he’d be tempted by young Amy. 

"But you haven’t exactly been pining for her romantically, have you?" Sirius hastened to add. "That’s all I’ve said to Evans."

“ _You_ don't know whom I spend my time pining for romantically," Remus said dryly, arching an eyebrow, the merest hint of a teasing smile on his lips. 

His face was so near, it was an effort for Sirius not to stare at him, an effort to keep his breathing slow and even. He raised his hands in supplication. "All right, I’m sorry, then. Just wanted to save you the hassle of having to turn down yet another admirer."

"He's just jealous, Moony," James grinned. "Hasn't seen any action in a while."

"You're one to talk," Sirius huffed, avoiding Moony's eyes. "But you're not wrong, it’s been too bloody long."

Four days was a long time. He remembered the sounds Remus had made, bent over that table, when Sirius had fucked him, in the unmappaple room during that lunch hour. He remembered running his hands all over Remus’ body, and Moony's breathless moans and gasps as Sirius had thrust into him. Angling his long, powerful strokes, while his hand worked Moony's cock… Then picking up speed, irresistibly pounding into the tight, slick heat that made his mind go blank with desire. Just about managing to hold back for long enough so Moony would come first…  
Sirius licked his lips, and took a deep breath. These thoughts weren't helping at all. Four days definitely was too long.

–––

It was Saturday afternoon before they had a chance to talk in private. Sirius had been impatiently pacing the far flung, dusty old room for at least ten nervous minutes when Remus finally appeared, map in hand. 

“Merlin, Moony. At last. I need to talk to you.”

“Okay,” Remus was surprised by Sirius’ urgency.

“It's Evans. Remember she cornered me the other day, and asked about you for her stupid friend… I think she knows. About us, I think she's guessed.”

“Really?” 

"I didn't even say anything, she just kept wheedling things out of me. How d’you stand it? She's got hypnotic powers or something, I dunno. Anyway, then she suddenly guessed.”

“Are you sure?” Remus asked again, incredulous.

“Yeah.” Sirius sighed. “She’d already deducted that there must be someone, and when I admitted that you're seeing someone, but that you can't let on for a good reason, that it would be dangerous – she suddenly gave me this weird, knowing stare. Then Prongs appeared and I couldn't talk her out of it.” Frustrated, Sirius ran a hand through his hair. “Haven't been able to, since. Remember, I'm not even supposed to be talking to her _at all_ , don't want to get her into trouble, too.”

“Right,” Remus said slowly. “So at least she knows not to tell anyone.”

“I hope so, anyway,” Sirius shrugged, frowning deeply. “I s’ppose that's why she's been so weird around you. Reckons you could do a lot better.”

“Nah, she’ll be angry that I never told her. How did she get it out of you?”

“You tell me! It's those green eyes of hers, it's as though she could bend anyone to her will with her stare. Or is it a charm, do you know? How d’you manage to keep anything from her?”

“I've had to keep one or two things from people before, remember,” Remus said dryly. 

"Well, and you've got eyes like that, too, I s’ppose,” Sirius rattled on without thinking, “sort of mesmerising…” He stopped himself, acutely embarrassed. "I mean–"

"Do I?" Remus raised a quizzical eyebrow. 

"No, I mean, well –" Sirius huffed with frustration, "Ugh, I'm rubbish at – I just like your eyes, that's all."

"Right," Remus said, grinning teasingly. "Thank you. I like yours, too. _And_ your arse.” Laughing now, he drew Sirius into a long, slow kiss. 

Wrapping his arms around Remus, Sirius let out a sigh. "You bastard," he grumbled against Moony's throat. "Befuddling me into going all soppy like that. You and Evans are as bad as each other.” He kissed Remus again. 

“It's not all that bad, is it,” Remus said then, “even if she does know about us. She won't go round telling anyone. But how did she guess? I mean, even the fact – did you mention that I'm with a bloke?”

“I barely said anything! She came up with that bit by herself. Said it wouldn't surprise her, if you liked blokes – dunno why.”

“Oh.” Remus made a face. “Did she.”

Sirius shrugged. “Why, doesn't matter, does it?” Then he remembered what McGonagall had said, warning him about current Muggle attitudes towards gay people. He narrowed his eyes. “You don't think she'd somehow think of you differently? Not Evans, surely, even if she did grow up among Muggles.”

“No, course she won't,” Remus said quietly, sounding unconvinced. “It's just – I dunno. If she thinks I seem like someone who likes blokes… in the Muggle world, there are certain stereotypes. You know, Muggles have these strict notions about gender roles, and status. They generally portray gay men as effeminate, and weak, and ridiculous –”

“Do they?” Sirius asked, astonished. The idea seemed preposterous. “Why?”

Remus shrugged. “In their minds, to be male is to be powerful, and to be female is to be weak. When a bloke likes another bloke, he threatens their very narrow idea of what a _real man_ should be. It makes them angry. So if a Muggle reckons you might be a poof, or a shirt lifter, or a bender – a jobby jabber, a bumboy, or a ponce – they’ll call you any number of names, they'll mock and humiliate you, and they might well beat you up. Or worse.”

“Bloody hell. What's wrong with them?” Sirius muttered, genuinely shocked. Of course he’d known Muggles held weird ideas about who was supposed to go out with whom. But it was news to him that they got so worked up about it. He hadn't realised there was actual, outright hatred. “But – Moony, if she thought you might like blokes, too, it's never because she buys into any of that nonsense. No one in their right mind – not even Evans! – would call you effeminate. Or weak. Or ridiculous! That's never what she would've meant.”

Remus shrugged. “What did give me away, then? My famously keen fashion sense? How house proud I apparently am, or how obsessed with shopping? Because those are supposed to be some of our other traits, for some reason.”

Sirius couldn't help laughing out loud. _“House proud!”_ he barked, shaking his head. “Merlin, Muggles are strange. But Evans isn't one, remember. It must’ve been her unholy powers of observation that put her on to you. Her scary green eyes. The fact you and she are good friends. Not some warped Muggle rubbish.”

“Yeah. Perhaps,” Remus said dubiously.

“It's a bit like what some wizards say about Muggleborns, isn't it. They _don't know how to dress properly, they're so naïve, they're bloody slow, they talk funny_ …” Sirius realised he was impersonating his brother, and stopped, clearing his throat. “I mean, it’s obviously a universal thing. People trying to put other people down.”

“Yes.” Remus snorted bitterly. “Don't I bloody know it. I’ll get to enjoy the best of both worlds, seeing as I'm a half breed _and_ a poof. I’ll be unfit for polite company, wherever I go.”

This made any lighthearted retort stick in Sirius’ throat. It was odd for Remus to talk like that, to openly admit his frustration at his own predicament. “Yeah, well,” Sirius nodded darkly. “But it's also common knowledge that you're patently neither.” 

“Only for as long as nobody knows about it.” Remus sighed, sounding resigned. “Once it all comes out – it’ll be all people see. The evil beast, the dangerous pervert...” 

“Pervert!” Sirius said appreciatively, hoping to reverse the sombre turn Remus’ mood had taken. Even if Moony had a point, there was no way Sirius was going to let the bastards grind them down. “Well. To be honest, Moony,” he continued in a solemn tone, “it's true that you can be a bit of a wild beast – whenever some grave injustice has been committed, or if someone's been at your chocolate. Or in the sack, obviously. As for poof –” Sirius cleared his throat, “you did say you like my arse.”

A weary smile tugged at Remus’ lips.

Sirius spoke quietly now. “So we've both been dealt mindblowingly crap cards. At least we can both share the delightful experience. And - I mean - we have each other. That’s more than most people can say.”

He couldn't help beaming, because Remus was smiling properly now. That curious, delighted smile that meant Sirius had managed to charm him a little. “There you go again,” he grimaced, “making me come over all soppy. You old bastard.”

–––

It was only after their second Apparating lesson out in the grounds that Sirius got Evans alone.  
"Evans." he called, catching her before she could stalk off to join her friends. "Listen.”

“Black?” She stopped, eyeing him haughtily, and he remembered to beware of those eyes.

“Walk with me a minute, will you?” When she didn't turn away, he ploughed on. “It's about Remus. That thing you wanted to know.”

“Yes?” Obviously intrigued, she walked alongside him as he started back towards the castle.

“I'm going to tell you straight. He is seeing someone.” Sirius took a deep breath. “And, well, as you probably know – that someone is me.”

"Merlin’s beard, Sirius." She stared at him, wrinkling her nose. "I was hoping it wasn’t true. How? I mean, no offense, but – you!?" 

"Charming," he frowned, genuinely irritated. "Yes, me. Why not me?"

"You're telling me you like boys now?!"

Sirius shrugged. "And?"

Evans rolled her eyes. “It's just – unexpected, that's all.” She poked a pale finger into his chest. “And if you mess him around, Black, you’ll have me to answer to. He’s always appreciated you a lot more than you deserve.”

“Well, if _you_ so much as breathe a word of this to anyone, the Most Ancient House of Black will come down on him like a ton of bricks.” he retorted sharply. “They could do a lot of damage to Remus, and to his family. So you've got to keep it shut.”

“Fine, yes, of course,” she said. “I haven't told anyone. And I wasn't planning to.”

"Good." He nodded firmly. "And I know I don't deserve him, thank you. I'm fully aware of the fact. Even if he only puts up with me for now ‘cos he fancies this," he indicated his physique with a lazy wave of his hand. "I am hoping that, in time, I'll be able to sway him. Because I'm definitely not messing him around. All right?”

“Good,” she said. Then she laughed, shaking her head. “I just can't get over the fact it's you.”

“Well, get used to the idea. And remember, if you blab to anyone Remus is going to be toast.”

She swallowed and nodded, looking at him earnestly. “Thanks for telling me, Sirius.”

He huffed impatiently. “For some reason my mates seem to like you. Maybe they're onto something, I dunno.”

She grinned. “Speaking of which, can you tell Potter to ease off a bit? Everyone enjoys a bit of attention, but what he's been doing is just embarrassing.”

“Will do, Evans. Couldn't agree more.” 

They were fast approaching the castle now. Groups of students where milling about on the lawn. Sirius and Evans nodded at each other – a curt, businesslike nod – before parting ways. 

––-

By the time the half term holidays were upon them, James’ parents had extended an official invitation to Sirius, and indeed the House of Black did not refuse. Still, Sirius first had to endure four horrible days at home in London, before being allowed to Floo up to Godric’s Hollow to spend the remainder of the holidays with the Potters. 

The weather was glorious, and James’ parents had obviously made some sort of pact to spoil Sirius rotten. There were huge meals, and elaborate picnics, and always a cake or biscuits or trifle waiting to be devoured. The boys were allowed, even encouraged, to go out in the evenings, so they hung around the Common, swigging from humongous bottles of Silver Lining cider. They went for long night walks, and of course they frequented the Seven Stars in Godric’s Hollow, as well as various Muggle pubs further afield, where James was forever hoping to meet and pull girls that would temporarily ease his hankering for Lily Evans.

After the nightmare of Grimmauld Place, Godric’s Hollow seemed like heaven to Sirius. He adored James’ parents, and went out of his way to be courteous and polite, revealing the full extent of the beautiful manners that mercilessly had been drummed into him as a child. Owls came from Remus and Peter, detailing when exactly they'd be joining them for the final weekend of the holidays, and Sirius expertly managed to hide his excitement. Secretly, he was missing Moony all the time. It was as though he was physically mourning the absence of an essential body part. The few days at Grimmauld Place had been like plunging into a dark, claustrophobic ice bath. He'd seized up, and carefully, painstakingly banished all thoughts of Remus for the duration. Now, though, spending leisurely, golden days with James, running free in the woods and in the fields, he longed for Remus constantly, and allowed himself the occasional reverie. 

Whenever he lit one of his Interminable Gaspers, for instance, his mind drifted to images of Moony smoking, to thoughts of Moony’s lips, of long luscious snogs, the alluring quirk of his smile. Those long elegant fingers, curled around a cigarette, fingers that had got to know Sirius so very intimately, that could do things to him that made all reason desert him.

Spread out in the long grass, blinking in the afternoon sun, and dozing in a cloud of Confounding Resin as bugs and bees buzzed in the poppies and buttercups, James would talk of Evans, while Sirius thought of Moony. He'd let his mind drift, recalling secret, treasured memories. Moony, lying beside him, nuzzling into the crook of Sirius’ neck. Those happy, sloppy kisses they shared, when they were both naked, and spent. Snogging in a dark broom cupboard, breathlessly pushing aside each other’s robes and jumpers and shirts. Finding that exquisite body again, finding that gorgeous cock, and finding new ways of pleasuring Remus until, desperate and panting, he came apart. Shagging in that unmappable room they’d found. Actually shagging in a secret passage when they were meant to be on a kitchen raid. He'd been surprised that time by Moony's ravenous advances. Remus had gone for Sirius with the same hunger with which he usually attacked a steak so close to the full moon. Delighted, Sirius had loved every minute of it – Remus could take him, ravish and devour him any way he liked, be it in that damp and musty passage or the luxury of their empty dormitory. Even if he had trouble sitting comfortably for a bit following these interludes, he wouldn't let on to Moony, or even charm himself better. They'd be spending hours and hours completely apart, and he liked to feel exactly how close they'd been.

Later, once the pain of the moon had faded, Sirius would be doing much of the devouring. And Moony, strong as ever, but gentle now and languid, and supple, and funny, would drive him to distraction. 

They had got good at it, Sirius thought idly, rolling onto his stomach to watch a ladybird climb a blade of grass. Shagging no longer seemed strange or awkward. These days, they fucked like champions. It seemed natural, and joyful, beautiful even. They wanted to, needed to, they _should_ be together. Who would've known that they would fit together so perfectly, and in so many ways, each one of them delicious. 

Resting his head in his hands, he blinked sleepily into the sunlight. Eventually, he thought, they'd be able to tell James and Peter. And Sirius would have no more qualms about getting into Remus’ bed at night, or vice versa. Perhaps he'd get to fall asleep next to him then, and wake up wrapped around him. The mere idea of it was beginning to give Sirius a boner. Moony's sleepy smile. Those long limbs, smooth and heavy with sleep, his back flush against Sirius’ chest... He would let his hand wander then, down Remus’ firm chest, across the flat abdomen, until he found Moony’s balls to fondle, his hard length to grasp and tease and stroke. And as Moony would move against him, moaning softly, Sirius’ own cock would slide up against Moony’s bum… and with their hips moving together his cock would leave a wet smudge of precum as it slid between Moony's lean thighs, making Sirius gasp… 

“You all right, mate?” James asked him for a second time. 

“Yeah, um, sorry, what?” Sirius lifted his head and pushed his hair out of his eyes, trying to focus on the here and now. What on earth was he doing, letting his thoughts run away with him like that? “You were saying…?”

“Fishing!” James rolled his eyes in exasperation, “I said we should go fishing. There's supposed to be trout in that stream near the mill pond. We could catch some for supper.”

“Oh, yeah… good idea. But there's no rush, is there?” Sirius yawned comfortably. “I wouldn't mind staying here a bit longer.” After all, you could hide a raging boner beneath a Wizarding robe, but never in these Muggle style jeans. Sirius wasn't going to move anytime soon. 

–––

Hanging around near the village pub in neighbouring Little Boxbury that evening, James and Sirius did get friendly with some Muggle girls. There were five of them, sitting on the Green, and the boys managed to strike up a jokey conversation. Sirius made them laugh quite a bit, as did James. Cursing his own annoying nerves, James also noticed something else: Although Sirius seemed interested, and was obviously lapping up all the attention, his heart didn't seem to be in it. Of course, the bastard couldn't help himself and was charming them nonetheless. If he'd wanted to, he'd easily be snogging one of them already – yet he was choosing not to. 

This was odd. After all, what with spring in full swing, he must be 'feeling the sap rising', as James' grandmother used to say. James himself certainly was! When, just after midnight, the girls had scattered, Sirius actually suggested they _head home and turn in_ , too. Again, this seemed unlike Padfoot. James didn't say anything. Perhaps the nightmare looming in his future was stressing Sirius out more than he was letting on?

The following afternoon was warm and sunny, so the friends went for a long walk. Leaving Godric’s Hollow by a narrow back road, they followed a country lane for a while, then turned into a path that led them through the undergrowth. James had a small bag of Moroccan Imperturbability Blend in his pocket, some of which they smoked in a shared cigarette. Eventually they came upon the old abandoned railway line, and leisurely ambled along the overgrown tracks, only stopping to devour a few tiny wild strawberries here, to look at an oddly shaped beetle there. 

They’d covered lots of varied subjects before James embarked on the topic he'd been wondering about. What _was_ going on with Sirius and the ladies? It couldn't just be that letter, because by all appearances he'd managed to spend most of the past two school terms without a single snog. Without so much as going to Hogsmeade with a girl! Let alone getting physical with one. It was unnatural. And he wasn’t even looking, as James had noticed last night at the pub. Stress was one thing, but something else must be going on there. 

"You know, Pads," he began gravely. "I’m worried about you. Or rather, about your physical health. You’ve not been with anyone since Christmas. Not even been flirting half as much. Not even here! None of the local talent pretty enough for you, is that it?”

"Not at all, I like your local girls! Not bad looking either, even a couple of real stunners."

James shot him a look. "So why so restrained then? Don’t tell me they weren't interested. Did none of them take your fancy? Or –" he came to the point. "It’s someone else, isn’t it. There's _got_ to be. You're after someone."

Grinning, Sirius shrugged, kicked a small stone, and said nothing.

"I don't see why... Come on, why won't you just come out with it?" A sudden thought occurred to James, and he eyed his friend suspiciously. He remembered that heart-to-heart Sirius had had with... "It’s not Evans, is it?"

Sirius laughed out loud. "No. It really isn’t."

"So there is someone, I knew it! Who, then? You've not been pining for that numbskull Abernethy again, have you? I’d certainly keep that quiet." James thought for a moment. "Or Mirabel Munro? Seen you looking at her... well, she’s definitely been looking at you. Not her? Tamsin Baker then, the one with that brute of a brother? No?"

As they wandered on along the sun dappled tracks, James tried the name of every girl he could think of. High above them, birds chirped in the creaking trees. Eventually he ran out of ideas. Then a wild thought struck him.

"Or – wait. Oh no. Please don’t tell me it's a – blistering boggarts, Padfoot." James slowed down, staring at him. "Not you, too." He paused, looking thoroughly scandalised. "Not a Slytherin."

"No!" Still laughing, Sirius shoved into his friend affectionately. "Don’t be ridiculous. Merlin, I thought this was going to be awkward, but bloody hell, Prongs, what d’you take me for? It’s not a Slytherin, as much as that would make my life easier. On the contrary, it's – it's a true and valiant Gryffindor.” He cleared his throat. “One of the best, actually: Remus. I’ve sort of been – involved with Remus."

"Remus?" James asked, puzzled, failing to comprehend. "What’s he got to do with anything?"

"Remus is the one I've been after." Sirius spoke calmly enough, but his eyes flickered up nervously once or twice.

Slowing his step, James gaped at his best friend. "Our Remus, you mean. Moony."

"That’s the one. Yes." Finally, Sirius looked up properly, his storm grey eyes wide, the hint of a smile on his lips.

"You’re saying – hang on. You’re not suggesting that you – _like_ Moony?"

"Yes." Sirius nodded. His pale face seemed tinged with pink. "That is literally what I am suggesting." 

"Oh." James said, perplexed. “ _You fancy Moony?!”_

Sirius shrugged, smiling sheepishly now. "Yeah. Very much."

James stared, open mouthed. "Bloody hell, Pads." Could this be true? Sirius seemed strangely sincere. Unsure what to think, James decided he wasn't ready to take this seriously. "Really?! You're not –" he coughed a little, and continued teasingly, “in love with him, are you? The poor sod, does he know about this?"

"Yeah, he does." Sirius said quietly. "Well, perhaps not the love bit, we haven't really – not in so many words." He took a deep breath. "The reason we haven't told you –"

"Hang on, hang on. _We?_ There is a _we_ in this...?" James had come to a full stop now, scrutinising his friend sharply. "Haven’t told me what? Mate, you're not honestly telling me that you and Moony – that there's something going on between you?"

"Well, yes." Sirius took a moment to meet his eyes, but when he did, his gaze didn't waver. "There is. We’re together." He let out a nervous laugh. "Don't look at me like that, Prongs. Nothing wrong with it, is there."

"No – but – wait. What!? You and Moony? You're joking, aren't you?" Bewildered, James shook his head again. "I mean – he's a _bloke!"_

"Hang on," Sirius gasped, utterly shocked, "A bloke?!" James rolled his eyes, and Sirius barked out a laugh. 

“You're _seriously_ saying that you and Moony have been – what, getting off together?”

They had started walking again. "You might think it's weird,” Sirius said calmly, “but it isn't, not really. Feels the same – better, if anything. I mean, it's Moony." 

Too bewildered for words, James kept shaking his head. "Bloody hell, Pads." 

Sirius laughed nervously. "Come on, it’s not all that strange. Surely – friends get it together all the time."

"Bollocks! None of my friends ever have." James narrowed his eyes at his friend. "Unless – oh Merlin, don't tell me you’ve ever wanted to –"

"With you?" Sirius made a face. "Course not, mate, that's revolting, no offense. That'd be – like incest or something."

"Right. But with _Moony_ it isn't!?" James shook his head again, feeling increasingly confused. “Have you fancied other blokes before?”

"No... That part was a bit of a surprise." Sirius grinned.

James rubbed his forehead. "You're having me on, aren't you?" he asked uncertainly.

With an exasperated sigh, Sirius slowed down, before taking a deep breath. "I'm actually not." he said quietly, firmly, fixing James with a stare. "It's all true. And no, I’d never really thought about blokes before, not in that way. But I reckon I've always had – a bit of a soft spot for Moony. Well, for a while. Ages. All year. Probably longer. Long before I realised that there might be more to it."

Frowning, James nodded vaguely, remembering his friend’s strange moods, his erratic behaviour. Surely not! "So, what – from one day to the next you just started fancying him? Just like that? How – I mean –" he shook his head again. _"How?"_

Sirius shrugged and pointed at a passing lizard. For someone who'd just delivered such a bombshell he seemed surprisingly unperturbed and light–hearted. "The usual way, I s'ppose – how did you suddenly start fancying Evans?" Sirius shrugged. "They're there, and suddenly they're no longer the same. Always on your mind. Making you nervous. And excited, more than you'd ever realised..."

"Yeah..." James sighed, thinking of Lily. Then he made a face. "Excited!? Moony? Give over."

Sirius laughed and shrugged again. "Yeah, course. He's hot! What d’you want me to say?"

James was staring, still perplexed. "And then – you and he…? How on earth did that happen?!"

Sirius kicked a few small pebbles into the undergrowth. "Dunno. The way these things usually happen? Realised I liked him, made a fool of myself... Luckily, as it turned out he liked me back –”

“Liked you back,” James snorted, shaking his head again.

“Yeah. Which was something of a relief, I can tell you. Thought I’d messed up the Marauders for good."

" _And you haven’t now?!"_

"Not so far we haven’t. And I hope we won’t." Sirius laughed again. "Come on, Prongs, no need to look at me like that. I’m still the same. We’re still the same! Nothing’s really changed."

"Easy for you to say. You’re not the one who’s only just found out his two best mates have been – having it off, behind his back!" James stared at his best friend in disbelief. "And since when? How long has all this been going on?" 

Sirius hesitated for an instant. "Properly – I suppose – a few weeks? Less than a month."

"A month?!" James shouted. “Does Pete know?"

"No. Not yet.” Sirius extracted a cigarette from his pack of Gaspers, offering one to James, before lighting them both with a click of his fingers. He took a long drag, exhaling slowly. “We’ve always wanted to tell you, since the very beginning – but we couldn't. Not with my parents going mental, and making threats, and everything. But we’ve hated keeping it secret, from you of all people.”

"Right." James said, as though any of this made any sort of sense.

"Actually, I was sure you must have suspected something. I'm not exactly good at hiding things, least of all from you. But you know what Moony's like, stealth personified."

"And you're – what, secret _boyfriends_ now?" The very thought seemed preposterous.

"Something like that."

"Snogging, and everything?"

"Yeah," Sirius nodded, smiling brightly. 

"But – Pads!” James rolled his eyes, “You like girls, always have!" 

"Maybe.” Sirius kicked at a lump of earth. “Turns out that's not all I like.”

James laughed and shook his head. “So you're saying – that you and Moony have actually been _snogging_?"

Sirius gave him a frank, questioning look. "Yeah."

Incredulous, James took short, sharp puffs, and coughed. "Let me get this straight. Not only have you suddenly discovered you like blokes, but Moony does, too, and _he actually likes you back?!"_ He couldn't help his cynical tone. Even if the idea of Remus liking another bloke perhaps didn't seem that far fetched, the idea that he would choose Sirius somehow seemed ludicrous. 

"Yes, well." Sirius frowned. "To be honest I still can't quite believe that bit either. It's not exactly been plain sailing. But somehow we've managed to get it together." He shrugged, grinning happily. "And it's the best thing that's happened to me all year." This sounded disturbingly honest. "I s’ppose I just got very lucky. Like it or not, Prongs. There it is.”

"But – I mean – snogging, and..." James ventured, waving his hands vaguely. It seemed unimaginable. Sirius and Moony? Part of him was still fervently refusing to buy this unlikely story at all. "What's it like?!"

The way Sirius' face lit up at his question should probably dispel any doubts. "It's great." he said simply. "Bit strange at first, of course. But amazing."

James stared at his friend, trying to detect any irony, a glint of mischief, any tell–tale sign he was being had. There was nothing. Bloody hell. Really? "And have you been doing – anything more?"

"What do you think," Sirius said dryly, shooting him an amused look.

James pushed up his glasses in pained disbelief. Merlin’s beard. "You two haven't actually been shagging, have you!?" He almost squealed the last bit. When Sirius just smiled and shrugged, James kept shaking his head, scandalised. "Seriously?! You have?! When? And where? We’re together all the time?"

"That would be telling. And surely you don’t really want to know. Might scar you for life."

They walked on in silence, smoking more cigarettes. James kept shooting his friend shocked and curious looks, scrutinising him intensely. He was gobsmacked, to put it mildly. Sirius, on the other hand, seemed strangely upbeat. He looked hugely relieved, as though he'd let go of a massive burden, and it was this that finally convinced James that, however unfathomable, this bizarre story might actually be true. 

Sirius had had a turbulent year. If he'd been a bit off a lot of the time, if he'd been moody and distracted, and kept to himself a lot, James had put it down to the horrors the House of Black continued to inflict on their son.  
Never would it have even remotely crossed his mind that his best mate might be grappling with – something like this. And those two bastards called themselves his best friends, the very people he thought he knew everything about…! When about something this monumental he'd been left in the dark. And, incredibly, he had genuinely suspected nothing.

James was sure that for all the years he'd known him, Sirius had never exhibited even the slightest romantic interest in anything but girls. It seemed bizarre that he should suddenly have changed his focus to blokes. He loved girls, loved getting friendly with them, loved getting physical with them even more. James had generally been irked by quite how much his best mate relished his resounding success with the ladies. 

How could he have _“had a thing for Moony”_ for the past year? Why hadn't James noticed? How had Sirius managed never to let on, never to have let anything slip? And why hadn't he just bloody told James about it?  
The fact that he'd been so willfully, and successfully, deceived, seriously annoyed James. He felt a right mug. Those two bastards might have said something. What did they take him for? Why didn't they trust him? It was insulting.

__"So what’s it like, suddenly liking cock, then?" James asked eventually, still feeling disgruntled and confused. "I could never – I mean –" he shook his head._ _

__Sirius just shrugged. "Dunno if I do, particularly. I s’ppose I just like – the one he happens to have. It's good though, when you both have the same equipment you know what to do with it, you know?"_ _

__"I really don't.” James made a face. “And to be honest I'm not sure I, er..." he cleared his throat. "But why did you never say anything? You should've just said! You should've told us."_ _

__"Thought it might be awkward. And we weren't sure if – we didn't know – where it was going. At first. It was an odd thing to happen. Remember how worked up you got over Pete's unholy dalliance with Slytherin... we didn't want to vex you even further."_ _

__"You were just as angry with Peter! And this is hardly the same thing?!"_ _

__Sirius grinned. "Well. I'm glad you think so. But remember, you were livid for weeks! We didn't want to risk it, not with my family already going off on one… I – I got scared." He crushed his cigarette end underfoot. "I’m sorry, Prongs. It's not been fun for us either, keeping it all under wraps all the time. Would've been nice to have a proper snog once in a while outside a spidery broom cupboard."_ _

__James couldn't help staring at him and shaking his head. This was Sirius talking about snogging Moony. In a voice that suggested it was the most normal thing to do.  
"Well," he said at length, 'if it makes you both happy... Just a bit of a shock, obviously." He realised he sounded stiff, like a prudish old uncle. "Might take some getting used to, that's all. Some news to spring on one's best friend."_ _

__"Yeah. Sorry." Sirius did sound genuinely contrite._ _

__"And you've really – been shagging? I mean – really?"_ _

__"Yeah."_ _

__"Even – you know, up the arse and that?!"_ _

__"Well." Sirius shot him a quizzical look, and paused briefly. "Not at first, not for a while. But yeah. That, too." He laughed. "If you really want to know, it's not that bad, taking it. Better than good, amazing. You should try it some time. Get the girl to..."_ _

__"Ugh..." James made a confused sound, still bewildered. The idea conjured up a bizarre mental image. He wasn't sure he wanted to hear any more details, but he did want to get the full picture. “So he’s – he’s been the one doing the shagging?”_ _

__“Nah – we both have. You could say we're versatile. However the mood takes us.”_ _

__“Right.” With a pained sigh, James closed his eyes and swallowed._ _

__–––_ _

__The unexpected revelation occupied much of James' thoughts, even when eventually they talked about other things. Sirius seemed unchanged, if anything relieved. James kept glancing at him sideways._ _

__The more he thought about it, the more the idea of Sirius and Remus together made a strange sort of sense. It was in Sirius nature to be curious, open minded, adventurous, and impulsive... If one ignored the fact he had always been patently straight, if one supposed for a moment that he might have for some reason developed 'a thing for Moony', then Sirius wouldn't be the type to suppress it. Whenever any new and unexpected path opened up to him, he would explore it with excitement and interest, and follow it at least for a while, curious to see where it might lead… Remus, though, of all people! Remus must have presented a massive challenge._ _

__James had sometimes wondered whether Moony liked boys or girls, or anyone, since he never revealed very much. Of course he had been out with girls, he'd had a girlfriend and so on, but he never seemed all that bothered. Compared to Sirius, his conduct tended to be positively monk–like._ _

__And although he came across as warm and approachable, Remus carefully kept himself out of bounds. The kind and dependable prefect definitely had a mischievous side, he could be very funny and ingeniously devious. People, girls, were keen on Remus, they liked him, even if he himself had trouble believing it. But while he’d happily befriend and stick up for almost anyone, Remus was a guarded and intensely private person, masterfully deflecting anyone's attempts to get close to him. Which girls probably found intriguing and mysterious, but which James reckoned might also explain why Remus seemed never to really fall for anyone. And Remus tended to be startlingly honest, he remained unimpressed by any posturing or pretence. Unfazed by James' brawn or Sirius' swagger, he was only ever interested in what people were genuinely like._ _

__It sort of made sense that it would take someone of Sirius' caliber to get to Remus. Padfoot, that moody, charismatic bastard. The infuriatingly handsome, ever popular, eternal blimming heartthrob, Sirius Black. The one person apparently not even Remus Lupin could resist._ _

__In fairness, of course, Moony and Padfoot were both valiant Marauders, who enjoyed a long standing, close friendship. They also both had Dark aspects intruding on their lives, which was one of the reasons James had always thought they got on so well, in their own particular way. Only, apparently there was more to it than that. They bloody fancied each other! They'd fancied each other for ages!_ _

__James had pelted Sirius with loads of questions. To his astonishment, Sirius seemed not the least bit embarrassed, but relieved, and keen to share. It must mean something to him, James realised, there was some genuine feeling there. Not the casual flash in the pan romance Sirius usually went in for. And he'd better not – if he thought he could treat Moony the way he had some of his previous conquests, there'd be hell to pay. Not just from Moony himself. James would – well, he'd have a thing or two to say about it._ _

__Most likely though, James thought, that would have been obvious to them from the outset. Moony wouldn't have entered into anything lightly, even Padfoot would've been well aware of the fact they might be playing with fire, risking the dynamic of their friendship, for – for _that.__ _

__As much as James tried not to dwell on the idea of his friends getting physical, that part flummoxed him the most. He just couldn't get over it. Sure, he’d objectively agree that they were both attractive blokes. But he didn't find the idea of kissing either of them remotely appealing. Let alone doing anything more than that!_ _

__He'd wanted to know about it, though. And it had made him feel uneasy, and – sort of – not jealous, exactly. But excluded. Suddenly there was this secret life they'd been sharing, something in which he’d had and was going to have absolutely no part at all. Something they'd kept from him for an entire month! He would be put out, probably for a while._ _

__–––_ _

__That evening, while James was in the kitchen bothering his parents, Sirius borrowed a piece of parchment and a quill from James’ desk._ _

_Dear Moony,_ he began. _Hope you're all right. How's life as a Muggle? I've told Prongs. He knows about everything, and seems ok. Wouldn't believe me at first, but I think he's got it now. Doesn't hate us any more than usual. What are you up to? I miss you._  
He hesitated, wanting to say a lot more, but eventually thought better of it, and signed simply, _Yours, P._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Yes, there will definitely be more! I don't get much time to write these days, hence the long gaps. I'm also taking part in the final[ R/S Games](http://archiveofourown.org/users/RS_Games/pseuds/RS_Games) so it might take a while for the next part to appear._  
>  In the meantime, please feel free to comment! (Comments are also a great reminder to get a move on...)


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